International Women’s Day

International Women’s Day was Friday, March 8.  I thought nothing of it on Friday because I don’t know how to observe the day.  Do we go shopping, bake a cake, have a parade or what?  Beats me.

But over the weekend I ran across a video on YouTube of an Air Force service woman complaining about her subordinates having bad attitudes.

 

The soldiers post is bad enough but as always the comments underneath the video were far more extreme.  I read dozens and dozens of comments expressing disdain for and superiority to Black women.  YouTube is a haven for those who hate Black women.  Insults to Black women can be found underneath videos that have absolutely nothing to do with Black women.  I read this stuff and I’m like, sheesh can I live?  I’m just minding my business and trying to live here.

There is a YouTube host by the name of Tommy Sotomayor that has been preaching his hatred of Black women on social media for years now.  His success has inspired copy cats and their sentiment is repeated all over YouTube and Twitter.  I’ve come to the conclusion that the easiest way for a Black man that isn’t a celebrity to gain a large social media following is by degrading Black women.

tommy sotomayor Tommy Sotomayor

Stereotypes are usually based in truth but I still don’t find the perceptions that people have of Black women to be fair.  I am familiar with “Black attitude” and have encountered it.  I’ve dished some out.  So I’m not saying that “Black attitude” doesn’t exist.  I’m just saying that it is misunderstood and sometimes justified.

Hostility towards Black women has been very open in the media for years.  As I pointed out before it is all over the place and the Black community is not even a safe place from it because Black people often hold the most hostility and do a lot to perpetuate the harmful stereotypes.

Black women are often described as terrible mothers, terrible domestic partners, terrible people and ugly.  I’ve seen numerous social media posts telling Black women  that we are the so called bottom of the barrel women.  With so much negativity aimed at Black women I don’t understand why anyone is surprised that they would have attitudes or feelings of bitterness and resentment.  It is inevitable that all of the negativity would affect the image of Black women and girls.

Black women are often put down for the way they present themselves.  A lot of Black women wear hair weave around the world.  In countries outside of the US skin bleaching seems to be common.  Men that enjoy degrading Black women by telling them that they need to learn to love themselves.

What people choose to ignore is that European features are the standard of beauty globally and women of African descent that alter their appearance to look more European are trying to compete.  They are competing for economic opportunities and the affection of men.  Black women often feel that they need to make themselves look more European to gain the attention of Black men.

Black women are human beings and like all human beings they are seeking out validation and love.  Black women are fighting to gain economic resources in this modern economy.  Most of us are raised to believe that we need to alter our appearance to look more European in some form in order to do that.  Anyone that says that looking more African and less European in this world is an asset is not speaking the truth.

So that covers the why of some of the actions of Black women but that’s not where the bias stops.  I admit.  Some Black women have an attitude and are easy to trigger.  But so are a lot of other women that aren’t Black.  Why aren’t those women stereotyped as having bad attitudes?  In fact, when certain races of women have temper tantrums men think it’s cute, sexy and exciting.

 

If you take a gander at my profile pic you can clearly see that I am a Black woman.  I think I’m a pretty nice and easy going person.  I don’t like to be at odds with people or have conflicts.  But I’m not afraid to stand up for myself.  And I’ve noticed as a Black woman there are times when I have had to struggle to be heard.  When I don’t stand for being treated poorly or I feel the need to make myself clear so I can ensure that I am being heard and understood people often like to act is if I am the aggressor and they are the victim.

All a Black woman needs to do is stand up for herself or assert herself and many people will be offended by it because the woman that they deem as beneath them or bottom of the barrel is asking for fair treatment.  Others actually enjoy the nasty stereotypes of Black women.  It gives them a fool to laugh at and someone to make them feel superior.  I have had problems in the American workforce for not fulfilling the Black woman stereotypes.  A Black woman will be left in peace if she plays the role that others thinks she should play.

I grew up in the Detroit area and now I live in Kansas City, MO.  I’ve always lived places with sizeable Black populations.  So indeed, I have met unpleasant Black women but I’ve also met a lot of sweet as pie, smart, professional, family oriented, hard working, feminine, full of personality and drop dead gorgeous.  In fact, I think that most Black women are lovely people.  Most of the people that I have been close to and supported me in my life have been Black women.  I have absolutely no reason to put down Black women or try to put a different race of women on a pedestal.

