Crossing the Line

A line has been crossed in hip hop. The rapper Meek Mill has offended audiences. If you haven’t heard you might be wondering what could possibly offend hip hop fans. Rap lovers have been listening to lyrics depicting violence and disrespecting Black women for decades. Rappers have made music glorifying idolatry and every sin known to man. Hip hop artists are known for being brash and irreverent. That’s their brand.

Well, Meek Mill said something Vanessa Bryant didn’t like. Basketball widow Vanessa Bryant reacted to a line in a Meek Mill song that made reference to Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash that took his life. And that ladies and gentlemen is the line you don’t cross with hip hop fans.

They don’t mind music that has degraded their culture and has poisoned the minds of young people globally for three generations now (myself included) but don’t you dare say anything to upset the princess of Black America, Vanessa Bryant.

That’s right. Instead of worrying about your own children and the influence that hip hop has on them, instead of worrying about the influence that hip hop has had on you, let’s worry about the woman that inherited $600 million and won’t give her in laws a dime and no longer wants to support her own mother. Let’s worry about the woman that is so notoriously mean that it was written about in the LA Times. Let’s worry about her.

Meek Mill’s song was definitely crass, insensitive and tasteless. But that’s what rappers do. That’s what’s made them billions. Why is Vanessa Bryant the one person on the planet that needs to be treated with kid gloves? I’m not defending Meek Mill. I don’t give a darn about him. But I don’t give a darn about Vanessa Bryant either.

My concern is how ridiculous Black people look rallying around this woman who doesn’t really acknowledge them. She doesn’t even acknowledge her Black in laws. Black people look very stupid putting this woman on a pedestal. I don’t know of anything that she or her husband ever did for Black people, LA or Kobe’s hometown of Philadelphia.

This is why Black people have a hard time being taken seriously or getting respect. Black people are happy to be subservient to Whiteness. It’s very sad to see. Had Kobe Bryant been married to a Black woman Black Americans never would have rallied around her in such a way. I promise you they would have had criticisms of her just like they criticize Kobe’s parents.

The only women Black Americans choose to protect and put on a pedestal are women with significant European ancestry. And that’s a huge factor or why Black people struggle so bad.

Anyway. I don’t care about either of these characters. I think Meek Mill has apologized. I guess that settles it for Vanessa. So in the eyes of Black America I guess it’s settled. Their princess has been satisfied. I hope a grain of this chivalry and grace will be applied to Black women by Black Americans one day.

The United States of America is NOT a Free Country

Visualize freedom. What does that look like to you? Freedom would allow men to walk down a street without suspicion or harassment from agents of the state. Freedom would allow a middle aged woman to be in the nude in her own apartment without armed government employees bursting through the door.

Freedom wouldn’t mistake eccentric behavior for criminal behavior and inject citizen’s with sedatives. Freedom would not tolerate armed bureaucrats breaking into a couple’s apartment and killing in the middle of the night. A free country would not allow municipal representatives to spray a nine year old girl in the face with mace.

None of this would happen or be tolerated in a free country. Yet it has been tolerated in America since the end of the Civil War. The United States of America is NOT a free country. The freedom of Black citizens is what is typically compromised by law enforcement and that is why it is allowed to happen at the officers’ discretion. However, no one is really free when police officers are given the power and grace that police officers have.

I am African American and I have never been manhandled or falsely arrested by a police officer. Most of my interactions with the police have been relatively polite. But all it takes is crossing paths with the wrong officer. If I’m pulled over by an officer I’m at their mercy and I’m expected to submit to whatever treatment they decide to dole out. They can easily create a tense situation and escalate the scene and give themselves and excuse to put me under arrest or kill me. An agent of the state such not be given such a wide margin.

Despite the wide margins police officers are given to work they aren’t very efficient in preventing or solving crime. City streets are still dangerous, people are missing and we have a drug war that’s been going on for forty years. Yet jaywalkers end up getting arrested and people end up getting killed when they are pulled over for a bad tail light.

There is absolutely no benefit in giving police officers so much space, grace and praise. They aren’t doing anything with it accept terrorizing Black citizens and feeding their egos. Police departments in America diminish our freedom.

The police officers are one part of a dysfunctional system. But they are the part that apprehends, intimidates, beats, tortures and kills. They are the foot soldiers and flunkies of the racist American justice system. American can not call itself a free country under the circumstances of the last one hundred fifty six years. America isn’t displaying bravery either.

Modern Dating Scam:  Candor and Honesty

I believe that candor and honesty are important in a relationship.  In a perfect world everyone would be upfront and honest during the courtship period.  However, we don’t live in a perfect world.  Men engage in dating like relationships all the time for various reasons and they aren’t always forthcoming about their end game. 

Women usually start dating men with the hope that they will find a long lasting relationship or possibly marriage.  This post is for the benefit of women.  This is advice on how to conserve your time and energy and how to protect your heart.

In my dating experiences I have always been upfront and honest about my intentions, standards and expectations.  That was a mistake.  I was honest with people that didn’t deserve it.  I revealed things about myself that made me vulnerable to manipulation and I was taken advantage of and used.

I’m not saying that women should lie when they meet a new suitor.  (I’m also not saying they shouldn’t).  I’m saying that women should hold their cards close to their chest.  Don’t tell him that your goal is marriage and children.  A woman would tell a man that so that if he has different intentions he can go about his way. 

