I’m a black and white person and a linear thinker. I’ve been told that I’m direct and blunt. My mother has been described as no nonsense and no frills so I supposed some of it may come from my upbringing. I’m fairly well organized and I like things to be in order. I like to have a clear understanding of things. Labels help us to have an understanding.
I’ve noticed that labels are becoming taboo in 2019. People don’t want to be labeled. They say they want to be free. But what do they want to be free from exactly. Once something is labeled there are expectations that go along with it. If you label a container as salt and you put sugar in it you’re pulling a prank. But if you never label the container the onus is on the person using the container. The person that filled the container has bypassed their responsibilty for what’s in it. And they were able to fool you with their prank.
Modern society is removing labels from things such as relationships between men and women, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender and race. I honestly think that people are disregarding labels because responsibility, expectations and history come with labels. I think people that don’t like labels are trying to remove themselves from those responsibilities, expectations and history. They often want to reap the benefits of the good and take no accountability for the bad.
Take the word whore for example. I’m not one to judge people on their sexuality. I just don’t see it as a big part of a person’s identity. It’s just a descriptive word to describe how much a person gets around. A whore might be a smart, nice person. I have friends and beloved relatives that can be described that way. There have been times when I could be considered one.
However, relabeling whore to “sexually liberated” is a b.s. move. It’s still the same thing and it still gets you the same penalties or rewards. Don’t try to sell that behavior as something other than what it is. A person that gets around is a person that gets around. If a person doesn’t like the stigma then they need to change the behavior.
I watched a You Tube video recently where a person said that they are not affiliated with any organized religion but they believed in God. That’s called Agnostic and she didn’t use that word because for some there are negative connotations that go along with that for some people
This woman probably wouldn’t get very far with the people she is trying to share her message with if she presented herself that way. She then goes on to say that she reads the Bible and she used a lot of language that most would recognize as spiritual or even specifically Christian. She never called her beliefs anything and she went on to talk about having a relationship with her creator.
All of that is fine but she said that she and her husband had a ministry channel on You Tube. What are they ministering exactly? What should we expect from their ministry? If she and her husbands are leaders of this ministry what can and should we expect from them? We don’t know because whatever she calls her beliefs is a secret yet she wants us to follow her. She’s not asking us to follow a religious text that we can read for ourselves and accept or reject or a religion that we can research and choose to be a part of or not before deciding to get involved.
This woman’s ministry is working in shadows. In fact she didn’t even show her face on her You Tube channel which wasn’t her ministry channel. Never go to a second location. The introduction is made in one location to make you feel comfortable. Second locations are always where the damage takes place.
People are reluctant to label their romantic relationships in modern times. Sugar and salt look alike at first glance. You probably have to get very close to it to know which is which. This is the case for many modern relationships. They look like traditional marriages from a distance.
There may be affection, a mortgage, children and other family ties but it’s still not a marriage. Those types of relationships don’t have the same kind of responsibility that a marriage has. There is always a backdoor and a lack of responsibility. Indeed there is a backdoor in a marriage as well but marriage comes with expectations so if a boundary is crossed someone needs to take responsibility for their choices. Not labeling a relationship takes away responsibilities and leaves doors open.
As far as sexuality is concerned I’ve seen high profile celebrities legally marry people of the opposite sex and refer to themselves as queer. This is along the same lines as cultural appropriation. A White performer wants to give themselves and edge and there is a time limit on how long a White performer can imitate urban fashion and dialect and get away with it if that is not genuinely who they are.
I like Miley a lot. I think her lovely personality is enough to further her career. But since her Disney days her career has been based on shock value and selling the public a rebellious image. She’s a child of privilege, that became wealthy as a child star. What’s wrong with that? I think that’s more interesting than vulgarity or her sexuality. I guess being a rich White girl isn’t street enough for Miley.
Femininity and Masculinity can be fluid. Your sex is not. Sex is a biological fact. People can go through medical procedures to change their anatomy which would make them a different gender. I’ve been hearing about sex change operations for decades so that is nothing new. But I’m so perplexed at people that want to change the definition of what a man and woman is. I really don’t see how you can.
