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Modern Dating Scam: The Ride or Die Chick – Anna Duggar and Yandy: a case study

Anna Duggar and Yandy Smith don’t have a lot in common other than being cable reality TV personalities. Anna Duggar married into the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family of TLC reality TV show fame. Yandy is known from the VH1 program “Love and Hip Hop New York” . Both were married on TV to men that would end up incarcerated. Other than reality TV Anna and Yandy share the dubious distinction of being ride or die chicks and having it all blow up in their faces the same week.

Anna’s husband Josh was arrested for possession of child pornography two weeks ago. Josh is currently out on bail. Those kind of allegations are always shocking but Josh has been accused of sexual misconduct in the past. When Josh was young he sexually assaulted his younger sisters while they were asleep. Josh did not serve any time for what he did to his sisters. Instead he went through therapy at his church. Josh who grew up in a strict Christian household and he has also been caught on websites for married people seeking to cheat on their spouse.

All of the revelations came out in 2015. At the time Anna and Josh had four children. Anna made the decision to stay in her marriage and remain loyal to her husband. One would think that Josh would change his ways after being exposed in the media and publicly humiliating his wife. Instead he got worse and the allegations became even more dubious. Anna’s forgiveness, loyalty, patience and love didn’t amount to anything.

Yandy and her husband Mendeecees have been featured on “Love and Hip Hope New York” and “Couples Retreat”. Mendeecees was convicted on drug related charges and served four years in prison. His wife Yandy waited for him and supported him faithfully during his incarceration. She also became a prison reform activist.

An episode of “Couples Retreat” recently aired and Mendeecees was asked if he would support Yandy the way she supported him if she was incarcerated. He said he doesn’t know how he would react if the roles were reversed. The man that promised to be by her side through good times and bad admitted on a reality TV show that his vows were not sincere. Again, Yandy’s love and devotion amounted to a hill of beans. Her love is unrequited and unmatched. Yandy wasted her time and energy. She gained absolutely nothing.

I too have been a ride or die chick. About fifteen years ago I dated a man who was in the Army. The relationship happened while American troops were being deployed to Iraq. I thought I was in love with this man and I threw myself into supporting my soldier. I called him sometimes, wrote him and sent him things that he asked for. I watched the news every night and cried in front of the TV when the loss of troops was reported.

One day with tears in my eyes I tried to visualize my suitor sitting in front of the TV crying for me. I couldn’t see it. It didn’t seem feasible. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I began to question his feelings and intentions for me. He became dramatic and argumentative. I began to distance myself from him after that and the relationship fizzled out and ended. I wasted my energy, time, emotions and money. My love, care, loyalty, patriotism and devotion to this man amounted to nothing.

I took a long break from dating after that relationship. I remained completely single for about eight years before I took an interest in dating again. In those eight years I learned to make sure that any many I dated proved genuine interest and good intentions to me. I learned to take my time to ensure that a man invested in me. I am not interested in reciprocity. I’m interested in leadership. I don’t want tit for tat. I want a man that chooses me and proves to me that he is worthy to be a loyal husband.

Once I started dating again my circumstances improved. I have a boyfriend now who is clutch and very cute. But aside from that I learned how to get rid of men that weren’t showing me that they were sincere early on. Women need to understand that it doesn’t matter how much she loves a man. It doesn’t amount to anything. It matters how much he loves you.

Don’t be a ride or die chick. No sincere man wants a woman to be a ride or die chick. Only selfish men want that. A man with good intentions wants to be ride or die for her. A man that loves a woman wants her to be as stress and burden free as possible. He wants her to know that she can rely on him is she has struggles. It’s never the other way around.

Letitia Wright’s Controversy

Letitia Wright is the young British actress that earned her place in the spotlight as Shuri in the 2018 film “Black Panther” where she played the precocious and tech savvy little sister of the title character. I am very impressed with Miss Wright as an individual and I think she’s one of the brightest stars of young Hollywood.

