TI’s Hymen Test is Indicative of the way the World Seeks to Control Black Female Sexuality

Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact.  This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex.  All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.

I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition.  But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019.  As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.

In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals.  But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently.  An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body.  I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex.  I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.

But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality.  It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act.  And here is the bottom line.  Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty.  Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality.  That even includes Black women and men.  Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality.  Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.

Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so.  Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women.  R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore.  What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.

Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness.  These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us.  Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.

It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all.  Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood.  Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience.  Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.

I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering.  It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.

Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions.  I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity.  It’s the ultimate c—block.  There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.

Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally.  I have a broader definition of abuse.  What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women.  Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality.  TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.

TI and daughter

He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure.  He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body.  TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.

Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man.  These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually.  Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities.  So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.

People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile.  Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy.  Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.

The Amber Guyger Story is a Scam!

The Amber Guyger story was a farce from the time it broke in the news until Amber Guyger was sentenced earlier this month.  There was so much about this saga that didn’t make sense and like Judge Judy says, “If it doesn’t make sense it isn’t true”.  Anyone that is in touch with reality and has any media savvy at all should know that Amber Guyger’s tale is pure fiction and we will never know the truth.  It’s a complete scam.

judge judy

Amber walked into the apartment of Botham Jean and shot and killed him while he was relaxing.  Her excuse is that she was exhausted after a long day of work and she walked into the wrong apartment that just so happened to have the door cracked.  First of all, I have worked  many long days in my life.  I’ve always been able to make my way home.  And what are the chances that Amber went to the wrong apartment and she went into the one with the door cracked.  I’m just not buying it.

Personally I wouldn’t walk into my home if the door was cracked.  Surely a trained police officer should be able to handle such a situation.  Why didn’t she call one of her buddies to come help her?  I think that a cracked door would at least make me more aware of my surroundings.  Turning on a light and yelling out may have helped.

Poor Amber worked her fingers to the bone until she was too incoherent to find her apartment and question why the door was open but she was able to shoot straight in the dark in order to kill a man with one shot.  This girl has some skills.  Her prison nick name should be Annie Oakley.

It took a few days for Amber to get arrested.  I think that those days in between killing a man and being arrested were the days in which she and her law enforcement buddies came up with this excuse.  Then she was encouraged to carry herself in a demure manner even though we know she’s cocky, grow her hair longer and wear conservative but form fitting clothing.  I’ll give the woman credit for having a nice figure.  It came in handy.

Let’s skip to the jury.  In past high profile trials jurors remain out of the public eye for a long time and sometimes they never make a public statement.  In this case two of the jurors made appearances shortly after the sentence was announced on TV and explained their decision to sentence Amber to only ten years.

A Black woman and a White man had the nerve to say that Botham Jean was a good forgiving man and wouldn’t be vengeful.  It makes more sense to give a lengthy sentence to a murderer that killed a sweet person.  But this isn’t about making sense or justice this is about affirming Whiteness and it’s supposed moral superiority.

We will never know if Botham Jean would have wanted Amber to be forgiven.  I find it difficult to believe that anyone would have a grain of sympathy for someone that would treat them with such carelessness and recklessness.  Amber claims to have defended herself with no regard for others.  Even if you believe Amber’s story that this was an honest mistake she still isn’t the person that deserves sympathy and tears.

The family of Botham Jean played into a trope, perhaps unintentionally but I think they were threatened or bought off, which is becoming quite common in the media.  The trope of the benevolent spiritual Negro that loves others (Whites) more than he or she loves themselves.  It’s becoming nauseating.

I don’t understand the purpose of all these stories about a Black waitress cutting up the food of an elderly White customer, a Black boy shielding an elderly White woman that he doesn’t know with his jacket in the rain, a Black woman that allows her wedding photo shoot to be interrupted by a little White girl that thinks she is a Disney princess in her wedding dress or a Black cheerleader that jumps off her homecoming float during a parade to save a White toddler from something that his parents should have handled.  I guess they are supposed to be feel good stories.  But I don’t feel validated by this as a Black woman and I think White people are positioned as the superior party.

These stories are not newsworthy and the service and heroism is always a one way street.  The person that is always laboring, sacrificing their comfort or their moment of glory is always a Black person.  Yes, there are equally nauseating stories about White people helping poor, unfortunate, shiftless Blacks that are down on their luck.  But those often end up being Go Fund me scams designed by the White savior.