There are some women that are masculine and there are men that are feminine. There are men that are attracted to men and women that have romantic love for women. That doesn’t change any biological fact about their gender. If society grows to accept the vague definition of gender women are going to suffer.
Race and ethnicity is a vague category. I’m sure that if we all took a DNA test none of us would be %100 anything. But I’m seeing a real push in the USA to try and get what is commonly known as Black people to call themselves something other than Black or African American. Meanwhile other people that are mixed race and or from other countries want to be considered Black, when it’s convenient of course.
I am a descendant of African slaves and my family has been in the United States for at least four generations. In 2019 those people are commonly called Black or African American. That works for me because I have no problem being Black. I think that people that want us to call ourselves something different are ashamed to be Black. I also think that at some point the government may start to take the demand for reparations seriously for the descendants of slaves. What’s going to happen to all of these folks that have dropped the label of Black or African American then? If I’m still alive to cash that check my Black self is going to have a hearty laugh at them.
People that want Black Americans to call themselves Egyptians or Israelites often speak to us as if we are downtrodden, ignorant people. Yes, Black people have a lot of problems but we have been given a lot of problems for centuries so what exactly is to be expected. The only thing that will change if American Blacks decide to stop calling themselves Black or African American is that we will lose our rich and fascinating history. We will lose our influence on American and global culture. There is nothing to gain by giving ourselves a new label.
The times we live in remind me of an episode of “Twilight Zone” that I saw long ago called “Wordplay”. A man finds himself within a world where all of the words have a different meaning to his understanding and it causes confusion and frustration.
There is nothing wrong with labels. The problem comes from people and their judgements and attitude towards what is being labeled. Judgemental behavior won’t change by calling something by a different name. I can go to City Hall in my town and have my name changed from Shannon to Susie. I’m still the same person and any opinion that you had of me before is the same. You’re just calling it by a different name. Ron Artest and Metta World Peace are the same man. The only thing that changed were the letters (and number) on the back of his jersey.
I question people that are sensitive about labels without making and meaningful changes. People are trying to say that things that are the same are different and things that are different are the same. The relabeling always seems to be for the benefit of one group and the deficit of another. I think these modern word games are just a smokescreen for manipulation and deception.
OK seriously I am getting better. I’m not watching near as many MGTOW videos on YouTube as I was. I’ve been marking videos off as “not interested” when they appear in my recommendations, blocking MGTOW channels and mercifully I think I may have gotten blocked from a few of these channels.
But once in a while a video from the He Man Woman Hater’s Club pops up and I can’t help but indulge. The MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way) crowd abhor feminism and blame it for a lot of society’s ills. However, they unwittingly encourage it with their attitudes and behavior towards women.
MGTOW gentlemen do not want to commit to women, co-habitate with them or raise traditional families. They do not want to share their resources with women. They are not even nice to women or like them. It sounds to me that if a woman is smart she had better be able to make her own money and not be dependent on anyone for her survival.
MGTOW believes that women should seek out husbands and become mothers after high school. If they had it their way women wouldn’t even finish high school and they would just become wives, or something like that when they are young teenagers. But MGTOW believes that women are over the hill or “hit the wall” meaning they are undesirable and probably unable to have healthy children at thirty years old or not before.
These men do not express any love, affection or loyalty to any women. So once they have used a woman for her youth and child bearing potential I’m not sure if they would honor their commitments as husbands. MGTOW doesn’t speak much about raising families or creating legacies through family. They only talk about women for breeding purposes like they are show dogs.
Most people live far beyond age thirty so women had better be prepared for that part of life because that lasts far longer than the PYT (Pretty Young Thing) part lasts. Just like Judge Judy says, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever”. And men are fickle. If you don’t believe me just search out a MGTOW article on YouTube. If you’re a single woman it will make you more focused and ambitious than ever before.
