My Favorite “90 Day Fiance” Couples

I’ve been a fan of the TV show “90 Day Fiance” since about season two. I’ve watched many couples navigate their international romances. Most of the couples are disasters and I am strongly in favor of them breaking up than I favor them remaining together. The motivations of the shows participants are questionable. The Americans are often looking for a younger, more attractive partner than they can find in the US. It’s clear that Americans like to use the immigration system and economic inequality as leverage. The foreigners often want to live a lifestyle that they believe only America can offer.

The couples are usually terribly mismatched. The cultural and religious differences cause conflict and misunderstanding. Gender roles and traditional values are obstacles to overcome in the relationships. Aside from all of that some of the shows participants are not nice people and it’s easy to see why they need to look for love in a whole new country.

But some of the couples seem to have a decent foundation for a long lasting relationship. These are my favorite couples that I think have a shot a marital success.

Alexei and Loren

Alexei and Loren met whe Loren took a birthright trip to Israel as a youngster. Alexei is from Israel and Loren lived in New York City, NY when Alexei’s fiance visa was approved. Loren quit her job in New York and the two moved in with Loren’s parents in Florida. The couple still lives in Florida and now have three children. They are considering relocating to Israel.

I like them as a pair because they are equally yolked. They have a similar cultural background. They look like they would be attracted to each other without any ulterior motives. With the exception of a few lovers quarrels, an adjustment period and Alexei getting homesick Loren and Alexei get along well.

Robert and Anny

I never would have guessed Robert and Anny would have gotten as far in their relationship as they did. Robert was a single father of several children from Florida. I think seven or so. At least one of his baby mamas and her family are problematic and confrontational. Anny is from the Dominican Republic and expected the streets of America to be paved with gold and she came to this country expecting a luxurious lifestyle. Robert is a man of modest means who lived with his young son in a humble apartment.

Anny was disappointed but she stuck with the relationship. Robert and Anny are now married and have had another baby. Unfortunately, she lost their second baby together. I liked Anny right away and have grown to like Robert. His son is darling. And Anny has a good relationship with her stepson. The pair appear on “Pillow Talk” which is a play by play of current episodes “90 Day Fiance” by past cast member. Robert and Anny seem to enjoy each others company and have a good understanding of each other.

Low and Narkyia

Lowo is a self described Nigerian Prince and Narkyia was a single mom from Alabama. This couple doesn’t receive a lot of attention from 90 Day fandom but they are married and have a daughter together and live in the US. Narkyia is active on Instagram and has documented her weightloss. She and Lowo look great. Her son is an adult now and her new baby is cute. Congratulations to the couple on everything.

There haven’t been very many Black couples on this franchise. I think there have been three. It would be interesting to me if BET or TV ONE copied the concept but focused on couples throughout the Black diaspora. I think it would be interesting to watch.

Jon and Rachel

Jon is an ex convict from England and Rachel is a single mother of two from Albuquerque, New Mexico. They met on a game app and began to communicate and fell in love. The pair is in their thirties and both have made questionable decisions. They work and are the most interesting couple on the show. I think they are well suited for each other as people. They got married in England on the show and have major obstacles to overcome. Jon’s visa application was denied because of his criminal record. Rachel shares custody of her older daughter with the girl’s father so she can’t move to England while the young girl is a minor. The husband and wife haven’t seen each other in a few years. I don’t know how they are going to maintain their relationship and get through this but I wish them well.

Omar and Avery

My favorite couple of nine seasons of “90 Day Fiance” and all the spin offs is Omar and Avery. Avery is from Ohio and Omar is from Syria. Avery converted to Islam on her own and met Omar on an Islamic dating app. Avery traveled to the middle east and married Omar in Lebanon. The couple lived in United Arab Emirates for a time. Avery is back in the US and Omar is still in the middle east.

A common story line on “90 Day Fiance” is western women with middle eastern men. These couples usually frustrate me because I thought that it was common knowledge that some religions and countries have a strict patriarchal culture and women may be asked to cover their head. It irritates me when American feminists and party girls choose to have relationships with conservative Muslim men and struggle with his expectations. Some of them claim to be ignorant of their lover’s culture but I don’t know why you wouldn’t try to learn something about your fiance’s country.

Avery already chose to follow Islam and she was looking for a man who shared her faith. She learned about the middle east and she fully embraced the culture and respected his family. I feel like she is what the show should be about. I think Avery and Omar’s relationship is a good model for what love and romance is about even if your sweetheart lives nearby. The more you have in common with your significant other the better but if you want to date be prepared to compromise and embrace new ideas.

Modern Dating Scam: The Normalization of Horrible Relationships on TV

Horrible relationships have been normalized by the media. Daytime and prime time TV, network and cable programming is filled with stories of betrayal, deceit, abuse and chaos between men and women. The dramatic and negative depiction of romantic and domestic relationships has changed how men and women interact with each other. Expectations have changed due to relationship dynamics on TV. The bar has been lowered.

