Dating Scam: Low Bidding

I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog.  Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem.  (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation.  But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.)  They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach.  Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.

Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for.  You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli.  Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient.  Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation.  We’ve all settled at some point.  But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle.  Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal.  It’s all relative.

And settling is not a bad thing.  In this case I will call it redirection.  We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned.  At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy.  We’ve all done it.  It’s called growing up.

Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics.  You’re good enough for somethings but not others.  You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time.  You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends.  He might put in a low bid.  Examples of low bidding are:

  • going dutch on dates
  • being vague about intentions
  • sexual innuendo/lack of respect
  • poor treatment

He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth.  Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points.  It’s up to you to set a high value  for yourself.  You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships.  The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.

low bid

This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business.  It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time.  Here is the article if you are interested.

The Frustrating Truth About Deliberate Low Bids – No One Really Wins!

These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it.  That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex.  They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health.  And no, this isn’t a man being a man.  It’s a jerk being a jerk.  Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.

If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that.  They don’t think they can because they lack confidence.  Male language on social media reflects this.  Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy.  They don’t think of themselves as worthy.

I’m not saying that finances are not an issue.  But so is personality and couples can grow together.  And poverty is not an excuse to use another person.  If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan.  But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal.  You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.

Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner.  He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate.  They may like to control and exploit their partner.  Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.

During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect.  It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made.  A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.  You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.

The beginning stages of dating are an observation period.  If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life.  Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around.  If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.

leopard

He’s about to eat you up!

Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value.  You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it.  If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid.  You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time.  Just block the number.

I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars.  I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process.  There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price.  However, human being are not property and inanimate objects.  No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them.  An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.

The Feminist Nonsense Continues: Lizzo at the Lakers Game

I’m not even sure where to start with this.  In case you haven’t heard I’ll recap the insanity.  Pop star Lizzo went to a Lakers game in a loose T shirt dress with a cut out at the behind which exposed her bare cheeks and black thong.  During the game Lizzo was put on the jumbotron and she did a little dance.  It was cute but then she turned around so the camera can get a look at her bare butt cheeks and thong while she continued to dance.

I was appalled by it but there’s a lot of shocking things going on in the world today.  I was prepared to file this away and move forward.  But then Lizzo and her dress with the butt cut out became a trending topic and Lizzo went on a rant on IG.  And here is where the problem starts for me.  Lizzo is quoted as saying “if you don’t like my a$$ you can kiss it”.  We weren’t thinking about her a$$ until she showed it to us.

The so called #bodypositive rant is what made this incident a feminist and “woke” talking point on You Tube this week.  Lizzo is a #bodypositivity ambassador and the body positivity movement rubs me the wrong way.  I’ve seen #bodypositivity posts all over Instagram and they come across as a manipulative scam.

#bodypositivity is a way to get women out of their clothes.  #bodyposi convinces women that they have to take off their clothes in order to prove that they love their bodies and are confident women.  The #bodyposi community believes that bearing it all is a way to conquer insecurities.

The #bodypositivity movement really has very little to do with confidence and being happy with yourself.  It has more to do with seeking attention and validation.  I have more respect for #thirsttrapthursday posts.  At least they are completely honest in their intentions and they aren’t fake woke.

The #bodypositivity and modern feminist movement is telling women that they should seek to be lusted after.  Modern feminism and #bodypositivity are not seeking to have women valued as a human beings and individuals.  The focus on a woman’s body and not anything else she can offer the world.

Lizzo is beautiful, talented, energetic and charismatic.  I wouldn’t have noticed that she is heavy without her pointing it out.   Her size and feminist activism is part of her brand despite the fact that she is a well trained classical flutist and rapper (what a combination) with a great stage presence.  Lizzo has a great deal to offer the world but instead she chooses to focus on a$$.

She is selling herself short and the image that she puts out of herself is cartoonish.  I feel like she is living up to stereotypes about larger women, particularly large Black women.  Lizzo claims to be standing up for women that don’t have slim bodies but she presents full figure in unflattering ways when it would be very easy for her to project a stylish image.  She has the goods and resources to do so.

I’m curious about what Lizzo was expecting when she turned her bare backside to the jumbotron camera.  Was she expecting a round of applause?  She received criticism from showing her thonged behind in public (shocker) and then she went into victim mode and told everyone that they were criticizing her because she is big and Black.  She didn’t take into consideration that her actions would be seen as uncouth to some if not most people.

But Lizzo isn’t the biggest problem.  The biggest problem are the social media feminists.  They say that the world was trying to police her body because she is a Black with a lot of meat.  She could have worn almost anything without criticism but she chose something that she knew would be controversial.  Those of us that find her taste and behavior to be questionable are now being made out to be bigots and chauvinists.  This is emotional blackmail.