One of the shortcomings of making marriage your end all be all is that even if you marry a great person and have a wonderful relationship people die. Even if your spouse leaves you comfortable financially which MGTOW has no interest in doing, you will undoubtedly be left lonely and in the same condition as the cat ladies that MGTOW maligns.
It’s interesting to me how people manifest more of what they hate. If MGTOW really wanted to prove to women that they were missing out on something they would choose a woman that they consider virtuous (they have a very thin line for what they consider to be a virtuous woman so good luck finding her) and treat her like a queen. Instead that they speak about women horribly, flaunt their own bad habits and judge women for being human. Who needs that?
I see a lot of videos on You Tube that focus on men complaining about women. It’s truly fascinating to hear how some men feel about the dating and mating game and their frustrations with the matter. Most of these complaining men would describe themselves as MGTOW. Men Go Their Own Way.
I ran across a video today titled “Pretty is No Longer Enough” which I didn’t have time to watch but I read the comments. Men expressed that they felt women valued looks and sex too much. They also said that they didn’t trust women that were attractive because there they have too many other options. These men also resented what they called simps. To my understanding simps are men that cater to women in order to win them over.
MGTOW makes some valid points. I agree that women put too high of a premium on outward appearances and sex. But with most of what MGTOW says their theories fall apart once you dwell on them too much. MGTOW resents attractive and sexually adventurous women because they are playing men’s games. Men trained women to dwell on looks and sex because that is where a great deal of man focus lies.
I’ve seen this play out in nightclubs and on social media. Women who act slutty are the ones that get male attention. Modesty doesn’t cut it. If men were interested in a women’s character porn wouldn’t be the profitable industry that it is. Men can’t get enough of female sexuality on display.
Men are very interested in how their female partners look. When you look at successful men their wives are often interchangeable. Look up the wives of NFL quarterbacks and most of them are blonde, blue eyed, young and thin. Or she is light skinned, slim-thick with “good hair”. That image of womanhood gets promoted and other men want a women like that in order to feel successful. So why shouldn’t a woman that has the look of a successful man’s wife hold out for a successful man? She would be a fool to not do that.
I made the decision several years ago to not engage in sex unless or until I marry. When I’ve told men that they have completely evaporated. I’ve tried my luck on dating websites and men have asked me what I was looking for on the site. I said I would love to find a husband. Some of them immediate unmatch me. They aren’t looking for the same thing or at least they are not looking for a commitment from me.
I’ve been told on dating websites, by men that have slid into my DMs on social media and gentlemen that I’ve met here or there that they want to be friends with a woman first and then see where it goes. This translates into I want to have sex with you while I get to know your personality and if I don’t get tired of you after a few months maybe I’ll take you out or something. Sex is at the forefront of most men’s minds when meeting women for social purposes. They are not primarily looking for a sweet, submissive nature and good wholesome morals like they say they are.
MGTOW men are bothered because a lot of women are playing the game. Most women do not set the standard of purity until marriage. They have decided to go ahead and sleep around and see where things lead the way men do. And a lot of young women don’t make commitment a priority. I don’t know if that is what they really want or if they are just taking what they can get because they know that most young men aren’t interested in commitment.
The MGTOW men that I’ve seen on YouTube are between thirty five – fifty. I have a feeling that they avoided commitment to women during their younger years and now that they are older they want a woman with old fashioned morals and values after they, themselves have probably had numerous lovers.
They blame feminism for the modern mores of women but I bet many young women wouldn’t really think of themselves as feminists. They are simply following where men lead and playing the game that men laid out. Unless a woman has some sort of religious standard that tells her to wait for marriage it’s unlikely that she would value chastity. Maintaining purity is an uphill battle and it comes with a lot of rejection.
I don’t blame young women for behaving as they do and men shouldn’t either. Most probably don’t know God so they are just doing what they think will make a man happy. They focus on looks and sexuality. They are competing for the best mate on the marketplace and they have been trained to believe being pretty and making yourself sexually available to men is the best way to do it. Women haven’t been taught differently and without God’s word they won’t see the folly in their ways.
