I feel guilty about feeling so surprised. I’m a Christian and Bible teaches that if we ask God for something he will give it to us as a blessing. We are supposed to believe in and trust the word of God but sometimes I wonder if we truly believe all of what we claim to believe.
No one reads this blog so I could probably confess to a murder and get away with it. But on the off chance that anyone ever reads this I will not share the details of a struggle that I have been having. I actually had a few different struggles that I have taken to God in prayer. You know what. My prayers were answered. It’s a pretty amazing thing to have your prayers answered by God almighty. Why does He listen to me? Why does He even care? I have many qualities that I’m pretty proud of but I still don’t think I’m anyone all that special. This really blows my mind.
My struggles have come from feeling really stuck in a rut lately and I didn’t see a way out. I saw and still don’t really see a way out of my situation. I was really despondent about a few things going on in my life. I talked to God about it in prayer and things changed. They are small things but they are very meaningful to me and give me a great deal of hope for the future and for my relationship with God.
I’m so glad that I know the Lord. And I’m so glad that I stepped out on faith and prayed about my situation. I’m so grateful that I knew to turn to the Lord. And I’m ashamed that I didn’t have enough faith to believe that I would be blessed and delivered the way I have been. God is really good.
Faith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see.
I really like Viola Davis’ acceptance speech at the Emmy’s on Sunday. It has been on my mind since I heard it. She is absolutely right. There is no difference between Black women and anyone else other than the opportunities that we are offered. I’m not a Black woman in Hollywood but I am a Black woman in the American work force.
My experience and observations in and of the American work force have shown me how little American culture values Black women. A Black working woman in America will be over looked and cheated out of an opportunity before any other group. It has happened to me many times. Sometimes I look back at my career experience and I feel that if I had never tried to do better, earn more, or stand up for myself everything would have been ok. I would not have had to cope with as much friction or drama.
But I am a woman that wants to do my best and live up to my full potential. I don’t want to just accept what I am being offered. Black women are usually offered the very least of every thing. We are offered positions that offer the least amount of money, perks or influence. It’s very hard to get over that hump. It’s the same hump that Viola Davis described in her speech which was a quote from Harriet Tubman. Black women will be relegated to low wage, dead end positions regardless, of talent, contributions or education.
When you speak to a supervisor about advancing with the organization is when the problems start. In my case they are unable to come up with a real reason why I can not be promoted to a better position. The next step is for management o start problems for you which forces you to either submit to mistreatment, fight or quit. All three of those are poor options because you can never really win.
I’m very proud of Viola Davis for her accomplishment. I’m sure it will mean a lot for Black women in Hollywood. It means a lot to me as a Black woman in the American work force. I hope that in time people will begin to see Black women as leaders and not just lowly subordinates that should be grateful for whatever crumbs they are given. I also hope that more Black women will begin to see their value and fight for their stake in the American dream.
Tomorrow is pageant day. That’s what I call beauty shop appointment day. I am getting a relaxer on my hair and a style; nothing very different. I would love to grow my hair out natural. It would be great to try it out for a while. I’m not afraid in the least bit to shave my head bald and watch it all grow back natural. I just want time to do it.
The problem with changing your hair drastically are the shocked reactions to people that see you regularly. I don’t want to have to explain myself over and over to people about why I made the decision. I also need time and space to decide if I like my hair au natural myself. I have not worn my hair in it’s natural state since I was a toddler so I don’t really know what it’s like. The same can be said for many Black women.
I love how my nappy roots feel. My hair is very spongey and super curly. Curly probably isn’t the right word. I really prefer nappy even though I don’t think that word is widely understood either. But I must admit it is very difficult to get a comb through my hair in it’s natural state. That’s another reason I wish I had time to grow my hair out naturally. I don’t really have the time to rake through a nappy afro ever morning. I would have to figure out a new maintenance routine which would take some experimenting with different finishing products and styling tools. I want a good month to myself to watch my hair do what it naturally does.
One of these days I’m going to do it. My hair has been should length, short, shorter and super short but always chemically process to give it a straight texture. It’s been it natural super dark brown (now with gray tinsel) , lighter brown, copper, reddish, fire engine red and streaked with blonde. I think it’s kind of a shame that it’s been everything but it’s natural nappy self.
Natural hair is the trend right now. But what’s funny the fashion bloggers that right about natural hair are often promoting a White standard of beauty. The models they use often have curly hair and not nappy hair. The hair falls to their shoulders instead of standing up on their head. The models are often people that don’t even have two Black parents. I call bullshit on the current natural hair trends. When I grow my hair natural it won’t be because I’m following a fashion trend. It will be because I reached a point in my life when I’m able to better control my own time instead of punching someone else’s time clock 45 hours a week. Until that time off to the beauty shop I go.
I am Shannon in Kansas City, MO. I’m an amateur writer that has continuously kept diaries and journals since I was in middle school. It’s time to join the 21st century and start a blog I suppose. I want to thank my audience, whomever you are out there. I am forty years old, never married, no children and under employed with three college degrees. I am a few 21st century tragic statistics at the same time.
I am a believer in God (Jesus Christ to be specific) and true love. I believe in striving towards ideals; moral, physical and spiritual. I believe in struggling to keep your dreams alive and maintain your values. There’s not much more to life than that.
My interests and hobbies include but are not limited to: fashion, literature, sports, yoga, writing, reality TV, cinema, socializing with friends and socializing in and around the Kansas City metropolitan area.