Letitia Wright is well spoken, lady like and fashionable. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I use to follow her on Instagram and she often shared thoughts about her Christian faith. I think she is great and it’s wonderful to see a young Black woman, especially one that looks like she has two Black parents and four Black grandparents prosper.

Last week Twitter got upset with Letitia because she shared a video with an anti vaccine message. I didn’t watch the video but it sounds pretty wacky and scatterbrained. I don’t know why people are wanting to cancel Letitia Wright because a lot of people seem to be apprehensive about the COVID 19 vaccine.

This is yet another example of the narrow margin society gives Black women to exist within. The world doesn’t want to see Black women move with autonomy. We are expected to have our actions and opinions dictated to us so we can be used as tools that service others.

Letitia Wright didn’t stick to the script given to Black women and she was heavily criticized for it. I’m not in favor of what seem to be her views but Letitia is entitled to her view point. She didn’t deserve to be belittled, called stupid and threatened with the end of her career.

Letitia apologized for posting the controversial video and deactivated her Twitter account. It’s amazing how much grace some are shown while Black women are shown very little. The more visible African ancestry a Black woman has the less grace she is given.

Marvel Actor Letitia Wright Apologises After Sharing Vaccine Doubter Video (tyla.com)

I wasn’t a huge Black Panther fan but I admire Letitia Wright a great deal. She is a breath of fresh air in Hollywood. It’s great to see a young Black woman present herself with pride, maturity and modesty as opposed to being a loud mouthed bimbo fabricated by a surgeon.

Despite Letitia Wright’s gifts she’s still being silenced for having an opinion on a controversial matter. I guess it would be easier for the public to accept her if she was dating Future, rapping about selling her body for cash and gifts or discussing her wet ass pussy.

I would support Letitia if she expressed herself in a sexual way as well. Black women are entitled to be individuals with personalities that guide their own opinions and actions. We should not require permission to express ourselves. Black women should be given the same amount of grace and room for growth that others receive.

Dating Scam: Low Bidding

I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog. Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem. (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation. But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.) They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach. Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.

Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for. You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli. Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient. Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation. We’ve all settled at some point. But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle. Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal. It’s all relative.

And settling is not a bad thing. In this case I will call it redirection. We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned. At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy. We’ve all done it. It’s called growing up.

Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics. You’re good enough for somethings but not others. You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time. You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends. He might put in a low bid. Examples of low bidding are:

going dutch on dates
being vague about intentions
sexual innuendo/lack of respect
poor treatment

He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth. Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points. It’s up to you to set a high value for yourself. You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships. The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.

This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business. It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time. Here is the article if you are interested.

The Frustrating Truth About Deliberate Low Bids – No One Really Wins!

These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it. That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex. They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health. And no, this isn’t a man being a man. It’s a jerk being a jerk. Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.

If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that. They don’t think they can because they lack confidence. Male language on social media reflects this. Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy. They don’t think of themselves as worthy.

I’m not saying that finances are not an issue. But so is personality and couples can grow together. And poverty is not an excuse to use another person. If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan. But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal. You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.

Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner. He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate. They may like to control and exploit their partner. Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.

During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect. It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better. You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.

The beginning stages of dating are an observation period. If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life. Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around. If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place. A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.

He’s about to eat you up!

Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value. You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it. If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid. You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time. Just block the number.

I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars. I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process. There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price. However, human being are not property and inanimate objects. No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them. An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.

Instagram: Winter ’19/’20

Pro Black You Tube is a Scam

There are a lot of You Tubers that I watch that would fall under the so called Pro Black umbrella. I think that every last one of them is a scam artist and they should not be taken seriously. Not only should they not be seen as leaders they should be seen as scam artists or at least opportunists. Pro Black You Tube is simply for entertainment purposes and I don’t think that any of them are interested in Black empowerment.

Any good hustle has an element of truth to it. A lot of pro Black You Tubers have interesting thoughts but their messages often gets lost. My first problem with pro Black channels is that they are very White centered. Whiteness is always the measuring stick for them. At the beginning of any journey I believe that one needs to define success. For most Pro Black You Tube philosophers White standards are success which is a problem within itself.

