Dating Scam: Low Bidding

I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog.  Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem.  (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation.  But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.)  They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach.  Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.

Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for.  You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli.  Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient.  Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation.  We’ve all settled at some point.  But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle.  Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal.  It’s all relative.

And settling is not a bad thing.  In this case I will call it redirection.  We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned.  At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy.  We’ve all done it.  It’s called growing up.

Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics.  You’re good enough for somethings but not others.  You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time.  You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends.  He might put in a low bid.  Examples of low bidding are:

  • going dutch on dates
  • being vague about intentions
  • sexual innuendo/lack of respect
  • poor treatment

He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth.  Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points.  It’s up to you to set a high value  for yourself.  You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships.  The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.

low bid

This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business.  It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time.  Here is the article if you are interested.

The Frustrating Truth About Deliberate Low Bids – No One Really Wins!

These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it.  That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex.  They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health.  And no, this isn’t a man being a man.  It’s a jerk being a jerk.  Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.

If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that.  They don’t think they can because they lack confidence.  Male language on social media reflects this.  Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy.  They don’t think of themselves as worthy.

I’m not saying that finances are not an issue.  But so is personality and couples can grow together.  And poverty is not an excuse to use another person.  If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan.  But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal.  You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.

Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner.  He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate.  They may like to control and exploit their partner.  Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.

During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect.  It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made.  A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.  You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.

The beginning stages of dating are an observation period.  If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life.  Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around.  If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.

leopard

He’s about to eat you up!

Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value.  You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it.  If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid.  You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time.  Just block the number.

I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars.  I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process.  There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price.  However, human being are not property and inanimate objects.  No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them.  An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.

TI’s Hymen Test is Indicative of the way the World Seeks to Control Black Female Sexuality

Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact.  This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex.  All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.

I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition.  But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019.  As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.

In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals.  But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently.  An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body.  I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex.  I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.

But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality.  It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act.  And here is the bottom line.  Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty.  Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality.  That even includes Black women and men.  Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality.  Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.

Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so.  Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women.  R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore.  What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.

Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness.  These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us.  Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.

It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all.  Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood.  Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience.  Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.

I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering.  It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.

Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions.  I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity.  It’s the ultimate c—block.  There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.

Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally.  I have a broader definition of abuse.  What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women.  Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality.  TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.

TI and daughter

He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure.  He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body.  TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.

Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man.  These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually.  Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities.  So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.

People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile.  Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy.  Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.

Loyalty: One of the Values of a Fake Relationship

I don’t know if these memes are jokes or if they are serious. Nonetheless, it is sad to me that they exist at all.

It seems that modern culture is telling women that they need to prove loyalty to men that are not their husbands or even boyfriends. In return for their loyalty I’m assuming these women get to marry a person that is self centered, manipulative, fake and generally not very nice. What joy!

Men don’t seem to be offering the same kind of loyalty in return, at least not right away. I guess they commit after they’ve exhausted all other options and they’ve wasted a lot of a woman’s time and energy. In other words they capitulate because they’ve wasted their time and now they’re probably not desirable to other women.

These relationships are based on desperation, limited options and limited understanding of a man’s role and a woman’s worth. I’m going to give a few examples of those living under simlar circumstances, demanded loyalty with little to nothing given in return:

Citizens of North Korea

north korea

The citizens of North Korea are required to be loyal to it’s leaders. In return for that loyalty the government doesn’t brutally punish and or execute them. Their loyalty isn’t really love of country as much as it is fear of being sent to a work camp, tortured and killed.

Slaves

Loyalty is demanded of slaves. Without loyalty there would be rebellion. The empowered person would lose complete control. All would be lost. Their sense of importance and probably money would be lost. Loyalty is maintained through violence and psychological bondage.

slave rebellion

Dogs

Dogs are loyal. They don’t ask for much or have very high expectations. All they want is a pat on the head and a bowl of kibble. They’re loyalty comes very cheap. They simply want validation.

dogs

Mom

Moms are great. I love moms. If you ask most people who has always been loyal to them most would say their mom. Moms are loyal to human beings that are essentially useless in the beginning. But moms have high hopes. Babies are cute but they are a lot of work. Young children are exhausting.