Black women are like everyone else and should be judged as individuals.  Give us a break.  And no, I’m not pleading with anyone to like or love us.  That is a personal matter.  But I don’t think that we deserve the constant degradation that we receive.  It’s not even as if we are being accused of pulling off mass shootings or drive bys.  Even if you buy into the stereotypes we still really aren’t all that bad.  How can we be?  Black women don’t hold much power in society so we aren’t even able to hurt anyone.  I don’t understand how we became the boogeyman.

As far as the soldier that made that video I have some theories about why she has a problem with her subordinates but I will keep that to myself.  My hypothesis is not politically correct and would do nothing but hurt feelings and spread negativity.  I know when to keep my mouth shut.  I only know what this soldier shared in her profanity laced tirade which said a lot about her.

This woman clearly loves drama because there are other, less public, more professional and mature ways that she could deal with disrespectful subordinates.  I’m sure the Air Force has some sort of disciplinary system in place to deal with valid complaints.  And this lady said she wanted to fight the Black women that reported to her.  For goodness sakes that’s not lady like at all.  Is violence really necessary?  I’m thinking that she is the problem here.

So anyway the world really needs to back off of Black women and girls.  We don’t deserve the hostility.  We’re just trying to live our lives.  In the past year or so I’ve heard of about three stories of elementary school aged girls committing suicide because of bullying at school.  One news report said that a girl was being teased because of her hair.  She looked like an average little Black girl with two Black parents to me.  This negativity has consequences.

The mainstream American feminist movement rarely addresses the concerns of Black women.  Body positivity and other modern feminist causes exist to improve the conditions of affluent White women that only seem to have cellulite to worry about.  So in honor of International Women’s Day please, give Black women a break.  We’re having a hard time out here.

Tell Me What You Want: the Problem with Modern Feminism

The problem with modern feminism is that it’s hard to understand what feminists want.  Do you want to be protected and have your femininity respected as women, or do you want to be thought of as able to compete with men on any level and in anything?  I don’t think you can have both.

I’ve been reading a story of a young woman that aspires to play professional football.  She hasn’t set her sights on a woman’s league.  She wants to play in the NFL football.  And she’s not a kicker.

I’m going to be completely blunt.  This is one of the most foolish things I have heard in my life and it’s proof that brainwashing works.  The fact is that there are biological differences between men and women.  Men are physically stronger than women.  I don’t believe there is any way a woman can compete in the NFL with men and not be killed.

Toni Harris is the young woman that wants to play in the NFL.  You would imagine that a woman with that goal would be well over six feet tall and more than three hundred pounds.  If that was the case I might be in favor of this pursuit if she was allowed to use steroids.  (Fair is fair.  Miss Spain was a transgendered female in last year’s Miss Universe pageant).  But she’s not.  She’s petite with a cute face.  She’s a girly girl that wants a career where she will get tackled by the likes of Ndamukong Suh.

ndamukong suh

I suggest that Toni Harris research the name Mike Utley.  He was a NFL player in the 1990s for the Detroit Lions.  He suffered a hit that paralyzed him.  He is not in his fifties and is still paralyzed.  I’m an NFL football fan and I have watch some pretty rugged guys end up seeing stars after being tackled.  I’ve often thought of playing football in the NFL as one of the worst jobs in the world.  When you watch some of those tackles in slow motion they are absolutely brutal.  I don’t know that I could survive one play in the NFL.  Even if I didn’t die I’m sure something would happen to upset me a great deal.

It bothers me that the poster child for a woman in the NFL is a Black woman.  Some years back a White woman tried out for the NFL as a kicker and she was awful.  She didn’t make the cut and I’m surprised she even got the chance to try out.  But Ms. Harris is wanting to play in a tackle position.  Can you even imagine a blonde, blue eyed attractive White woman wanting to do this?  I don’t think the American public would tolerate the thought of an attractive, young, White woman being tackled by the likes of a six feet something, two hundred pound plus linebacker.