They are very focused on racism which at this point is stupid. Racism is kind of like gravity. It’s just there. It’s a problem is you drop your phone or fall down the steps so you need to learn to avoid the pitfalls of gravity. Racism is not going to ever end in America. It’s too deeply ingrained in our culture and mindsets. It’s such a part of American life that we take it for granted and don’t even notice it a lot of the time. Learn to live with it and how to avoid it’s pitfalls.

I wish that Black You Tubers simply discussed problems in the Black community and ways that we can make improvements. It’s rare that any of these people discuss matters such as finance, health, self acceptance or healthy families. They also don’t discuss matters of spirituality unless they are making disparaging remarks about Christianity. I believe that those are the kinds of issues that would make a difference in Black lives in America.

Pro Black channels are very focused on Black celebrities. The lives of Black celebrities are irrelevant to circumstances of the average Black American. I don’t mind listening to the trials and tribulations of rich Blacks on channels that brand themselves as gossip channels. But channels that brand themselves as wanting to make Black communities better should ignore all celebrities. Black celebrities are completely out of touch and most of them seek to exploit their popularity with average Black people.

Pro Black channels tend to speak on sensational matters and they are clearly looking for views in order to increase their subscribers and make more money. They like to discuss things that push emotional hot buttons and shocking viral videos. Most of their topics are simply clickbait and don’t hold any real substance.

Pro Black You Tube channels love to talk about problems in the Black community but they rarely offer solutions that are realistic to every day people. They claim that they just want to wake people up. I find this to be very condescending. I don’t need a has been rapper from the 90s informing me on anything. Based on their topics of conversation I was so called woke long before they were. They also like to say things like “Black people don’t read” and “simple minded Negroes”. There is no reason to listen to someone that thinks so little of you.

The most detrimental problem in Black American neighborhoods is violence but this matter is rarely discussed on Black You Tube. Nothing can be accomplished in communities that have been turned into war zones. No one will invest in commerce, home ownership isn’t likely to be established and healthy children can’t be raised under the threat of drive by shootings, property and sex crimes. Relationships and trust can not be built among neighbors when there are killers and thieves in the neighborhood not being brought to justice. But Black You Tube channels don’t discuss this matter.

I think that Black You Tube stays away from this issue because it would ask men to take more responsibility for the community. Women and children can’t stand up to street thugs. African Americans have a hard time setting standards and guidelines for boys and men. For thirty years or more Black boys and men have been treated as charity cases and porcelain dolls to be pitied which has not been productive. The way the Black community treats Black boys and men is disrespectful and insulting to them. It’s as if we think they can’t do and be better.

A lot of Black You Tube is just plain delusional. A common topic is “divestment”. Those that follow this foolish theory believe that if you don’t take interest in issues that affect Black Americans, socialize with, date or marry or spend time in areas with large Black populations you have divested. This is mental illness to me.

If I move to Montana and marry a White guy and cut ties with my Black family and friends I’m still going to be affected by racism when I cross paths with a racist because I am clearly Black. Those that preach divestment are foolish. While I am alive I am going through the world as a Black woman so the way Black women are perceived and treated will always be a concern of mine. I will divest when I am dead. It’s not really even my choice.

Pro Black You Tube is also completely obsessed with inter racial dating and marriage which I don’t think is a big problem for Black people. I agree that many Black people choose to date and marry outside of their race because they think the union will gain them and their children access to White privilege. But that’s why these You Tube channels should be promoting self acceptance.

I can’t be bothered with anyone’s dating or marriage choices when babies are being killed in drive by shootings. Loni Love’s boyfriend should be of little importance when we consider that Black people are more likely to have high blood pressure and diabetes. If the average NFL player wants a blue eyed blonde then he simply isn’t for me and I need to move on and find a man that prefers the dark eyed, dark skinned girl, dark, course haired woman. It’s as simple as that.

I also think it’s stupid the way pro Black You Tubers criticize the Civil Rights movement. They say that integration didn’t benefit Black people. Who’s fault is that? The Civil Rights movement gave Black people more opportunities and freedom to move about society. If idiots decided to turn their backs on communities and institutions that Blacks built and flock to White communities and institution because they perceive it as superior that is not Martin Luther King’s fault.