Babies are just balls of potential. This type of loyalty is valiant in a mother but it is foolish from women in pseudo romantic relationships.

mom

Men are supposed to show leadership in relationships and if they don’t do that they are not living up to their potential. Once a relationship is established loyalty is a two way street. Two people need to commit to each other and set boundaries for a relationship. No woman wants to be in a relationship where she feels like she is a citizen of a dictatorship, slave, pet or a man’s mother. There is no way true romance can blossom under those conditions. If a man is demanding loyalty without giving it or offering a future you are headed for a fake relationship devised to take advantage of you.

Ask 1000 Questions (The Right Questions)

Over the weekend I read the advice column Ask E. in “Elle” magazine.  A young woman said that she was gradually ghosted by a man that she dated for around a month.  He told her that she was not marriage material.  The man is long gone but she still feels bad about what he told her.  Her letter to “Elle” reminded me of a video that I saw on Facebook years ago.

Creflo Dollar is right.  When you meet someone new be sure to ask 1,000 questions at the beginning of the relationship.  And be prepared to answer questions.  If your suitor isn’t asking much about your motivations or background they probably have shallow reasons for wanting to date you.

Ask the right questions.  I think that it is important to find out a person’s motivations for dating.  Women make the mistake of thinking that men are motivated by the same things as them.  Women are motivated to find long term relationships.  Men are motivated to find short term no strings attached sex.

Men are great at wasting time and they have no problem starting a relationship with a woman and faking a courtship in order to get sex until he finds a woman that he really wants for a commitment.  It’s one of the biggest scams of the modern age.  The fake relationship may last a night, month or a decade.  Fake relationships have started entire families.  It all seems like a waste of time and energy to me but it’s the way that many men operate.

The woman that wrote to Ask E. didn’t say whether she became intimate with the man.  A woman can be ghosted if she refuses to have sex right away or if she has sex and he decides he’s ready to move along.  If the man thought she was “wife material” it wouldn’t have mattered.  He would have remained in her life without judgement.  Men marry promiscuous women all the time.  If he likes her he likes her and that’s all she wrote.

So like Creflo Dollar said don’t be afraid to ask 1,000 questions.  Don’t start a relationship with a bunch of small talk, banter and meaningless compliments.  You already know you’re pretty.  A man shouldn’t have a problem stating his true intentions even if he only wants casual sex.  Perhaps the young lady is interested in that too.  That sounds like an equally yoked couple to me.

If a man is looking for a long term commitment he shouldn’t be afraid to state his objective.  He should also be able to say why he is attracted to you and why he thinks you might be a good life partner.  Ask the specifics at the beginning.  Now I know people lie and there is nothing you can do about that.  Just make sure the actions match the words over an extended period of time.

menace ii society

If you open the dialogue it should at least be interesting to see what he has to say.  You know how you get asked weird, vague questions in job interviews.  I heard a hiring manager say once that they just want to see how you will respond.  The answer itself isn’t as important.  The idea is to get the candidate to talk so you can see what is on their mind.

If you are ghosted immediately that’s probably what he would have done at some point anyway.  Trash takes itself out.  Get the truth out on the table and find out where the man’s head is before you invest your heart and time.

People are savage out here and there is no honor.  People act out of selfishness and don’t really care if they hurt someone.  They just think that the person that they took advantage of shouldn’t have been such a sucker.  Unfortunately dating is almost like Spy Vs. Spy and the most cunning and suspicious person wins.  I’m not exactly sure what the prize is.  Waiting to get stabbed in the back doesn’t seem like a start to a great romance to me.

spy versus spy

Ask 1,000 questions towards the beginning of a relationship.  It might be a good idea to ask the first one or two hundred before the first date.  And ask questions that are specific to you to see if he sees you as merely a place holder until he runs across someone he deems as wife material.  Heck, ask him what he considers wife material and if you fit into his mold.  I think that you have more to gain than you have to lose.

