Tag: Beauty

Pretty is not Special

I am not a feminist.  I think the modern feminist movement is sorely misguided in many ways and they do diminish women’s power.  They encourage events such as Amber Rose’s Slut Walk.  Feminists have convinced women that if they are confident and comfortable with themselves that they will put their body on display for the world to see, ogle and judge.  And the men of the world say “OK” with a shrug.  This all works out great for them.

The most empowering message that I think can be shared with young women is that pretty is not special.  Pretty is great but it is far too common to make you special.  And there are so many different types of pretty in the world that pretty connoisseurs can sample your type of pretty and then move on to a different type of pretty.

Besides that pretty is bountiful.  I see it all over the place.  I live in Kansas City, MO.  Kansas City isn’t a glamorous place like New York or Paris but my goodness I have seen some gorgeous women in this town.  I’ve seen them at the night spots, churches, the drug store, shopping malls they’re everywhere.  They range in age from sixteen to sixty.  They are fair skinned to deep brown, petite to pleasantly plump, conservative, sexy, edgy, trendy you name it.  So if pretty is what you focus on you’re really just another face in the crowd if you’re in certain crowds.  I for one think any woman can be pretty.  It just takes a little style.

And there is no finish line to pretty.  There’s really no way to know if you’re the fairest of them all because no one is cute to everyone and everyone is cute to someone.  The quest for pretty can be exhausting.  Are you ever pretty enough?  And one must remember that Father Time is always right behind you.  I don’t think that Father Time necessarily destroys beauty but he certainly changes it to a different kind of beauty that is not appreciated.

I am realistic and I think pretty is good.  It’s certainly better than ugly.  And certain opportunities will only be opened to those that are deemed pretty.  You only have one body so by all means cherish it and decorate it well.  But pretty needs to go along with other things or it is useless and possibly even irritating.  Pretty needs to be partnered with a good spirit, a keen intellect and or an enjoyable personality.  All of those things will outlast the youthful beauty that society puts on a pedestal.

Not that anyone has asked but I advise all women to enjoy and protect the beauty of your youth but don’t make it an idol.  You are more than your shell.  Let all of your gifts shine.  Some of them can last a lifetime even if you live a long life.  Don’t let this world tell you that your value depends on how you measure up to beauty queens or Low Rider models.  Your value is not dependent on how many men approach you when you are out for a night on the town.  Your value is not determined by the status of the men you attract.

2017 is a dangerous time for women.  Young women and men are being fed foolishness under the guise of feminism.  Men and women need to retrain themselves to value women for something other than physical appearance.  We will all be well served when we learn to value women as whole human beings.

False Ideals – Shannon in Kansas City

We are taught to love, uphold and strive for ideals.  The media and the culture at large teach us about ideal beauty.  We should all want to be thin, young, have long hair and be White, or at least the Whitest version of what your ethnic group can provide if you are a non White person.  We are told how an ideal citizen is supposed to behave.  We are all supposed to want to go to school, get married, have a few kids, buy a home, work for forty years and pay taxes.

I don’t think anyone truly benefits from ideal imagery.  Privilege is given to those that match a culture’s ideal imagery but that privilege is based on superficiality and falsehoods.  But they sometimes struggle to maintain their admirable façade and suffer when their reality doesn’t match the image that the world sees.  Those that don’t match what their culture calls ideal can become victims of discrimination and must endure the consequences of unfair treatment.

Anyone that tries to promote an ideal image is most likely trying to manipulate you for their own benefit.  The cosmetics industry needs to present you with an ideal image so that you will want to buy what they are selling in order to pursue their idea of beauty and desirability.  Weight loss companies sell fat people the idea that an ideal thin figure will lead to happiness.  Dating websites promote that being a part of a couple is the ideal to single people in order to sell their services.  White supremacy has been sold to the world in order to consolidate resources and wealth for certain people and places in the world while others suffer.

The only ideal is Jesus Christ.  Nothing else matches His purity or perfection.  Beware of anything or anyone that tries to sell you an image or idea of perfection other than Christ.  When humans try to convince others that they or something they produce is ideal they are going to try to exploit and take advantage of others.

There are many people that I admire for their abilities, talents or beauty.  But we all have gifts and talent but none of us are perfect.  It does not matter how beautiful, athletic, smart, wealthy and talented an individual is we all need a savior.  There is nothing wrong with striving for beauty, career success or wealth but it is important to remember that none of those things are the end all and be all.  It is easy to create unhealthy idols of our ideals.  Always put God first.

 

Exodus 20: 3-4

3 You must have no other gods  before me.  4 Do not make an idol for yourself-no form whatsoever-of anything in the sky above or on the earth below or in the waters under the earth.

Romans 3:23

All have sinned and fall short of God’s glory, 24 but all are treated as righteous freely by his grace because of a ransom that was paid by Christ Jesus.

Psalm 146:3-4

3 Don’t trust leaders; don’t trust any human being-there’s no saving help with them! 4 Their breath leaves them then they go back to the ground.  On that very same day, their plans die too.