Relationships are on TV are tense and dramatic in order to entice viewers. There isn’t much of a story if two people are happy, in love and get along well. No one will tune in to watch a couple share a pizza and fall asleep on the couch. As an avid trash TV watcher I know that the intrigue is the drama. So is sitting back and shaking your head at the poor choices being made.

Relationship turmoil on TV has become so normalized that I think some may look at their own relationship and think that it’s not bad because it’s not that bad. I also think many people don’t have real life examples of respectful and productive long term couples to use as role models or council. Unfortunately, the new standard seems to be that if no one has been lied to, beaten or verbally berated it’s a functioning relationship right? Wrong. A relationship can be terrible long, long before it becomes dangerous and tumultuous.

The standard for relationships needs to be high. There needs to be mutual respect, consideration for each other’s feelings, true friendship and affection. It’s also great if you’re attracted to each other. If you merely tolerate your partner or are being tolerated you are better off single. A relationship should enhance your life and bring you comfort, peace, support and joy.

There are lovers’ quarrels but constant friction means you’re not a good match. Differences should be able to be overcome through communication and compromise. If a relationship is like rolling a stone up a hill you’re likely better off and more productive as a single person.

Living in conflict and misery is not normal or healthy. Shoot for the stars instead of accepting the bare minimum. If the best thing you can say about your relationship is that the neighbors have never called the cops on you may be better off without the relationship. The bar needs to be raised across American culture. Even if ratchet TV is your guilty pleasure don’t let it set standards for your life.

Modern Dating Scam: The Ride or Die Chick – Anna Duggar and Yandy: a case study

Anna Duggar and Yandy Smith don’t have a lot in common other than being cable reality TV personalities. Anna Duggar married into the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family of TLC reality TV show fame. Yandy is known from the VH1 program “Love and Hip Hop New York” . Both were married on TV to men that would end up incarcerated. Other than reality TV Anna and Yandy share the dubious distinction of being ride or die chicks and having it all blow up in their faces the same week.

Anna’s husband Josh was arrested for possession of child pornography two weeks ago. Josh is currently out on bail. Those kind of allegations are always shocking but Josh has been accused of sexual misconduct in the past. When Josh was young he sexually assaulted his younger sisters while they were asleep. Josh did not serve any time for what he did to his sisters. Instead he went through therapy at his church. Josh who grew up in a strict Christian household and he has also been caught on websites for married people seeking to cheat on their spouse.

All of the revelations came out in 2015. At the time Anna and Josh had four children. Anna made the decision to stay in her marriage and remain loyal to her husband. One would think that Josh would change his ways after being exposed in the media and publicly humiliating his wife. Instead he got worse and the allegations became even more dubious. Anna’s forgiveness, loyalty, patience and love didn’t amount to anything.

Yandy and her husband Mendeecees have been featured on “Love and Hip Hope New York” and “Couples Retreat”. Mendeecees was convicted on drug related charges and served four years in prison. His wife Yandy waited for him and supported him faithfully during his incarceration. She also became a prison reform activist.

An episode of “Couples Retreat” recently aired and Mendeecees was asked if he would support Yandy the way she supported him if she was incarcerated. He said he doesn’t know how he would react if the roles were reversed. The man that promised to be by her side through good times and bad admitted on a reality TV show that his vows were not sincere. Again, Yandy’s love and devotion amounted to a hill of beans. Her love is unrequited and unmatched. Yandy wasted her time and energy. She gained absolutely nothing.

I too have been a ride or die chick. About fifteen years ago I dated a man who was in the Army. The relationship happened while American troops were being deployed to Iraq. I thought I was in love with this man and I threw myself into supporting my soldier. I called him sometimes, wrote him and sent him things that he asked for. I watched the news every night and cried in front of the TV when the loss of troops was reported.

One day with tears in my eyes I tried to visualize my suitor sitting in front of the TV crying for me. I couldn’t see it. It didn’t seem feasible. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I began to question his feelings and intentions for me. He became dramatic and argumentative. I began to distance myself from him after that and the relationship fizzled out and ended. I wasted my energy, time, emotions and money. My love, care, loyalty, patriotism and devotion to this man amounted to nothing.

I took a long break from dating after that relationship. I remained completely single for about eight years before I took an interest in dating again. In those eight years I learned to make sure that any many I dated proved genuine interest and good intentions to me. I learned to take my time to ensure that a man invested in me. I am not interested in reciprocity. I’m interested in leadership. I don’t want tit for tat. I want a man that chooses me and proves to me that he is worthy to be a loyal husband.