It’s not our job to validate every person when they do things for shock value or out of desperation.  And we don’t have to give positive reinforcement to Hollyweird and rich n word culture.  This Lizzo situation is almost a real life version of The Emperor’s New Clothes.  

Lizzo could do a lot to represent full figured women by just being the talented and beautiful woman that she is but she’s wasting this opportunity with her shenanigans.  I do not think that the activism that she is becoming known for will sustain her career as a musician.  If no one’s told Lizzo this, you’re pretty and talented.  You don’t need to pull childish pranks.

 

The Modern Dating Scam: the Bait and Switch Date

There are a lot of scams involved in dating these days.  Before you can look for love you need to be sure that they’re not simply looking to use you.  I’ve noticed a dating trend over the last few years.  I’m going to call it the bait and switch date and here’s how it works.

Let’s say a man and woman take interest in each other so they make a date.  It’s Wednesday and they plan a day at a park for Sunday afternoon.  As it gets close to time for the date the man finds a reason to modify the plans.  He will come up with an excuse as to why the date that was planned won’t work on Sunday morning.

He may give excuses like:

  • It’s going to be a bit cool.  (The seven day forecast told us that.  Wear a jacket.)
  • He has hay fever. (Didn’t he know that before?)
  • He wants to see you but he has to do something later that night so he will be pressed for time.  He doesn’t want to be rushed.  (When did that come up?  Why did you even make this plan with me if you had something to do later?)

As far as you’re concerned the plans can be canceled and we can see each other a different day.   We can do something all together different if a firm plan is put into place.  But he says that he wants to see you today.  (Awww)  You’ve taken the bait.  You’ve already agreed to spend time with him and reserved a block of time for him.

He had no desire or probably intention to ever go to the park.  His wheels have been turning for the last few days to see how an afternoon in the park can end up with time alone so he can try and have sex with you.  He may also have made a suggestion that he thought you would like to butter you up.  An idea of a pleasant afternoon may be enough to get you on the hook.

fish on the hook

Here’s the switch.  So now he suggests that the two of you meet up for drinks or a bite to eat at a bar or cafe near his house instead of going to the park and the two of you can talk and see where the afternoon goes.

switcheroo

Don’t trust men when they say “Let’s see where it goes”.  Don’t trust them ever.  Just don’t.  Hit the eject button.  Flakiness in men is usually a smoke bomb which creates a confusing gray area for them to exploit and people can be hurt that way to varying degrees.

smoke bomb

In my opinion it would be a lot more respectful and mature if a man said, “Hey, I’m interested in casual sex this afternoon.  Are you up for it?  I have no interest in a long term commitment from you but you are kind of sexy.”  The woman is then empowered to say yes or no.  She can even open the conversation up to terms, conditions and negotiations.

negotiations

But they don’t want to negotiate and put everything out on the table because they don’t want women to be empowered in that way.  The US workforce works the same way.  There’s a reason union labor has dwindled.  Negotiations empowered marginalized workers.  The workers got a chance to have their voices heard and companies were bound to an agreement.  Large companies didn’t like that so they undermined union labor.  The sexual revolution and feminism undermined and eroded women’s bargaining power.  Men are no longer bound to anything but their own needs.

The world is run by men.  They know how to make decisions, speak their mind and come to compromises.  That’s why I look for leadership in men when it comes to personal relationships.  To me leadership involves being able to make a firm decision and having the ability to make plans.  Waffling back and forth is not attractive.  I’ve learned that when men are being flaky and vague it’s not confusion it’s deception.  He is pulling a bait and switch.

Educated Women in Bikinis

I enjoy beauty pageants.  I have been watching them for as long as I remember.  They are the stuff that dreams are made of.  Who wouldn’t like to be named the prettiest woman in the state or country and given a crown and roses?  If everyone was honest we would all admit that we would all enjoy that validation.

I value pageants because they are a conspicuous display of hyper femininity.  I’m all for it and I hope they never change.  I don’t think that women get very many opportunities to be in the spotlight and pageants give them a platform.  Miss America and Miss USA are the two biggest pageants that come to my mind and they are distinct brands.  Miss USA contestants are the girls that boys liked in school and Miss America contestants are the pretty girls that teachers liked in school.  Both are great.

Recently a representative for the Miss America pageant remarked that “Educated women don’t parade around in swimsuits”.  That quote is actually part of a sentence and the remark was taken out of context but nonetheless I will share my thoughts on the controversy not the comment itself.

I found this remark to be a bit hypocritical since the Miss America pageant only recently took the swimsuit competition out of their pageant.  But my real concern is the contestants of the Miss USA pageant that got all up in their feelings because they are personally offended by Miss America’s quote.  Miss USA which feeds into the Miss Universe competition still have swimsuit competitions.