And please don’t go over his house unless you simply want to get laid.  That’s a real crap shoot and a lot can go wrong for women if you do that.  After sex women esteem men more and I think that men esteem women less.  If you care what he thinks you’re better off to keep the relationship in public spaces for a while.  The truth will come out eventually.

Labels: Words and Their Meanings Matter

I’m a black and white person and a linear thinker.  I’ve been told that I’m direct and blunt.  My mother has been described as no nonsense and no frills so I supposed some of it may come from my upbringing.  I’m fairly well organized and I like things to be in order.  I like to have a clear understanding of things.  Labels help us to have an understanding.

I’ve noticed that labels are becoming taboo in 2019.  People don’t want to be labeled.  They say they want to be free.  But what do they want to be free from exactly.  Once something is labeled there are expectations that go along with it.  If you label a container as salt and you put sugar in it you’re pulling a prank.  But if you never label the container the onus is on the person using the container.  The person that filled the container has bypassed their responsibilty for what’s in it.  And they were able to fool you with their prank.

Modern society is removing labels from things such as relationships between men and women, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender and race.  I honestly think that people are disregarding labels because responsibility, expectations and history come with labels.  I think people that don’t like labels are trying to remove themselves from those responsibilities, expectations and history.  They often want to reap the benefits of the good and take no accountability for the bad.

Take the word whore for example.  I’m not one to judge people on their sexuality.  I just don’t see it as a big part of a person’s identity.  It’s just a descriptive word to describe how much a person gets around.  A whore might be a smart, nice person.  I have friends and beloved relatives that can be described  that way.  There have been times when I could be considered one.

However, relabeling whore to “sexually liberated” is a b.s. move.  It’s still the same thing and it still gets you the same penalties or rewards.  Don’t try to sell that behavior as something other than what it is.  A person that gets around is a person that gets around.  If a person doesn’t like the stigma then they need to change the behavior.

I watched a You Tube video recently where a person said that they are not affiliated with any organized religion but they believed in God.  That’s called Agnostic and she didn’t use that word because for some there are negative connotations that go along with that for some people

This woman probably wouldn’t get very far with the people she is trying to share her message with if she presented herself that way.  She then goes on to say that she reads the Bible and she used a lot of language that most would recognize as spiritual or even specifically Christian.  She never called her beliefs anything and she went on to talk about having a relationship with her creator.

All of that is fine but she said that she and her husband had a ministry channel on You Tube.  What are they ministering exactly?  What should we expect from their ministry?  If she and her husbands are leaders of this ministry what can and should we expect from them?  We don’t know because whatever she calls her beliefs is a secret yet she wants us to follow her.  She’s not asking us to follow a religious text that we can read for ourselves and accept or reject or a religion that we can research and choose to be a part of or not before deciding to get involved.

This woman’s ministry is working in shadows.  In fact she didn’t even show her face on her You Tube channel which wasn’t her ministry channel.  Never go to a second location.  The introduction is made in one location to make you feel comfortable.  Second locations are always where the damage takes place.

People are reluctant to label their romantic relationships in modern times. Sugar and salt look alike at first glance.  You probably have to get very close to it to know which is which.  This is the case for many modern relationships.  They look like traditional marriages from a distance.

There may be affection, a mortgage, children and other family ties but it’s still not a marriage.  Those types of relationships don’t have the same kind of responsibility that a marriage has.  There is always a backdoor and a lack of responsibility.  Indeed there is a backdoor in a marriage as well but marriage comes with expectations so if a boundary is crossed someone needs to take responsibility for their choices.  Not labeling a relationship takes away responsibilities and leaves doors open.