Miss Toni Harris is being used as a sacrificial lamb to the modern feminist movement.  I will never watch a game with a woman of small stature playing.  I couldn’t bear it.  There has always been a boundary around femininity that protects women.  It is still there but it is being eroded by feminism and men are the beneficiaries.

In the #metoo era feminists need to decide what they want because I’m a woman and I can’t even figure it out.  Is their mantra I am woman hear me roar or are they delicate flowers that want to be protected and made to feel comfortable at all times?  They need to decide because I am a woman that is having a hard time sorting this out.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/super-bowl-toyota-ad-features-toni-harris-woman-who-wants-to-be-first-female-nfl-player/

 

thharris

 

Happy Birthday Naomi Campbell

Happy belated birthday to Naomi Campbell.  The hardest working woman in fashion turned forty eight on May 22.  Naomi is from the era of the super models and hasn’t slowed down since the 1990s.  Naomi has challenged beauty standards in the fashion industry for decades and continues to do so as she nears fifty.  Naomi Campbell has been a hero of mine for many years.

I remember the first time I ever saw Naomi Campbell.  She was doing a seductive dance in Michael Jackson’s “Keep it in the Closet” video.  She was an absolute sensation in my middle school suburban Detroit social circle at the time.  Me and my young girlfriends were fascinated by this dark skinned exotic beauty and her waist length hair.  There was some debate among us whether the hair was real or not.  I was on team weave but it didn’t even matter.  I loved that woman.

She was a stunning Black woman with African features. Her contemporaries were Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington and another favorite of mine Tyra Banks.  There had been successful Black models before but none as dark and lovely as Naomi at that time.

Some of you may be unaware that lighter skinned, European featured beauty is highly favored in the world.  Even in Black communities light skinned, straight haired looks are praised over dark skin and kinky hair.  I had childhood experiences that involved me being teased for being dark.  As an adult it’s been clear to me that most men prefer lighter, European women over African looking ones.  So it meant a lot to me as a young girl coming of age to see someone with dark features in the limelight.

Other models from the super model era have either retired or play different roles in the fashion industry now.  At forty eight years old Naomi is still working the runway better than anyone and I mean anyone.  Young models of the day can’t match her stage presence.  In April 2018 she was on the cover of “GQ” magazine.  Ms. Campbell shows no signs of slowing down.

naomi-campbell-gq-skepta-600x736

Naomi has a bad reputation.  She’s been accused of abusive behavior and has served time for her crime.  She paid her debt and hasn’t had any legal problems in years that I know of but I believe that Naomi is misunderstood.  It’s hard for Black women to stand up for themselves without being seen as being combative or aggressive.  Unfortunately, Black women, even tall and glamorous models are forced to defend and demand their worth themselves often in this world.  The world doesn’t just give people of African descent respect we quite often have to demand it.  I think Naomi may have just been demanding to get the respect she deserves.

Despite Naomi’s notorious temperament she seems very polite and gracious to me.  She doesn’t seem to take her lot in life for granted and she has worked very hard for all she has.  I also respect a person that is able to maintain long term friendships.  Friendship is under appreciated in this world and Naomi is still friends with some of her modeling colleagues from the 90s like Cindy Crawford and Linda Evangelista.  I respect and admire people that maintain long lasting friendships.  She also has a long term relationship with P. Diddy that I find to be, well, intriguing.

Happy belated 48th birthday to Naomi Campbell.  The diva, queen of the catwalk, hardest working woman in fashion, muse and one of my personal heroes and an inspiration to millions.

 

 

 

No Make Up Lent 2018

I am not Catholic but I decided to observe Lent this year.  I was inspired by a short video that I saw on Twitter of a priest discussing the topic.  On a whim the day before Lent began I decided to not use make up for 40 days.  I took it as a new experience and challenge.

I am a light make up user.  I don’t use concealer, powder or foundation.  But I do enjoy black liquid eyeliner, black mascara and a nice bold lip color.  Getting ready in the morning is my favorite part of the day.  I have fun choosing what I’m going to wear and applying my make up.  I think of it as my time to spend on myself before I go out and try to satisfy the world.