I follow pageant fan pages and several beauty queens on IG.  A lot of the Miss USA title holders have posted messages of themselves in bikinis and listed their academic accomplishments.  They posted long IG rants about how the Miss America Organization’s notion about educated women in bikinis is dated, sexist and hostile towards women.  The Miss America organization is absolutely right.

I agree that a woman can be smart and sexy.  A woman can be flirtatious and competent.  It’s unfortunate that the world sees women in a one dimensional way but feminism has not changed that.  Feminism is making things worse because much of their focus in on looks and sexuality.

Here’s the hypocrisy of Miss USA and Miss Universe contestants.  Most of these women are absolutely brilliant.  Many of them have impressive careers, educational backgrounds and compelling backstories.  But most of the ones that I’ve heard about after their reign has ended go into entertainment or they marry a wealthy man.  I think that marrying well is the real end game for women in the Miss USA/Miss Universe pageant system.

There is nothing wrong with any of that but they got their new opportunities because they look good in a bikini not because they studied hard in school.  Miss USA contestants are smart enough to know this and they are bluffing the world with politically correct feminist rhetoric that sets other women up for failure.  I think that this is the case for feminism in general.  Sorry but women in most day to day situations can not present themselves as sex objects and be taken seriously as intellectuals.  For some reason the bikini cancels out the intellect.

Feminism tries to have it both ways.  They want to tell women that they can be taken seriously as a woman in a bikini.  That simply isn’t true unless you are a swim suit model or perhaps an Olympic swimmer.  If you disagree imagine wearing a bathing suit to a job interview.  Even if you are applying to be a lifeguard that wouldn’t go over well.

I think women should use all of the tools at their disposal to open as many doors as possible including sex appeal.  But women need to be realistic about the way women are pigeonholed.  Feminism isn’t changing the way women are perceived when they put forth sexualized images of themselves.  I think that women need to present themselves the way they want to be perceived. Consider your goal and dress the part.

If anything feminists are encouraging women to use their bodies to gain love, acceptance and opportunities instead of using their minds.  That’s why the body positivity movement is popular.  Women that don’t fit the mold of a beauty queen want to be able to feel validated for how they look too.  That’s what today’s feminism is all about.

If you want to be taken seriously as a professional dress the part for the profession you choose.  But when it’s time to party or have a day at the beach have fun with fashion and enjoy yourself.  You can’t always take yourself seriously.  There’s a time and a place for everything.

I just wish the beauty queens that protested the remark from the Miss America Organization were a little more honest and thoughtful in their responses.  They could have said I was competing to be Miss USA, not a receptionist at an accountant’s office.  There are scholarships, fame, travel, jewelry and meeting with wealthy men at stake.  I will broker world peace in a suit that grazes my knees later.

I honestly don’t know why they responded at all.  The remark from the Miss America Organization seemed pretty innocuous to me and it fits their girl next door brand.  Miss America is a non profit organization that is focused on community service.  Miss USA is more glitz and showbiz.  Fighting for your right to be seen as a professional in a bikini is not a hill I would want to die on.  That’s why I have a hard time taking feminism seriously.

 

 

Feminists like to make conversations like this a matter of sexual assault and rape.  I want to make it clear that I don’t think that sexual assault and rape has anything to do with clothing or lack thereof.  People that jump from a statement of dressing for respect to sexual violation are trying to silence opposing thoughts with emotional blackmail.

 

 

 

Traditional Black Womanhood

Traditional Black womanhood is having a hard time in 2019.  It is having a hard time being heard, respected and taken seriously by anyone, even or I should say especially by other Black women.  It seems that anytime a Black woman speaks from a traditional point of view (I’m not talking politics) she is often mocked and put down.

Fantasia Barino, Gabrielle Douglas and Nicki Minaj have all made traditional remarks about womanhood over the last few years and have all faced criticism and mockery for it.  There is irony in all of the statements made by these well known women however it doesn’t necessarily make the viewpoints invalid and I don’t understand the so called backlash for their remarks.

Fantasia Barino of American Idol fame set off a poop storm this week when she said she follows her husband’s lead.  Her husband chimed into the on line discussion and he made a lot of good points about male leadership in a family.  They made sense and I think this couple is correct in their point of view.

But Fantasia’s public statement upset feminists for some reason that I don’t understand.  Some critics said that Fantasia was being arrogant and looking down on unmarried women.  But we’ve known Fantasia a long time now and she’s never been condescending or pretentious so I don’t think that judgement is fair.

Some of the disagreement stems from the fact that Fantasia makes way more money than her husband.  The pundits have a point there.  Oh and he’s a felon that she married after three weeks.  Fantasia’s marriage definitely raises some eyebrows but I still agree with her opinions about heterosexual, traditional marriages.  Even if I didn’t agree with Fantasia and her husband I would just excuse it as a difference of opinion.  But the feminists are angry this week at the thought of submitting to a man that they chose to marry.  I don’t get it.

