Most Social Media Dating Advice is Pure Garbage! (but listen to this)

The vast majority of dating advice that is dished out on social media is absolutely ridiculous.  I don’t think that a lot of these people have even had more than three dates with the same person.  But I am here to help with my bit of dating advice and it may be the last advice you need and I have career experience to qualify what I am saying.

Like pairs up with like.  That’s it.  If you haven’t met that special someone yet it’s not that there is necessarily anything wrong with you.  It’s you just haven’t met your match yet.  I worked in the jewelry retail business for about six years on a part time or full time basis.

I sold jewelry for companies such as Zales, Kay, Helzberg and a small local jeweler.  I helped couples shop for engagement rings and gifts.  The thing I noticed over time is that couples mirrored each other.  Quiet people were with quiet people.  Outgoing people were with outgoing people.  Intellectual was with intellectual.  Arrogant linked up with arrogant.  You get the picture.

I think the biggest barrier people have with dating is not staying in their lane.  One of my favorite TV shows is “90 Day Fiance”.  It’s a reality show that tells the stories of couples that were in international romances navigating the immigration system, family turmoil and culture shock.  A common theme on the show is people trying to date people that are significantly younger.

In most of the couples the only way the older person has the opportunity to date a person in their twenties is if they have an economic edge.  If the younger party was from the US they most likely wouldn’t consider the older person for romance.   Most of these people are not wealthy so they go overseas and choose a partner from a poor country.  The result is a hit TV show but most of these relationships have struggles and some fail.  They didn’t stay in their lane.

I don’t think dating is about hitting a mark.  It’s about finding someone that compliments you.  One thing that I don’t think people understand is that you don’t have the right to expect something out of a person that you don’t offer yourself.  You shouldn’t expect to date someone fit if you’re not in shape.  You can’t judge someone for their amount of sexual partners if you’ve been on the ho stroll for years.  You don’t deserve someone with good finances if you are terrible with money.

Even if you attracted someone that was your ideal your differences may cause many struggles if you’re able to find common ground at all.  If you’re a neat freak you probably won’t get very far with a slob.  A pious person probably wouldn’t get along with an atheist in intimate circumstances.  The list goes on and on.

Throw out all value judgements on who society tells you to love.  Be honest about what you have to offer and find someone that complements you.  When I worked in the jewelry business I met a lot of well cared for women that didn’t look like supermodels and had probably been around the block a bit but their men fit the same description.  I’ve heard stories of couples meeting in AA meetings and detention in high school.   Look for love where you are and from someone that reminds you…of you.

Respect is Required

Women need to require respect; not love, attention or affection.  It all comes down to respect and if my theory is correct the rest will follow.  It’s just a theory because no one has proven me right yet.  Respect is black and white and you know it when you see it.  Love is harder to identify and affection is cheap these days.

Women seem to be a bit desperate in 2017 and it’s pretty sad.  We have more professional opportunities than we’ve ever had and we can make our own choices when it comes to relationships.  But many of us seem to be choosing to run after the chance to be loved as if we are puppies that have been left home alone all day.

I did that type of things in my younger more naive days.  I use to assume that if a man was calling you daily and taking you out he was interested in a relationship that would lead to marriage.  I’ve learned that men will engage in relationships for years with women that they have no intention of marrying.  I went through one relationship like that in my starry eyed mid twenties and then I did it again during my scary age, the early thirties.

These men were not bad people and I don’t really fault them for anything.  But I gave them my heart after receiving a little bit of attention and affection.  I didn’t make them prove to me that they respected me as a woman.  I don’t even think I knew what that meant at the time.

Women are being told that we are wrong for being too emotional in relationships and wanting a commitment.  Sorry guys but I’m a woman and this isn’t a porn movie where you can separate the woman from her vagina.  Women tend to want to be committed and eventually married.  I understand that there are exceptions to rules but that’s typically how women are.

Because the world doesn’t really respect a feminine nature relationships are now being played by men’s rules.  Men are under no pressure to commit to women or even be nice to them.  But sex is expected in casual relationships right away.  Women often feel pressure to have sex just to get the chance at another date.  The men will take the sex and they may call her again or they may not.  Men may live with the mother of their children for years and he may marry her or he may not.  It’s all up to him and what he feels like doing.

I’ve heard the cliche that marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t make a commitment.  I’ve heard women say this.  But it’s funny that after dating several years when the man asks the women usually say yes.  She’s been waiting around with baited breath for years and now the man feels that she is the best option after looking around the market he commits.

