MGTOW

A few months ago I ran across MGTOW pages on You Tube.  MGTOW is an acronym for Men Go Their Own Way.  I don’t consider myself to be a feminist so I listened to what these men have to say with an open mind.  These men make some valid points in their videos.

I do believe that feminism has given some women unrealistic expectations of life and of men.  I have observed women being very selfish and demanding in relationships.  These women have grown up being told they are worth it and they are princesses by companies that want to sell fantasies to women.  I also don’t think that society respects decent men the way it should.

I had the experience of working in the jewelry retail business for about eight years on a part time or full time basis.  I observed a lot of self entitled, selfish, materialistic and delusional behavior while I was in that business.  I understand why some men decide to not marry or date women.

However, after running across enough MGTOW videos I came to realize that these men were just making excuses to hate women and they themselves were quite delusional.  First of all, if a person decides they don’t want to be bothered with someone or something they just quietly walk away from it and go on with their life.  They do not form a band of brothers and focus on the people that they claim to not want to be around.  MGTOW is obsessed with women and they see women as enemies.  They don’t focus on having satisfying lives as single men.

And these men have not actually walked away.  Time and time again I heard MGTOW use the term pump and dump.  So they are actually involved with women enough to sleep with them.  They must be hooking up on dating websites or bars in a string of one night stands or they are lying to women long enough to sleep with them and not speak to them again.  They claim to be successful men however all this pumping and dumping sounds like a lot of time consuming, life complicating work to me.

MGTOW has a very strange obsession with youth.  They believe that they become more valuable with age and women become less valuable.  When I say they are interested in young women I mean very young.  MGTOW thinks that women are over the hill by the time they are twenty five.  I have read many You Tube comments where men in their forties prefer to date nineteen year olds and men in their fifties date women in their mid twenties.

I understand being attracted to youth and beauty.  However it usually takes youth and beauty get it.  I hate to break it to you fellas out there but women are attracted to youth as well.  If you are a mature person think back to when you were twenty and how old you thought thirty was.  I was not interested in men that old when I was very young and I don’t think most women are unless the man is super charming, uncommonly attractive for his age or unless there is a financial incentive.

But wait, I thought MGTOW men didn’t like women that are gold diggers!  It sounds to me that these men waste their young years when they have the opportunity to organically and without complications win over a young bride and wait until they are old men to try and date someone that wants a sugar daddy.

When I hear of old movie or rock stars in their sixties dating much younger women and having more children I figure that they are smart enough men to know the game.  They are trading money for youth and beauty and the opportunity to have more children.  I don’t think any of those men think that their young lovers would be by their side if it wasn’t for the money and prestige.  There are indeed May-December romances that are true love but it’s not the norm.  And even if the man is not wealthy he probably still is generous with his money and indulges his young girlfriend in exchange for her attention and affection.  At least I hope so.  If she’s not she’s not too smart.

MGTOW men make it a point to explain to people why they are single.  Perhaps some women just chose not to marry or just never found what they wanted in a partner.  I am forty three and there are opportunities for relationships for women my age however there is not a lot of incentive to start the relationship.

It’s not likely that I will be starting a family at this point unless it was through adoption.  And there are so many more variables to consider in relationships as you get older.  Careers are more developed, there are children, grandchildren, aging parents and health issues.  Everyone has baggage and it gets heavier with age.

People have joked about cat ladies but has anyone said they are unhappy?  They are not the ones on You Tube complaining.  If anything they are just enjoying themselves and watching cat videos.  Perhaps spinsters decided to go their own way long ago and quietly go about their lives which is what MGTOW needs to do.

MGTOW’s ugly behavior over shadows any of the valid points they have.  And the attraction that these middle aged men have for teenagers makes them pretty darn shady.  They are a bit delusional about the women they have access to as they age.  I wrote a piece once about the number one rule of dating.  That is people date and marry their equivalent or there is a trade off of some sort i.e. wealth for youth and beauty.  I respect anyone’s choice not to marry and or have children male or female.  But it’s your choice.

WORST DATE EVER!