Civil Rights leaders put everything they had on the line for a change and they were successful. Meanwhile Black You Tubers who conceal their identities criticize their efforts. In fact, Pro Black You Tube spends a great deal of time criticizing anything and anyone that is successful and Black.

Pro Black You Tube can be good for a laugh and at times they make good points but they are superficial and lazy. They just want to make a quick buck off of monetizing their You Tube site and they use the emotional matter of racism to do it. They aren’t doing any real work that doesn’t enrich themselves. They use celebrities and viral videos to sensationalize their sentiments but they are reluctant to talk about something as pedestrian as saving money, meal planning, exercise and the best ways to raise healthy children. Pro Black You Tubers are all scammers.

I Tried the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich and I’m Speechless

I tried the Popeye’s chicken sandwich yesterday and I was floored by how bad it was. I don’t know what to make of all the hype. I’m not sure how it all started and I’m not sure how it snowballed into such a frenzy. I swear I’m not trying to be a rebel. The Popeye’s classic chicken sandwich is the worst chicken sandwich I’ve had in my life.

The sandwich that has caused long lines, flared tempers, brawls, fender benders and deaths is the worst chicken sandwich there is. Wendy’s, Arby’s, McDonald’s, Subway, Burger King, KFC, Chic Fil A, college cafeterias, workplace cafeterias, church cookouts, family reunions, me and probably you all make a better chicken sandwich than Popeye’s. I had the classic sandwich but perhaps the spicy sandwich is better.

I had a problem with the sandwich as soon as I unwrapped it. The bread is shiny. Why is bread shiny? Why did Popeye’s add a glossy topcoat to their bread? Did they think that would help? The large piece of meat didn’t have much flavor and then they added a few pickles and mayonnaise. That’s it. I had a hard time finishing it. The only reason I didn’t throw it away midway through was because I was super hungry. The beans and rice that I got as a side were much more satisfying.

I saw several social media comments that said that the sandwich is good but it doesn’t live up to the hype. I saw several people on the news claiming that the sandwich is great and worth waiting in line. Both are lies. The sandwich is terrible. I’m trying to understand what made people jump on the bandwagon and what made them afraid to tell the truth that the sandwich is garbage.

Now I know this is subjective but for goodness sakes I don’t see how anyone would describe that sandwich as delicious. And no, the sandwich is not laced with drugs which is what some seem to think. That may have made it worth the money. I also don’t think the sandwich is witchcraft. That’s an insult to witches. It’s just a bland sandwich with no pizazz to it whatsoever.

I’m fascinated with the phenomena which is the Popeye’s chicken sandwich craze of 2019. A subpar product became a sensation out of nowhere and no one had the courage to speak against the trend. People criticized the hype but not the sandwich. I didn’t hear one person say that they didn’t like the sandwich. Perhaps it’s just me.

If you can’t tell I’m a bit of a chicken sandwich connoisseur. In my educated opinion if you want a tasty chicken sandwich go anywhere but Popeye’s. But if you want to know what hype, drama and lies tastes like then Popeye’s chicken sandwich is perfect for you. Now that people aren’t lining up for hours and having knife fights over this sandwich give it a try and see for yourself.

TI’s Hymen Test is Indicative of the way the World Seeks to Control Black Female Sexuality

Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact. This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex. All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.

I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition. But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019. As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.

In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals. But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently. An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body. I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex. I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.

But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality. It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act. And here is the bottom line. Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty. Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality. That even includes Black women and men. Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality. Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.

Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so. Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women. R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore. What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.

Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness. These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us. Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.

It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all. Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood. Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience. Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.

I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering. It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.

Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions. I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity. It’s the ultimate c—block. There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.

Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally. I have a broader definition of abuse. What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women. Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality. TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.

He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded. He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll. He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure. He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body. TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.

Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man. These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually. Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities. So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.

People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile. Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy. Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.