Olympic gold medalist Gabrielle Douglass made a tweet a few years back saying that women should dress modestly.  Twitter erupted into a fury.  Gabrielle was maligned for this statement.  The feminists mocked her religious background and of course they brought up sexual assault.  The Twitter mob insulted Gabrielle’s intelligence and implied that she was brainwashed and didn’t think for herself.

I’m trying to understand what’s wrong with valuing modesty.  Do we all need to seek validation by posing mostly naked on social media.  Some women think that is empowering.  I don’t but to each their own.  No one is hurt by Gabrielle Douglas wanting to wear clothes.  I understand that Gabby Douglas came to fame in a leotard in front of a global audience so it is a bit of a hoot hearing her promote modest dress.  But again, I think that she is absolutely correct.

Nicki Minaj recently decided to retire and focus on her upcoming marriage and starting a family.  I think it’s lovely.  That move made Nicki a feminist heroine to me.  I believe that a woman can have it all in her life but she probably can’t do it all at the same time the way men can.

Nicki has had a great deal of success and has made a lot of money and now she wants to place her focus on being a wife and mother.  This is another questionable relationship.  Nicki too is marrying a felon that she out earns by a mile, maybe two or three.  He wouldn’t be my choice for a mate but nonetheless he’s her man and I think it’s nice that she is making family life her priority.  I hope she gets everything she wants.

There was a lot of social media buzz surrounding Nicki’s comments.  Most of the commentary was negative but there were some congratulatory wishes.  I don’t know why anyone would have any negative feedback about a wealthy woman in her thirties pausing her career to begin a family life.  I think it would be foolish to try and balance both.

The world has a one dimensional view of Black womanhood and it is mostly negative.  The world is very comfortable with Black women spreading promiscuous and new age feminist messages but not family oriented values.  I’m not sure why that is.  I tend to believe that things we see in the media groom those that consume certain images and messages.  Certain segments of the population are being groomed for failure from the start.

Black women are seen as traditional and wholesome once they are past their prime.  I think it’s great to see young, attractive Black women expressing wholesome values while they are young.  It’s a shame that their biggest detractors seem to come from within the Black community.

 

More Feminist Confusion

The feminists are at it again.  These people are harder to understand than calculus.  Music producer Jermaine Dupri made a comment that most female rappers today make songs about the stripper life.  Social media feminists got upset for some reason and somehow Jermaine Dupri has become a prudish hypocrite in their minds even though their response is a bit prudish.  I thought feminists were in favor of “sexual liberation” and expression.

I don’t listen to much new rap music anymore.  I’ve gotten too old.  So if I have heard of you that means that you have become pretty darn popular.  Cardi B is a hip hop pop star that has become difficult to escape.  And I’ve gotten introduced to Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls.  I don’t care for Cardi B. at all but I think that Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls are quite talented.

I’m a Bible thumper that believes that there is more power for women in modesty than there is in raw sexuality.  I also believe that these talented young women would be better served by not flaunting their sexuality.  The public will only tolerate that without mocking it while a woman is young but no one is young forever or even very long.  You have to have something to sell and talk about other than sex.  But I’m not the target market for the music industry and I’m in my middle forties.  The City Girls and Megan didn’t ask for my opinion.

I like these girls because I can understand what they are saying.  They aren’t mumble rappers that sound like they are coming out of a cold medicine induced haze.  They are charismatic, energetic, young, brash and beautiful.  They are urban or perhaps ratchet is the better word and make no apologies for it.  Their music is fun.  And yes, they are sexy and put forth a stripper like image.  When I ran across their videos on You Tube they made me smile.  I don’t know City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion’s backgrounds but Cardi B. was an actual stripper.

Hip hop has been filthy, blunt and telling tales of urban counter culture since the late 80s. That’s the draw and the charm.  Hip hop has sold millions and probably billions because it sells a fantasy to those of us that are students, housewives and work cubicle jobs.  They say and do things before an audience that most of us would never do even after a couple of shots of tequila.  Feminism has done it’s job.

The City Girls parents probably hadn’t even met yet when tawdry rap music gained popularity and began to dominate the charts. Megan The Stallion and Cardi B. never really had a chance and most young women are never really given a different option to present themselves as something other than slutty.  But hey, we’re talking about grown, career women and I respect their choices.

Explicit lyrics, filth and racial slurs ahead.

I thought that feminists were in favor of women expressing themselves sexually and on their own terms.  That’s what the City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion are doing.  It’s what Nicki Minaj did before them.  And it’s what Lil Kim and Foxy Brown did before her these girls’ parents even met.  The young feminist response to Jermaine Dupri’s response should have been “So what if they rap about stripping.  What’s wrong with stripping?”  That would have made more sense to double down on their feminist values.

