#metoo

I’ve been considering writing about my experience with rape for months.  I’ve thought about writing my story as a catharsis, for revenge and to help others.  The #metoo has helped me make the decision to publish my story.  I’m going to be very brief and to the point.  I don’t think all of the details are necessary.

Three years ago I met a man on OKCupid.  He and I communicated for around four months and I saw him in person two or three times within that time frame.  While I was getting to know this man that goes by the name David Gosh of Houston, Texas I told him that I was not interested in a sexual relationship.

I explained that I wanted to live my life by Biblical rules and that meant that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was married.  He told me that he respected that and sex would not be an issue in our relationship.  He traveled for work and came to Kansas City often.  On one of his trips to Kansas City I decided to spend time with him in his hotel room.  I told him that sex of all kinds was still off the table but we could kiss, hug and cuddle.

After I got off work I went to meet David.  We went to dinner and then back to his hotel room to relax and watch TV.  I brought a change of clothes, a tank top and sweat pants with me.  I changed into my comfortable clothes.  I had been to one of his hotel rooms before and that one had a couch.  This one didn’t have a couch area in front of a TV.  There was just a bed.  That was probably by design.

I got in the bed and David turned off the lights.  He began kissing me and groping me.  He began taking off my clothes and I told him no and to stop repeatedly.  Ultimately I gave in to his advances and the sex act happened.  Afterwards, David took a quick shower and told me he had to get up early tomorrow so I had to leave.

I changed my clothes and left.  After reliving the incident in my mind I felt very used and violated.  After a month I reported what happened to the Kansas City Police Department but I decided not to pursue charges for a variety of reasons.  His name was removed from the police report.

I’ve been taken advantage of in other ways before.  I’ve had my purse stolen, a credit card number stolen on a separate occasion.  I had a window busted out of my car and the radio was stolen.  In those situations after the window was fixed, I got a new purse and the credit card company was notified of the theft I felt whole and I was no longer affected by the crime.  But it is very difficult to get past a violation against your body.  I don’t know if this was made worse because I trusted the wrong person.

I never saw David again after that night.  Once I got home I texted him and let him know that I was upset and thought he was a rapist.  He doesn’t believe he raped me.  He said “I knew you wanted to fuck me when you said you brought different clothes”.  I brought the same type of clothes that I would have worn if I had gone home after work.

I also sent him a few hateful threatening e mails months later.  He asked if we could be friends again.  I laughed out loud when I read that.  That was my last contact with David Gosh of Houston, Texas.  I hope his home flooded.  If he even really lives in Houston or if David Gosh is even his name.  I don’t really know because my entire brief relationship with him was a lie.

 

 

Derrick Rose’s Problems

I like Derrick Rose.  Not as much as I like Lebron.  I don’t have a crush on him at all.  And I’m not even a Chicago Bulls or New York Knicks fan.  I just like Derrick Rose.  He seems like a super cool guy to me.  He’s the type of cool that only a Black man can be.  That type of cool is often replicated but never quite duplicated.  He seems like the type of guy your cousin would bring to a family cook out and everyone instantly liked him.  If she stopped bringing him around everyone would ask “Whatever happened to your guy that you brought to the cook out?” for years to come.

He’s a Chicago neighborhood that grew up on the rough side of town and became the pride of the old neighborhood.  Derrick Rose always seemed natural and down to Earth to me.  He was just a simple Chicago boy turned basketball star; no more or less.

Derrick’s career seemed promising at the start but he suffered injury after injury.  Some of the injuries caused him to sit out entire or part of more than one season.  Poor Derrick Rose couldn’t get a break.  There was a time when I thought Rose my be the unluckiest man on the planet.  I felt bad for him and I wanted to see him come back and play well.

Rose was recently traded to the New York Knicks and I thought his career may have a chance to rebound.  But rape accusations from a former lover made him headline news for something other than his performance as an athlete.  I am terribly disappointed in Rose.

There is no real way for him to ever recover from this incident.  The parts of the story that are agreed upon by both parties make Derrick Rose look like complete garbage.  He claims that he thought he had consent to have sex with the woman because she sent him a text message.  I don’t remember what the text said but it did not say come over here and have sex with me.  It was something to the affect of “Sure, come by for a visit”.  And somehow Rose took that to mean that sex was a sure thing.  My advice for all men is to get verbal, objective confirmation of consent before having sex with a woman.

