Modern Dating Scam: The Ride or Die Chick – Anna Duggar and Yandy: a case study

Anna Duggar and Yandy Smith don’t have a lot in common other than being cable reality TV personalities. Anna Duggar married into the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family of TLC reality TV show fame. Yandy is known from the VH1 program “Love and Hip Hop New York” . Both were married on TV to men that would end up incarcerated. Other than reality TV Anna and Yandy share the dubious distinction of being ride or die chicks and having it all blow up in their faces the same week.

Anna’s husband Josh was arrested for possession of child pornography two weeks ago. Josh is currently out on bail. Those kind of allegations are always shocking but Josh has been accused of sexual misconduct in the past. When Josh was young he sexually assaulted his younger sisters while they were asleep. Josh did not serve any time for what he did to his sisters. Instead he went through therapy at his church. Josh who grew up in a strict Christian household and he has also been caught on websites for married people seeking to cheat on their spouse.

All of the revelations came out in 2015. At the time Anna and Josh had four children. Anna made the decision to stay in her marriage and remain loyal to her husband. One would think that Josh would change his ways after being exposed in the media and publicly humiliating his wife. Instead he got worse and the allegations became even more dubious. Anna’s forgiveness, loyalty, patience and love didn’t amount to anything.

Yandy and her husband Mendeecees have been featured on “Love and Hip Hope New York” and “Couples Retreat”. Mendeecees was convicted on drug related charges and served four years in prison. His wife Yandy waited for him and supported him faithfully during his incarceration. She also became a prison reform activist.

An episode of “Couples Retreat” recently aired and Mendeecees was asked if he would support Yandy the way she supported him if she was incarcerated. He said he doesn’t know how he would react if the roles were reversed. The man that promised to be by her side through good times and bad admitted on a reality TV show that his vows were not sincere. Again, Yandy’s love and devotion amounted to a hill of beans. Her love is unrequited and unmatched. Yandy wasted her time and energy. She gained absolutely nothing.

I too have been a ride or die chick. About fifteen years ago I dated a man who was in the Army. The relationship happened while American troops were being deployed to Iraq. I thought I was in love with this man and I threw myself into supporting my soldier. I called him sometimes, wrote him and sent him things that he asked for. I watched the news every night and cried in front of the TV when the loss of troops was reported.

One day with tears in my eyes I tried to visualize my suitor sitting in front of the TV crying for me. I couldn’t see it. It didn’t seem feasible. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I began to question his feelings and intentions for me. He became dramatic and argumentative. I began to distance myself from him after that and the relationship fizzled out and ended. I wasted my energy, time, emotions and money. My love, care, loyalty, patriotism and devotion to this man amounted to nothing.

I took a long break from dating after that relationship. I remained completely single for about eight years before I took an interest in dating again. In those eight years I learned to make sure that any many I dated proved genuine interest and good intentions to me. I learned to take my time to ensure that a man invested in me. I am not interested in reciprocity. I’m interested in leadership. I don’t want tit for tat. I want a man that chooses me and proves to me that he is worthy to be a loyal husband.

Once I started dating again my circumstances improved. I have a boyfriend now who is clutch and very cute. But aside from that I learned how to get rid of men that weren’t showing me that they were sincere early on. Women need to understand that it doesn’t matter how much she loves a man. It doesn’t amount to anything. It matters how much he loves you.

Don’t be a ride or die chick. No sincere man wants a woman to be a ride or die chick. Only selfish men want that. A man with good intentions wants to be ride or die for her. A man that loves a woman wants her to be as stress and burden free as possible. He wants her to know that she can rely on him is she has struggles. It’s never the other way around.

Crossing the Line

A line has been crossed in hip hop. The rapper Meek Mill has offended audiences. If you haven’t heard you might be wondering what could possibly offend hip hop fans. Rap lovers have been listening to lyrics depicting violence and disrespecting Black women for decades. Rappers have made music glorifying idolatry and every sin known to man. Hip hop artists are known for being brash and irreverent. That’s their brand.

