Black History Month Review: “Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat”

I ran across a racist cartoon from 1941 on You Tube called “Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat”. It’s an animated music video about a Black woman referred to as Mama. Mama is a wash woman, meaning she does laundry for a living. She washes clothes by hand in a metal pail with a scrub board to the beat of a jazz tune. Mama is a likeable character that happily smiles and claps her hands to the beat of a song about her rubbing her knuckles raw washing clothes for others.

Most of the commentary under the video was supportive of the video. Many viewers enjoyed the video, saw it as positive or made excuses for the portrayal of Black people. Some commentators enjoyed the video because it brought back childhood memories. I can’t say I’m surprised by the commentary on social media regarding this video.

Black people are portrayed as sub human in “Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat”. They live in a town called Lazy Town. Everything in this town is lazy and slow moving. The inhabitants of Lazy Town are slow moving, slow talking, ugly, dumb and quarrelsome. The one person in the video that has human like characteristics is a biracial or perhaps 1/4 Black woman. She is pretty, smart and has a human voice.

The men of Lazy Town perk up and become more energetic when the mixed race woman comes ashore. The only feminine looking women in the cartoon are fair skinned. The light skinned feature of the video is no lady. She struts around Lazy Town in a see through skirt. The men run behind her in excitement. Most of the darker skinned women are all heavy set with deep voices. The little girls even have deep voices.

I was aware of these portrayals before this popped up on You Tube. Newspaper comic strips use to mock Black people in newspapers daily. I recall a “Mammy” character in the old “Tom & Jerry” cartoons from my own childhood.

I think that there is some truth to the way men of Lazy Town reacted to the fair skinned women. Black men have defended their preference for lighter skinned women for years in public. Fair skinned women are the beauty standard in the Black community. Black men have been successfully brainwashed by racist media and it persists to this day. If you want proof look for the Black Manosphere on You Tube. They have been expressing their disdain for Black women that look Black for well over a decade. The Black Manosphere refers to Black women that look like Black women as masculine, loud and criticize Black women for having children. I won’t post a link but please feel free to explore You Tube on your own for more information. Instead here is an old clip from “The Ricki Lake Show”.

First, I’ll address the lazy and slow moving stereo type. Black Americans were concentrated in the south eastern United States. It gets hot and humid in the south. They were also performing labor intensive tasks like picking cotton. Black people were tired and likely suffering from heat stroke. Picking cotton in high heat and humidity all day would do that to a person.

The residents of Lazy Town ate watermelon and had chickens. The towns folk were likely share croppers as all four of my grand parents were. They didn’t make much money. My mother told me once that she was paid by the weight of the cotton. After picking cotton all day she earned $3. $3 for the entire day. My mother was one of nine children. My mom’s family was typical of Black southern families. They were dirt poor and lived in poverty.

I never understood why eating watermelon and chicken was a negative stereotype. I unabashedly enjoy both with no shame. The answer is that anything associated with Black people and Black communities is mocked and made into something negative. Watermelon is relatively easy to grow. Small seeds give you a large fruit. Watermelon was an economical crop for large, Black families for whom food was scarce. Growing watermelon was a smart means of surival.

Chicken is a relatively cheap and easy animal to raise. It provides meat and eggs. Poultry was accessible to Black families unlike livestock like cattle that requires a lot of land and is expensive. Chicken was economical for a poor community. As far as voraciously eating chicken and watermelon I’m sure Black people were hungry. Hunger was constant. Of course they hungrily ate and were grateful to what was available to them. I sure can’t blame them.

Those are just a few of my thoughts on “Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat”. The short film speaks volumes about American history in culture in less than seven minutes. The You Tube comment section under further educates viewers on current attitudes towards Black people. I hope you enjoyed my insights and commentary on this video.

“Little Black Sambo” was the next video suggested to me after “Scrub Me Mama With a Boogie Beat”.

Winter Review: A Tale of Love and Desire

Last night I watched the 2021 film “A Tale of Love and Desire”. “A Tale of Love and Desire” is French with English subtitles. “A Tale of Love and Desire” is a modern romance. It’s not my favorite romance but I enjoyed the film. Unfortunately there aren’t many romances being made these day and I love a good romance. I recommend “A Tale of Love and Desire” if you enjoy foreign, artistic films.