More trash ahead.

Instead they name off a bunch of other current female rappers that have a more wholesome or emo image.  In order to say that all young female rappers aren’t stripper like.  If feminists are truly supportive of these modest rappers why aren’t they more popular?  Capitalism is it’s own form of Democracy and feminists get a vote.

Jermaine Dupri is absolutely right.  Most popular young female rappers are selling sex.  It’s the way of the world and you need to be a real rebel to make a different choice.  There may be a Lauryn Hill or Missy Elliot equivalent for today but she doesn’t seem to be selling much music.  Or at least she’s not selling enough downloads and getting enough buzz to become mainstream like Cardi B.

Jermaine Dupri isn’t young anymore.  He’s forty six years old and it sounds like he’s gained some wisdom along the way.  He understands that there is more power for women in modesty and using talent and intelligence.  I hold the same opinion but I guess I’m enough of a feminist to respect an adult woman’s life choice.  He’s just trying to let young women with aspirations in the music business that their longevity is not in blatant sex appeal.

After all, Lauryn Hill still sells out concerts even though her fans know she might show up two hours late.  And we’ve never seen much of her body or heard much about her sexual experiences.  She did it all with talent and hard work.  Punctuality, not so much.

But feminists are interested in arguing and becoming outraged no matter what.  That seems to be the goal.  They aren’t even standing behind their cause of sexual liberation and expression.  A man got them to rally around modest rappers today which is what he was supporting.  Women stay losing.

What do Feminists Want?

I don’t understand feminism.  Are they asking for equality or chivalry?  You can’t have both.  You can not ask the world to ignore all of the differences between men and women and then be asked to be treated with kid gloves because you are a woman.  There are two examples of women being asked to be treated with kid gloves in the modern feminist world.

Bella Thorne recently went on a tearful rant against Whoopi Goldberg because Whoopi suggested that she not take nude pictures of herself and store them in a cloud.  Bella took nude pictures of herself to send to her boyfriend.  Once she discovered that her information had been hacked and the nudes were stolen she decided to release the photo herself.  The incident was discussed on “The View” and Whoopi told her to protect herself by not taking nudes.

bella thorne and whoopi goldberg

Bella then takes to Instagram to tell Whoopi that she should be ashamed of herself for telling Bella that there are consequences for actions and she can’t naively do whatever she wants and expect everyone in the world to be honorable.  Watch.

Bella’s IG post had a feminist under tone to it.  She felt that Whoopi should be ashamed because of how young women will be affected by her comments.  Feminism tells women to be bold and adventurous enough to take nude photos to transmit and store electronically but if your security is breached you should make yourself out to be a victim.  I would imagine that if you’re bold enough to take nudes in 2019 you’re probably no shrinking violet.

There is always the possibility of the file being stolen from Bella or the boyfriend.  And if Bella breaks up with the boyfriend he could share the picture with God knows who.  I kind of figured that people that sent nudes in 2019 didn’t really care where the photos ended up.  There are dozens and dozens of cautionary tales out there about the consequences of nudes ending up in the wrong hands.  Whoopi was just giving Bella some pretty sound advice.  Make the man wait until you are together again and when you’re apart he’ll have sweet memories.

I want to start by saying I can’t stand Lavar Ball.  I don’t know why we even know who he is because all he is is a stage parent and it doesn’t even seem to me that his boys are setting the NBA on fire.  But for some reason the sports media eats him up.  I don’t get it.  Lavar was being interviewed on ESPN by a sports journalist by the name of Molly Qerim.  She said that she wanted to switch gears in the conversation and Lavar said he would switch gears with her any day.  Ms. Qerim thought that the comment had sexual undertones.  Watch.

Good grief what a prude.  I don’t know how someone equates this with sexual harassment.  If you’re not familiar with Lavar Ball he’s not shy, he likes the spotlight and he speaks his mind.  He probably does have a flirtatious personality but I don’t think that a cutesy flirtatious remark necessarily equals harassment or an unbearable work environment.  Is Molly saying that she was afraid for her safety because of that remark?  If so she should stay home and be a housewife.

Lavar has been banned from ESPN.  I honestly don’t care because he shouldn’t have been on there so much anyway.  But I don’t think he should have been banned for this.  He should have been banned because he isn’t employed by the NBA and is one of these new kind of celebrities that is famous for absolutely no reason.

I had never heard of Molly Qerim before this but she has undoubtedly been influenced by the Me Too movement.  Why else would she be so sensitive to that remark?  She was in no danger because she and Lavar were not even in the same room.