Well, Meek Mill said something Vanessa Bryant didn’t like. Basketball widow Vanessa Bryant reacted to a line in a Meek Mill song that made reference to Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash that took his life. And that ladies and gentlemen is the line you don’t cross with hip hop fans.

They don’t mind music that has degraded their culture and has poisoned the minds of young people globally for three generations now (myself included) but don’t you dare say anything to upset the princess of Black America, Vanessa Bryant.

That’s right. Instead of worrying about your own children and the influence that hip hop has on them, instead of worrying about the influence that hip hop has had on you, let’s worry about the woman that inherited $600 million and won’t give her in laws a dime and no longer wants to support her own mother. Let’s worry about the woman that is so notoriously mean that it was written about in the LA Times. Let’s worry about her.

Meek Mill’s song was definitely crass, insensitive and tasteless. But that’s what rappers do. That’s what’s made them billions. Why is Vanessa Bryant the one person on the planet that needs to be treated with kid gloves? I’m not defending Meek Mill. I don’t give a darn about him. But I don’t give a darn about Vanessa Bryant either.

My concern is how ridiculous Black people look rallying around this woman who doesn’t really acknowledge them. She doesn’t even acknowledge her Black in laws. Black people look very stupid putting this woman on a pedestal. I don’t know of anything that she or her husband ever did for Black people, LA or Kobe’s hometown of Philadelphia.

This is why Black people have a hard time being taken seriously or getting respect. Black people are happy to be subservient to Whiteness. It’s very sad to see. Had Kobe Bryant been married to a Black woman Black Americans never would have rallied around her in such a way. I promise you they would have had criticisms of her just like they criticize Kobe’s parents.

The only women Black Americans choose to protect and put on a pedestal are women with significant European ancestry. And that’s a huge factor or why Black people struggle so bad.

Anyway. I don’t care about either of these characters. I think Meek Mill has apologized. I guess that settles it for Vanessa. So in the eyes of Black America I guess it’s settled. Their princess has been satisfied. I hope a grain of this chivalry and grace will be applied to Black women by Black Americans one day.

The United States of America is NOT a Free Country

Visualize freedom. What does that look like to you? Freedom would allow men to walk down a street without suspicion or harassment from agents of the state. Freedom would allow a middle aged woman to be in the nude in her own apartment without armed government employees bursting through the door.

Freedom wouldn’t mistake eccentric behavior for criminal behavior and inject citizen’s with sedatives. Freedom would not tolerate armed bureaucrats breaking into a couple’s apartment and killing in the middle of the night. A free country would not allow municipal representatives to spray a nine year old girl in the face with mace.

None of this would happen or be tolerated in a free country. Yet it has been tolerated in America since the end of the Civil War. The United States of America is NOT a free country. The freedom of Black citizens is what is typically compromised by law enforcement and that is why it is allowed to happen at the officers’ discretion. However, no one is really free when police officers are given the power and grace that police officers have.

I am African American and I have never been manhandled or falsely arrested by a police officer. Most of my interactions with the police have been relatively polite. But all it takes is crossing paths with the wrong officer. If I’m pulled over by an officer I’m at their mercy and I’m expected to submit to whatever treatment they decide to dole out. They can easily create a tense situation and escalate the scene and give themselves and excuse to put me under arrest or kill me. An agent of the state such not be given such a wide margin.

Despite the wide margins police officers are given to work they aren’t very efficient in preventing or solving crime. City streets are still dangerous, people are missing and we have a drug war that’s been going on for forty years. Yet jaywalkers end up getting arrested and people end up getting killed when they are pulled over for a bad tail light.

There is absolutely no benefit in giving police officers so much space, grace and praise. They aren’t doing anything with it accept terrorizing Black citizens and feeding their egos. Police departments in America diminish our freedom.

The police officers are one part of a dysfunctional system. But they are the part that apprehends, intimidates, beats, tortures and kills. They are the foot soldiers and flunkies of the racist American justice system. American can not call itself a free country under the circumstances of the last one hundred fifty six years. America isn’t displaying bravery either.