I’ve never been all that lucky in love but I’ve never had a really bad date either.  That is until yesterday.  I had the worst date ever.  I met a 54 year old man on OK Cupid named Ron.  We met for lunch yesterday.  This is our story.

I don’t take on line dating seriously but I decided to give it a try (again).  I chat with people for fun but it would be wonderful to meet the love of my life.  So I had been talking to Ron.  The interaction was nothing special.  I spoke with him on the phone a few times.  Again sparks didn’t fly.  He suggested that we meet and against my better judgment I agreed to meet him.

I would prefer to not go out with someone until we developed some familiarity and had a few enjoyable conversations with each other.  I think that if two people even decide to go on a date it should be kind of special.  Ron is one of these people that like to treat dating as if it is a job interview.  He asked a lot of questions about my previous relationships with men and my current dating habits that really kind of turned me off.  He also said that he needed to meet someone in person to see if he really liked them or not.  Once again I was a bit put off by this.  But I decided to set aside some time to see him yesterday.

I was going to get in touch with him and tell him that I wasn’t interested in meeting.  But I was really hungry after church yesterday and I figured since I needed to get something to eat I would invite him to meet me at a sandwich shop.  He suggested we go to a winery in the center of town and I agreed to that.

I wasn’t familiar with the place and he told me that it was next to Barnes & Noble at the corner of Broadway and 47th Street in Kansas City.  I knew where the Barnes & Noble was so I parked near there and walked towards the corner.  I didn’t see any restaurant on any corner.  I called him and asked him for further directions.  He said it’s near McCormick & Schmick which was in the other direction.  So I walked back up the block toward McCormick & Schmick and saw no other restaurants other than a coffee shop.  I got the name of the place when I spoke to him and I Googled it and found out the entrance was on Broadway.  I never would have found the place if it wasn’t for Google Maps.  I had been walking back and forth on 47th Street in a black dress with a scarf on in about 85 degree heat.

He calls me again and ask me where I am.  I told him I was on my way.  He repeats it’s on the corner of 47th and Broadway.  The daft man never seemed to understand that the landmarks he gave me were all on 47th Street and the entrance was around the corner on Broadway.  Anyway, I find my way in and sit at the table and he says “I don’t understand why you had a hard time finding it”.  I tried to explain that I was on the wrong street from the entrance.  He continues to be defensive about his directions with me.  I just say I’m sorry for being late to end it.

So we start talking and he starts with a bunch of questions.  When was your last relationship?  How long did they last?  Why did they end?  Were you in love with them?  What would your exes say about you?  Do you ever approach men that you like?  Seriously, it was just like a job interview.  Towards the end he even asked if I had any questions for him.  I told him no and he seemed frustrated or perhaps disappointed.

Ron says he likes to get to the point because he doesn’t want to waste time.  I think I’m a pretty pleasant person to be around so I don’t think that spending time with me is ever a waste.  Once again, I was disenchanted with Mr. Ron.

He mentioned that he talked to a woman on Tinder once and at one point she mentioned that she was celibate.  He said that he was no longer interested in her and he was mad that she wasted his time.  He thought that she should have put that at the top of her profile because he invested a lot of time messaging her on Tinder.  Ron thinks that this woman owes men that information.  What a shame.At the beginning stages of what could be a relationship I treat it as an observation stage.  I just want to see how a person acts and what actions they take.  I want to see if we can have a decent enjoyable conversation together.  Anyone one can give a nonsense answer to a question.  And Ron has been in sales for ten years so I’m sure he’s good at telling people what they want to hear.

In fact I caught Ron in a lie.  In one of our phone conversations I asked him if he grew up in Kansas City.  He said yes.  I asked him if his family was here.  He said yes, all of them were here.  During dinner he told me that his daughter lived in Texas with her three girls.  Why one Earth would you lie about something like that?  The man is lying about things that make no difference what so ever.

Ron was also just plain rude.  Not only did he scold me for not being able to follow his bad directions and I caught him in a lie but he had the nerve to ask me how much I weighed.  When I told him he challenged me and said that he didn’t believe that.  This man is fifty four years old and this is the level of social grace that he has.  Good grief.