Once I started dating again my circumstances improved. I have a boyfriend now who is clutch and very cute. But aside from that I learned how to get rid of men that weren’t showing me that they were sincere early on. Women need to understand that it doesn’t matter how much she loves a man. It doesn’t amount to anything. It matters how much he loves you.

Don’t be a ride or die chick. No sincere man wants a woman to be a ride or die chick. Only selfish men want that. A man with good intentions wants to be ride or die for her. A man that loves a woman wants her to be as stress and burden free as possible. He wants her to know that she can rely on him is she has struggles. It’s never the other way around.

Nene Leakes Deserves Better

I am a long time fan of the show “Real Housewives of Atlanta”. I’ve watched it from the beginning and since the beginning Nene Leakes has been on the program. She is the matriarch and the anchor of the franchise whether you like Nene or not. But I don’t think that Nene is getting the platform she deserves for her loyalty and dedication to the franchise.

About a year ago a RHOA marathon came on TV and it showed the early seasons. I was reminded about why I fell in love with the show. Those women are hilarious. I love the dry humor, sarcasm, deadpan expression and reserved cattiness of the so called housewives with a touch and sometimes a lot of African American spunk (It’s not attitude it’s spunk). And Nene Leakes has become famous for being the spunkiest of them all.

I will admit that watching RHOA is like watching science fiction. It’s far fetched but you accept the story within the world that is being presented to you. We the audience have made a decision to accept the real housewives and just play along. Reality TV is as believable as WWE wrestling but we tune in for the entertainment value and now that so much time has past we feel invested in the characters and their lives.

I believe that Nene Leakes is a nice person. I really do. I think she appreciates the Housewives franchise and the opportunities it has created for her. I think Nene is down to Earth and has never forgotten her roots or tried to be something she’s not. Yes, I can tell she’s had a nose job and wears blonde hair but I’m sticking with my previous statement.

Here is the problem with Nene Leakes and RHOA as it stands. Cast members have come and gone from RHOA and producers are casting younger women. One of the new stars is thirty four year old Eva with the Taratula from America’s Next Top Model and the wife of Ronnie Devoe of New Edition and BBD fame who is quite young.

RHOA has taken a nasty turn and no longer relies on dry whit and humor for entertainment. Without Sheree and Phaedra that went out of the window. Now they rely on drama and bitchiness. Porsha resorted to violence one season during the reunion show. Nene is placed at the center of a lot of the cattiness but at fifty one she’s too old for all that. She should know better and be above it all. Being a part of that type ratchetness is really undignified but for a woman Nene’s age it’s tragic.

Why on Earth is a woman at Nene’s stage of life arguing with thirty year olds over gossip? Why is she arguing with fans on IG? It shouldn’t happen. I caught a glimpse of Lindsey Lohan’s reality show and she came across as a mature, mother hen that was concerned about the people that she described as children that work at her resort or whatever it is.

The “children” are people in their twenties and Lindsey is only thirty two. But we all know that Lindsey has been through some wild stuff which would give her a mature perspective on life. Lindsey didn’t involve herself in the reckless, youthful activities. She, like Nene Leakes has been there and done that. There is no more energy for childishness, at least there shouldn’t be.

Since I believe reality shows are staged and loosely written I think the producers of RHOA need to develop a new persona for Nene. Her rebirth should be modeled after the very likeable Angela Raiola b.k.a. Big Ange from “Mob Wives”. Rest in peace Angie. During the reunion special of “Mob Wives” the host asked Big Ange why she wasn’t involved with the drama between the other women on the show. Big Ange said she didn’t relate to them as peers because she was a lot older than them. She was their parents age. Ange sat quietly for most of that reunion special as an observer. That’s called being a good and grown woman and that’s what I want Nene to start doing.

Andy Cohen is making a fool out of Nene at this point. He is using her larger than life personality to hold RHOA together because producers are experimenting with newer cast members but Nene is coming out on the losing end. I want Nene to show some leadership skills and extend her maternal instincts to her young cast mates.

I want the other cast mates to look up to her and see her as a mother figure instead of squabbling with her about nonsense. She’ll still be the star because we all know her and she is the cornerstone of the show. Judge Judy says that the goal should be to do less work and make more money as one gets older. Nene is working too damn hard!

Nothing is Promised

Last week supermodel and America’s Next Top Modelfinalist, Winnie Harlow a.k.a Chantelle answered questions from Bravo’s Andy Cohen that set off, I won’t say controversy but a bit of social media cattiness from former America’s Next Top Model contestants and fans. Winnie said that the show didn’t do anything to help her develop her career. Other former contestants and fans think she’s being ungrateful. But a few ANTM alumni agree with Winnie.

The first winner of America’s Next Top Model Adrianne Curry said years ago that the show didn’t do anything for her career. Other models from early seasons said that the show not only didn’t help them become successful but it was a hindrance to getting signed with an agency. Other former contestants on the show credit ANTM for giving them their start in the business and giving them a platform from which to speak.

