My XXX Experience – Shannon in Kansas City

I’ve been reading testimonials on social media lately about well known people and their experiences with pornography.  I’ve considered writing about my thoughts on pornography in the past but I chickened out because I was ashamed to admit that I ever indulged in on line erotica.  I’m still ashamed that I ever used pornography but I feel that shame binds people into keeping secrets which only exacerbates problems that can be overcome.

I am a single woman that is not a virgin but has been celibate for an extended period of time.  One day several years ago it occurred to me that I really didn’t remember what sex was like.  This made me feel deprived, sad and out of touch with other adult people.  I was stupid for feeling that way because I was actually blessed.  I had returned to an innocence that I had lost but I didn’t appreciate that at the time.

One night I typed the word horny into the search engine on my computer and I came in contact with internet pornography.  It was not the first time I had seen pornography.  When I was a child growing up I use to see my copies of Playboy at my dad’s house.  I also saw a copy of Penthouse at my aunt’s house when I was young.  It was the issue that featured the disgraced Miss America Vanessa Williams.  I remember those images vividly.  I was about eight years old.  I’ve also seen soft core porn on HBO late at night and I saw an erotic movie at a friend’s house when I was a teenager on a VHS tape.

The first thing that struck me about internet porn was the sheer volume of it.  You will never get to the bottom of the porn pit on the internet.  I was not initially aroused or appalled.  I was mostly just enthralled and shocked by it.  It was fascinating.  I couldn’t believe that so many people were willing to perform these acts in front of a camera.  I had no idea that people behaved this way.  I had one hundred questions for the people in the videos.

Watching porn became a habit over a three year or so period.  I didn’t watch it every day.  My visits to porn sites were sometimes quite infrequent.  I would become aroused and experiment with masturbation.  I told myself that I was preparing myself for my future spouse.  I told myself that I was practicing safe sex.  I told myself that I was learning about my own body.  I no longer think this way.  Even if these statements were true I was selfishly taking advantage of other people that are probably disadvantaged in some way for my own benefit.

The more I watched porn the more I questioned why I did it.  Honestly, it is very corny and not sexy at all.  It’s not really sexy because porn is purely sex.  Porn films have nothing to do with flirtation or chemistry.  There is no story to be told about two humans connecting and nurturing a relationship.  It’s just sex.  It’s just two people fucking like animals.  After a while porn wasn’t even arousing anymore.

Before I began experimenting with pornography I really had no problem with it.  I thought that it could be useful for people that did not have a sexual partner, or people that were incarcerated or unable to have sex for whatever reason.  But as I watched porn I realized how degrading and sometimes violent it was towards women.  I’ve seen porn videos where the women were clearly drunk or high.  Perhaps that what they needed to do in order to perform.

I don’t consider myself to be a feminist but I am in favor of women having equal opportunities and respect.  I couldn’t in good conscious continue to watch pornography and consider myself to be an encourager of women.  I also didn’t feel like I could call myself a follower of Christ and continue to use pornography.  I can’t find a scripture that directly speaks against masturbation or being a passive viewer of immorality but I’m pretty confident that it is not in God’s will for us to spend our time watching strangers have sex like stray cats.

I wrote a blog posting in the past about the benefits of being a Christian.  A benefit that I didn’t mention about the Christian life is that if you believe that the Bible is the absolute word of God you have an unwavering standard about what is right and what is wrong.  If a Christian takes a wrong turn in life they have a road map on how to get back on track.  It is such a blessing to have an absolute like the word of God in your life.

Breaking my porn habit is probably similar to what smokers go through when they try to quit.  I had to pray my way through it and ask for strength and forgiveness.  I would go long periods of time without watching porn and then something would inspire me to watch it again.  I had to repeat the steps of asking for strength and forgiveness.  I saw a public service announcement once that told smokers to never quit quitting.  I had quit watching porn several times.

My experience with porn showed me that porn is degrading to women.  It is not about enjoying sex at all.  Most of it is based on domination and humiliation.  Women are almost always placed in a subservient position in XXX films.  Porn is not empowering or liberating to women in any way.  It is the exact opposite.  I have no research to substantiate but I have a strong feeling that the availability and heavy usage of pornography is responsible for the aggressive attitude that American culture has toward women.

I became involved with pornography out of loneliness.  I was longing for intimacy and I tried to use masturbation and sexually charged images as a substitute.  It didn’t work.  I wasted a great deal of time and nearly destroyed a computer because I exposed it to a virus through a porn site.  Pornography is degrading to women and men and it reduces human beings to our most primal instincts.  Those primal instincts are not what make humans great.  Our minds and our souls are what make us different from other life forms.  Pornography does not explore the mind or the soul.

Once the initial shock and awe of pornography wears off you see that it’s not even sexy.  It’s very corny and unrealistic.  There is no way in the hell I would do most of that shit.  Pornography has absolutely no redeeming value for any man or woman.  I’m glad that I know the Lord and His standards.  Once again God’s standards saved and the Holy Spirit guided me to a more righteous path

 

Russell Brand on Pornography

Terry Crews on Pornography

Ted Bundy on Pornography

 

 

 

 

Perks of Being a Christian – Shannon in Kansas City

Discernment

I am so grateful to know Jesus Christ and to have access to his word.  The Bible has opened my eyes to the will of God and the plans God has for my life and thereafter.  Christians are promised redemption for their sins and an eternity spent with our father in heaven.  But there are perks to being a Christian while you are living here on Earth.

The world we live in today is very confusing.  Some of the people in it will smile in your face but will have every intention of using you just like the devil will.  They will act like your friend and then take every thing you have to give and leave you with absolutely nothing.  Following God’s standard will help you sort out sweet spirits from evil ones.