Educated Women in Bikinis

I enjoy beauty pageants. I have been watching them for as long as I remember. They are the stuff that dreams are made of. Who wouldn’t like to be named the prettiest woman in the state or country and given a crown and roses? If everyone was honest we would all admit that we would all enjoy that validation.

I value pageants because they are a conspicuous display of hyper femininity. I’m all for it and I hope they never change. I don’t think that women get very many opportunities to be in the spotlight and pageants give them a platform. Miss America and Miss USA are the two biggest pageants that come to my mind and they are distinct brands. Miss USA contestants are the girls that boys liked in school and Miss America contestants are the pretty girls that teachers liked in school. Both are great.

Recently a representative for the Miss America pageant remarked that “Educated women don’t parade around in swimsuits”. That quote is actually part of a sentence and the remark was taken out of context but nonetheless I will share my thoughts on the controversy not the comment itself.

I found this remark to be a bit hypocritical since the Miss America pageant only recently took the swimsuit competition out of their pageant. But my real concern is the contestants of the Miss USA pageant that got all up in their feelings because they are personally offended by Miss America’s quote. Miss USA which feeds into the Miss Universe competition still have swimsuit competitions.

I follow pageant fan pages and several beauty queens on IG. A lot of the Miss USA title holders have posted messages of themselves in bikinis and listed their academic accomplishments. They posted long IG rants about how the Miss America Organization’s notion about educated women in bikinis is dated, sexist and hostile towards women. The Miss America organization is absolutely right.

I agree that a woman can be smart and sexy. A woman can be flirtatious and competent. It’s unfortunate that the world sees women in a one dimensional way but feminism has not changed that. Feminism is making things worse because much of their focus in on looks and sexuality.

Here’s the hypocrisy of Miss USA and Miss Universe contestants. Most of these women are absolutely brilliant. Many of them have impressive careers, educational backgrounds and compelling backstories. But most of the ones that I’ve heard about after their reign has ended go into entertainment or they marry a wealthy man. I think that marrying well is the real end game for women in the Miss USA/Miss Universe pageant system.

There is nothing wrong with any of that but they got their new opportunities because they look good in a bikini not because they studied hard in school. Miss USA contestants are smart enough to know this and they are bluffing the world with politically correct feminist rhetoric that sets other women up for failure. I think that this is the case for feminism in general. Sorry but women in most day to day situations can not present themselves as sex objects and be taken seriously as intellectuals. For some reason the bikini cancels out the intellect.

Feminism tries to have it both ways. They want to tell women that they can be taken seriously as a woman in a bikini. That simply isn’t true unless you are a swim suit model or perhaps an Olympic swimmer. If you disagree imagine wearing a bathing suit to a job interview. Even if you are applying to be a lifeguard that wouldn’t go over well.

I think women should use all of the tools at their disposal to open as many doors as possible including sex appeal. But women need to be realistic about the way women are pigeonholed. Feminism isn’t changing the way women are perceived when they put forth sexualized images of themselves. I think that women need to present themselves the way they want to be perceived. Consider your goal and dress the part.

If anything feminists are encouraging women to use their bodies to gain love, acceptance and opportunities instead of using their minds. That’s why the body positivity movement is popular. Women that don’t fit the mold of a beauty queen want to be able to feel validated for how they look too. That’s what today’s feminism is all about.

If you want to be taken seriously as a professional dress the part for the profession you choose. But when it’s time to party or have a day at the beach have fun with fashion and enjoy yourself. You can’t always take yourself seriously. There’s a time and a place for everything.

I just wish the beauty queens that protested the remark from the Miss America Organization were a little more honest and thoughtful in their responses. They could have said I was competing to be Miss USA, not a receptionist at an accountant’s office. There are scholarships, fame, travel, jewelry and meeting with wealthy men at stake. I will broker world peace in a suit that grazes my knees later.

I honestly don’t know why they responded at all. The remark from the Miss America Organization seemed pretty innocuous to me and it fits their girl next door brand. Miss America is a non profit organization that is focused on community service. Miss USA is more glitz and showbiz. Fighting for your right to be seen as a professional in a bikini is not a hill I would want to die on. That’s why I have a hard time taking feminism seriously.