He also decided to give me dating advice.  He told me that I should put more than one picture up on my dating profile and one should be a full body shot because men are visual.  I told him to look at my Instagram page because I have over 500 pictures on there.  He mentioned that I wore hats in a few pictures and he was wondering if I had hair.  What a charming lunch date.  He was on the same website and he’s eleven years older than me.  Perhaps he shouldn’t be giving out dating advice.

The waitress dropped the check while I was finishing desert.  The key lime pie was excellent and it was worth me going out that afternoon.  It sat there until I finished desert and was ready to leave.  I put my debit card in the book to take care of the bill and Ron pulls out his wallet.  He wanted me to give him a ten back for his twenty.  Fortunately, I had a ten dollar bill so he took care of his portion of lunch.  What a gentleman!

So we leave the restaurant and we say good bye with an awkward hand shake in front of the entrance on BROADWAY.  It was strange because he seemed to kind of like me.  He never seemed that way during dinner.  So I walk away and turn the corner onto 47th Street and head back to my car that’s about two blocks away next to Barnes & Noble.

He texted me later that night and said it was nice to meet me with a blushing happy face emoji.  I don’t really know what that means.  I said “Thanks, you too” to be polite.  Later on I decided to delete all of his texts, his contact number, block his number from my phone and unmatch with him on OK Cupid.  He’s a man that values his time so I won’t even waste his time by communicating with him again.

In a way I’m glad I met Ron yesterday because I can now cross him out of my life with no doubts.  But my belief was reinforced that my first instincts about people are usually correct.  I tried a new restaurant which was a nice place with fantastic key lime pie.  (I gave them a good review on Google).

Who is Responsible for Sexual Purity?

Who is responsible for sexual purity?  According to the cultural mores of today, which in some circles is similar to the cultural mores of Massachusetts in the 1600s, it seems as though it is solely the woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity.  Women are told you are worth the wait.  Women are told to save themselves for their true love and the man they will marry.  Women are told to respect themselves and remain chaste.

Well meaning folks encourage women to remain pure by telling them they are princesses and queens who should wait for their kings.  All of this preaching to women is assuming that women only have sex in order to satisfy men.  This is often the case but sometimes women have sex because they want to do it and they are seeking pleasure.

Is it possible for a woman to have self respect, dignity, value herself, want true love be a princess and satisfy her sex drive?  Women and have desires and fantasies too.  Sometimes women are tempted to sin because they find a man charming and attractive.  Women do not always have pre marital sex because of pressure from a boyfriend (that’s called rape).  Sometimes the woman wants a lover.

If we are going to preach about sexual purity we need to be honest.  Women are not always pure and innocent.  Men are not always the aggressors.  Women are not always victims that were taken advantage of in every sex act between unmarried people (that’s called rape).  Women need to learn discipline, obedience, sacrifice and self control just like men do.  I think we need to lay off all the princess wait on your man bull****.  You should practice abstinence until marriage to please your heavenly father not flawed men here on Earth that you are hoping to marry.

It also bothers me that women are taught to protect their so called purity and wait on their future spouses but men are not.  I don’t understand why the rules are different.  If a woman’s body is precious so is a man’s.  If a woman needs to protect her heart so should a man.  The Bible tells everyone that the proper context for sexual activity is marriage.  Fornication is not a gender specific sin.

If Christians want to teach abstinence they should teach men and women to trust God and be obedient to his word.  Christians need to encourage others to discipline themselves and not to do things that feed the flesh.  I don’t think it’s a good idea to teach people to wait.  Because honestly, Mr. or Ms. Right may not show up when you want.  Waiting causes a lot of frustration.

Men and women need to be taught to respect each other’s boundaries and not tempt other’s into sin.  Get to know a potential mate’s heart, intellect and soul before you bring sex into the picture.  You will have a stronger marriage later.  At least that’s what I’m hoping.  It’s not solely a woman’s responsibility to uphold sexual purity and protect marriage.  Men need to help.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Flee fornication.  Every sin that a man doeth is without the body;  but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. KJV