The real contrast to the benevolent Negro stories are the numerous stories of reckless behavior that endangers Black lives.  This recklessness is consistently defended or overlooked by the American public.  Because White people and their sense of safety and comfort is paramount to all else in America.  Black people are supposed to buy into this too at their own expense.

Botham Jean’s family unfairly lost a loved one in the prime of his life and they chose to defend and sympathize with his killer and not their son or brother.  I believe in forgiveness but forgiveness is not for a person that has wrongs others.  Wrongdoers are owed nothing and there is no need for reconciliation.

I think it’s suspicious that the hug between Amber and Botham’s younger brother is the image that was presented to the public by numerous media outlets along with a message of forgiveness.  I didn’t watch the trial but I don’t recall Amber admitting that her actions were inappropriate or asking for forgiveness.  I only read about her making excuses for killing an innocent man and then trying to gain sympathy from the public and mercy from the jury.

Amber is a moderately attractive White woman and the world is use to presenting people like her as virtuous.  The Jeans, particularly the men seem to agree with her.  The dad even said he want to be her friend.  Of all the emotions and thoughts this family must have towards Botham’s tragic end I don’t understand why their thoughts about Amber are what made headlines.

We didn’t hear much about their grieving process or their relationship to their family member.  Their statements were centered around Amber.Every time I’ve had to exercise forgiveness it was a private matter.  The person that I felt that betrayed me wasn’t even a part of the process.  My heart, spirit and quality of life were at the center of forgiving someone that mistreated me.  They had nothing to do with what goes on in my heart and I have no desire to interact with them again.  In my experience that how forgiveness goes.  There usually isn’t a face to face reconciliation and hug.  That only happens on sit coms, rom coms and TV talk shows.

Brandt Jean begged to hug Amber and said he didn’t think she deserved to go to jail.  He laid it on pretty thick before the audience.  The judge who I believe was coerced or simply incompetent granted permission for him to hug her.  They ran and hugged like two lovers being reunited.  I think this was all planned and choreographed.  We’ve all seen videos of grief stricken families attacking their loved ones killer in court.

Botham Jean’s brother could have taken that opportunity to strangle Amber and the rest of the family could have cleared the bench and jumped her.  I’m surprised the judge didn’t think of that.  If I was a judge that wanted to maintain an orderly court room as opposed to a circus there wouldn’t be any hugging at all.  But I think Tammy Kemp is a phony and a puppet.  I don’t think she has any real control over her court room and I hope voters get rid of her at their first opportunity.

I don’t think a judge with integrity would hug a convicted killer and give her a gift in front of the victim’s family.  I also think it’s a bit too perfect that the judge and the bailiff that comforted Ms. Guyer were both Black women.  How many Black women do you think work in the Dallas justice system?  I’m sure it’s a minority.

And my goodness Tammy looked homely!  The woman wore gold bedazzled flip flops before when she knew she was being watched by the entire nation.  But she was sure to get herself styled to go on TV and cry and make excuses for her tomfoolery.

Now let’s talk about the key witness to the case and Botham Jean’s neighbor that overheard the turmoil that fateful night Joshua Brown.  He’s dead now.  He was killed in a drive by shooting.  Those usually take months to solve and sometimes they are never resolved.  But the Dallas PD was able to make an arrest in this case remarkable fast.

Joshua Brown was supposedly killed in a drug deal gone bad.  I thought he was in the Airbnb business.  Did Mr. Brown have a criminal history?  Usually the media uncovers those types of things right away.  Amber’s defense could have used that to discredit him but I don’t think that happened.

joshua

The drug dealers that allegedly shot Joshua were from Louisiana and traveled to Dallas for this business meeting.  Louisiana ran out of weed I suppose.  And I guess we’re expected to believe that Mr. Brown set up a drug deal in the parking lot of his own apartment building.  I’m not in the drug dealing business but I don’t think that’s how it’s done.

The entire Amber Guyger story is a farce and a scam.  We will never know the truth.  The way all of this played out in the media is absolutely, literally unbelievable.  It was all a show from the Dallas PD PR machine to try and satisfy Black people with the bare minimum while centering itself around White feelings.

 

Traditional Black Womanhood

Traditional Black womanhood is having a hard time in 2019.  It is having a hard time being heard, respected and taken seriously by anyone, even or I should say especially by other Black women.  It seems that anytime a Black woman speaks from a traditional point of view (I’m not talking politics) she is often mocked and put down.