Let’s be honest sports fans.  Most of those women of the sports shows are ornaments and there is no way that they don’t know that.  The women fit a very narrow beauty standard and most of them don’t say much.  They are there to look pretty and facilitate conversations between men.  They are similar to Price is Right models.

Their presence is sexist and demeaning to women because we all know that there are women that know a lot about sports but they may be bigger than a size 4.  My mom could do a good job as an anchor on ESPN because she is pretty darn knowledgeable when it comes to sports and she analyzes games pretty well.  But she is seventy three with two artificial hips and a bad back.  She’s not eye candy for the mostly male audience which is the true job of women on sports channels.

I want to give an honorable mention to Josina Anderson who is smart as a whip and knows what she is talking about.  And the red head that comes on the NBA show isn’t bad either and she’s quite likeable.  I think her name is Samantha.  And we can’t forget the OG Hannah Storm.

So these women that work on these sports channels benefit from sexism and they don’t mind playing into it for a paycheck but the minute a man that is known to be a smart alek makes a cheeky remark they make a complaint with HR and act as if they have been damaged.  It makes no sense to me.  Toughen up girls.  And if Molly thought Lavar’s remark was disrespectful she should have spoke up for herself in the moment.  That seems like the action of an empowered person as opposed to asking someone else to stand up for you because you are such a delicate and meek flower.

Anyway, I just wish feminism would make up it’s mind about it’s identity.  Do you want protection and chivalry or are you as tough as any man?  You can’t claim both identities and claim to be a coherent adult.  Feminists are delusional.

Amendment:

I forgot about the Cuba Gooding Jr. incident.  The Cuba Gooding Jr. groping incident is easy to forget about because it was a bunch of nonsense.  There is a boring and confusing video which confirms that the allegations of groping were a bunch of nonsense.  Watch.

 

After I watched this video for the first time my initial reaction was “What the heck did I just watch?”, because I didn’t see anything happen other than a bunch of people socializing and flirting at a bar.  Cuba put his hand on her knee during the video but I don’t know the nature of their relationship so I don’t know that that was an inappropriate touch.  The woman claimed that her breasts were groped but I didn’t see that happen.  Perhaps he brushed her chest with his hand but I didn’t see that either.

I could understand how a woman from the Jane Austen era could be very offended and upset if she was transplanted into a happy hour in an urban setting and a man brushed against her breasts even accidentally.  Those women had expectations of men and upheld feminine standards.  Women could have that kind of society if that’s what they wanted because women set the standards and make the rules.  But women have decided that they want to be thought of as independent women that are completely in charge of their bodies and sexuality and can speak up for themselves.

But evidently they can’t.  None of the situations in this post are about rape.  The Cuba Gooding incident isn’t even about sexual assault because he has been arrested, released with no charges filed.  Bella Thorne wasn’t as angry with the person that stole her images as she was Whoopi Goldberg who gave her opinion on a matter that Bella made public.  All of these women claimed to be victims after they were simply criticized, made uncomfortable or perhaps a man brushed against her.  And now they want people arrested and kicked off TV and such because they felt dishonored.

Oh but wait, I thought that women didn’t want their femininity honored.  Obviously they do but there is give and take.  A lot of modern women just want to take.  That’s what feminists want.  I’ve answered my own question.

Head Trips and Mind Games

I enjoy social media because you learn the truth about people. Often times the truth is not pretty but it is the truth and there is always value in that.  I’ve run across social media outlets that are geared towards men.  The most common topic in these male spaces is women.  They talk about their desires, complaints and preferences when it comes to the opposite sex.  I will refer to them as The Complainers.

After eavesdropping on The Complainers and sometimes participating in some of these conversations I’ve found it very hard to follow the thought pattern of these men.  I can’t figure out the end game.  I feel like there is no real desire to come to an understanding with women and have respectful relationships.  The on line commentary mostly expresses frustration and disdain for women.  Love and partnership is rarely if ever mentioned.

These on line chats are under the guise of them being for men but I really think they exist to send messages to women while excluding them from the conversation.  I think the goal is to manipulate women and to control them through criticism because it seems that women can’t do anything to satisfy these men.  It’s rare that one of the complainers mentions a wife or girlfriend.

These are just a few of the contradictions that I’ve seen on The Complainers’ social media chats.

Women should stop wearing weave.  ->  Your hair is nappy and too short.
Women need to get off of welfare ->  A college degree doesn’t make you more valuable to men.
Single mothers are undateable. ->   Men shouldn’t get married.
All women are promiscuous. ->  I would use her for a pump and dump but that’s it.
Women without fathers are damaged goods. ->  Women are responsible for raising children.
Women are choosing careers over families. ->  Women should be willing to split finances 50/50.
Women always pick the wrong guys. ->  Women have unrealistic standards.
It’s OK for men to have preferences. ->  Women that date outside of their race are bedwenches.
Women should commit young. ->  Men should marry no sooner that their late thirties.
Women shouldn’t pressure men to commit. ->  Women hit “The Wall” at thirty five.
Women seek out attention too much ->  Women should welcome male attention in public.
Women focus on their looks too much ->  Everyone wants to date someone attractive.

criticising

What conclusion can women come to after taking in this information?  The only conclusion that I can reach is that there is some serious confusion out there along with disdain for women.  Women’s humanity and intellect is completely overlooked and women are talked about as if they are inanimate objects.

