On again/off again relationships are a scam. If you date a person for a while you know each other well. They aren’t changing and you aren’t either. It is what it is and it’s OK if you aren’t compatible for a long term relationship. If you’re thinking of breaking a relationship off there is likely a good reason for it. If you’re not getting along in a courtship of a few months to a few years you probably won’t get along in a long term domestic relationship. Make a clean break and move on.
In an on again/off again relationship it’s likely that someone is scamming. The key to a good scam is making it last as long as possible in order for the scammer to extract what they need. A person that you’ve dated a while knows how you respond, knows your weaknesses and knows some of your triggers. It would be easy for them to yo yo you back and forth. A good partner isn’t going to take a relationship to the brink before responding positively to his or her lover’s needs. That is manipulative.
It’s disrespectful for a partner to leave a lover time and time again with the expectation of being taken back. I assume that the partner that leaves and returns is looking for something that their current sweetheart isn’t offering during the off times. The current sweetheart provides them with security, support and possibly. A security blanket won’t likely get their happy ending from a partner that runs hot and cold.
This is Shaun and the mother of his six children who he never married. He is now married to a woman he met on a prison dating website after a brief courtship.
On again/off again relationships are dangerous. I hear the story on again/off again on the news often after a woman is killed by an ex. Once the woman makes a break from the relationship it could be dangerous to return or yo yo back and forth. Once the woman makes it clear that she wants to end the relationship the man may become frustrated that he lost his influence and the woman might die due to domestic violence. Playing games with relationships could get a woman killed. This is particularly true for Black women.
It’s understandable that a dating couple has a lovers quarrel. That’s different than going through a cycle of breaking up and reconciling for years. Be intentional and deliberate. On again/off again relationships can be dangerous and are a waste of time and energy. Adults should be able to make definitive decisions about their lives without a lot of drama.