Who do Black Men Value?

Last Sunday afternoon I stopped at a gas station for a drink.  A tired looking Black man, in his late forties to early fifties, was standing outside the gas station.  I could tell he was a pan handler because he was waiting outside the building watching people come and go.  I parked my car in front of where he was standing and he approached me and asked me for some spare change.  He tried to follow up with a story about how he was trying to get somewhere and needed money.  I told him I would give him some change on my way back to my car.

As I was leaving the gas station the pan handler was standing in the same spot in front of my car.   I gave the man some spare change.  I think it was about thirty five cents.  As I was getting in my car a middle aged, White man was going into the gas station.  The Black man did not approach him for any money.  He just made eye contact and just nodded.

I was a little troubled by this.  Why did the Black male pan handler have enough pride not to ask the White man for money but he had no problem presenting himself as a pitiful bum to a Black woman?  Why was it more important to the Black man to save face in front of a White man but he didn’t care what a Black woman thought of him?

Besides that, the entire global economy is set up so White men can prosper.  Black women are pushed to the margins of the economy.  The White man is more likely to have a dollar to spare whereas I may or may not have much more money than the panhandler.  In fact, I’m sure the panhandler has more money than I do because I have student loan and car debts.  My have negative net worth.

Despite the paltry sum of money I gave the man I felt really taken advantage of in that situation.  I hate it when men ask women for money.  Unless there is a very close relationship between the two it shouldn’t happen.  I’m old fashioned and I think that men should provide leadership.  The man could have shown me, a Black woman a little respect and had some pride in himself but he chose to reserve that for the tubby, middle aged, White man.

I would love to know why the panhandler made the choices that he made that day.  I bet if I asked him why he begged from me and looked the White man in the eye and nodded hello he couldn’t give me an answer.  But I think this is an example of how Black women are seen in the world at large.  This story is also indicative of a problem in the Black community.

Black women are often seen and treated as people that are to be taken advantage of and used.  People expect Black women to give, serve and work and never prosper or expect recognition or respect for her efforts.  I often feel that Black men are the biggest users of Black women.

I also feel that Black have abdicated their positions as leaders in the Black community.  Men should be leaders.  That’s not to say that women can’t be leaders but in Black families women often provide emotional and financial leadership for others and often times there is no one for Black women to lean on.  It’s not always the case but often times the men are just not there at all or in a supportive way.  I think that the lack of men taking responsibility for women in children is a large part of the problem in Black America.

All of this came about because of an interaction with a bum on 24 Highway.  He chose to be a bum for a Black woman but a man for a White man even though the White man probably pegged anyway.  Had he not asked me for money I would have thought he was waiting for someone in the gas station or something.

I would really love to hear feedback on this essay particularly if you are a part of the African American community.

 

 

Who is Responsible for Sexual Purity?

Who is responsible for sexual purity?  According to the cultural mores of today, which in some circles is similar to the cultural mores of Massachusetts in the 1600s, it seems as though it is solely the woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity.  Women are told you are worth the wait.  Women are told to save themselves for their true love and the man they will marry.  Women are told to respect themselves and remain chaste.

Well meaning folks encourage women to remain pure by telling them they are princesses and queens who should wait for their kings.  All of this preaching to women is assuming that women only have sex in order to satisfy men.  This is often the case but sometimes women have sex because they want to do it and they are seeking pleasure.

Is it possible for a woman to have self respect, dignity, value herself, want true love be a princess and satisfy her sex drive?  Women and have desires and fantasies too.  Sometimes women are tempted to sin because they find a man charming and attractive.  Women do not always have pre marital sex because of pressure from a boyfriend (that’s called rape).  Sometimes the woman wants a lover.

If we are going to preach about sexual purity we need to be honest.  Women are not always pure and innocent.  Men are not always the aggressors.  Women are not always victims that were taken advantage of in every sex act between unmarried people (that’s called rape).  Women need to learn discipline, obedience, sacrifice and self control just like men do.  I think we need to lay off all the princess wait on your man bull****.  You should practice abstinence until marriage to please your heavenly father not flawed men here on Earth that you are hoping to marry.

It also bothers me that women are taught to protect their so called purity and wait on their future spouses but men are not.  I don’t understand why the rules are different.  If a woman’s body is precious so is a man’s.  If a woman needs to protect her heart so should a man.  The Bible tells everyone that the proper context for sexual activity is marriage.  Fornication is not a gender specific sin.

If Christians want to teach abstinence they should teach men and women to trust God and be obedient to his word.  Christians need to encourage others to discipline themselves and not to do things that feed the flesh.  I don’t think it’s a good idea to teach people to wait.  Because honestly, Mr. or Ms. Right may not show up when you want.  Waiting causes a lot of frustration.

Men and women need to be taught to respect each other’s boundaries and not tempt other’s into sin.  Get to know a potential mate’s heart, intellect and soul before you bring sex into the picture.  You will have a stronger marriage later.  At least that’s what I’m hoping.  It’s not solely a woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity and protect marriage.  Men need to help.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Flee fornication.  Every sin that a man doeth is without the body;  but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. KJV