I don’t have a problem with Winnie telling her story and giving her opinion on the matter. But I do take her words with a grain of salt. I watched her season of the show and she didn’t come across as a very likable character. There was an arrogance and sense of entitlement about her and she wasn’t well liked by other cast mates in the Top Model House.

It’s hard to gauge how effective ANTM is in launching careers because there aren’t many super star models anymore. Fashion magazines use actresses, reality show stars and the children of famous people in their ads. The models that don’t fit into those categories may be successful but they aren’t household names like the super models of the 80s and 90s.

I am a long time fan of America’s Next Top Model and while viewing each season I have questioned whether many of the girls could really go on and model. The contestants that are chosen are people that look good on TV but they don’t really look like people that you see walking in fashion shows or in fashion magazines. I don’t think that it matter much because each season thousands of hopefuls audition to fill fourteen spots on the show.

Tyra also uses the show as her own personal soap box. She has used the show as a platform to challenge beauty standards and she picks models accordingly. Yet, fashion models are overwhelmingly tall, thin, young and European. ANTM has featured contestants that speak well to Tyra’s beliefs but I’m not sure they are what the fashion industry is looking for.

Nonetheless, I have seen ANTM contestants acting on TV programs and in print ads. I follow many of the former contestants on Instagram and they seem to have entertainment careers. But I’ll admit it’s always hard to tell who is successful and who isn’t from Instagram pages.

I’m sure being on a show like America’s Next Top Model is a great learning and opportunity for young models especially in the social media age. But just like American Idol, The Voice and other talent finding competitions there are some contestants that are successful once their season is over and others that are never heard from again.

So it seems that being a contestant on ANTM is a lot like going to college. You show up with hopes and dreams for the future. Your experience in the program may give some valuable lessons that will help you achieve your goals but winning ANTM, American Idol, making it to the NFL or NBA draft does not in and of itself promise success. Often times people that struggle in the initial stages of their career become stars.

When you hear Jennifer Hudson’s powerful voice remember that she was an American Idol loser and she only got as far as she did in the competition because Randy Jackson saved her. Tom Brady wasn’t a top NFL draft pick and Michael Jordan didn’t make his school’s basketball tryouts one year. You just have to make the most of your opportunities and keep plugging away at your goals. I believe that people that don’t give up achieve a measure of success but stay humble because nothing is promised to anyone.

Why do Children Bully?

Bullying has been a hot topic for the last few years and this week the bullying hype has reached a fever pitch due to the #Keaton hashtag on Twitter. People love to reflect on why children are so cruel to each other. To me it is painfully obvious why children mistreat each other to the point that a student may commit suicide because of taunting at school. Children mistreat each other because they are growing up in a mean, disrespectful society that does not value others.

I’ve been noticing for years that people love to strong arm one another in modern day America. There is no respect for a difference of opinion and when people do not do what we want we try to force our will on them. I noticed that in various customer service positions I’ve held.

If a store clerk says “Sorry you can’t bring this back you’ve owned it longer than what our return policy allows” or “Sorry this coupon is expired” or “Sorry you can’t substitute the sides and still get this at the same price” people become mean as hell. They use language to demean the clerk and demand to speak with a manager. If management doesn’t do what they want they call the corporate office and rudely make demands and if they don’t get their way they threaten to slander the company on the internet. They’re bullies that don’t respect the boundaries of others and want to force their will.

The “Real Housewives”, “Basketball Wives” and “Love and Hip Hop” are popular reality show franchises that give us a glimpse into the private lives of the wealthy and privileged. These tales involve adults, some of whom are grandmothers, that treat each other terribly and sometimes they are even violent to one another. The characters on these shows are sensitive and have hair trigger tempers. Their interactions often lead to mean words being thrown back and forth, wine being thrown in someone’s face and/or punches being thrown. There is no doubt in my mind that a lot of these shows are family viewing in many American households.

Social media is another place where mean, rude, crass behavior has become normal. People call strangers names and demean each other for their opinions. The behavior gets even worse when people start talking about and to celebrities. Geez, people love to build celebrities up and then drag them through the mud or “cancel” them.

To top it off look at who Americans chose to be their leader in 2016. A man was democratically elected because Americans want a president that speaks his mind and isn’t politically correct. In other words America wanted crass and brazen behavior in the White House. He does what he wants and doesn’t consider others. He grabs bitches by the pussy! In other words Americans wanted a bully as a president. The last president we had was considerate, polite, professional and tried to help people. What a punk!

So the next time anyone ponders why children bully each other just look at what is surrounding them as they grow up. They are surrounded by bullying in real life, in the media, in entertainment and in the White House.

Bullying and treating others with disdain is normal for children because of the behavior the see modeled before them. So don’t blame children for the bullying. It’s not their fault that they are growing up in this modern day trashy American culture.