The film is a love story of two students at the Sorbonne who meet on campus and fall in love. Ahmed is a French man from a first generation immigrant family from Algeria. Farah is a foreign exchange student from Tunisia. The pair are from a similar cultural background but have different and surprisingly different viewpoints. A Tale of Love and Desire makes subtly commentary about immigration, identity, racism, traditionalism, feminism and sexuality. It’s an intelligent and thoughtful film with youthful sex appeal. I enjoyed it and recommend it.

Stay Safe When Dating On Line

I have experience with on line dating sites. I’ve used different dating sites over the years. I’ve written about my experiences on this blog. This post isn’t about dating and relationships. It’s about staying safe. Staying safe is your number one priority.

I enjoy observing modern American culture. Anyone that is objectively observing American culture in 2022 should come to the conclusion that America is hostile towards girls and women. The hostility manifests itself in many different ways. One of the ways animosity towards women is being expressed is through deception, manipulation, violence and homicide.

Anyone can be taken advantage of by someone using a dating app to take advantage of others. It can happen to men or women of any sexual orientation. I am writing this is written from the point of view of a heterosexual woman. I believe we are the most vulnerable.

Men who seek to hurt women are using dating websites to lure women in order to abuse and kill them. I’m not going to quote statistics. Go on You Tube and look at local news stories from across the US. Men killing women is very common. Often women are killed by men they met on a dating website.

These are strategies I used while I was using internet dating websites. This is not about victim blaming. This is about protecting yourself and avoiding people and situations that can be harmful. That is the first line of defense. There is risk that goes along with giving men access to yourself. That means there is risk involved with being alone with men.

The odds are in your favor. Most men are not murderers or rapists. But enough of them are violent sociopaths for a single woman to be concerned about her personal safety while dating. The local news across the US is filled with stories of women going on dates and being robbed, raped or murdered. You have one life and if someone hurts or kills you there is no second chance. Avoid gambling with your property, body or life. A date and chance at romance is not worth the risk.

Take Your Time

When you meet people on line take your time during the conversation stage. Be judgemental and critical. Look for signs of anger, rudeness or that he is taking direction from so called dating gurus on social media. Those people are almost always toxic.

Don’t trust men that are in a rush. Con artists want to move quickly. They want to find a victim, exploit her and drain her with speed and stealth. Time is on women’s side. Any time you think you’re ready to meet a man in person. Wait a week. Don’t be anxious. If he has genuine interest and respects women he will wait until you are comfortable.

He’s a Stranger

Even if you’ve been talking to a man for a while he is still a stranger. You don’t know him. He is not your friend. Your date is a stranger and should be treated as such. Keep him at arm’s length and don’t make yourself vulnerable right away.

Have Strict Rules for Meeting Places

When I was meeting online dates I chose chain restaurants. Most American chain restaurants have a similar layout. They have windows wrapped around and they are surrounded by a parking lot. The windows create potential witnesses. Park as close to the door as possible. When you pull up to the restaurant try and find a parking spot in front of a window where customers are already seated.

A first meeting with a man you met on the internet is not about being wined and dined. It’s not a matter of being impressed. It’s simply a meeting just like a job interview where both sides put in face time to see if there is further interest on both sides.

Meet During Daylight

Meet during daylight. Make sure you have enough time so that you can leave and it’s still light outside. This gives you a better chance at having a witness if a man does something psycho. It also makes the date more respectable if you can leave before the sunsets. Part company after the meal. Staying out too late makes you vulnerable. You may get more relaxed. There are more opportunities for you to be hurt. A table in a restaurant is a fairly safe space.

Don’t Drink

Don’t drink on a first on line date. I don’t care if you like to drink. You’re better off going out alone after the date and having a cocktail. Drinking will make you less inhibited and vulnerable.

Don’t Share a Car

You’ve gone out with the guy and he seems nice. Great. He’s still a stranger. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. Wait a long time before you get in his car or let him get in yours. Use your own transportation. If you usually get around town on the bus. Stay on the bus or call a cab. Don’t make yourself vulnerable and put yourself in the semi private environment of a car.

Let Someone Know Where You Are

I understand wanting to keep your dating life private from family and friends. But let someone know who you are spending time with and where you are going. Let a co worker, out of state relative, neighbor or someone know what’s going on. Let them know why you are telling them this. It’s good to have a person that will check back with you and make sure you made it back home. If something goes wrong at least there is a liaison to communicate with the police.

