Category: social media

In 2023 Black Women Need to Find Balance and Get a Personality

I spend a lot of time on social media. I’ve probably been on some form of social media every day for the last thirteen years. I’ve made a lot of interesting observations and I’ve come to various conclusions. As a Black American woman I’ve come to the conclusion that Black American women need to learn to find balance in their lives.

Black American women need to get a life. Black American women need to relax and learn to enjoy things. My observation from social media use is that there is too much focus on advocacy. There are too many Black women on social media that make social causes their entire personality. It’s the lead in. We can’t all be Angela Davis and we should not try.

I’m not in favor of being a vapid, uninformed woman. That is also well circulated on social media in ditsy posts, fight and twerk videos. It’s as if Black women on social media need to adopt an online persona devoid of personality. She gets two choices: advocate or sex kitten. Both personas dehumanize Black women.

I don’t support the divestment movement on social media either. The divestment movement tells Black women to not take any interest in politics and social matters that affect Black Americans. This is completely delusional. Black Americans need to continue to make strides but I think we can go about seeking equality, justice and a better quality of life differently than past generations did. We’re not sharecroppers, laundry women and slaves anymore.

There is a sub culture on social media that promotes Black women living a “soft life”. By that they mean that Black women should learn to enjoy leisure. However, the subject matter and conversation is often sociopolitical. It’s not just about things like fashion, cooking, hobbies, etc. It’s just being Black and going on vacation or going to the park or something and the creator is hyper aware of being Black in the environment they are in.

Most of these content creators haven’t reported anyone hurting them or discriminating against them in a significant way. They are clearly uncomfortable and seeking validation. These travelers are driving themselves crazy when they need to just enjoy their vacation.

I follow an account on Twitter that discusses Black people in film. The account creator critiqued the upcoming movie Barbie and referred to it as a show about a White supremacist toy. I get it I guess but good grief. They take the enjoyment out of everything and I don’t think Barbie is doing anything to hurt anyone. People like that particular person on Twitter pick things apart and don’t address real and impactful matters.

It’s important to have convictions and stand by them. I admire passion, pride and devotion but I don’t think resistance is as useful in 2023 as it once was. Looking forward I think building infrastructure within families and communities is key. Black Americans have more tools and resources to do that now more than ever.

That takes emotionally whole and healthy people. That takes the proper social and networking skills. There needs to be balance. Black women need to know when to take a stand. Pick your battles wisely so you have energy to invest in yourself, in enjoyment and in relationships with those around you. Black women have more to offer the world than advocacy, political organizing and raging against the machine. In other words, get a personality.

Modern Dating Scam: Gratitude

Gratitude and appreciation is yet another modern dating scam pulled on women. Gratitude and appreciation is being used as emotional blackmail against women. It’s as if men and women think women should be grateful for any kind gesture a man offers a woman.

Kindness should be expected. Kindness from men should be the default. That’s particularly true if you’re spending time around men you know socially or romantically.

This video trended on Twitter a few weeks ago. It’s part of the reason I decided to deactivate my account. The ignorance is astounding and frustrating.

I suspect this is a made up skit that was produced and posted for engagement. That’s irrelevant because the commentary on this matter is the problem more than the video itself. In the video a woman is at a man’s house. She is upset because he has served her a steak dinner at his house but they made plans to go to the restaurant Capital Grille. This was their second date.

Much of the commentary said the woman had a bad attitude. Commenters said the man made a kind and romantic gesture by cooking dinner (I suspect it’s carry out) and surprising her. Commenters insulted the way she styled herself. Some said she should be dumped right away because she was quarrelsome.

The man lured the woman to his home under false pretenses. This is a great example of a “Bait and Swith” date. I wrote a dating scam post about “Bait and Switch” dates three and a half years ago.

The Modern Dating Scam: the Bait and Switch Date

The man was inconsiderate at best and sneaky and under handed at worst. He communicated poorly either unintentionally or on purpose in order to create a confusing situation he could exploit. Either way he broke her trust.

Men and women thought that she should go along with the man’s change of plans because he offered her dinner. That’s not the point at all. If the woman agreed to spend the evening in this stranger’s home she is taking a big risk. If something unfortunate happened to her during the evening many would blame her for spending time in a stranger’s apartment. The romantic gesture would be irrelevant at that point.