The first few days of Lent I was very uncomfortable.  It was shocking to see my reflection when I passed a mirror. I felt like a few people that were use to seeing me with make up looked at me strange.  I felt like I needed to explain my appearance but I didn’t because I would have seemed very self centered because they probably didn’t think anything of my appearance at all.

I didn’t feel like I was doing my best when I wasn’t wearing make up because I feel that I look better with it.  I wanted to give up on my challenge early on and throughout Lent.  I didn’t feel like I was becoming spiritually enlightened or closer to God.  I just looked plain in the face and I didn’t see any value in that.

I wish I could say that I spent the time that I usually spent applying make up reading the Bible or in prayer.  I didn’t.  And I didn’t show up places fifteen minutes sooner than normal either.

I was really happy once Easter arrived and I could wear make up again.  It was like being reunited with an old friend.  Observing Lent didn’t have an Earth shattering spiritual affect on me but I do feel like I learned some discipline and I learned to put aside vanity for the sake of honoring God.  I removed a part of my life that is important to me and glorifies myself and put it to the side for a while.  I’m glad that I observed Lent this year and I am actually looking forward to doing it again next year.

The experience reminds me of one of my favorite Bible verses:

Galatians 2:20 New International Version (NIV)

20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,who loved me and gave himself for me.

 

Top-Disadvantages-of-Using-Cosmetics-and-Beauty-Products

 

#metoo

I’ve been considering writing about my experience with rape for months.  I’ve thought about writing my story as a catharsis, for revenge and to help others.  The #metoo has helped me make the decision to publish my story.  I’m going to be very brief and to the point.  I don’t think all of the details are necessary.

Three years ago I met a man on OKCupid.  He and I communicated for around four months and I saw him in person two or three times within that time frame.  While I was getting to know this man that goes by the name David Gosh of Houston, Texas I told him that I was not interested in a sexual relationship.

I explained that I wanted to live my life by Biblical rules and that meant that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was married.  He told me that he respected that and sex would not be an issue in our relationship.  He traveled for work and came to Kansas City often.  On one of his trips to Kansas City I decided to spend time with him in his hotel room.  I told him that sex of all kinds was still off the table but we could kiss, hug and cuddle.

After I got off work I went to meet David.  We went to dinner and then back to his hotel room to relax and watch TV.  I brought a change of clothes, a tank top and sweat pants with me.  I changed into my comfortable clothes.  I had been to one of his hotel rooms before and that one had a couch.  This one didn’t have a couch area in front of a TV.  There was just a bed.  That was probably by design.

I got in the bed and David turned off the lights.  He began kissing me and groping me.  He began taking off my clothes and I told him no and to stop repeatedly.  Ultimately I gave in to his advances and the sex act happened.  Afterwards, David took a quick shower and told me he had to get up early tomorrow so I had to leave.

I changed my clothes and left.  After reliving the incident in my mind I felt very used and violated.  After a month I reported what happened to the Kansas City Police Department but I decided not to pursue charges for a variety of reasons.  His name was removed from the police report.

I’ve been taken advantage of in other ways before.  I’ve had my purse stolen, a credit card number stolen on a separate occasion.  I had a window busted out of my car and the radio was stolen.  In those situations after the window was fixed, I got a new purse and the credit card company was notified of the theft I felt whole and I was no longer affected by the crime.  But it is very difficult to get past a violation against your body.  I don’t know if this was made worse because I trusted the wrong person.

I never saw David again after that night.  Once I got home I texted him and let him know that I was upset and thought he was a rapist.  He doesn’t believe he raped me.  He said “I knew you wanted to fuck me when you said you brought different clothes”.  I brought the same type of clothes that I would have worn if I had gone home after work.

I also sent him a few hateful threatening e mails months later.  He asked if we could be friends again.  I laughed out loud when I read that.  That was my last contact with David Gosh of Houston, Texas.  I hope his home flooded.  If he even really lives in Houston or if David Gosh is even his name.  I don’t really know because my entire brief relationship with him was a lie.