Don’t Let Yourself Be Bullied

Anyone that can’t understand a woman being cautious about meeting men on line does not care about women. They are not your friend and they are either foolish or seeking to exploit you. You as a woman are the vulnerable party. Stand your ground and maintain proper boundaries. If you’re not ready to go out don’t. If something seems off block.

Don’t Go Home With Him

I don’t mean to be a prude or the fun police but take a long time before going to his house. Sex with a stranger isn’t worth the risk. There are many risks but I’m talking about the immediate risk of being robbed and or killed. You’re the vulnerable party and you are leaving a lot up to chance by putting yourself in an intimate situation with a stranger.

Have Your Own Money

I don’t believe in going Dutch but be prepared to pay your own way. Be able to pay for your own meal if things go awry. Be able to get yourself home.

Men are victimized by people they meet on dating apps too. I write from my point of view as a heterosexual woman. We are the vulnerable party and that should not be forgotten. Be smart, strategic and not too anxious. Take your time and listen to your instincts. I want to emphasize take your time. Time is on the woman’s side at this stage of the relationship.

Winter Review: West Side Story

I recently saw Steven Spielberg’s retelling of the classic musical “West Side Story”. I enjoyed the love story a great deal. Spielberg and his cast and crew did a great job in this remake. I saw “West Side Story” with Natalie Wood many years ago on one of the cable classic movie channels and loved it. I expected to enjoy “West Side Story” and I wasn’t disappointed.

After watching “West Side Story” in the theater I found my CD of the music from the 1961 Natalie Wood version of the film. The new release of “West Side Story” follows the older one closely. “West Side Story” debuted on stage in 1957. It became a Hollywood film in 1961. Gentrification, economic stress, immigration and racial tension are all plot points in the film. All of these matters appear in current news.

The character of Anita which was played by Rita Moreno in 1961 was played by Ariana DeBose in 2021. Ariana has visible, significant African ancestry which gave the cast diversity without seeming forced. Many remakes these days cast a Black person in a part formerly played by a White person and it can come across contrived and forced. This casting choice worked well.

The role of Anybodys was memorable in the 1961 version of WSS. In the 1961 version Anybodys was just thought of as a tomboy. In the 2021 version her gender identity and sexuality was more well defined. Anybodys played an important role in the film. She badly wanted to be accepted by the Jets as one of the boys. She was largely ignored because she was a woman who was not traditionally attractive and feminine. Since she moved about in relative anonymity she was able to act as a spy for the Jets. The representation of this openly gender fluid character was a nice modern touch to this classic musical.

This film is solid. The singing and visuals was were great. The acting was first rate. It’s a great love story. The film award’s season is around the corner and I expect “West Side Story” to receive a great deal of recognition. I recommend it.

The Reason Relationships Fail part 2

Science is not my strong suit. But I do remember a few things from high school chemistry class. I remember doing experiments and if a chemical got contaminated the experiment was ruined and we had to start over or not get credit for the assignment. We were instructed on how not to contaminate the chemical in order to not waste time and risk failure. There were meticulous details on how to handle containers with the chemicals. Handling the chemicals and their containers was a lesson within itself.

Relationships fail because they become contaminated and later turn toxic. The contaminants are things like dishonesty, anger, mean words, disrespect and insincerity. Once a relationship is contaminated you may need to start over because it’s ruined. By starting over I mean find a new partner or be happily single. Starting over is disappointing but it’s better than trying to maintain a tainted relationship.

The best thing a new couple can do is try to keep the relationship pure by being nice, understanding, honest and having good communication. You have to handle each other with care. The extra effort is worthwhile unless you see the relationship as disposable from the start.

I remember that some experiments could be saved with another chemical that can clean contaminants. Patience, understanding and forgiveness can clean up toxins along with changed behavior. Sometimes the experiment is too far gone to be restored.

My conclusion is to keep a new relationship pure with honesty, good communication, and nice behavior. Don’t see relationships as disposable. Even if you don’t care about a relationship turning toxic because you see it as disposable you will contaminate yourself. Relationships can be detoxed with understanding and forgiveness but it’s never quite the same as it was before the toxins being introduced. Move forward with new relationships with caution. You don’t want irreparable contaminate your new pairing so you don’t have to start over with a new one or choose singleness.

