Getting to Know You

The quest for true love is not for the faint of heart.  It’s tough out there folks and on line dating is a blessing for many but for others it adds to the confusion and frustration.  I am a part of the latter group.

Last week I briefly communicated with a man and he suggested that we meet up for coffee.  When I say we briefly communicated I mean that we clicked the feature to “like” each other and exchanged about two lines of text.  He said that he was looking for a relationship and asked me if I would be open to talking to him about that.  I said sure.

Then he suggested that we meet for coffee.  I told him that I would not be interested in meeting him right away.  I would like to talk to him on the app first and then have a few conversations on the phone.  He says to me that he was no longer interested because he is feels like he can’t get to know a person through an app or on the phone.  He wants to see a person face to face in order to get to know them.

I agree with him.  I want to get to know a person face to face as well and get to know what makes a person unique.  But I’m not going to meet up with a complete stranger upon his request.  That sounds like a Backpage.com hookup to me.

This gentleman also said that he was concerned about being catfished.  That’s a valid concern but I am concerned about being stabbed multiple times and ending up on a missing persons list or being sold into a sex trafficking ring.  It’s a tough world out there for women.  Men need to understand that women are the vulnerable party in these types of meetings.  The least they can do is be understanding of our safety concerns.

This man wanted me to take the time to get dolled up, drive somewhere that I don’t typically go and compromise my safety so he can look me over as if I’m a used car.  That’s very degrading without him knowing anything about me as an individual.  And what do I stand to win in this beauty pageant.  This man isn’t great looking.  He isn’t young.  I doubt that he’s wealthy.  He’s not even nice or much of a gentleman.  No thanks.

The funny thing about this brief interaction is that this man said that he was looking for a traditional woman.  I like traditional relationships between men and women and I have no problem with old fashioned gender roles.  But a man that states that he is looking for a traditional woman is a bit of a red flag for me.  That’s all he talked about in his profile other than his aspirations to own an insurance firm.

I don’t know that I am the type of traditional woman he is looking for but I am a lady.  I wanted to try and establish that.  What lady is going to meet up with a stranger that she knows absolutely nothing about?  This is not only a safety concern but I am trying to avoid wasting the time and energy of both parties.

I often wonder how some people end up in relationships with people where they both have completely different visions for their future.  A lot of these problems can be avoided with open and honest conversations at the beginning.  Actually I do know how people get into these situations.  They aren’t open or honest.  The beginning of many romantic relationships take place behind a smokescreen.

For me looks are not the most important factor because there are very few men on dating websites that are attractive.  Most of them are Kansas City sevens at best.  So looks are not my primary focus because it doesn’t seem to be an option that is available to me.  I’m interested in character, common goals and values and what we both want for the future.

I think that all of these things are based on the individual and not based on who they meet in life.  That’s particularly true for people that are over thirty five or so.  It’s all about finding a good match and you can eliminate people that may not be right for you if you give things a bit of time in the beginning and have the right conversations.

I agree that you can’t completely get to know a person on the phone or through messages on a dating app.  But there should be a period of time where people get to know each other from a safe distance and without an investment of money, time or make up.  Men are worried about being catfished but women are worried about being murdered or raped.  A true gentleman will be considerate of those concerns instead of putting his selfish interests first.

The Crusade for Femininity

I love femininity and I love women.  I enjoy being a woman and I don’t ever remember a time when I did not delight in feminine interests such as make up and hair care products.  I’m what you would call a girls girl.  I think that femininity is something to be admired and respected.  Unfortunately, in today’s world I feel my opinion puts me in the minority.

In my observations femininity has become something that people make fun of, disrespect and try to own and control.  Women that use make up and other products to give themselves a more feminine appearance are labeled high maintenance, thirsty or slutty.  I do not understand how people have come to this conclusion.  What’s wrong with a woman wanting to look feminine and presenting herself nicely?

It also seems to me that in 2015 femininity has become synonymous with slutty.  That’s very disturbing to me because I believe that it is possible to be a mature feminine woman without giving the appearance that you are sexually available to any man that winks in your direction.

I feel like some women have decided to present themselves in a more gender neutral way because it gives them a greater sense of power and makes them less vulnerable.  I suppose I can’t blame them.  Femininity is no longer seen as something to be protected, cherished and respected.  In modern times it is often thought of something to be controlled, abused and attacked.

I try to present myself with feminine grace physically and with actions.  That is not to say that I play dumb or make myself passive to men around me.  I think that femininity can be smart, strong, successful, powerful and independent.

I don’t think that femininity is something that exists strictly for a man’s pleasure.  It’s natural for a man to appreciate feminine beauty but it is not theirs to own.  A woman’s beauty is her own and it should be used to glorify God.  The way she presents herself is a reflection of who she is, and who her creator is.

I believe this misunderstanding is where the lack of respect and need to control femininity comes from.  People like to put down what they don’t understand and what intimidates them.  The availability of pornography and business marketing strategies have made men believe that attractive, young women should be readily available to them.

Men are taught that they are entitled to feminine beauty.  Therefore, women, especially attractive ones get labeled thots, hoes, bitches etc.  Attractive young women are seen as objects to be used and tossed to the side.  When they are old or used too much they are to be tossed aside for good.

Femininity is a part of God’s plan.  I’m a believer in Christ and I believe that femininity and masculinity are a part of God’s plan for our lives and the world we live in.  Pardon the reference to Eastern religion but masculinity and femininity are a part of the world’s yin and yang.  Both are necessary for harmony and balance.  Both are needed and should be respected.

Women should contribute beauty , softness and a delicate nature to the world.  American culture is dying for that.  The world we live in had become much more male dominant and masculine.  We are loosing respect for the feminine grace that gives us appreciation for art, poetry, flowers, fashion, fine china, flowers etc.  We are much more interested in things being fast, cheap, and in large quantities.  We love violent entertainment and sexualized humor.  It’s because we have no real respect for women any more and women are socialized to be more like men.

That leaves very few people left to be ladies.  Ladies, women hold any society together.  We set the standards for behavior and social mores. I think that women need to have more respect for feminine grace.  It starts with us.  Men will follow.

Love yourself as a woman and invest in yourself physically, intellectually and emotionally.  Your body is a temple.  You are worth good things and time.  The world desperately needs your feminine grace.

1 Corinthians 6:19  Or don’t you know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you?  Don’t you know that you have the Holy Spirit from God, and you don’t belong to yourselves?

 

A Woman’s Worth