Rose and the woman accusing him of rape were not the only people involved in this sordid tale.  Two of Rose’s friends were in on the act too.  So superstar Rose and two of his flunkies went to this woman’s house with the intentions of all three of them having sex with her.  I didn’t think that was real.  Who does that xxxx?  Evidently Derrick Rose and his flunkies do.

Where’s the romance, intimacy, friendship, flirtation or sex appeal?  That is just trash!  One would think that Derrick Rose would have enough romantic offers that he wouldn’t need to share women.  His buddies may not get the attention that Derrick does but surely they could develop enough of a personality so they would have to split a bit of sex three ways.  Come on guys have some standards.  Where is your pride?

Derrick won his court case and he doesn’t have to pay his accuser the boat load of money she was demanding.  But his character and career are tarnished in my eyes.  When it comes to situations like this I figure you may not exactly be guilty of what you’re being accused of but you probably did something you had no business doing.

I will never see Rose as the super cool guy from Chicago who’s talent and dedication to his sport earned him fame and fortune.  From now on I will see him as a sexual deviant that despite being a grown man does not understand what it is to get consent from a woman for sex.  Now he’s just blechkk!  This latest trial of Derrick Rose makes me wonder if foolishness is the cause of his problems.  You blew it Derrick.

 

 

 

Use Your Voice – Shannon in Kansas City

I was a child of the 1980s.  I feel blessed to have grown up in that era.  I am an only child so I may have spent more time in front of a TV than most.  A lot of my fond childhood memories  involve TV shows that were popular at the time.  One of my favorites is “The Cosby Show”.  It is very disappointing and sad to hear about the accusations against Bill Cosby.  It’s always sad when heroes fail.

I don’t know Bill Cosby or his accusers and I have no information on the rape accusations other than what I’ve seen in the media.  I don’t have any strong opinions on Bill Cosby’s guilt or innocence.  I know that if he had been faithful to his wife he wouldn’t be in all this trouble.  In that regard I don’t have much sympathy for him.

I’m also not convinced about the intentions of the women that are accusing him of rape.  If justice under the law was really their goal why didn’t they report their rapes to the police like the women in Oklahoma City who put away police officer Daniel Holtzclaw?  It’s very hard for me to understand why more that fifty women claim to be raped or assaulted by Bill Cosby but not one of them made a complaint that turned into a trial and conviction.  But several decades later they come forward with their stories all around the same time.  That seems like quite the coincidence to me.

They claim they couldn’t talk to the police and some claim they couldn’t confide in a family member or friend.  If they are really that shy, timid and ashamed it is really surprising to see them on TV programs, in magazines and giving press conferences.  To me all of this seems orchestrated by the media and the legal system.  I don’t believe that all of these women coincidentally decided to speak their mind without being prompted by someone.

The Cosby rape allegations have me thinking a lot about rape and sexual assault.  People that rape, molest or take advantage of people in other ways count on their victims to be silent.  They prey on those that are perceived as weak.  They rule through intimidation, manipulation and shame.

I have experienced rape and I know how difficult it is to speak up for yourself.  I know that there is a fear of judgment and there is shame.  But I was the person that was violated.  So I had to speak up for myself.  I knew that no one else could do it for me.

If you have been raped, molested, violated, taken advantage of or been the victim of violence please speak up for yourself.  Your voice is as good as anyone else’s.  If you tell your story of what your abuser has done some of their power will be taken from the abuser.  These people need silence and secrecy to operate.  Don’t give it to them.

I think the pity party that is being given to Bill Cosby’s accusers in the media and on social media is a little sexist.  They are treating these women as if they are children, elderly or have developmental disabilities.  Aside from fame which is only perceived power and money I don’t see how Bill Cosby could have controlled these women.

Adult women need to speak against any type of abuse or mistreatment.  Period.  Sometimes you need to be the person that saves yourself.  The first step is exposing the abuse.  If you don’t want to tell friends and family, make a police report or tell your story to an acquaintance that will listen.  Do not allow yourself to be intimidated, bought or manipulated.

People teach children not to speak to strangers.  If I had them I would teach them the opposite.  Speak to strangers if you need help or are in trouble.  Be assertive.  How else are they going to get assistance if they are lost or being lured away by a stranger?  I think that children need to learn sooner rather than later how to speak on their own behalf and be independent, empowered little people.

So if you need help, are being abused or have been violated please do not remain silent and allow this person to continue to have power over you.  Do not be afraid.  Do no negotiate with them.  Do not continue to interact with them.  You need to help yourself before anyone can help you.