Head Trips and Mind Games

I enjoy social media because you learn the truth about people. Often times the truth is not pretty but it is the truth and there is always value in that.  I’ve run across social media outlets that are geared towards men.  The most common topic in these male spaces is women.  They talk about their desires, complaints and preferences when it comes to the opposite sex.  I will refer to them as The Complainers.

After eavesdropping on The Complainers and sometimes participating in some of these conversations I’ve found it very hard to follow the thought pattern of these men.  I can’t figure out the end game.  I feel like there is no real desire to come to an understanding with women and have respectful relationships.  The on line commentary mostly expresses frustration and disdain for women.  Love and partnership is rarely if ever mentioned.

These on line chats are under the guise of them being for men but I really think they exist to send messages to women while excluding them from the conversation.  I think the goal is to manipulate women and to control them through criticism because it seems that women can’t do anything to satisfy these men.  It’s rare that one of the complainers mentions a wife or girlfriend.

These are just a few of the contradictions that I’ve seen on The Complainers’ social media chats.

Women should stop wearing weave.  ->  Your hair is nappy and too short.
Women need to get off of welfare ->  A college degree doesn’t make you more valuable to men.
Single mothers are undateable. ->   Men shouldn’t get married.
All women are promiscuous. ->  I would use her for a pump and dump but that’s it.
Women without fathers are damaged goods. ->  Women are responsible for raising children.
Women are choosing careers over families. ->  Women should be willing to split finances 50/50.
Women always pick the wrong guys. ->  Women have unrealistic standards.
It’s OK for men to have preferences. ->  Women that date outside of their race are bedwenches.
Women should commit young. ->  Men should marry no sooner that their late thirties.
Women shouldn’t pressure men to commit. ->  Women hit “The Wall” at thirty five.
Women seek out attention too much ->  Women should welcome male attention in public.
Women focus on their looks too much ->  Everyone wants to date someone attractive.

criticising

What conclusion can women come to after taking in this information?  The only conclusion that I can reach is that there is some serious confusion out there along with disdain for women.  Women’s humanity and intellect is completely overlooked and women are talked about as if they are inanimate objects.

I’ve never seen anyone go into detail about what perfection looks like and how to achieve it.  The standards that The Complainers have is not sustainable or realistic because they want old fashioned, traditional womanhood without offering old fashioned traditional manhood.  They complain about feminism but they fail to see how feminism benefits men.  I think that men are the real benefactors of feminism because they don’t bear the same amount of responsibility as they once did.  There aren’t very many expectations for men anymore.

If any man wanted an old fashioned relationship he just needs to decide that he wants to be an old fashioned man and then he needs to find a woman to go along with those ideals.  I can see how that would be a challenge but I don’t think it’s impossible if a man is taking the lead, is realistic about his end of the bargain and expresses his intentions.  Simply don’t date feminists if they bother you so much.

I think The Complainers know that they are not being completely honest in what they say but they aren’t willing to speak their truth.  The truth is that they want to the best of both worlds.  They like the lack of responsibility and easy sex that feminism provides but when they are ready to settle down in their later years they want a submissive housewife.

Actually The Complainer just a submissive woman because they don’t believe in legal marriage because if the relationship doesn’t work out he doesn’t want to give her any of the household finances.  But he doesn’t want her to be educated and career oriented.  And he wants her to be focused on the household and family.

It’s a never ending circle of contradictions that only completely benefits men.  The Complainers simply want to use women as tools to validate their ego, breed their children, cook and clean.  Meanwhile he doesn’t want to have any responsibility to his wife equivalent.  The Complainers like to say that career women end up lonely and they use examples like forty something singles like Tiffany Haddish and Charlize Theron.

I believe there is a price to pay for women being career focused.  I believe that a woman that puts her career first probably does miss out on some opportunities to marry and have children.  But The Complainers all seem like douchebags anyway.  They have no respect for women and they don’t discuss love or even raising children much.  When they discuss childbearing they talk about women as if they are prized pit bulls or thoroughbred horses.  I don’t think The Complainers offer much as far as a lifetime of love and devotion.

I’ve learned to disregard everything that The Complainers say.  Even when they make valid points they say something mean which lets me know their true intentions and unsaid feelings.  I hope the women make decisions that benefit themselves and honor God.  Prepare yourself to be a good wife to a deserving man.  But trying to satisfy the desires of men that want women to exist simply for the pleasure and convenience of men seems like a lost cause.

Use Your Voice – Shannon in Kansas City

I was a child of the 1980s.  I feel blessed to have grown up in that era.  I am an only child so I may have spent more time in front of a TV than most.  A lot of my fond childhood memories  involve TV shows that were popular at the time.  One of my favorites is “The Cosby Show”.  It is very disappointing and sad to hear about the accusations against Bill Cosby.  It’s always sad when heroes fail.

I don’t know Bill Cosby or his accusers and I have no information on the rape accusations other than what I’ve seen in the media.  I don’t have any strong opinions on Bill Cosby’s guilt or innocence.  I know that if he had been faithful to his wife he wouldn’t be in all this trouble.  In that regard I don’t have much sympathy for him.

I’m also not convinced about the intentions of the women that are accusing him of rape.  If justice under the law was really their goal why didn’t they report their rapes to the police like the women in Oklahoma City who put away police officer Daniel Holtzclaw?  It’s very hard for me to understand why more that fifty women claim to be raped or assaulted by Bill Cosby but not one of them made a complaint that turned into a trial and conviction.  But several decades later they come forward with their stories all around the same time.  That seems like quite the coincidence to me.

They claim they couldn’t talk to the police and some claim they couldn’t confide in a family member or friend.  If they are really that shy, timid and ashamed it is really surprising to see them on TV programs, in magazines and giving press conferences.  To me all of this seems orchestrated by the media and the legal system.  I don’t believe that all of these women coincidentally decided to speak their mind without being prompted by someone.

The Cosby rape allegations have me thinking a lot about rape and sexual assault.  People that rape, molest or take advantage of people in other ways count on their victims to be silent.  They prey on those that are perceived as weak.  They rule through intimidation, manipulation and shame.

I have experienced rape and I know how difficult it is to speak up for yourself.  I know that there is a fear of judgment and there is shame.  But I was the person that was violated.  So I had to speak up for myself.  I knew that no one else could do it for me.

If you have been raped, molested, violated, taken advantage of or been the victim of violence please speak up for yourself.  Your voice is as good as anyone else’s.  If you tell your story of what your abuser has done some of their power will be taken from the abuser.  These people need silence and secrecy to operate.  Don’t give it to them.

I think the pity party that is being given to Bill Cosby’s accusers in the media and on social media is a little sexist.  They are treating these women as if they are children, elderly or have developmental disabilities.  Aside from fame which is only perceived power and money I don’t see how Bill Cosby could have controlled these women.

Adult women need to speak against any type of abuse or mistreatment.  Period.  Sometimes you need to be the person that saves yourself.  The first step is exposing the abuse.  If you don’t want to tell friends and family, make a police report or tell your story to an acquaintance that will listen.  Do not allow yourself to be intimidated, bought or manipulated.

People teach children not to speak to strangers.  If I had them I would teach them the opposite.  Speak to strangers if you need help or are in trouble.  Be assertive.  How else are they going to get assistance if they are lost or being lured away by a stranger?  I think that children need to learn sooner rather than later how to speak on their own behalf and be independent, empowered little people.

So if you need help, are being abused or have been violated please do not remain silent and allow this person to continue to have power over you.  Do not be afraid.  Do no negotiate with them.  Do not continue to interact with them.  You need to help yourself before anyone can help you.