As far as sexuality is concerned I’ve seen high profile celebrities legally marry people of the opposite sex and refer to themselves as queer.  This is along the same lines as cultural appropriation.  A White performer wants to give themselves and edge and there is a time limit on how long a White performer can imitate urban fashion and dialect and get away with it if that is not genuinely who they are.

I like Miley a lot.  I think her lovely personality is enough to further her career.  But since her Disney days her career has been based on shock value and selling the public a rebellious image.  She’s a child of privilege, that became wealthy as a child star.  What’s wrong with that?  I think that’s more interesting than vulgarity or her sexuality.  I guess being a rich White girl isn’t street enough for Miley.

miley

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/02/224981/miley-cyrus-queer-relationship-liam-hemsworth

Femininity and Masculinity can be fluid.  Your sex is not.  Sex is a biological fact.  People can go through medical procedures to change their anatomy which would make them a different gender.  I’ve been hearing about sex change operations for decades so that is nothing new.  But I’m so perplexed at people that want to change the definition of what a man and woman is.  I really don’t see how you can.

There are some women that are masculine and there are men that are feminine.  There are men that are attracted to men and women that have romantic love for women.  That doesn’t change any biological fact about their gender.  If society grows to accept the vague definition of gender women are going to suffer.

Race and ethnicity is a vague category.  I’m sure that if we all took a DNA test none of us would be %100 anything.  But I’m seeing a real push in the USA to try and get what is commonly known as Black people to call themselves something other than Black or African American.  Meanwhile other people that are mixed race and or from other countries want to be considered Black, when it’s convenient of course.

I am a descendant of African slaves and my family has been in the United States for at least four generations.  In 2019 those people are commonly called Black or African American.  That works for me because I have no problem being Black.  I think that people that want us to call ourselves something different are ashamed to be Black.  I also think that at some point the government may start to take the demand for reparations seriously for the descendants of slaves.  What’s going to happen to all of these folks that have dropped the label of Black or African American then?  If I’m still alive to cash that check my Black self is going to have a hearty laugh at them.

People that want Black Americans to call themselves Egyptians or Israelites often speak to us as if we are downtrodden, ignorant people.  Yes, Black people have a lot of problems but we have been given a lot of problems for centuries so what exactly is to be expected.  The only thing that will change if American Blacks decide to stop calling themselves Black or African American is that we will lose our rich and fascinating history.  We will lose our influence on American and global culture.  There is nothing to gain by giving ourselves a new label.

The times we live in remind me of an episode of “Twilight Zone” that I saw long ago called “Wordplay”.  A man finds himself within a world where all of the words have a different meaning to his understanding and it causes confusion and frustration.

 

There is nothing wrong with labels.  The problem comes from people and their judgements and attitude towards what is being labeled.  Judgemental behavior won’t change by calling something by a different name.  I can go to City Hall in my town and have my name changed from Shannon to Susie.  I’m still the same person and any opinion that you had of me before is the same.  You’re just calling it by a different name.  Ron Artest and Metta World Peace are the same man.  The only thing that changed were the letters (and number) on the back of his jersey.

 

 

 

I question people that are sensitive about labels without making and meaningful changes.  People are trying to say that things that are the same are different and things that are different are the same.  The relabeling always seems to be for the benefit of one group and the deficit of another.  I think these modern word games are just a smokescreen for manipulation and deception.

MGTOW Encourages Feminism

OK seriously I am getting better.  I’m not watching near as many MGTOW videos on YouTube as I was.  I’ve been marking videos off as “not interested” when they appear in my recommendations, blocking MGTOW channels and mercifully I think I may have gotten blocked from a few of these channels.

But once in a while a video from the He Man Woman Hater’s Club pops up and I can’t help but indulge.  The MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way) crowd abhor feminism and blame it for a lot of society’s ills.  However, they unwittingly encourage it with their attitudes and behavior towards women.