The Crusade for Femininity

I love femininity and I love women.  I enjoy being a woman and I don’t ever remember a time when I did not delight in feminine interests such as make up and hair care products.  I’m what you would call a girls girl.  I think that femininity is something to be admired and respected.  Unfortunately, in today’s world I feel my opinion puts me in the minority.

In my observations femininity has become something that people make fun of, disrespect and try to own and control.  Women that use make up and other products to give themselves a more feminine appearance are labeled high maintenance, thirsty or slutty.  I do not understand how people have come to this conclusion.  What’s wrong with a woman wanting to look feminine and presenting herself nicely?

It also seems to me that in 2015 femininity has become synonymous with slutty.  That’s very disturbing to me because I believe that it is possible to be a mature feminine woman without giving the appearance that you are sexually available to any man that winks in your direction.

I feel like some women have decided to present themselves in a more gender neutral way because it gives them a greater sense of power and makes them less vulnerable.  I suppose I can’t blame them.  Femininity is no longer seen as something to be protected, cherished and respected.  In modern times it is often thought of something to be controlled, abused and attacked.

I try to present myself with feminine grace physically and with actions.  That is not to say that I play dumb or make myself passive to men around me.  I think that femininity can be smart, strong, successful, powerful and independent.

I don’t think that femininity is something that exists strictly for a man’s pleasure.  It’s natural for a man to appreciate feminine beauty but it is not theirs to own.  A woman’s beauty is her own and it should be used to glorify God.  The way she presents herself is a reflection of who she is, and who her creator is.

I believe this misunderstanding is where the lack of respect and need to control femininity comes from.  People like to put down what they don’t understand and what intimidates them.  The availability of pornography and business marketing strategies have made men believe that attractive, young women should be readily available to them.

Men are taught that they are entitled to feminine beauty.  Therefore, women, especially attractive ones get labeled thots, hoes, bitches etc.  Attractive young women are seen as objects to be used and tossed to the side.  When they are old or used too much they are to be tossed aside for good.

Femininity is a part of God’s plan.  I’m a believer in Christ and I believe that femininity and masculinity are a part of God’s plan for our lives and the world we live in.  Pardon the reference to Eastern religion but masculinity and femininity are a part of the world’s yin and yang.  Both are necessary for harmony and balance.  Both are needed and should be respected.

Women should contribute beauty , softness and a delicate nature to the world.  American culture is dying for that.  The world we live in had become much more male dominant and masculine.  We are loosing respect for the feminine grace that gives us appreciation for art, poetry, flowers, fashion, fine china, flowers etc.  We are much more interested in things being fast, cheap, and in large quantities.  We love violent entertainment and sexualized humor.  It’s because we have no real respect for women any more and women are socialized to be more like men.

That leaves very few people left to be ladies.  Ladies, women hold any society together.  We set the standards for behavior and social mores. I think that women need to have more respect for feminine grace.  It starts with us.  Men will follow.

Love yourself as a woman and invest in yourself physically, intellectually and emotionally.  Your body is a temple.  You are worth good things and time.  The world desperately needs your feminine grace.

1 Corinthians 6:19  Or don’t you know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you?  Don’t you know that you have the Holy Spirit from God, and you don’t belong to yourselves?

 

A Woman’s Worth

 

I’m getting my hair did tomorrow!

Tomorrow is pageant day.  That’s what I call beauty shop appointment day.  I am getting a relaxer on my hair and a style; nothing very different.  I would love to grow my hair out natural.  It would be great to try it out for a while.  I’m not afraid in the least bit to shave my head bald and watch it all grow back natural.  I just want time to do it.

The problem with changing your hair drastically are the shocked reactions to people that see you regularly.  I don’t want to have to explain myself over and over to people about why I made the decision.  I also need time and space to decide if I like my hair au natural myself.  I have not worn my hair in it’s natural state since I was a toddler so I don’t really know what it’s like.  The same can be said for many Black women.

I love how my nappy roots feel.  My hair is very spongey and super curly.  Curly probably isn’t the right word.  I really prefer nappy even though I don’t think that word is widely understood either.  But I must admit it is very difficult to get a comb through my hair in it’s natural state.  That’s another reason I wish I had time to grow my hair out naturally.  I don’t really have the time to rake through a nappy afro ever morning.  I would have to figure out a new maintenance routine which would take some experimenting with different finishing products and styling tools.  I want a good month to myself to watch my hair do what it naturally does.

One of these days I’m going to do it.  My hair has been should length, short, shorter and super short but always chemically process to give it a straight texture.  It’s been it natural super dark brown (now with gray tinsel) , lighter brown, copper, reddish, fire engine red and streaked with blonde.  I think it’s kind of a shame that it’s been everything but it’s natural nappy self.

Natural hair is the trend right now.  But what’s funny the fashion bloggers that right about natural hair are often promoting a White standard of beauty.  The models they use often have curly hair and not nappy hair.  The hair falls to their shoulders instead of standing up on their head.  The models are often people that don’t even have two Black parents.  I call bullshit on the current natural hair trends.  When I grow my hair natural it won’t be because I’m following a fashion trend.  It will be because I reached a point in my life when I’m able to better control my own time instead of punching someone else’s time clock 45 hours a week.  Until that time off to the beauty shop I go.