I’ve never seen anyone go into detail about what perfection looks like and how to achieve it.  The standards that The Complainers have is not sustainable or realistic because they want old fashioned, traditional womanhood without offering old fashioned traditional manhood.  They complain about feminism but they fail to see how feminism benefits men.  I think that men are the real benefactors of feminism because they don’t bear the same amount of responsibility as they once did.  There aren’t very many expectations for men anymore.

If any man wanted an old fashioned relationship he just needs to decide that he wants to be an old fashioned man and then he needs to find a woman to go along with those ideals.  I can see how that would be a challenge but I don’t think it’s impossible if a man is taking the lead, is realistic about his end of the bargain and expresses his intentions.  Simply don’t date feminists if they bother you so much.

I think The Complainers know that they are not being completely honest in what they say but they aren’t willing to speak their truth.  The truth is that they want to the best of both worlds.  They like the lack of responsibility and easy sex that feminism provides but when they are ready to settle down in their later years they want a submissive housewife.

Actually The Complainer just a submissive woman because they don’t believe in legal marriage because if the relationship doesn’t work out he doesn’t want to give her any of the household finances.  But he doesn’t want her to be educated and career oriented.  And he wants her to be focused on the household and family.

It’s a never ending circle of contradictions that only completely benefits men.  The Complainers simply want to use women as tools to validate their ego, breed their children, cook and clean.  Meanwhile he doesn’t want to have any responsibility to his wife equivalent.  The Complainers like to say that career women end up lonely and they use examples like forty something singles like Tiffany Haddish and Charlize Theron.

I believe there is a price to pay for women being career focused.  I believe that a woman that puts her career first probably does miss out on some opportunities to marry and have children.  But The Complainers all seem like douchebags anyway.  They have no respect for women and they don’t discuss love or even raising children much.  When they discuss childbearing they talk about women as if they are prized pit bulls or thoroughbred horses.  I don’t think The Complainers offer much as far as a lifetime of love and devotion.

I’ve learned to disregard everything that The Complainers say.  Even when they make valid points they say something mean which lets me know their true intentions and unsaid feelings.  I hope the women make decisions that benefit themselves and honor God.  Prepare yourself to be a good wife to a deserving man.  But trying to satisfy the desires of men that want women to exist simply for the pleasure and convenience of men seems like a lost cause.

Labels: Words and Their Meanings Matter

I’m a black and white person and a linear thinker.  I’ve been told that I’m direct and blunt.  My mother has been described as no nonsense and no frills so I supposed some of it may come from my upbringing.  I’m fairly well organized and I like things to be in order.  I like to have a clear understanding of things.  Labels help us to have an understanding.

I’ve noticed that labels are becoming taboo in 2019.  People don’t want to be labeled.  They say they want to be free.  But what do they want to be free from exactly.  Once something is labeled there are expectations that go along with it.  If you label a container as salt and you put sugar in it you’re pulling a prank.  But if you never label the container the onus is on the person using the container.  The person that filled the container has bypassed their responsibilty for what’s in it.  And they were able to fool you with their prank.

Modern society is removing labels from things such as relationships between men and women, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender and race.  I honestly think that people are disregarding labels because responsibility, expectations and history come with labels.  I think people that don’t like labels are trying to remove themselves from those responsibilities, expectations and history.  They often want to reap the benefits of the good and take no accountability for the bad.

Take the word whore for example.  I’m not one to judge people on their sexuality.  I just don’t see it as a big part of a person’s identity.  It’s just a descriptive word to describe how much a person gets around.  A whore might be a smart, nice person.  I have friends and beloved relatives that can be described  that way.  There have been times when I could be considered one.

However, relabeling whore to “sexually liberated” is a b.s. move.  It’s still the same thing and it still gets you the same penalties or rewards.  Don’t try to sell that behavior as something other than what it is.  A person that gets around is a person that gets around.  If a person doesn’t like the stigma then they need to change the behavior.

I watched a You Tube video recently where a person said that they are not affiliated with any organized religion but they believed in God.  That’s called Agnostic and she didn’t use that word because for some there are negative connotations that go along with that for some people

This woman probably wouldn’t get very far with the people she is trying to share her message with if she presented herself that way.  She then goes on to say that she reads the Bible and she used a lot of language that most would recognize as spiritual or even specifically Christian.  She never called her beliefs anything and she went on to talk about having a relationship with her creator.