Dating Scam: Low Bidding

I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog.  Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem.  (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation.  But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.)  They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach.  Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.

Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for.  You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli.  Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient.  Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation.  We’ve all settled at some point.  But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle.  Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal.  It’s all relative.

And settling is not a bad thing.  In this case I will call it redirection.  We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned.  At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy.  We’ve all done it.  It’s called growing up.

Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics.  You’re good enough for somethings but not others.  You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time.  You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends.  He might put in a low bid.  Examples of low bidding are:

  • going dutch on dates
  • being vague about intentions
  • sexual innuendo/lack of respect
  • poor treatment

He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth.  Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points.  It’s up to you to set a high value  for yourself.  You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships.  The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.

low bid

This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business.  It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time.  Here is the article if you are interested.

The Frustrating Truth About Deliberate Low Bids – No One Really Wins!

These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it.  That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex.  They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health.  And no, this isn’t a man being a man.  It’s a jerk being a jerk.  Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.

If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that.  They don’t think they can because they lack confidence.  Male language on social media reflects this.  Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy.  They don’t think of themselves as worthy.

I’m not saying that finances are not an issue.  But so is personality and couples can grow together.  And poverty is not an excuse to use another person.  If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan.  But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal.  You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.

Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner.  He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate.  They may like to control and exploit their partner.  Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.

During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect.  It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made.  A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.  You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.

The beginning stages of dating are an observation period.  If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life.  Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around.  If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.

leopard

He’s about to eat you up!

Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value.  You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it.  If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid.  You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time.  Just block the number.

I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars.  I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process.  There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price.  However, human being are not property and inanimate objects.  No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them.  An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.

TI’s Hymen Test is Indicative of the way the World Seeks to Control Black Female Sexuality

Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact.  This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex.  All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.

I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition.  But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019.  As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.

In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals.  But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently.  An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body.  I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex.  I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.

But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality.  It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act.  And here is the bottom line.  Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty.  Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality.  That even includes Black women and men.  Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality.  Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.

Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so.  Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women.  R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore.  What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.

Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness.  These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us.  Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.

It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all.  Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood.  Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience.  Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.

I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering.  It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.

Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions.  I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity.  It’s the ultimate c—block.  There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.

Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally.  I have a broader definition of abuse.  What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women.  Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality.  TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.

TI and daughter

He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll.  He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure.  He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body.  TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.

Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man.  These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually.  Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities.  So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.

People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile.  Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy.  Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.

Loyalty: One of the Values of a Fake Relationship

I don’t know if these memes are jokes or if they are serious. Nonetheless, it is sad to me that they exist at all.

It seems that modern culture is telling women that they need to prove loyalty to men that are not their husbands or even boyfriends. In return for their loyalty I’m assuming these women get to marry a person that is self centered, manipulative, fake and generally not very nice. What joy!

Men don’t seem to be offering the same kind of loyalty in return, at least not right away. I guess they commit after they’ve exhausted all other options and they’ve wasted a lot of a woman’s time and energy. In other words they capitulate because they’ve wasted their time and now they’re probably not desirable to other women.

These relationships are based on desperation, limited options and limited understanding of a man’s role and a woman’s worth. I’m going to give a few examples of those living under simlar circumstances, demanded loyalty with little to nothing given in return:

Citizens of North Korea

north korea

The citizens of North Korea are required to be loyal to it’s leaders. In return for that loyalty the government doesn’t brutally punish and or execute them. Their loyalty isn’t really love of country as much as it is fear of being sent to a work camp, tortured and killed.

Slaves

Loyalty is demanded of slaves. Without loyalty there would be rebellion. The empowered person would lose complete control. All would be lost. Their sense of importance and probably money would be lost. Loyalty is maintained through violence and psychological bondage.

slave rebellion

Dogs

Dogs are loyal. They don’t ask for much or have very high expectations. All they want is a pat on the head and a bowl of kibble. They’re loyalty comes very cheap. They simply want validation.

dogs

Mom

Moms are great. I love moms. If you ask most people who has always been loyal to them most would say their mom. Moms are loyal to human beings that are essentially useless in the beginning. But moms have high hopes. Babies are cute but they are a lot of work. Young children are exhausting.