But it’s highly hypocritical for men to be angry at women for playing the game that they take advantage of until they age out of the system. If men really want to see changes they should live up to their own Puritanical standards. It seems to me that if they did that everything would fall into place.
A few months ago I ran across MGTOW pages on You Tube. MGTOW is an acronym for Men Go Their Own Way. I don’t consider myself to be a feminist so I listened to what these men have to say with an open mind. These men make some valid points in their videos.
I do believe that feminism has given some women unrealistic expectations of life and of men. I have observed women being very selfish and demanding in relationships. These women have grown up being told they are worth it and they are princesses by companies that want to sell fantasies to women. I also don’t think that society respects decent men the way it should.
I had the experience of working in the jewelry retail business for about eight years on a part time or full time basis. I observed a lot of self entitled, selfish, materialistic and delusional behavior while I was in that business. I understand why some men decide to not marry or date women.
However, after running across enough MGTOW videos I came to realize that these men were just making excuses to hate women and they themselves were quite delusional. First of all, if a person decides they don’t want to be bothered with someone or something they just quietly walk away from it and go on with their life. They do not form a band of brothers and focus on the people that they claim to not want to be around. MGTOW is obsessed with women and they see women as enemies. They don’t focus on having satisfying lives as single men.
And these men have not actually walked away. Time and time again I heard MGTOW use the term pump and dump. So they are actually involved with women enough to sleep with them. They must be hooking up on dating websites or bars in a string of one night stands or they are lying to women long enough to sleep with them and not speak to them again. They claim to be successful men however all this pumping and dumping sounds like a lot of time consuming, life complicating work to me.
MGTOW has a very strange obsession with youth. They believe that they become more valuable with age and women become less valuable. When I say they are interested in young women I mean very young. MGTOW thinks that women are over the hill by the time they are twenty five. I have read many You Tube comments where men in their forties prefer to date nineteen year olds and men in their fifties date women in their mid twenties.
I understand being attracted to youth and beauty. However it usually takes youth and beauty get it. I hate to break it to you fellas out there but women are attracted to youth as well. If you are a mature person think back to when you were twenty and how old you thought thirty was. I was not interested in men that old when I was very young and I don’t think most women are unless the man is super charming, uncommonly attractive for his age or unless there is a financial incentive.
But wait, I thought MGTOW men didn’t like women that are gold diggers! It sounds to me that these men waste their young years when they have the opportunity to organically and without complications win over a young bride and wait until they are old men to try and date someone that wants a sugar daddy.
When I hear of old movie or rock stars in their sixties dating much younger women and having more children I figure that they are smart enough men to know the game. They are trading money for youth and beauty and the opportunity to have more children. I don’t think any of those men think that their young lovers would be by their side if it wasn’t for the money and prestige. There are indeed May-December romances that are true love but it’s not the norm. And even if the man is not wealthy he probably still is generous with his money and indulges his young girlfriend in exchange for her attention and affection. At least I hope so. If she’s not she’s not too smart.
MGTOW men make it a point to explain to people why they are single. Perhaps some women just chose not to marry or just never found what they wanted in a partner. I am forty three and there are opportunities for relationships for women my age however there is not a lot of incentive to start the relationship.
It’s not likely that I will be starting a family at this point unless it was through adoption. And there are so many more variables to consider in relationships as you get older. Careers are more developed, there are children, grandchildren, aging parents and health issues. Everyone has baggage and it gets heavier with age.
People have joked about cat ladies but has anyone said they are unhappy? They are not the ones on You Tube complaining. If anything they are just enjoying themselves and watching cat videos. Perhaps spinsters decided to go their own way long ago and quietly go about their lives which is what MGTOW needs to do.
MGTOW’s ugly behavior over shadows any of the valid points they have. And the attraction that these middle aged men have for teenagers makes them pretty darn shady. They are a bit delusional about the women they have access to as they age. I wrote a piece once about the number one rule of dating. That is people date and marry their equivalent or there is a trade off of some sort i.e. wealth for youth and beauty. I respect anyone’s choice not to marry and or have children male or female. But it’s your choice.