This is emotional blackmail. It seems that if a man make a kind and seemingly generous gesture a woman is obligated to accept and I suppose coo at his attention. Women are essentially supposed to allow themselves to be bought off at a low rate. If the woman questions the man’s intentions or rejects his offer because it made her feel uncomfortable she’s seen as unappreciative.

Romantic gestures are great. That’s what courtships and dating periods are for. Men need to understand that women are the vulnerable party between them and they should be respectful of that. Kind and sweet gestures should be exchanged between sweethearts but trust and respect is only gained through integrity, good character and time. Good communication and being considerate of your partner is key. Romantic dinners and gifts are great but building the foundation of a relationship is not a mere exchange of gifts. It’s much more mysterious and exciting than that.

I Deactivated My Twitter Account

I decided to deactivate my Twitter account after having it for over ten years. I enjoyed Twitter because I am a people person and like to talk. Twitter is a great way to stay informed on current events, trends and opinions. There was a group of people on Twitter that I interacted with regularly. I regularly interacted with sports fans, particularly Chiefs fans, pop music, movie and reality TV fans, non MAGA Christians and anti Republican Democrats. I’ll miss them. They were fun.

Social media can be enjoyable but you need to pick and choose your interactions carefully just like in the real world. The new Twitter algorithm changed and accounts show up on my TL that I don’t follow. I don’t see tweets from the accounts I decided to follow. I don’t know if Twitter is cramming nonsense down everyone’s throat but it is definitely trying to force me to interact with trashy content.

Twitter has been trying to force me to content concerning rappers I’ve never heard of, men who hate women and MAGA. No thanks. I can’t block my way out of the situation because there is plenty of obnoxious content to replace the accounts I block. I tried to engage with the accounts I don’t agree with in an argumentative tone. It may have worked to an extent but again there is always more angering content to take its place.

I just decided to activate my account. I’ve been questioning if my Twitter use was healthy anyway. Deactivated accounts can be reactivated withing thirty days. I haven’t decided if I will reactivate. I may start a new account one day. But I feel peace and less tension with Twitter out of my life for the moment. Deactivating Twitter was a good decision for me.

I’m tempted to deactivate Instagram too. IG does the same thing. They don’t show you posts from people you chose to follow. They put things on your TL that you didn’t ask for. But IG is a bit different because there are hundreds of pictures of me on there. It’s like a little shrine to myself. I probably need to deactivate my IG account in order not to feed vanity. I feel like the reluctance to get rid of IG is a lesson in humility and idol worship. But the thought of it going away makes me very sad. That probably means I need to deactivate it. I’ll let you know how it all goes.

Naomi Raine and Maverick City Music

Maverick City Music is a popular Christian Contemporary band. Christian Contemporary music has fallen off sharply since the early 2000s. It all sounds the same and the singers are interchangeable. Maverick City fits the mold. Their music is typical Christian Contemporary and the singers are talented but their voices all have a similar quality.

I feel like most Christian Contemporary singers are male. They sound similar to a lot of Alternative Rock Bands from the 90s. A few sound like Joe Cocker. I enjoy Joe Cocker’s voice but there is a man who sounds just like that in the American Idol auditions every year.

This describes the men in Maverick City Music. The White men sound like they belong in alternative rock bands and the Black men sound like Joe Cocker and his sound alike American Idol hopefuls. There are a lot of people in Maverick City Music. It’s hard to tell exactly how many.

Maverick City Music ends up trending on occasion because the singers make questionable social media posts. They have made political statements that rile up so called conservatives, one of their wives twerked in a wedding photo, the same newlywed couple took a wedding photo that simulated a sexual position. Recently one of the singers posted photos on a party bus possibly in the nude. That’s not even to mention their affiliation with Kirk Franklin whose family matters have become public.

Then there is Naomi Raine who is the star of Maverick City Music. Her name never comes up in the mish mash and her voice is outstanding. She should leave Maverick City Music where it is and start a solo career. She carries the band on her back publicly and probably in private. I’m sure it’s exhausting.

