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Most Social Media Dating Advice is Pure Garbage! (but listen to this)

The vast majority of dating advice that is dished out on social media is absolutely ridiculous.  I don’t think that a lot of these people have even had more than three dates with the same person.  But I am here to help with my bit of dating advice and it may be the last advice you need and I have career experience to qualify what I am saying.

Like pairs up with like.  That’s it.  If you haven’t met that special someone yet it’s not that there is necessarily anything wrong with you.  It’s you just haven’t met your match yet.  I worked in the jewelry retail business for about six years on a part time or full time basis.

I sold jewelry for companies such as Zales, Kay, Helzberg and a small local jeweler.  I helped couples shop for engagement rings and gifts.  The thing I noticed over time is that couples mirrored each other.  Quiet people were with quiet people.  Outgoing people were with outgoing people.  Intellectual was with intellectual.  Arrogant linked up with arrogant.  You get the picture.

I think the biggest barrier people have with dating is not staying in their lane.  One of my favorite TV shows is “90 Day Fiance”.  It’s a reality show that tells the stories of couples that were in international romances navigating the immigration system, family turmoil and culture shock.  A common theme on the show is people trying to date people that are significantly younger.

In most of the couples the only way the older person has the opportunity to date a person in their twenties is if they have an economic edge.  If the younger party was from the US they most likely wouldn’t consider the older person for romance.   Most of these people are not wealthy so they go overseas and choose a partner from a poor country.  The result is a hit TV show but most of these relationships have struggles and some fail.  They didn’t stay in their lane.

I don’t think dating is about hitting a mark.  It’s about finding someone that compliments you.  One thing that I don’t think people understand is that you don’t have the right to expect something out of a person that you don’t offer yourself.  You shouldn’t expect to date someone fit if you’re not in shape.  You can’t judge someone for their amount of sexual partners if you’ve been on the ho stroll for years.  You don’t deserve someone with good finances if you are terrible with money.

Even if you attracted someone that was your ideal your differences may cause many struggles if you’re able to find common ground at all.  If you’re a neat freak you probably won’t get very far with a slob.  A pious person probably wouldn’t get along with an atheist in intimate circumstances.  The list goes on and on.

Throw out all value judgements on who society tells you to love.  Be honest about what you have to offer and find someone that complements you.  When I worked in the jewelry business I met a lot of well cared for women that didn’t look like supermodels and had probably been around the block a bit but their men fit the same description.  I’ve heard stories of couples meeting in AA meetings and detention in high school.   Look for love where you are and from someone that reminds you…of you.

Love Lies

My favorite genre of music is R & B.  The unfortunate thing about that is that it doesn’t really exist anymore unless you listen to older music.  Most of what passes for R & B these days are Hip Hop hybrids like Drake makes.  I enjoy Drake but he’s not real R & B to me.   His music doesn’t have any real soul.

R & B’s last stand was in the 1990s.  Acts like R. Kelly, Boys II Men, Faith Evans, Jodeci and many others were at the top of the pop charts.  R & B was all over the radio to the pure delight of music lovers.  Soul music was still a force in popular music in the early 2000s with artists like Jill Scott, Erykah Badu and Anthony Hamilton.  But pure soul has all but vanished from the pop scene.

pulse

But a pulse has been detected for modern R & B music.  There is an absolutely deliciously sexy, sultry tune on the pop charts now by two young song birds named Khalid & Normani.  Their hit song tells the story of the pivotal point in a romantic relationship where the pair tries to establish an understanding of their paramour’s intentions and true feelings.  The lyrics are tense because it’s a make or break moment that happens early on in a love affair.  The lovers may move towards true love or the moment of truth can end in heartbreak.
Khalid & Normani sing the sultry lyrics to “Love Lies” with pure, old fashioned soul.  There are no featured rappers on the track.  It’s a tale of modern romance told with throwback soul and sex appeal.  Congratulations to this duo for bringing back R & B to those of us that remember it and introducing it to a new generation.  I hope Khalid & Normani work together again.  They could be Peaches & Herb 2.0.

 

 

Summer 2018

Labor Day is behind us and Fall is approaching.  It is still warm and the trees haven’t she their leaves yet but we are in the last days of Summer 2018.  I had a great summer this year.  I got to do some travelling.  I didn’t go anywhere exotic but I did get to see some place new and some new things about a place that is very familiar to me.

This summer I had the chance to visit the city of Chicago.  I had been to the airports in Chicago twenty or thirty times in my life but I actually got out and explored the city for the first time last month.  I visited my friend Brice that moved there a few years ago.  I had a lovely time.

Chicago was a lot more dense than I was expecting.  I knew it was big but I thought it would be a large urban sprawl like other Midwestern cities.  I thought Chicago was the kind of town where everyone, even those of modest means had a lawn.  I was wrong.  Chicago is a dense city and most people live in apartments or walk up houses.  I didn’t see any watered lawns or backyard vegetable gardens.  Chicago is a concrete jungle.  It feels a lot like New York.

My friend and I went to the beach on Lake Michigan on a hot Saturday afternoon.  I hadn’t been to a beach in ages and it was great.  I’m not much of an outdoorsy kind of a person so I’m not picky when it comes to beaches.  The one I visited in Chicago might be my favorite because it’s a lot closer than travelling to the coast or the Caribbean.

I visited the Willis also known as Sears Tower.  It was OK.  Getting to the top of the tower was just like visiting everything else that’s like that.  It’s just like going to Reunion Tower in Dallas or the GM headquarters in Detroit.  It’s a nice view.  The most extraordinary thing about Willis Tower was the lines.  There were about five of them and they were all very long.  There is a long line to get out of the tower too.  I wasn’t ready.  I just wasn’t prepared at all.  If you go pack a bottle of water and a little snack.  Fortunately, I happened to have both in my bag.

Chicago left a few lasting impressions.  There are a lot of Dunkin’ Donuts there.  A hole lot.  (Ha ha)  I thought that maybe their corporate headquarters were in Chicago but it is actually in Massachusetts.  Chicago is just a donut loving town.  Chicagoans are my kind of people.

There are also a lot of really beautiful Black women in Chicago.  A whole lot.  They were everywhere.  On the trains.  At the beach.  Working at Dunkin’ Donuts they were just everywhere ranging in age from the teen years to, it’s hard to tell with Black women.

Later on in August I visited my hometown of Detroit.  My family planned a reunion, cancelled it, didn’t tell me but I already bought a plane ticket.  So I went and had my own reunion with a small group of family and friends.

I stayed with a few friends that live in eastern suburbs of Detroit.  They took me to some places I had never been.  I visited Eastern Market on Saturday and we had a great time.  That’s a farmers market with a few antique shops.  It was pretty cool and I bought two vintage dresses and an authentic Chauncy Billups Pistons jersey.

Detroit is really a beautiful town.  You just have to like colorful, rough or unfinished industrial beauty.  And people are really nice and down to Earth.  I’ve lived in Kansas City for twenty years now and I’ve often thought people in Detroit are nicer than people in the plains.  This trip confirmed that.  Detroiters are nicer, more outgoing and have more swag than folks in the plains.  I’m glad I’m from there.

river front

I had a lovely summer thanks to two of the scariest cities in America.  Both are notoriously violent but I came across many lovely strangers.  Both upper Midwest cities are beautiful in their own way and there is a lot to see and do.  If you’ve never been either place you should make plans to visit.