MGTOW gentlemen do not want to commit to women, co-habitate with them or raise traditional families.  They do not want to share their resources with women.  They are not even nice to women or like them.  It sounds to me that if a woman is smart she had better be able to make her own money and not be dependent on anyone for her survival.

MGTOW believes that women should seek out husbands and become mothers after high school.  If they had it their way women wouldn’t even finish high school and they would just become wives, or something like that when they are young teenagers.  But MGTOW believes that women are over the hill or “hit the wall” meaning they are undesirable and probably unable to have healthy children at thirty years old or not before.

These men do not express any love, affection or loyalty to any women.  So once they have used a woman for her youth and child bearing potential I’m not sure if they would honor their commitments as husbands.  MGTOW doesn’t speak much about raising families or creating legacies through family.  They only talk about women for breeding purposes like they are show dogs.

Most people live far beyond age thirty so women had better be prepared for that part of life because that lasts far longer than the PYT (Pretty Young Thing) part lasts.  Just like Judge Judy says, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever”.  And men are fickle.  If you don’t believe me just search out a MGTOW article on YouTube.  If you’re a single woman it will make you more focused and ambitious than ever before.

Beauty-Fades-Dumb-Is-Forever-Quote-By-Judge-Judy_408x408

One of the shortcomings of making marriage your end all be all is that even if you marry a great person and have a wonderful relationship people die.  Even if your spouse leaves you comfortable financially which MGTOW has no interest in doing, you will undoubtedly be left lonely and in the same condition as the cat ladies that MGTOW maligns.

It’s interesting to me how people manifest more of what they hate.  If MGTOW really wanted to prove to women that they were missing out on something they would choose a woman that they consider virtuous (they have a very thin line for what they consider to be a virtuous woman so good luck finding her) and treat her like a queen.  Instead that they speak about women horribly, flaunt their own bad habits and judge women for being human.  Who needs that?

MGOTW 2

I see a lot of videos on You Tube that focus on men complaining about women.  It’s truly fascinating to hear how some men feel about the dating and mating game and their frustrations with the matter.  Most of these complaining men would describe themselves as MGTOW.  Men Go Their Own Way.

I ran across a video today titled “Pretty is No Longer Enough” which I didn’t have time to watch but I read the comments.  Men expressed that they felt women valued looks and sex too much.  They also said that they didn’t trust women that were attractive because there they have too many other options.  These men also resented what they called simps.  To my understanding simps are men that cater to women in order to win them over.

MGTOW makes some valid points.  I agree that women put too high of a premium on outward appearances and sex.  But with most of what MGTOW says their theories fall apart once you dwell on them too much.  MGTOW resents attractive and sexually adventurous women because they are playing men’s games.  Men trained women to dwell on looks and sex because that is where a great deal of a man’s focus lies.

I’ve seen this play out in nightclubs and on social media.  Women who act slutty are the ones that get male attention.  Modesty doesn’t cut it.  If men were interested in a women’s character porn wouldn’t be the profitable industry that it is.  Men can’t get enough of female sexuality on display.

Men are very interested in how their female partners look.  When you look at successful men their wives are often interchangeable.  Look up the wives of NFL quarterbacks and most of them are blonde, blue eyed, young and thin.  Or she is light skinned, slim-thick with “good hair”.  That image of womanhood gets promoted and other men want a women like that in order to feel successful.  So why shouldn’t a woman that has the look of a successful man’s wife hold out for a successful man?  She would be a fool to not do that.

I made the decision several years ago to not engage in sex unless or until I marry.  When I’ve told men that they have completely evaporated.  I’ve tried my luck on dating websites and men have asked me what I was looking for on the site.  I said I would love to find a husband.  Some of them immediate unmatch me.  They aren’t looking for the same thing or at least they are not looking for a commitment from me.