I’ve never been all that lucky in love but I’ve never had a really bad date either. That is until yesterday. I had the worst date ever. I met a 54 year old man on OK Cupid named Ron. We met for lunch yesterday. This is our story.
I don’t take on line dating seriously but I decided to give it a try (again). I chat with people for fun but it would be wonderful to meet the love of my life. So I had been talking to Ron. The interaction was nothing special. I spoke with him on the phone a few times. Again sparks didn’t fly. He suggested that we meet and against my better judgment I agreed to meet him.
I would prefer to not go out with someone until we developed some familiarity and had a few enjoyable conversations with each other. I think that if two people even decide to go on a date it should be kind of special. Ron is one of these people that like to treat dating as if it is a job interview. He asked a lot of questions about my previous relationships with men and my current dating habits that really kind of turned me off. He also said that he needed to meet someone in person to see if he really liked them or not. Once again I was a bit put off by this. But I decided to set aside some time to see him yesterday.
I was going to get in touch with him and tell him that I wasn’t interested in meeting. But I was really hungry after church yesterday and I figured since I needed to get something to eat I would invite him to meet me at a sandwich shop. He suggested we go to a winery in the center of town and I agreed to that.
I wasn’t familiar with the place and he told me that it was next to Barnes & Noble at the corner of Broadway and 47th Street in Kansas City. I knew where the Barnes & Noble was so I parked near there and walked towards the corner. I didn’t see any restaurant on any corner. I called him and asked him for further directions. He said it’s near McCormick & Schmick which was in the other direction. So I walked back up the block toward McCormick & Schmick and saw no other restaurants other than a coffee shop. I got the name of the place when I spoke to him and I Googled it and found out the entrance was on Broadway. I never would have found the place if it wasn’t for Google Maps. I had been walking back and forth on 47th Street in a black dress with a scarf on in about 85 degree heat.
He calls me again and ask me where I am. I told him I was on my way. He repeats it’s on the corner of 47th and Broadway. The daft man never seemed to understand that the landmarks he gave me were all on 47th Street and the entrance was around the corner on Broadway. Anyway, I find my way in and sit at the table and he says “I don’t understand why you had a hard time finding it”. I tried to explain that I was on the wrong street from the entrance. He continues to be defensive about his directions with me. I just say I’m sorry for being late to end it.
So we start talking and he starts with a bunch of questions. When was your last relationship? How long did they last? Why did they end? Were you in love with them? What would your exes say about you? Do you ever approach men that you like? Seriously, it was just like a job interview. Towards the end he even asked if I had any questions for him. I told him no and he seemed frustrated or perhaps disappointed.
Ron says he likes to get to the point because he doesn’t want to waste time. I think I’m a pretty pleasant person to be around so I don’t think that spending time with me is ever a waste. Once again, I was disenchanted with Mr. Ron.
He mentioned that he talked to a woman on Tinder once and at one point she mentioned that she was celibate. He said that he was no longer interested in her and he was mad that she wasted his time. He thought that she should have put that at the top of her profile because he invested a lot of time messaging her on Tinder. Ron thinks that this woman owes men that information. What a shame.At the beginning stages of what could be a relationship I treat it as an observation stage. I just want to see how a person acts and what actions they take. I want to see if we can have a decent enjoyable conversation together. Anyone one can give a nonsense answer to a question. And Ron has been in sales for ten years so I’m sure he’s good at telling people what they want to hear.
In fact I caught Ron in a lie. In one of our phone conversations I asked him if he grew up in Kansas City. He said yes. I asked him if his family was here. He said yes, all of them were here. During dinner he told me that his daughter lived in Texas with her three girls. Why one Earth would you lie about something like that? The man is lying about things that make no difference what so ever.