Feminists like to make conversations like this a matter of sexual assault and rape. I want to make it clear that I don’t think that sexual assault and rape has anything to do with clothing or lack thereof. People that jump from a statement of dressing for respect to sexual violation are trying to silence opposing thoughts with emotional blackmail.

Traditional Black Womanhood

Traditional Black womanhood is having a hard time in 2019. It is having a hard time being heard, respected and taken seriously by anyone, even or I should say especially by other Black women. It seems that anytime a Black woman speaks from a traditional point of view (I’m not talking politics) she is often mocked and put down.

Fantasia Barino, Gabrielle Douglas and Nicki Minaj have all made traditional remarks about womanhood over the last few years and have all faced criticism and mockery for it. There is irony in all of the statements made by these well known women however it doesn’t necessarily make the viewpoints invalid and I don’t understand the so called backlash for their remarks.

Fantasia Barino of American Idol fame set off a poop storm this week when she said she follows her husband’s lead. Her husband chimed into the on line discussion and he made a lot of good points about male leadership in a family. They made sense and I think this couple is correct in their point of view.

But Fantasia’s public statement upset feminists for some reason that I don’t understand. Some critics said that Fantasia was being arrogant and looking down on unmarried women. But we’ve known Fantasia a long time now and she’s never been condescending or pretentious so I don’t think that judgement is fair.

Some of the disagreement stems from the fact that Fantasia makes way more money than her husband. The pundits have a point there. Oh and he’s a felon that she married after three weeks. Fantasia’s marriage definitely raises some eyebrows but I still agree with her opinions about heterosexual, traditional marriages. Even if I didn’t agree with Fantasia and her husband I would just excuse it as a difference of opinion. But the feminists are angry this week at the thought of submitting to a man that they chose to marry. I don’t get it.

Olympic gold medalist Gabrielle Douglass made a tweet a few years back saying that women should dress modestly. Twitter erupted into a fury. Gabrielle was maligned for this statement. The feminists mocked her religious background and of course they brought up sexual assault. The Twitter mob insulted Gabrielle’s intelligence and implied that she was brainwashed and didn’t think for herself.

I’m trying to understand what’s wrong with valuing modesty. Do we all need to seek validation by posing mostly naked on social media. Some women think that is empowering. I don’t but to each their own. No one is hurt by Gabrielle Douglas wanting to wear clothes. I understand that Gabby Douglas came to fame in a leotard in front of a global audience so it is a bit of a hoot hearing her promote modest dress. But again, I think that she is absolutely correct.

Nicki Minaj recently decided to retire and focus on her upcoming marriage and starting a family. I think it’s lovely. That move made Nicki a feminist heroine to me. I believe that a woman can have it all in her life but she probably can’t do it all at the same time the way men can.

Nicki has had a great deal of success and has made a lot of money and now she wants to place her focus on being a wife and mother. This is another questionable relationship. Nicki too is marrying a felon that she out earns by a mile, maybe two or three. He wouldn’t be my choice for a mate but nonetheless he’s her man and I think it’s nice that she is making family life her priority. I hope she gets everything she wants.

There was a lot of social media buzz surrounding Nicki’s comments. Most of the commentary was negative but there were some congratulatory wishes. I don’t know why anyone would have any negative feedback about a wealthy woman in her thirties pausing her career to begin a family life. I think it would be foolish to try and balance both.

The world has a one dimensional view of Black womanhood and it is mostly negative. The world is very comfortable with Black women spreading promiscuous and new age feminist messages but not family oriented values. I’m not sure why that is. I tend to believe that things we see in the media groom those that consume certain images and messages. Certain segments of the population are being groomed for failure from the start.

Black women are seen as traditional and wholesome once they are past their prime. I think it’s great to see young, attractive Black women expressing wholesome values while they are young. It’s a shame that their biggest detractors seem to come from within the Black community.

Instagram: Summer 2019