Jesus carrying the cross on Good Friday

I really don’t follow MCM very close and that’s how I know who the star is. It’s Naomi. The other people who’s names get circulated on social media are done so in relation to some sort of unnecessary foolishness they posted. I know Naomi because of her performances.

Naomi Raine carries MCM like Christ carried his cross with her beautiful voice. The rest of MCM is a distraction. The latest internet gossip about her band mate’s nude party bus photos would be a great opportunity to launch a solo career.

I don’t really care what happens with MCM because they sound like clowns. All of their problems start because of things they post on social media. It’s hard to tell if the members of Maverick City Music are even Christian because they were put together by entertainment executives the way Menudo and other boy bands were. We’re not dealing with the Mississippi Mass or Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir here.

Naomi deserves better. First of all the paychecks are probably kind of light with so many people in the band. She’s very talented and acts like she has some sense. She’s made a name for herself with her work as opposed to social media attention seeking and subsequent pearl clutching. I think she deserves a chance at a solid career away from the circus her band mates create every few months.

Black Women are Human and Humans aren’t Always Nice

Social media loves to harp on Black women that aren’t so sweet or come off as self serving. They will fixate on it for days. If a Black woman is snarky, mean, puts herself first or isn’t cheerleadery the public takes great offense to this and hopes for her downfall.

Black women are human and sometimes humans aren’t nice. All humans are different. If a Black woman isn’t super nice to you get over it. She doesn’t owe you anything anyway. People that you don’t know don’t owe you nice.

Men (all) are left to rape, steal, pillage and destroy. Some support their actions and make excuses for them. Non Black women often remain unscathed regardless of their words or actions because they are great at deflecting the matter or someone will stand up for them.

People insist that Black women be nurturing, supportive and sappily sweet at all times without fail. That expectation is exhausting. Who is doing all that for Black women? No one. The main people complaining about the women pictured above are other Black women. We all have that sweet and nurturing side to us. It’s reserved for who we want to share it with. It’s not for public consumption.

Black women aren’t being allowed a full range of personality traits the way others are. Black women aren’t being allowed to be human. It’s as if Black women can only exist within a very narrow range. Give people space space to be who they are. If you don’t like them give them enough space that you don’t see or hear from them. It’s that simple.

I’m not advocating being mean, haughty or arrogant. I’m just bringing attention to a double standard. All of these men have made careers by being blunt, direct, rude, mean, selfish and greedy. They are admired for it and their nastiness or gruff personality alone is what made them successful. Trump was elected president for being “politically incorrect” in other words rude.

Ironically, social media pundits that are critical of snarky Black women absolutely love Black women who are mean violent and clown themselves on reality TV and fight videos. They eat it up with a spoon. But if a Black woman in a position of authority or leadership acts like she’s in charge she’s seen as problematic.

I’m not advocating being a nasty person with poor manners. I have taken issue with Tyra and Wendy. Aretha was clearly a diva. Anyone speaking from a pulpit needs to choose their words carefully. But stop thinking every Black woman owes you nice all the time. It’s as if people want Black women to earn acceptance that they would freely give others. Black women are human and humans are not always likeable and nice but be fair.

Don’t Over Complicate This: Payton Gendron

Payton Gendron is an eighteen year old man from upstate New York who killed ten people at a grocery store in Buffalo, New York on Saturday. He shot three others who survived their injuries. Payton drove for three hours to attack Tops Grocery Store. It was a target because it was in a Black neighborhood. The zip code of the super market has a high percentage of Black residents.

Payton Gendron wrote a manifesto in which he described his White supremacist ideas and plans for the ambush of the supermarket. Payton visited the supermarket before the attack to get familiar with it. I’m sure he studied the layout, security, staff and patrons.

Most of the victims of the supermarket attack were senior citizens. Seven of the ten that died are over sixty years old. Only two of the victims including survivors are less than forty. Payton Gendron is a coward who attacked a soft target and a vulnerable population.

https://www.wkbw.com/news/local-news/remembering-the-victims-10-lives-lost-in-the-buffalo-mass-shooting

He could have just as easily chosen to attack a bar, night club or concert that would interest young people. But instead he chose to wage war on the elderly just as Dylan Roof did when he attacked a Bible study in a church in 2015. The Bible study was a meeting of mostly middle aged women. These men are cowards.

https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/church-shooting-victims/

Payton is also a coward with no logic. News reports state that Payton’s manifesto expressed concerns over White birth rates. Black people don’t have anything to do with that. White birth rates are an in house matter. Black people don’t have anything to do with whether White people are born or not. If an eighteen year old White man is concerned about White babies being born he’s certainly in a position to do something about that. Leave old Black people out of it.