I am a woman that has never been married.  Near the beginning of a relationship I tell men that I am not interested in sexual intercourse unless we marry.  Usually I stop hearing from them after that.  Sometimes if I even mention church attendance or attending a Bible study I don’t hear from these men anymore.  It is disappointing and hurtful but at least I did not allow myself to be used and it is because I decided to trust God.  God’s word spared me a relationship with a man that is selfish and only sees women as play things.

Of all the gifts that Christians are given I think that discernment is one of the greatest.  Whenever I come to a cross roads in my life I pray about it.  If I meet a man that wants to get to know me romantically I always pray about it and ask God if it is His will.  I ask God to make the relationship flourish if it is of His will or take it away if it is not.  I’m a little nervous at this point because all of my romantic pursuits have floundered but I will continue to have faith in God.  I’m still hopeful that there is someone for me.

I also pray when it comes to professional commitments.  I have had a great deal of on the job drama.  I don’t know why because I just want to do my best and make a living.  I have lost several jobs due to work place politics.  I have been slighted and forced out the door more times than I care to remember.

But I don’t think I’ve ever lost anything that was going to take me to where I want to be in life so I’m better off without it.  If something isn’t a help it’s a hindrance and we all need to know our value and fight for it.  Hopefully, God has something fulfilling and financially viable for me.  Despite my checkered professional past I’ve always been able to find another job, I pay my tithes, my bills have been paid and I have and do nice things.

When I pray over relationships and situations that I’ve been in I ask for the Holy Spirit to intervene on my behalf.  The Lord has always revealed the truth.  We just need to ask and give Him time.  I have always learned the true character of the people.  The Lord will show you who is trying to take advantage of you and make a fool of you.  He will also show you who really cares for you.  Jesus will take you right out of a negative and stressful situation that is draining your spirit.  The peace God gives is a blessing.

1 Corinthians 14:33

God isn’t a God of disorder but of peace.  Like in all the churches of God’s people,

If you are experiencing a lot of confusion you should consult the Bible and pray about it.

1 John 4:1

Dear friends, don’t believe every spirit.  Test the spirits to see if they are from God because many false prophets have gone into the world.

It is OK to test friends, romantic interests, family members and business partners.  Ask God to help you sort out who is good for your life and who isn’t.

1 Thessalonians 5

Pray continually.

Keep on praying.

The Crusade for Femininity

I love femininity and I love women.  I enjoy being a woman and I don’t ever remember a time when I did not delight in feminine interests such as make up and hair care products.  I’m what you would call a girls girl.  I think that femininity is something to be admired and respected.  Unfortunately, in today’s world I feel my opinion puts me in the minority.

In my observations femininity has become something that people make fun of, disrespect and try to own and control.  Women that use make up and other products to give themselves a more feminine appearance are labeled high maintenance, thirsty or slutty.  I do not understand how people have come to this conclusion.  What’s wrong with a woman wanting to look feminine and presenting herself nicely?

It also seems to me that in 2015 femininity has become synonymous with slutty.  That’s very disturbing to me because I believe that it is possible to be a mature feminine woman without giving the appearance that you are sexually available to any man that winks in your direction.

I feel like some women have decided to present themselves in a more gender neutral way because it gives them a greater sense of power and makes them less vulnerable.  I suppose I can’t blame them.  Femininity is no longer seen as something to be protected, cherished and respected.  In modern times it is often thought of something to be controlled, abused and attacked.

I try to present myself with feminine grace physically and with actions.  That is not to say that I play dumb or make myself passive to men around me.  I think that femininity can be smart, strong, successful, powerful and independent.

I don’t think that femininity is something that exists strictly for a man’s pleasure.  It’s natural for a man to appreciate feminine beauty but it is not theirs to own.  A woman’s beauty is her own and it should be used to glorify God.  The way she presents herself is a reflection of who she is, and who her creator is.

I believe this misunderstanding is where the lack of respect and need to control femininity comes from.  People like to put down what they don’t understand and what intimidates them.  The availability of pornography and business marketing strategies have made men believe that attractive, young women should be readily available to them.

Men are taught that they are entitled to feminine beauty.  Therefore, women, especially attractive ones get labeled thots, hoes, bitches etc.  Attractive young women are seen as objects to be used and tossed to the side.  When they are old or used too much they are to be tossed aside for good.

Femininity is a part of God’s plan.  I’m a believer in Christ and I believe that femininity and masculinity are a part of God’s plan for our lives and the world we live in.  Pardon the reference to Eastern religion but masculinity and femininity are a part of the world’s yin and yang.  Both are necessary for harmony and balance.  Both are needed and should be respected.

Women should contribute beauty , softness and a delicate nature to the world.  American culture is dying for that.  The world we live in had become much more male dominant and masculine.  We are loosing respect for the feminine grace that gives us appreciation for art, poetry, flowers, fashion, fine china, flowers etc.  We are much more interested in things being fast, cheap, and in large quantities.  We love violent entertainment and sexualized humor.  It’s because we have no real respect for women any more and women are socialized to be more like men.

That leaves very few people left to be ladies.  Ladies, women hold any society together.  We set the standards for behavior and social mores. I think that women need to have more respect for feminine grace.  It starts with us.  Men will follow.

Love yourself as a woman and invest in yourself physically, intellectually and emotionally.  Your body is a temple.  You are worth good things and time.  The world desperately needs your feminine grace.

1 Corinthians 6:19  Or don’t you know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you?  Don’t you know that you have the Holy Spirit from God, and you don’t belong to yourselves?

 

A Woman’s Worth