Fantasia Barino, Gabrielle Douglas and Nicki Minaj have all made traditional remarks about womanhood over the last few years and have all faced criticism and mockery for it.  There is irony in all of the statements made by these well known women however it doesn’t necessarily make the viewpoints invalid and I don’t understand the so called backlash for their remarks.

Fantasia Barino of American Idol fame set off a poop storm this week when she said she follows her husband’s lead.  Her husband chimed into the on line discussion and he made a lot of good points about male leadership in a family.  They made sense and I think this couple is correct in their point of view.

But Fantasia’s public statement upset feminists for some reason that I don’t understand.  Some critics said that Fantasia was being arrogant and looking down on unmarried women.  But we’ve known Fantasia a long time now and she’s never been condescending or pretentious so I don’t think that judgement is fair.

Some of the disagreement stems from the fact that Fantasia makes way more money than her husband.  The pundits have a point there.  Oh and he’s a felon that she married after three weeks.  Fantasia’s marriage definitely raises some eyebrows but I still agree with her opinions about heterosexual, traditional marriages.  Even if I didn’t agree with Fantasia and her husband I would just excuse it as a difference of opinion.  But the feminists are angry this week at the thought of submitting to a man that they chose to marry.  I don’t get it.

Olympic gold medalist Gabrielle Douglass made a tweet a few years back saying that women should dress modestly.  Twitter erupted into a fury.  Gabrielle was maligned for this statement.  The feminists mocked her religious background and of course they brought up sexual assault.  The Twitter mob insulted Gabrielle’s intelligence and implied that she was brainwashed and didn’t think for herself.

I’m trying to understand what’s wrong with valuing modesty.  Do we all need to seek validation by posing mostly naked on social media.  Some women think that is empowering.  I don’t but to each their own.  No one is hurt by Gabrielle Douglas wanting to wear clothes.  I understand that Gabby Douglas came to fame in a leotard in front of a global audience so it is a bit of a hoot hearing her promote modest dress.  But again, I think that she is absolutely correct.

Nicki Minaj recently decided to retire and focus on her upcoming marriage and starting a family.  I think it’s lovely.  That move made Nicki a feminist heroine to me.  I believe that a woman can have it all in her life but she probably can’t do it all at the same time the way men can.

Nicki has had a great deal of success and has made a lot of money and now she wants to place her focus on being a wife and mother.  This is another questionable relationship.  Nicki too is marrying a felon that she out earns by a mile, maybe two or three.  He wouldn’t be my choice for a mate but nonetheless he’s her man and I think it’s nice that she is making family life her priority.  I hope she gets everything she wants.

There was a lot of social media buzz surrounding Nicki’s comments.  Most of the commentary was negative but there were some congratulatory wishes.  I don’t know why anyone would have any negative feedback about a wealthy woman in her thirties pausing her career to begin a family life.  I think it would be foolish to try and balance both.

The world has a one dimensional view of Black womanhood and it is mostly negative.  The world is very comfortable with Black women spreading promiscuous and new age feminist messages but not family oriented values.  I’m not sure why that is.  I tend to believe that things we see in the media groom those that consume certain images and messages.  Certain segments of the population are being groomed for failure from the start.

Black women are seen as traditional and wholesome once they are past their prime.  I think it’s great to see young, attractive Black women expressing wholesome values while they are young.  It’s a shame that their biggest detractors seem to come from within the Black community.

 

The “NYT” Makes Me Cringe

I don’t like the New York Times.  I find a lot of the articles to be cringe worthy.  The NYT caters to a White, affluent, liberal, East coast audience that lacks self awareness.  That’s well and good but I’m not of that demographic so I don’t relate to their stories or understand their tales of woe.  A lot of the stories in the NYT come across as whiny and delusional to me.  I’ve read their stories and sarcastically mouthed the words boo freaking hoo to myself.

Last weekend I ran across an article by a man named Anthony Abraham Jack.  He is a Black man from a poor background that wrote the most cringe worthy article I’ve ever seen in the New York Times.

Mr. Jack is a Harvard Professor now so it’s safe to say he’s made it.  He wrote his article to discuss his experiences as a low income student at Amherst College, a private college in Massachusetts.  He was a poor man surrounded by affluence and privilege.

I have noticed that the American media loves a Black sob story.  They sop it up with buttered biscuits.  Even if a story doesn’t have anything to do with having an under privileged background TV producers and writers work it in to the narrative.