Ron was also just plain rude. Not only did he scold me for not being able to follow his bad directions and I caught him in a lie but he had the nerve to ask me how much I weighed. When I told him he challenged me and said that he didn’t believe that. This man is fifty four years old and this is the level of social grace that he has. Good grief.
He also decided to give me dating advice. He told me that I should put more than one picture up on my dating profile and one should be a full body shot because men are visual. I told him to look at my Instagram page because I have over 500 pictures on there. He mentioned that I wore hats in a few pictures and he was wondering if I had hair. What a charming lunch date. He was on the same website and he’s eleven years older than me. Perhaps he shouldn’t be giving out dating advice.
The waitress dropped the check while I was finishing desert. The key lime pie was excellent and it was worth me going out that afternoon. It sat there until I finished desert and was ready to leave. I put my debit card in the book to take care of the bill and Ron pulls out his wallet. He wanted me to give him a ten back for his twenty. Fortunately, I had a ten dollar bill so he took care of his portion of lunch. What a gentleman!
So we leave the restaurant and we say good bye with an awkward hand shake in front of the entrance on BROADWAY. It was strange because he seemed to kind of like me. He never seemed that way during dinner. So I walk away and turn the corner onto 47th Street and head back to my car that’s about two blocks away next to Barnes & Noble.
He texted me later that night and said it was nice to meet me with a blushing happy face emoji. I don’t really know what that means. I said “Thanks, you too” to be polite. Later on I decided to delete all of his texts, his contact number, block his number from my phone and unmatch with him on OK Cupid. He’s a man that values his time so I won’t even waste his time by communicating with him again.
In a way I’m glad I met Ron yesterday because I can now cross him out of my life with no doubts. But my belief was reinforced that my first instincts about people are usually correct. I tried a new restaurant which was a nice place with fantastic key lime pie. (I gave them a good review on Google).
Who is responsible for sexual purity? According to the cultural mores of today, which in some circles is similar to the cultural mores of Massachusetts in the 1600s, it seems as though it is solely the woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity. Women are told you are worth the wait. Women are told to save themselves for their true love and the man they will marry. Women are told to respect themselves and remain chaste.
Well meaning folks encourage women to remain pure by telling them they are princesses and queens who should wait for their kings. All of this preaching to women is assuming that women only have sex in order to satisfy men. This is often the case but sometimes women have sex because they want to do it and they are seeking pleasure.
Is it possible for a woman to have self respect, dignity, value herself, want true love be a princess and satisfy her sex drive? Women and have desires and fantasies too. Sometimes women are tempted to sin because they find a man charming and attractive. Women do not always have pre marital sex because of pressure from a boyfriend (that’s called rape). Sometimes the woman wants a lover.
If we are going to preach about sexual purity we need to be honest. Women are not always pure and innocent. Men are not always the aggressors. Women are not always victims that were taken advantage of in every sex act between unmarried people (that’s called rape). Women need to learn discipline, obedience, sacrifice and self control just like men do. I think we need to lay off all the princess wait on your man bull****. You should practice abstinence until marriage to please your heavenly father not flawed men here on Earth that you are hoping to marry.
It also bothers me that women are taught to protect their so called purity and wait on their future spouses but men are not. I don’t understand why the rules are different. If a woman’s body is precious so is a man’s. If a woman needs to protect her heart so should a man. The Bible tells everyone that the proper context for sexual activity is marriage. Fornication is not a gender specific sin.
If Christians want to teach abstinence they should teach men and women to trust God and be obedient to his word. Christians need to encourage others to discipline themselves and not to do things that feed the flesh. I don’t think it’s a good idea to teach people to wait. Because honestly, Mr. or Ms. Right may not show up when you want. Waiting causes a lot of frustration.
Men and women need to be taught to respect each other’s boundaries and not tempt other’s into sin. Get to know a potential mate’s heart, intellect and soul before you bring sex into the picture. You will have a stronger marriage later. At least that’s what I’m hoping. It’s not solely a woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity and protect marriage. Men need to help.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. KJV