I’ve been told on dating websites, by men that have slid into my DMs on social media and gentlemen that I’ve met here or there that they want to be friends with a woman first and then see where it goes.  This translates into I want to have sex with you while I get to know your personality and if I don’t get tired of you after a few months maybe I’ll take you out or something.  Sex is at the forefront of most men’s minds when meeting women for social purposes.  They are not primarily looking for a sweet, submissive nature and good wholesome morals like they say they are.

MGTOW men are bothered because a lot of women are playing the game.  Most women do not set the standard of purity until marriage.  They have decided to go ahead and sleep around and see where things lead the way men do.  And a lot of young women don’t make commitment a priority.  I don’t know if that is what they really want or if they are just taking what they can get because they know that most young men aren’t interested in commitment.

The MGTOW men that I’ve seen on YouTube are between thirty five – fifty.  I have a feeling that they avoided commitment to women during their younger years and now that they are older they want a woman with old fashioned morals and values after they, themselves have probably had numerous lovers.

They blame feminism for the modern mores of women but I bet many young women wouldn’t really think of themselves as feminists.  They are simply following where men lead and playing the game that men laid out.  Unless a woman has some sort of religious standard that tells her to wait for marriage it’s unlikely that she would value chastity.  Maintaining purity is an uphill battle and it comes with a lot of rejection.

I don’t blame young women for behaving as they do and men shouldn’t either.  Most probably don’t know God so they are just doing what they think will make a man happy.  They focus on looks and sexuality.  They are competing for the best mate on the marketplace and they have been trained to believe being pretty and making yourself sexually available to men is the best way to do it.  Women haven’t been taught differently and without God’s word they won’t see the folly in their ways.

But it’s highly hypocritical for men to be angry at women for playing the game that they take advantage of until they age out of the system.  If men really want to see changes they should live up to their own Puritanical standards.  It seems to me that if they did that everything would fall into place.

 

MGTOW

A few months ago I ran across MGTOW pages on You Tube.  MGTOW is an acronym for Men Go Their Own Way.  I don’t consider myself to be a feminist so I listened to what these men have to say with an open mind.  These men make some valid points in their videos.

I do believe that feminism has given some women unrealistic expectations of life and of men.  I have observed women being very selfish and demanding in relationships.  These women have grown up being told they are worth it and they are princesses by companies that want to sell fantasies to women.  I also don’t think that society respects decent men the way it should.

I had the experience of working in the jewelry retail business for about eight years on a part time or full time basis.  I observed a lot of self entitled, selfish, materialistic and delusional behavior while I was in that business.  I understand why some men decide to not marry or date women.

However, after running across enough MGTOW videos I came to realize that these men were just making excuses to hate women and they themselves were quite delusional.  First of all, if a person decides they don’t want to be bothered with someone or something they just quietly walk away from it and go on with their life.  They do not form a band of brothers and focus on the people that they claim to not want to be around.  MGTOW is obsessed with women and they see women as enemies.  They don’t focus on having satisfying lives as single men.

And these men have not actually walked away.  Time and time again I heard MGTOW use the term pump and dump.  So they are actually involved with women enough to sleep with them.  They must be hooking up on dating websites or bars in a string of one night stands or they are lying to women long enough to sleep with them and not speak to them again.  They claim to be successful men however all this pumping and dumping sounds like a lot of time consuming, life complicating work to me.

MGTOW has a very strange obsession with youth.  They believe that they become more valuable with age and women become less valuable.  When I say they are interested in young women I mean very young.  MGTOW thinks that women are over the hill by the time they are twenty five.  I have read many You Tube comments where men in their forties prefer to date nineteen year olds and men in their fifties date women in their mid twenties.

I understand being attracted to youth and beauty.  However it usually takes youth and beauty get it.  I hate to break it to you fellas out there but women are attracted to youth as well.  If you are a mature person think back to when you were twenty and how old you thought thirty was.  I was not interested in men that old when I was very young and I don’t think most women are unless the man is super charming, uncommonly attractive for his age or unless there is a financial incentive.