Instead of centering himself, his experiences and his accomplishments in this piece Mr. Jack centered his wealthier classmates by comparing himself to them.  His classmates were irrelevant to his success in school.  He had his own journey and that should have been the story.  That’s it.

I also question Anthony’s choices.  Why did he choose Amherst?  Surely, he could have gone to a state college closer to home in warm sunny Florida.  There must have been something that drew him to Amherst that made the distance from family and expense worthwhile.  He made his choice to go there and he’s a smart man who became success so why make this appeal?  He is complaining about being the underclass of a privileged class.  I don’t feel sorry for him.  Boo freaking hoo!

I would have appreciated this article more if the intended audience was low income college students.  It would be great if someone with Mr. Jack’s accomplishment’s gave helpful advice about navigating their journey to graduation day.  Instead he is making an appeal to the elite to help poor students.  He is empowering those that are already powerful and making low income students charity cases.  He’ encouraging them to walk with their heads lowered and hat in hand.

But that’s how he has been socialized.  Here is the passage in I Was a Low Income College Student.  The Classes Weren’t the Hard Part that made me blow a gasket.

NYT

Good grief, poor kids that want to go to prestigious universities are encouraged by educators to sell themselves as good candidates to schools based on sympathy and sob stories not academic merits.  That’s demeaning and those educators should be completely ashamed of himself.  They should be fired.

These students should let admissions boards know that they are competitive scholars that can win.  If their background is brought up prospective students should let universities know that they are likely to succeed because of their background, not in spite of it.  In fact, they are more likely to achieve than some of their more affluent counterparts because they are resilient and highly motivated by a desire to carve bright futures for themselves.  Perhaps that’s too much of a threat?

I grew up in a single parent home in a working or perhaps middle class neighborhood outside of Detroit, Michigan.  I have three college degrees one of which is a masters degree.  I worked while I was a student all three times I was enrolled in a university.  I didn’t have as much time or financial resources to invest in projects and materials as others may have but I never failed and I always finished what I started.

I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth and my mother struggled financially at times but that gave me a drive and will to succeed.  I never felt sorry for myself.  I never thought I couldn’t win.  There have been many times that I thought I was the one to beat.  And it’s because I haven’t been handed anything and I’ve never seen anyone get handed anything.  I don’t envy or hold anything against people of privileged backgrounds.  I don’t count other people’s money and I make my own way.

I don’t like the New York Times.  They take too much pleasure in Black sob stories like most American media outlets.  It’s not productive or inspiring for Black people and it just gives White people a chance to feel good about themselves (and superior) by joining in on the pity.  Feeling sorry for a man like Anthony Abraham jack is degrading.  He sure doesn’t look helpless to me.  He shouldn’t be encouraging low income students to feel helpless either.  Don’t approach any situation with your head lowered and hat in hand.  If an environment requires that it may not be the right place for you.

“The Bluest Eye” and What it Means in 2019 – Toni Morrison February 18, 1931 – August 5, 2019

Literary hero Toni Morrison died earlier this week.  Her powerful novel The Bluest Eye is what makes Ms. Morrison a legend in my eyes.  The book was released in 1970 and exposed ugly truths about Black women and self image and the effect it has on an individual’s psyche and overall well being.

I read The Bluest Eye long ago and it has resonated with me for years.  I am a Black American woman and I refer to the story of Pecola Breedlove often as I observe Black people in modern culture.  The story revolves around around a young dark skinned Black girl named Pecola Breedlove.  She is seen as ugly and not treated very well throughout her life.  Pecola becomes fixated on blue eyes that she sees in popular images and wishes that she had them herself.  Pecola thinks that her quality of life would improve if she has blue eyes, blonde hair and light skin.  Was she wrong?

bluest eye 3

I certainly don’t think so.  And it’s sad that the world that Pecola lived in made it impossible for her to accept herself.  Pecola’s dark skin condemned her to a lack of opportunities and second class treatment in the culture of the day.  She was born to be a proverbial whipping boy.  I wouldn’t dare say that things haven’t changed.  It would be incredibly entitled for me as a dark skinned Black woman born in 1975 to say that things have remained the same.  But they aren’t very different.

Globally, people of African descent see beauty and freedom in adopting and mimicking European aesthetics.  I personally have regularly chemically straightened my hair since I was around eight.  It wasn’t my decision to start relaxing my hair but I haven’t made an adult decision to stop doing what I was taught as a child either.  Many Black women go through the expense of wearing fake hair that is usually a straight texture.