I think that if a woman just wants a casual or even mostly sexual relationship she had better make sure a man respect her first.  I don’t see how anyone can get turned on by someone they have doubts about.  In 2017 if you don’t have doubts about a person you might start seeing you haven’t been paying attention.  If a lady is not wanting marriage or an ongoing romance she should at least want the man to be nice to her and care for her well being.  I don’t see how even a casual fling can be worthwhile without basic respect.

Once a man has respect for a woman I think love and affection will follow.  All of us girls need to relax and stop being so anxious.  Too many of us are anxious to be some man’s concubine.  People are proud of it these days.  Just look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez.

jrod

I know I shouldn’t feel bad for someone like Jennifer Lopez but I do.  This seems desperate and childish to me.  This woman is well into her forties for goodness sake and the mother of two.  She is wealthy and has a very successful career as a pop singer.  Why is she so proud to be this man’s piece of tail?  I don’t think that a man with good intentions treats the woman that he loves like this in “Vanity Fair”.  Where is the respect?

I’ve seen several pictures on Instagram of couples where the man is grabbing the woman’s behinds and the women stand there looking satisfied and in love.  I think some of them were engagement photos.  Now why aren’t there pictures of women grabbing men’s crotches and looking at the camera as the proud own while the man looks all starry eyed?  It probably doesn’t happen because men wouldn’t publicly tolerate that type of disrespect.

So ladies, we need to seek respect and the rest will come afterwards.  Don’t be desperate to attach yourself to a man that may not really love you.  I believe the basis of love is respect.  Think about what respect is and what it looks like.  It is probably different for everyone but here is the definition to help.  Notice that tits, ass and sexual prowess is not mentioned in the definition of respect.  That can be found anywhere and none of those things make you valuable beyond the end of a man’s ****.

re·spect
rəˈspekt/
noun
  1. 1.
    a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
    “the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor”
    synonyms: esteemregard, high opinion, admirationreverencedeferencehonor

    “the respect due to a great artist”
  2. 2.
    a particular aspect, point, or detail.
    “the government’s record in this respect is a mixed one”
    synonyms: aspectregardfacetfeaturewaysenseparticularpointdetail

    “the report was accurate in every respect”
verb
  1. 1.
    admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
    “she was respected by everyone she worked with”
    synonyms: esteemadmire, think highly of, have a high opinion of, hold in high regard, hold in (high) esteem, look up to, reverereverencehonor

    “she is highly respected in the book industry”

Happy Birthday Cam Newton – Shannon in Kansas City

Yesterday was Cam Newton’s 27th birthday.  Glory be to God for that marvelous creation.  I hope he enjoyed a great birthday.  I absolutely love that man and I would probably marry him if given the chance.  He is incredibly handsome, sweet natured, big hearted, outgoing, friendly and prosperous.  God Bless him.

This may sound a bit strange but another reason that I love him is his choice in female companionship.  His girlfriend,baby mama fiancé or whatever is a single mother and she worked as a stripper at some point in her life.  I pass no judgment on anyone that makes that career choice.  Heck, life is tough, bills need to be paid and the baby needs shoes.  I’m glad to see that Cameron isn’t judgmental towards women either.  It’s a refreshing change.

Social media is a hobby of mine and I am shocked to see how many men, particularly Black men, pass judgment on women based on their sexual history or at least their perceived sexual history.  Black men and their sycophant Black women love to degrade Black single moms or anyone that they can label a slut via social media.  They put modest women up on a pedestal but these men probably don’t have modest morals themselves.

On Mother’s Day Cam posted a really sweet message to his lady.  It’s really nice to see a man praising the woman that he chose to impregnate.  I’ve been privy to  conversations where men have nasty attitudes towards women they once love or were at least found to be attractive but now they ha

Their attitude is that unvirtuous, single mothers are not deserving of love once they’ve made choices that they deem as foolish which lead them to be unmarried and pregnant.  Meanwhile, Black men are not held to any standards of purity whatsoever.  These Black single moms didn’t get there by themselves.

I think it’s lovely that Cam Newton fell in love with a stripper and I hope he marries her.  I think it’s great that Cam Newton does not judge women based on puritanical standards of sexuality and purity.  It’s nice to see a man fall in love with a woman’s character, intellect and beauty as opposed to choosing them based on how many lovers they may have had in the past.

I wish Cameron and Kia the very best.  I’m hoping that their story will become a Lifetime movie one day.  I’m not a fan of Disney, Prince Charming type movies but I would certainly watch that one.  If things don’t work out between Cameron and his son’s mother I hope he will marry me.  I’m quite a bit older than him but hey, he seems like an open minded guy that doesn’t judge women by society’s harsh standards of what makes a woman worthy of love and attention.