Sometimes that works but sometimes he will ride the wave as long as he can.  I’ve been amazed in my life at how far some people will take a lie.  Men will take fake relationships until the bottom falls out of them.  If a man knows that that is your goal he knows he can waste 1-2 years of your time or more and then just break up. 

To you his sticking around is an implication that the relationship could turn into an engagement, marriage and happy family. The illusion of that can be used as a carrot to dangle in front of you.  All your honesty did was let him know how much of your time he can waste.  Men are out here having long relationships and starting families with women and never revealing their true intentions.

Observe and be judgmental as hell.  Be petty.  Quietly tear him apart.  Make decisions as you go along about whether he is what you want or not and if you’re compatible.  Don’t be afraid to cut ties.  Don’t be afraid to block numbers.  This is your life.

Studio shot of beautiful young woman playing poker. Black And White.

Don’t share your values.  Men lie and will put on whatever persona they think they need to in order to bask in your energy.  If you have strong political opinions and you could never be friends with a person with opposing views don’t say that up front.  Let him reveal his values and then you decide if they match yours or not. 

The same goes for religion or lack thereof.  Let a man reveal his spiritual life to you.  If he is compatible with you great.  If his beliefs are disagreeable to you cut ties and quietly move along.  No explanation is needed and nothing is owed.

When I used to use dating apps a common question was:  “So what are you looking for?”  I was always honest and told them.  I wish my answer had been “it depends on the kind of guy you are” or “that depends on what you want”.  Try and make them talk. 

If they start talking about vibes and s— you should probably bail.  If he says “let’s see how it goes”, abort mission.  He is lonely and just wants to enjoy your feminine energy.  He wants to toy with you. 

He doesn’t deserve your time and energy.  Even if you aren’t looking for marriage or a long term relationship this probably isn’t a man worth your time.  He is aimlessly kicking a can down the street of life.  That’s not what you need if you are over the age of twenty two.

If a man invests time in you he will learn your heart, mind, values and what you want for your future.  In time you will know if he’s a person that can be trusted with your secrets and if he deserves honesty.  There’s no reason to put it all out there too early. 

It’s important for you to know what you want.  It’s important for you to have standards.  It’s important for you to know the terms of a relationship you may want or don ‘t want.  It’s not important for your date to know.  Make them earn privileged information by proving that they can be trusted with it.

Men are fake and phony.  They are chameleons and con artists.  Most of them don’t really have any personality or spine.  Most men today will conform to any situation or opportunity placed before them.  But if you meet one that is genuine he will prove himself to be a gentleman who you can trust. 

That takes time so don’t rush things by blabbing about your standards and what kind of relationship you want right out of the gate.  If you reveal too much too early you will probably get a yes man.  If you’re a nice honest person that wouldn’t think of lying you naively will think you met a good match but in reality he just molded himself into someone that the thinks you will have sex with. 

So don’t share too much information.  Offer the absolute bare minimum.  Keep conversation light and say as little as possible.  If communication ceases,  good.  He probably didn’t have any genuine interest in you as a human being and wasn’t prepared to invest in a relationship.  Move on. 

It doesn’t really benefit you.  Women get too anxious in the dating game these days.  You don’t have to worry about wasting your time and energy if you don’t invest too much time and energy in men that haven’t been vetted.  Keep your cool and relax. 

Don’t reveal too much up front and take your time.  I’m not saying to lie as much as I’m saying to shut up and don’t offer too much information.  Your date isn’t entitle to that.  Honesty needs to be a two way street so make sure you’re not dealing with a snake before you start pouring your heart out.

Bella Thorne is a Feminist Icon

Bella Thorne is an actress that was on a Disney show called “Shake It Up” in the early 2000s. She is now twenty three and she is a social media sensation. She is worth $12 million. Bella recently caused a stir on Instagram when she created an Only Fans account. Bella Thorne’s IG controversy makes her a feminist icon.

If you’re not familiar with Only Fans it is a feature on Instagram that offers exclusive content for a fee. The exclusive content is often nudity. Bella Thorne charged subscribers $20 per month for Only Fans and made $2 million in six days. The controversy is that Bella did not post any nudity to her Only Fans.

To my understanding subscribers were upset that they didn’t get to see any nudity for their $20 monthly subscription. Sex workers that use Only Fans were upset that they are putting their body on display for a low monthly fee while Bella made millions in one week fully clothed.

Bella didn’t promise nudity and Only Fans wasn’t intended to be a soft core porn site even though that’s what it has turned into. She used feminine mystique and the power of suggestion plus her fans’ imaginations to make herself $2 million in six days.

You gotta love it. She knew her worth and she knew she didn’t have to take her clothes off in order to make a boatload of cash. Bella had nothing to gain by displaying her body.

Bella is smart enough to know her audience. I doubt that most people know who she is and if they do they wouldn’t give her a dime. She knew who would be titillated at the prospect of seeing her flesh and she marketed them a fantasy that made her richer.

The average woman can employ the same strategy in her personal life. If Jane Doe opened an Only Fans she would need to work harder than Bella Thorne and most won’t make $2 million in a week. But the lesson to be learned is that women need to know their market and who appreciates them. Put yourself in front of the right people and don’t work too hard. All women can prosper from Bella Thorne’s model.