But wait, I thought MGTOW men didn’t like women that are gold diggers!  It sounds to me that these men waste their young years when they have the opportunity to organically and without complications win over a young bride and wait until they are old men to try and date someone that wants a sugar daddy.

When I hear of old movie or rock stars in their sixties dating much younger women and having more children I figure that they are smart enough men to know the game.  They are trading money for youth and beauty and the opportunity to have more children.  I don’t think any of those men think that their young lovers would be by their side if it wasn’t for the money and prestige.  There are indeed May-December romances that are true love but it’s not the norm.  And even if the man is not wealthy he probably still is generous with his money and indulges his young girlfriend in exchange for her attention and affection.  At least I hope so.  If she’s not she’s not too smart.

MGTOW men make it a point to explain to people why they are single.  Perhaps some women just chose not to marry or just never found what they wanted in a partner.  I am forty three and there are opportunities for relationships for women my age however there is not a lot of incentive to start the relationship.

It’s not likely that I will be starting a family at this point unless it was through adoption.  And there are so many more variables to consider in relationships as you get older.  Careers are more developed, there are children, grandchildren, aging parents and health issues.  Everyone has baggage and it gets heavier with age.

People have joked about cat ladies but has anyone said they are unhappy?  They are not the ones on You Tube complaining.  If anything they are just enjoying themselves and watching cat videos.  Perhaps spinsters decided to go their own way long ago and quietly go about their lives which is what MGTOW needs to do.

MGTOW’s ugly behavior over shadows any of the valid points they have.  And the attraction that these middle aged men have for teenagers makes them pretty darn shady.  They are a bit delusional about the women they have access to as they age.  I wrote a piece once about the number one rule of dating.  That is people date and marry their equivalent or there is a trade off of some sort i.e. wealth for youth and beauty.  I respect anyone’s choice not to marry and or have children male or female.  But it’s your choice.

WORST DATE EVER!

I’ve never been all that lucky in love but I’ve never had a really bad date either.  That is until yesterday.  I had the worst date ever.  I met a 54 year old man on OK Cupid named Ron.  We met for lunch yesterday.  This is our story.

I don’t take on line dating seriously but I decided to give it a try (again).  I chat with people for fun but it would be wonderful to meet the love of my life.  So I had been talking to Ron.  The interaction was nothing special.  I spoke with him on the phone a few times.  Again sparks didn’t fly.  He suggested that we meet and against my better judgment I agreed to meet him.

I would prefer to not go out with someone until we developed some familiarity and had a few enjoyable conversations with each other.  I think that if two people even decide to go on a date it should be kind of special.  Ron is one of these people that like to treat dating as if it is a job interview.  He asked a lot of questions about my previous relationships with men and my current dating habits that really kind of turned me off.  He also said that he needed to meet someone in person to see if he really liked them or not.  Once again I was a bit put off by this.  But I decided to set aside some time to see him yesterday.

I was going to get in touch with him and tell him that I wasn’t interested in meeting.  But I was really hungry after church yesterday and I figured since I needed to get something to eat I would invite him to meet me at a sandwich shop.  He suggested we go to a winery in the center of town and I agreed to that.

I wasn’t familiar with the place and he told me that it was next to Barnes & Noble at the corner of Broadway and 47th Street in Kansas City.  I knew where the Barnes & Noble was so I parked near there and walked towards the corner.  I didn’t see any restaurant on any corner.  I called him and asked him for further directions.  He said it’s near McCormick & Schmick which was in the other direction.  So I walked back up the block toward McCormick & Schmick and saw no other restaurants other than a coffee shop.  I got the name of the place when I spoke to him and I Googled it and found out the entrance was on Broadway.  I never would have found the place if it wasn’t for Google Maps.  I had been walking back and forth on 47th Street in a black dress with a scarf on in about 85 degree heat.