Babies are just balls of potential. This type of loyalty is valiant in a mother but it is foolish from women in pseudo romantic relationships.

mom

Men are supposed to show leadership in relationships and if they don’t do that they are not living up to their potential. Once a relationship is established loyalty is a two way street. Two people need to commit to each other and set boundaries for a relationship. No woman wants to be in a relationship where she feels like she is a citizen of a dictatorship, slave, pet or a man’s mother. There is no way true romance can blossom under those conditions. If a man is demanding loyalty without giving it or offering a future you are headed for a fake relationship devised to take advantage of you.

Ask 1000 Questions (The Right Questions)

Over the weekend I read the advice column Ask E. in “Elle” magazine.  A young woman said that she was gradually ghosted by a man that she dated for around a month.  He told her that she was not marriage material.  The man is long gone but she still feels bad about what he told her.  Her letter to “Elle” reminded me of a video that I saw on Facebook years ago.

Creflo Dollar is right.  When you meet someone new be sure to ask 1,000 questions at the beginning of the relationship.  And be prepared to answer questions.  If your suitor isn’t asking much about your motivations or background they probably have shallow reasons for wanting to date you.

Ask the right questions.  I think that it is important to find out a person’s motivations for dating.  Women make the mistake of thinking that men are motivated by the same things as them.  Women are motivated to find long term relationships.  Men are motivated to find short term no strings attached sex.

Men are great at wasting time and they have no problem starting a relationship with a woman and faking a courtship in order to get sex until he finds a woman that he really wants for a commitment.  It’s one of the biggest scams of the modern age.  The fake relationship may last a night, month or a decade.  Fake relationships have started entire families.  It all seems like a waste of time and energy to me but it’s the way that many men operate.

The woman that wrote to Ask E. didn’t say whether she became intimate with the man.  A woman can be ghosted if she refuses to have sex right away or if she has sex and he decides he’s ready to move along.  If the man thought she was “wife material” it wouldn’t have mattered.  He would have remained in her life without judgement.  Men marry promiscuous women all the time.  If he likes her he likes her and that’s all she wrote.

So like Creflo Dollar said don’t be afraid to ask 1,000 questions.  Don’t start a relationship with a bunch of small talk, banter and meaningless compliments.  You already know you’re pretty.  A man shouldn’t have a problem stating his true intentions even if he only wants casual sex.  Perhaps the young lady is interested in that too.  That sounds like an equally yoked couple to me.

If a man is looking for a long term commitment he shouldn’t be afraid to state his objective.  He should also be able to say why he is attracted to you and why he thinks you might be a good life partner.  Ask the specifics at the beginning.  Now I know people lie and there is nothing you can do about that.  Just make sure the actions match the words over an extended period of time.

menace ii society

If you open the dialogue it should at least be interesting to see what he has to say.  You know how you get asked weird, vague questions in job interviews.  I heard a hiring manager say once that they just want to see how you will respond.  The answer itself isn’t as important.  The idea is to get the candidate to talk so you can see what is on their mind.

If you are ghosted immediately that’s probably what he would have done at some point anyway.  Trash takes itself out.  Get the truth out on the table and find out where the man’s head is before you invest your heart and time.

People are savage out here and there is no honor.  People act out of selfishness and don’t really care if they hurt someone.  They just think that the person that they took advantage of shouldn’t have been such a sucker.  Unfortunately dating is almost like Spy Vs. Spy and the most cunning and suspicious person wins.  I’m not exactly sure what the prize is.  Waiting to get stabbed in the back doesn’t seem like a start to a great romance to me.

spy versus spy

Ask 1,000 questions towards the beginning of a relationship.  It might be a good idea to ask the first one or two hundred before the first date.  And ask questions that are specific to you to see if he sees you as merely a place holder until he runs across someone he deems as wife material.  Heck, ask him what he considers wife material and if you fit into his mold.  I think that you have more to gain than you have to lose.

And please don’t go over his house unless you simply want to get laid.  That’s a real crap shoot and a lot can go wrong for women if you do that.  After sex women esteem men more and I think that men esteem women less.  If you care what he thinks you’re better off to keep the relationship in public spaces for a while.  The truth will come out eventually.