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The Crusade for Masculinity – Shannon in Kansas City

Masculinity is hard to find in 2015.  I think that it is a little distorted and attached to some negative connotations.  When I think of ideal masculinity I think of leadership, kindness, protection and one that provides.  Regardless of what we are made to believe I think that that is what women want from the men in their lives.  If women settle for less they will have struggles in their relationships.

In mainstream culture masculinity is seen as negative.  Men that are physically masculine are usually portrayed as less than intelligent or villains of some sort.  On TV husbands and fathers are often made the butt of jokes.  I’m guessing this is what Hollywood writers think a man has to be in order to not be seen as threatening.

I’m an unmarried woman and I feel that men often make themselves a little passive.  They refuse to show any type of leadership.  This is kind of a luxury for men because this way they don’t need to take any responsibility.  This gives them room to avoid paying for anything and they can take advantage of women sexually without any shame.  Many men enjoy their new modern passive role.  The kids call these men f#ckboys.

So many men have abdicated their responsibilities as men in favor of an extended adolescence that can extend into their forties.  They have relationships with women with no intention of commitment.  Sometimes they even have children with these women without ever providing a stable family life for them.  Instead they remain commitment free and continue to party at the clubs and play video games like teenagers.

Men and women are hard wired a certain way to look for certain things from the opposite sex.  Nothing has changed for centuries.  Women want leadership and love and men want respect.  It doesn’t get much more complicated than that.

When women are allowed to take the lead in a relationship I believe that there will ultimate be problems in that relationship.  Women want to be able to look up to their man and have confidence that he will be there to support.  If the woman is consistently placed in the leadership role she will eventually question the purpose of having that man in her life.

Men want to be respected in a relationship.  But if a woman is the chief decision maker and financial support it will be hard for her to give a man the type of respect that he wants.  He will probably seek satisfaction from a different relationship or some type of fantasy such as pornography.

I’m not sure how everything got confused.  I won’t blame feminism because I support women being independent and I think it’s great that women are empowered to make decisions about their own bodies.  But I don’t think that masculinity needs to be subservient for a woman to feel empowered.  I think that many single women yearn for the security that masculinity brings.

The world needs to stop allowing men to take the easy way out.  Men are allowed to behave like adolescents until they are well into adulthood.  Women need to stop allowing men to take the passive role in while dating when we know that that would never satisfy us in a long term relationship.  Women make the rules in courtships.  Expect better and we will get better.  No matter how old you are say no to f#ckboys.  Masculinity is a positive and respectable characteristic that unfortunately doesn’t get enough respect.  You know you want it girls.

Be What You Claim to Admire

The internet is still buzzing about the comments that Ayesha Curry made about her preference to dress modestly.  I’m really confused as to why such a mundane comment sparked any kind of controversy.  I actually didn’t see much disagreement to Ayesha’s comments.  I saw a lot of support for her opinion.  Many of the internet pundits that are supportive of Mrs. Curry choice to dress modestly are men.

These men used the opportunity to applaud modesty and to make backhanded “hos” that don’t.  Tweet after tweet was a man that praised this woman for choosing to keep her body covered for everyone except her husband.  Then they made a remark to all the “thots” that they were unmarried because they were too free with their bodies.

First of all who are all these hos and thots that internet men are always complaining about.  I use social media every day and I don’t see many of these women.  When I do I delete them.  This is how I know these men are full of crap.  Undesirable images and comments can creep into your news feed but for the most part each social media user sees what they choose to see.  If your news feed is jammed packed with half naked hos and thots you are looking for them.  And you like them.

In regards to Ayesha’s devotion to her husband one fact escapes many men.  Ayesha Curry is a Christian woman that married a Christian man.  Anyone that knows Stephen Curry knows that he is an active believer in Jesus Christ.  A Christian woman that chooses to save her sexuality for marriage will be attracted to a fellow believer in Christ.

If you want a particular quality in a partner you need to develop that quality yourself.  If you want someone that is intellectual you need to develop your intellect.  If you want someone that is honest you need to stop lying.  If you want someone that keeps a tidy house you can’t be a slob yourself.  If you want someone that practices modesty and sexual purity you need to practice that yourself.  And regardless of what you’ve been taught women look for leadership from men.

If is completely unrealistic for a man to think that he can glue his eyes to porn, hang out in strip clubs and go to bed with every woman that will allow it but still be able to marry a woman of conservative morals.  She won’t want you and the two of you will have nothing in common.  If you have no morals but you want a partner with morals you are a hypocrite that forces their opinions and values on other people and no one finds that attractive.  There is an Aretha Franklin song that says “If you want a do right woman, you need to be a do right man.”  Truer words were never spoken.

Aretha Franklin Do Right Woman, Do Right Man