He calls me again and ask me where I am.  I told him I was on my way.  He repeats it’s on the corner of 47th and Broadway.  The daft man never seemed to understand that the landmarks he gave me were all on 47th Street and the entrance was around the corner on Broadway.  Anyway, I find my way in and sit at the table and he says “I don’t understand why you had a hard time finding it”.  I tried to explain that I was on the wrong street from the entrance.  He continues to be defensive about his directions with me.  I just say I’m sorry for being late to end it.

So we start talking and he starts with a bunch of questions.  When was your last relationship?  How long did they last?  Why did they end?  Were you in love with them?  What would your exes say about you?  Do you ever approach men that you like?  Seriously, it was just like a job interview.  Towards the end he even asked if I had any questions for him.  I told him no and he seemed frustrated or perhaps disappointed.

Ron says he likes to get to the point because he doesn’t want to waste time.  I think I’m a pretty pleasant person to be around so I don’t think that spending time with me is ever a waste.  Once again, I was disenchanted with Mr. Ron.

He mentioned that he talked to a woman on Tinder once and at one point she mentioned that she was celibate.  He said that he was no longer interested in her and he was mad that she wasted his time.  He thought that she should have put that at the top of her profile because he invested a lot of time messaging her on Tinder.  Ron thinks that this woman owes men that information.  What a shame.At the beginning stages of what could be a relationship I treat it as an observation stage.  I just want to see how a person acts and what actions they take.  I want to see if we can have a decent enjoyable conversation together.  Anyone one can give a nonsense answer to a question.  And Ron has been in sales for ten years so I’m sure he’s good at telling people what they want to hear.

In fact I caught Ron in a lie.  In one of our phone conversations I asked him if he grew up in Kansas City.  He said yes.  I asked him if his family was here.  He said yes, all of them were here.  During dinner he told me that his daughter lived in Texas with her three girls.  Why one Earth would you lie about something like that?  The man is lying about things that make no difference what so ever.

Ron was also just plain rude.  Not only did he scold me for not being able to follow his bad directions and I caught him in a lie but he had the nerve to ask me how much I weighed.  When I told him he challenged me and said that he didn’t believe that.  This man is fifty four years old and this is the level of social grace that he has.  Good grief.

He also decided to give me dating advice.  He told me that I should put more than one picture up on my dating profile and one should be a full body shot because men are visual.  I told him to look at my Instagram page because I have over 500 pictures on there.  He mentioned that I wore hats in a few pictures and he was wondering if I had hair.  What a charming lunch date.  He was on the same website and he’s eleven years older than me.  Perhaps he shouldn’t be giving out dating advice.

The waitress dropped the check while I was finishing desert.  The key lime pie was excellent and it was worth me going out that afternoon.  It sat there until I finished desert and was ready to leave.  I put my debit card in the book to take care of the bill and Ron pulls out his wallet.  He wanted me to give him a ten back for his twenty.  Fortunately, I had a ten dollar bill so he took care of his portion of lunch.  What a gentleman!

So we leave the restaurant and we say good bye with an awkward hand shake in front of the entrance on BROADWAY.  It was strange because he seemed to kind of like me.  He never seemed that way during dinner.  So I walk away and turn the corner onto 47th Street and head back to my car that’s about two blocks away next to Barnes & Noble.

He texted me later that night and said it was nice to meet me with a blushing happy face emoji.  I don’t really know what that means.  I said “Thanks, you too” to be polite.  Later on I decided to delete all of his texts, his contact number, block his number from my phone and unmatch with him on OK Cupid.  He’s a man that values his time so I won’t even waste his time by communicating with him again.

In a way I’m glad I met Ron yesterday because I can now cross him out of my life with no doubts.  But my belief was reinforced that my first instincts about people are usually correct.  I tried a new restaurant which was a nice place with fantastic key lime pie.  (I gave them a good review on Google).