Payton had to drive a long way to find enough Black people to execute. That tells me that he has no contact with Black people in his town. No one is bothering him. He’s obsessed with people that he has never even met. Payton has a deranged fixation on Black people.

I’ve noticed on social media that a lot of racists live in parts of the US or even the world that are exclusively White. Yet they are focused on Black people from places like upstate New York, Idaho and Poland. The preoccupation doesn’t make any sense.

There aren’t that many Black people in the US. Black people are mostly segregated. If someone doesn’t like Black people it shouldn’t be much of a problem. Any interactions someone like Payton would have with one would be minimal.

I’ve worked in several public facing, customer service positions. I’ve picked up on racist attitudes from customers while performing job duties. It’s interesting to me how they like to let you know where they are coming from without directly saying it.

Meanwhile, I’m just trying to get through a work day. A customer is just work to me. Some of them like to create unnecessary interactions. It’s almost like they want to test you and study you in some way. The behavior is bizarre.

Handle whatever business you need to handle and leave it at that. I’ve experienced this outside of workplace situations too. I’m friendly by nature but I’ve learned to keep people at a distance and keep things short and to the point until I understand a peron’s intent.

There is a lot of chatter about what is to blame for the Tops Supermarket Massacre. I blame Peyton Gendron and his accomplices who supplied him with armor. But I question his parents. Peyton is eighteen. He has displayed problematic behavior at school. I doubt they are surprised by his ideology. Where did he keep his weapons? Was the body armor kept at his parents house?

Kyle Rittenhouse was driven across state line to a riot in Kenosha, Wisconsin by his mother. Kyle received a great deal of support for killing two people after claiming self defense for being in a situation he had no business in and having a weapon he shouldn’t have had.

He had the support of his mother, the general public and the judge presiding over the trial and ultimately a jury. I wonder if Payton’s parents are White supremacist stage parents that urged their son to kill old ladies at the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon. I wouldn’t be surprised. How does someone who shares a roof with you pull off something like this and you have no idea of their plans?

https://nypost.com/2022/05/15/fbi-interviews-parents-of-alleged-buffalo-shooter-payton-gendron/

Don’t over complicate this. The problem is Payton Gendron. He published his manifesto on line. He made the decision to drive for hours to a Black neighborhood and carry out a diabolical plan. He made the decision to kill old people in a supermarket.

Blaming big tech, TV personalities, social media, politics, the history and culture of the US, the Second Amendment (even though I favor gun control) or mental health problems make excuses for the man who was so consumed with illogical hatred and paranoia that he murdered ten in cold blood and injured three more. A lot of politicians, media personalities and organized racist units have their own crosses to bear but Payton Gendron is squarely responsible for the massacre at Tops Grocery Store. No excuses.

Perimenopausal, Pandemic Wardrobe Haul – Fall/Winter ’21 and ’22 @showmeshannon

I gained a few pounds over the last year or so. I’m perimenopausal and less active since the COVID lockdowns. I had to modify my wardrobe last season to accommodate the extra pounds. I donated several items to Goodwill or gave them away to acquaintances. I learned that it’s pretty expensive to replace a lot of your wardrobe at once. JC Penney and Amazon were my go to retailers.

I had to get rid of almost all of my slack and jeans. It started one morning when I was getting ready for work. I went through several pairs of pants and I couldn’t fit any of them properly. I don’t wear jeans often but I tried mine on to see if I could fit them. I don’t think I could fit any of them.

Many of my slacks were from Express. Express slacks run around sixty dollars at least. That’s a bit steep but I worked for Express in the past so I got an employee discount and used it often. I’ve also been on their e-mail and preferred customer list for years and I took advantage of sales and coupons. I’ve been the same size for most of my post pubescent life and the clothes were good quality so they’ve lasted for years.