All of that is fine but she said that she and her husband had a ministry channel on You Tube.  What are they ministering exactly?  What should we expect from their ministry?  If she and her husbands are leaders of this ministry what can and should we expect from them?  We don’t know because whatever she calls her beliefs is a secret yet she wants us to follow her.  She’s not asking us to follow a religious text that we can read for ourselves and accept or reject or a religion that we can research and choose to be a part of or not before deciding to get involved.

This woman’s ministry is working in shadows.  In fact she didn’t even show her face on her You Tube channel which wasn’t her ministry channel.  Never go to a second location.  The introduction is made in one location to make you feel comfortable.  Second locations are always where the damage takes place.

People are reluctant to label their romantic relationships in modern times. Sugar and salt look alike at first glance.  You probably have to get very close to it to know which is which.  This is the case for many modern relationships.  They look like traditional marriages from a distance.

There may be affection, a mortgage, children and other family ties but it’s still not a marriage.  Those types of relationships don’t have the same kind of responsibility that a marriage has.  There is always a backdoor and a lack of responsibility.  Indeed there is a backdoor in a marriage as well but marriage comes with expectations so if a boundary is crossed someone needs to take responsibility for their choices.  Not labeling a relationship takes away responsibilities and leaves doors open.

As far as sexuality is concerned I’ve seen high profile celebrities legally marry people of the opposite sex and refer to themselves as queer.  This is along the same lines as cultural appropriation.  A White performer wants to give themselves and edge and there is a time limit on how long a White performer can imitate urban fashion and dialect and get away with it if that is not genuinely who they are.

I like Miley a lot.  I think her lovely personality is enough to further her career.  But since her Disney days her career has been based on shock value and selling the public a rebellious image.  She’s a child of privilege, that became wealthy as a child star.  What’s wrong with that?  I think that’s more interesting than vulgarity or her sexuality.  I guess being a rich White girl isn’t street enough for Miley.

miley

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/02/224981/miley-cyrus-queer-relationship-liam-hemsworth

Femininity and Masculinity can be fluid.  Your sex is not.  Sex is a biological fact.  People can go through medical procedures to change their anatomy which would make them a different gender.  I’ve been hearing about sex change operations for decades so that is nothing new.  But I’m so perplexed at people that want to change the definition of what a man and woman is.  I really don’t see how you can.

There are some women that are masculine and there are men that are feminine.  There are men that are attracted to men and women that have romantic love for women.  That doesn’t change any biological fact about their gender.  If society grows to accept the vague definition of gender women are going to suffer.

Race and ethnicity is a vague category.  I’m sure that if we all took a DNA test none of us would be %100 anything.  But I’m seeing a real push in the USA to try and get what is commonly known as Black people to call themselves something other than Black or African American.  Meanwhile other people that are mixed race and or from other countries want to be considered Black, when it’s convenient of course.

I am a descendant of African slaves and my family has been in the United States for at least four generations.  In 2019 those people are commonly called Black or African American.  That works for me because I have no problem being Black.  I think that people that want us to call ourselves something different are ashamed to be Black.  I also think that at some point the government may start to take the demand for reparations seriously for the descendants of slaves.  What’s going to happen to all of these folks that have dropped the label of Black or African American then?  If I’m still alive to cash that check my Black self is going to have a hearty laugh at them.

People that want Black Americans to call themselves Egyptians or Israelites often speak to us as if we are downtrodden, ignorant people.  Yes, Black people have a lot of problems but we have been given a lot of problems for centuries so what exactly is to be expected.  The only thing that will change if American Blacks decide to stop calling themselves Black or African American is that we will lose our rich and fascinating history.  We will lose our influence on American and global culture.  There is nothing to gain by giving ourselves a new label.

The times we live in remind me of an episode of “Twilight Zone” that I saw long ago called “Wordplay”.  A man finds himself within a world where all of the words have a different meaning to his understanding and it causes confusion and frustration.

 

There is nothing wrong with labels.  The problem comes from people and their judgements and attitude towards what is being labeled.  Judgemental behavior won’t change by calling something by a different name.  I can go to City Hall in my town and have my name changed from Shannon to Susie.  I’m still the same person and any opinion that you had of me before is the same.  You’re just calling it by a different name.  Ron Artest and Metta World Peace are the same man.  The only thing that changed were the letters (and number) on the back of his jersey.

 

 

 

I question people that are sensitive about labels without making and meaningful changes.  People are trying to say that things that are the same are different and things that are different are the same.  The relabeling always seems to be for the benefit of one group and the deficit of another.  I think these modern word games are just a smokescreen for manipulation and deception.