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Anna Duggar and Yandy Smith don’t have a lot in common other than being cable reality TV personalities. Anna Duggar married into the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family of TLC reality TV show fame. Yandy is known from the VH1 program “Love and Hip Hop New York” . Both were married on TV to men that would end up incarcerated. Other than reality TV Anna and Yandy share the dubious distinction of being ride or die chicks and having it all blow up in their faces the same week.

Anna’s husband Josh was arrested for possession of child pornography two weeks ago. Josh is currently out on bail. Those kind of allegations are always shocking but Josh has been accused of sexual misconduct in the past. When Josh was young he sexually assaulted his younger sisters while they were asleep. Josh did not serve any time for what he did to his sisters. Instead he went through therapy at his church. Josh who grew up in a strict Christian household and he has also been caught on websites for married people seeking to cheat on their spouse.

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All of the revelations came out in 2015. At the time Anna and Josh had four children. Anna made the decision to stay in her marriage and remain loyal to her husband. One would think that Josh would change his ways after being exposed in the media and publicly humiliating his wife. Instead he got worse and the allegations became even more dubious. Anna’s forgiveness, loyalty, patience and love didn’t amount to anything.

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Yandy and her husband Mendeecees have been featured on “Love and Hip Hope New York” and “Couples Retreat”. Mendeecees was convicted on drug related charges and served four years in prison. His wife Yandy waited for him and supported him faithfully during his incarceration. She also became a prison reform activist.

An episode of “Couples Retreat” recently aired and Mendeecees was asked if he would support Yandy the way she supported him if she was incarcerated. He said he doesn’t know how he would react if the roles were reversed. The man that promised to be by her side through good times and bad admitted on a reality TV show that his vows were not sincere. Again, Yandy’s love and devotion amounted to a hill of beans. Her love is unrequited and unmatched. Yandy wasted her time and energy. She gained absolutely nothing.

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I too have been a ride or die chick. About fifteen years ago I dated a man who was in the Army. The relationship happened while American troops were being deployed to Iraq. I thought I was in love with this man and I threw myself into supporting my soldier. I called him sometimes, wrote him and sent him things that he asked for. I watched the news every night and cried in front of the TV when the loss of troops was reported.

One day with tears in my eyes I tried to visualize my suitor sitting in front of the TV crying for me. I couldn’t see it. It didn’t seem feasible. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I began to question his feelings and intentions for me. He became dramatic and argumentative. I began to distance myself from him after that and the relationship fizzled out and ended. I wasted my energy, time, emotions and money. My love, care, loyalty, patriotism and devotion to this man amounted to nothing.

I took a long break from dating after that relationship. I remained completely single for about eight years before I took an interest in dating again. In those eight years I learned to make sure that any many I dated proved genuine interest and good intentions to me. I learned to take my time to ensure that a man invested in me. I am not interested in reciprocity. I’m interested in leadership. I don’t want tit for tat. I want a man that chooses me and proves to me that he is worthy to be a loyal husband.

Once I started dating again my circumstances improved. I have a boyfriend now who is clutch and very cute. But aside from that I learned how to get rid of men that weren’t showing me that they were sincere early on. Women need to understand that it doesn’t matter how much she loves a man. It doesn’t amount to anything. It matters how much he loves you.

Don’t be a ride or die chick. No sincere man wants a woman to be a ride or die chick. Only selfish men want that. A man with good intentions wants to be ride or die for her. A man that loves a woman wants her to be as stress and burden free as possible. He wants her to know that she can rely on him is she has struggles. It’s never the other way around.