I replaced my slacks with merchandise from NY & Co. The quality was not good but they were cheap and I was having an emergency. They will do and I can put better quality items into my wardrobe bit by bit. The construction of my NY & Co. slacks are squirrely. The pockets don’t lay flat. It’s as if Denise Huxtable made them. But they were about $30 a piece. You get what you pay for and I needed new pants. I also found a nice pair of black Calvin Klein pair of pants at Ross.

I also bought slacks from Old Navy. I have a complicated relationship with Old Navy. I may write about that a different time because my explanation would take a bit. Let’s just say I think they’re partially responsible for the decline of Western civilization. That’s for a different blog post.

Old Navy pants fit me a little odd. I ordered the pixie cut. I bought a size bigger than my old size and the pants were still tight. I bought the size up after that and they were still tight in the thighs and behind but they gave a lot of pooch room. My pooch isn’t that big. It’s almost as if they are maternity pants but I checked and they’re not maternity pants. They’re just for people with big pooches.

I got new jeans from Amazon. I chose high waist or mom jeans. I’m not a mom but I have a great deal of respect and appreciation for these jeans. Jeans are expensive. It’s also difficult to find jeans that aren’t torn, high water or some sort of weird wash. I bought two pairs of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans for around $40 each.

I’ve shopped at more expensive retailers in the past but I made purchases piece by piece so it wasn’t as costly. One of my favorite retailers is Express. They are on the expensive side in my opinion but I took advantage of their Black Friday sales. I bought a new suit from Express. It’s nice and the suit is made with a material that is almost like a fleece.

I bought several suits from Express in the past. Their suits have always been great. They were sharp and fit like a glove. Their current selection doesn’t match what they offered in the past but it will do. You can’t look at my suit and tell it’s made from sweat pants material. Express did what they needed to do to cater to people that want to wear jammies and yoga pants everywhere.

I had a job interview last Fall and I couldn’t fit any of my suits. I didn’t have time to buy anything new. I pieced something together but after thinking about it I think the blouse may have been a little low cut. It didn’t matter that much because I wasn’t offered the position and that’s OK. I don’t blame the lack of success on the the low cut blouse. At least that occasion prepared me for the next opportunity.

I’ve learned how to manage a pooch. The first thing I learned is the value of good underwear. I have what I call dress underwear. I call them dress underwear because they work well with dresses. Pants are a lot more forgiving and sharp looking. Dresses are more complicated.

I purchased my dress underwear at Target and they do a great job of sucking in my pooch and making it less obvious un. I also learned that A line dresses are great for camouflaging a pooch. Sheath dresses are less forgiving and reveal the pooch a lot more. You have to give yourself plenty of room while not having the dress fit like a bag. Dresses that fit well are sharp. Tight dresses are tacky.

I didn’t buy new shoes last season. However, I have a pair of white combat boots that I’ve gotten more use out of than I thought I would. I got them from Shoe Carnival for around $50 or so. I also got some new accessories. I got a few belts from JC Penney and jewelry.

The last year has taught me to wear clothes that fit. It sounds simple but it’s a bit of a hill to get over. I wasn’t interested in trying to lose weight because I don’t think I’m an unhealthy weight. I’m just middle aged, perimenopausal and going through natural life changes. I think older women that strive to be very thin look a bit strange. There are a few Hollywood examples of this. Dress for the body you have and wear good underwear especially if you are in a dress.

Stay Safe When Dating On Line

I have experience with on line dating sites. I’ve used different dating sites over the years. I’ve written about my experiences on this blog. This post isn’t about dating and relationships. It’s about staying safe. Staying safe is your number one priority.

I enjoy observing modern American culture. Anyone that is objectively observing American culture in 2022 should come to the conclusion that America is hostile towards girls and women. The hostility manifests itself in many different ways. One of the ways animosity towards women is being expressed is through deception, manipulation, violence and homicide.

Anyone can be taken advantage of by someone using a dating app to take advantage of others. It can happen to men or women of any sexual orientation. I am writing this is written from the point of view of a heterosexual woman. I believe we are the most vulnerable.

Men who seek to hurt women are using dating websites to lure women in order to abuse and kill them. I’m not going to quote statistics. Go on You Tube and look at local news stories from across the US. Men killing women is very common. Often women are killed by men they met on a dating website.

