Like much of the United States and possibly the world I am on lockdown because of COVID – 19. I have two jobs and both have shut down for the last five weeks due to government orders to prevent the spread of the plague. This has given me a lot of time to catch up on reading. I checked out the biography Showboat: The Life of Kobe Bryant shortly after the NBA star died and I didn’t get around to beginning the book until the quarantine in March.
I am an NBA fan but Kobe was never my guy. He didn’t play for my team which is the Detroit Pistons. I have chanted BEAT LA in my living room many, many times. Most of that energy was directed towards Kobe. When Kobe died on January 26 I was shocked and saddened. Even though I’ve never been a Kobe fan I respect his success and I appreciate what he did for the game for twenty years.
This biography is very well written, well researched and detail oriented. This book is essentially an NBA history that focused on the late 90s to the mid 2010s. There are accounts of injuries, trades, games and series. The book is a little less than six hundred pages so it is a long and at times dry read.
I enjoy NBA but the minutiae of this book was a bit much for me. I was disappointed that the author only devoted a paragraph or two to the 2004 Laker loss to the Detroit Pistons. I was looking forward to reliving that in print but the author glossed over that glorious event. But overall I enjoyed the book because it cleared up some of the folklore surrounding Kobe’s relationship with Vanessa, his mother and father and Shaquille O’Neal. And yes, the rape trial was discussed.
This book reinforced all of my previous notions about Kobe Bryant. He was an aloof man and fierce competitor. Kobe Bryant was not a nice guy. He didn’t really get along with anyone once he became a star. But that wasn’t important to him. Winning was. He was meticulous in everything he did and was a diligent worker. Kobe had no patience for people around him that didn’t live up to his standards and people were easily discarded.
Kobe also didn’t like to share the spotlight with others. He didn’t want to share the spotlight with Shaquille O’Neal or Phil Jackson. LA wasn’t big enough for all of them. He never wanted it to be said that he needed them in order to be successful. Kobe was a lot like a 1980s night time soap opera villain that was motivated by a single goal and he didn’t let anything get in his way. Even though Kobe wasn’t warm and fuzzy I did like him more after reading this book. I respect the man’s drive and passion.
I also disliked him more after reading this book. By all accounts Kobe was a prick and so is his wife. He stabbed Shaquille O’Neal in the back more than once. He threw his coach Phil Jackson under the bus. He turned his back on his parents and siblings and cut them off financially before marrying his wife Vanessa and buying a beautiful new home for her mother who was in financial straits before her daughter married the NBA star. No one really seemed to get along with Kobe. As an NBA fan I kind of already knew that.
I did learn some new details about Kobe’s life but there wasn’t a lot of new information for me in this book. It’s fun to relive some of the NBA history that was written about in this book. I enjoyed the dirt that the book shared on Kobe’s personal entanglements. The author did a good job of giving us a backstage look at NBA life. I would recommend the book if you’re an NBA fan. You will enjoy it and it might make up for the NBA Playoffs being postponed.
I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog. Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem. (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation. But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.) They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach. Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.
Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for. You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli. Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient. Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation. We’ve all settled at some point. But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle. Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal. It’s all relative.
And settling is not a bad thing. In this case I will call it redirection. We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned. At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy. We’ve all done it. It’s called growing up.
Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics. You’re good enough for somethings but not others. You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time. You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends. He might put in a low bid. Examples of low bidding are:
- going dutch on dates
- being vague about intentions
- sexual innuendo/lack of respect
- poor treatment
He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth. Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points. It’s up to you to set a high value for yourself. You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships. The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.
This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business. It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time. Here is the article if you are interested.
These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it. That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex. They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health. And no, this isn’t a man being a man. It’s a jerk being a jerk. Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.
If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that. They don’t think they can because they lack confidence. Male language on social media reflects this. Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy. They don’t think of themselves as worthy.
I’m not saying that finances are not an issue. But so is personality and couples can grow together. And poverty is not an excuse to use another person. If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan. But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal. You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.
Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner. He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate. They may like to control and exploit their partner. Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.
During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect. It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better. You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.
The beginning stages of dating are an observation period. If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life. Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around. If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place. A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.
He’s about to eat you up!
Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value. You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it. If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid. You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time. Just block the number.
I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars. I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process. There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price. However, human being are not property and inanimate objects. No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them. An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.