I don’t blame or criticize Black women for trying to meet European beauty standards.  Life is competitive and black women want the same things that everyone else wants such as basic respect, career and romantic success.  It’s a little easier to achieve those things when you look like a person of European heritage.  Pecola was a simple girl but she was smart enough to come to that conclusion.

I feel like as time goes on Black girls and women are having a more difficult time accepting their appearance in this image conscious, Eurocentic society.  I had heard of several suicides of young Black girls over the last few years but the first article that I pasted below says that suicide rates among young Black children have doubled between 1993-2015

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/12-old-girl-commits-suicide-113320792.html

Heartbreaking: 6-Year-Old Girl Commits Suicide With Jump Rope

10-Year-Old Colorado Girl Commits Suicide After Bullying

9-Year Old Girl Commits Suicide After Months of Being Bullied at Her School

https://www.theoaklandpress.com/news/nation-world-news/in-wake-of–year-old-s-suicide-waterford-father/article_3130e765-8b71-5644-aab4-236d2e592496.html

I never realized how much vitriol there was within the Black community towards Black women until I became a consumer of social media.  YIKES!  The voices are often mean spirited and openly hostile towards Black women who are not given much support or positive reinforcement.  Meanwhile images of racially ambiguous and White women are glorified and placed on a pedestal for Black audiences.  It’s a complete mind f—.  I’m not surprised that we have problems and tragedies.

There’s no good way to end this post because the real life stories of Pecola Breedloves continues to unfold.   My hope is that all Black people will learn to accept and love themselves.  I hope that the world learns to accept Blackness but that is doubtful because there is a perception that there is something for others to lose if people of African descent improve themselves and stop being so European focused.  I am grateful to Toni Morrison for illustrating this matter so beautifully.  I urge you to read The Bluest Eye if you haven’t.  It’s unforgettable and timeless.

 

 

Organic is Great Until it’s Too Organic

Every Wednesday morning during the summer there is a little farmers’ market that operates out of the parking lot that I park in at work.  It’s called the KCK Farmers’ Market.  The farmer’s market is in an inner city neighborhood that doesn’t have a grocery store nearby.  It’s great that residents of that community can get fresh vegetables without traveling far which may be a challenge for some.  And government food assistance coupons are accepted.

https://www.facebook.com/kckfarmersmarket/

I recently learned that the sellers are also a part of the community.  I was wondering how far they traveled to participate in the market.  Most of them are Muslim Somali women and a few very well mannered children, Southeast Asian and African American farmers that grow their crops locally.  I think that the market is a win – win for everyone involved so I like to support them.

I don’t buy organic food at super markets because it is more expensive and I have no way of knowing if it’s organic or not.  I’m also not sure if the difference is something worth the extra money.  Some years back I jumped on the organic food band wagon but quit after it started taking a toll on my bank account.  It was back to pesticide laced veggies for me.  The prices at the KCK Farmers market are comparable to non organic food at the super market.

Last week I bought some red potatoes and a bell pepper at the market.  The pepper was a great fresh snack.  I was completely satisfied.  I cut up the potatoes this morning to cook with chicken breasts and I was in for a bit of a surprise.  Half of my potatoes were a bit rotten in the center.  I was kind of freaked out.  I’m not actually sure my red potatoes were spoiled.  I don’t know what I was seeing exactly because I’ve lived my life in a bubble with genetically modified and chemically altered fruits and vegetables that have been sorted for super market showtime.

I wasn’t comfortable with the brownish gray soft spots in my potatoes so I threw half of them away.  The potatoes were probably edible but still.  I had enough potatoes which met my standards to prepare with my chicken and have a hearty side portion.  I was making too much for one meal anyway.  I was planning on having left overs.

So I said all of that to say that there are benefits and drawbacks to everything.  The chemicals may cause you cancer and an early death but while you’re alive you will have pretty fruit with a longer shelf life.  Organic food is pure and raw.  But I, like most people am not quite prepared for pure and raw.  It’s not what most of us are use to in these United States where absolutely everything is manufactured in one way or another.

There isn’t much of a point to this post.  I just thought that my experience with organic, locally grown red potatoes was an interesting learning experience.  I will continue to support the KCK Farmers’ Market.  I may even buy more red potatoes there because I absolutely love red potatoes.  The KCK Farmers’ Market is a great asset to Wyandotte County Kansas that benefits many people in the area.  If you’re ever in the area please support this enterprise.

http://www.kckfarmersmarket.com/contact-us.html