These are strategies I used while I was using internet dating websites. This is not about victim blaming. This is about protecting yourself and avoiding people and situations that can be harmful. That is the first line of defense. There is risk that goes along with giving men access to yourself. That means there is risk involved with being alone with men.

The odds are in your favor. Most men are not murderers or rapists. But enough of them are violent sociopaths for a single woman to be concerned about her personal safety while dating. The local news across the US is filled with stories of women going on dates and being robbed, raped or murdered. You have one life and if someone hurts or kills you there is no second chance. Avoid gambling with your property, body or life. A date and chance at romance is not worth the risk.

Take Your Time

When you meet people on line take your time during the conversation stage. Be judgemental and critical. Look for signs of anger, rudeness or that he is taking direction from so called dating gurus on social media. Those people are almost always toxic.

Don’t trust men that are in a rush. Con artists want to move quickly. They want to find a victim, exploit her and drain her with speed and stealth. Time is on women’s side. Any time you think you’re ready to meet a man in person. Wait a week. Don’t be anxious. If he has genuine interest and respects women he will wait until you are comfortable.

He’s a Stranger

Even if you’ve been talking to a man for a while he is still a stranger. You don’t know him. He is not your friend. Your date is a stranger and should be treated as such. Keep him at arm’s length and don’t make yourself vulnerable right away.

Have Strict Rules for Meeting Places

When I was meeting online dates I chose chain restaurants. Most American chain restaurants have a similar layout. They have windows wrapped around and they are surrounded by a parking lot. The windows create potential witnesses. Park as close to the door as possible. When you pull up to the restaurant try and find a parking spot in front of a window where customers are already seated.

A first meeting with a man you met on the internet is not about being wined and dined. It’s not a matter of being impressed. It’s simply a meeting just like a job interview where both sides put in face time to see if there is further interest on both sides.

Meet During Daylight

Meet during daylight. Make sure you have enough time so that you can leave and it’s still light outside. This gives you a better chance at having a witness if a man does something psycho. It also makes the date more respectable if you can leave before the sunsets. Part company after the meal. Staying out too late makes you vulnerable. You may get more relaxed. There are more opportunities for you to be hurt. A table in a restaurant is a fairly safe space.

Don’t Drink

Don’t drink on a first on line date. I don’t care if you like to drink. You’re better off going out alone after the date and having a cocktail. Drinking will make you less inhibited and vulnerable.

Don’t Share a Car

You’ve gone out with the guy and he seems nice. Great. He’s still a stranger. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. Wait a long time before you get in his car or let him get in yours. Use your own transportation. If you usually get around town on the bus. Stay on the bus or call a cab. Don’t make yourself vulnerable and put yourself in the semi private environment of a car.

Let Someone Know Where You Are

I understand wanting to keep your dating life private from family and friends. But let someone know who you are spending time with and where you are going. Let a co worker, out of state relative, neighbor or someone know what’s going on. Let them know why you are telling them this. It’s good to have a person that will check back with you and make sure you made it back home. If something goes wrong at least there is a liaison to communicate with the police.

Don’t Let Yourself Be Bullied

Anyone that can’t understand a woman being cautious about meeting men on line does not care about women. They are not your friend and they are either foolish or seeking to exploit you. You as a woman are the vulnerable party. Stand your ground and maintain proper boundaries. If you’re not ready to go out don’t. If something seems off block.

Don’t Go Home With Him

I don’t mean to be a prude or the fun police but take a long time before going to his house. Sex with a stranger isn’t worth the risk. There are many risks but I’m talking about the immediate risk of being robbed and or killed. You’re the vulnerable party and you are leaving a lot up to chance by putting yourself in an intimate situation with a stranger.

Have Your Own Money

I don’t believe in going Dutch but be prepared to pay your own way. Be able to pay for your own meal if things go awry. Be able to get yourself home.

Men are victimized by people they meet on dating apps too. I write from my point of view as a heterosexual woman. We are the vulnerable party and that should not be forgotten. Be smart, strategic and not too anxious. Take your time and listen to your instincts. I want to emphasize take your time. Time is on the woman’s side at this stage of the relationship.