TI’s Hymen Test is Indicative of the way the World Seeks to Control Black Female Sexuality

Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact. This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex. All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.

I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition. But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019. As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.

In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals. But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently. An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body. I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex. I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.

But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality. It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act. And here is the bottom line. Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty. Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality. That even includes Black women and men. Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality. Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.

Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so. Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women. R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore. What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.

Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness. These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us. Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.

It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all. Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood. Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience. Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.

I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering. It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.

Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions. I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity. It’s the ultimate c—block. There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.

Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally. I have a broader definition of abuse. What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women. Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality. TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.

He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded. He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll. He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure. He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body. TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.

Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man. These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually. Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities. So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.

People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile. Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy. Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.

More Feminist Confusion

The feminists are at it again. These people are harder to understand than calculus. Music producer Jermaine Dupri made a comment that most female rappers today make songs about the stripper life. Social media feminists got upset for some reason and somehow Jermaine Dupri has become a prudish hypocrite in their minds even though their response is a bit prudish. I thought feminists were in favor of “sexual liberation” and expression.

I don’t listen to much new rap music anymore. I’ve gotten too old. So if I have heard of you that means that you have become pretty darn popular. Cardi B is a hip hop pop star that has become difficult to escape. And I’ve gotten introduced to Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls. I don’t care for Cardi B. at all but I think that Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls are quite talented.

I’m a Bible thumper that believes that there is more power for women in modesty than there is in raw sexuality. I also believe that these talented young women would be better served by not flaunting their sexuality. The public will only tolerate that without mocking it while a woman is young but no one is young forever or even very long. You have to have something to sell and talk about other than sex. But I’m not the target market for the music industry and I’m in my middle forties. The City Girls and Megan didn’t ask for my opinion.

I like these girls because I can understand what they are saying. They aren’t mumble rappers that sound like they are coming out of a cold medicine induced haze. They are charismatic, energetic, young, brash and beautiful. They are urban or perhaps ratchet is the better word and make no apologies for it. Their music is fun. And yes, they are sexy and put forth a stripper like image. When I ran across their videos on You Tube they made me smile. I don’t know City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion’s backgrounds but Cardi B. was an actual stripper.

Hip hop has been filthy, blunt and telling tales of urban counter culture since the late 80s. That’s the draw and the charm. Hip hop has sold millions and probably billions because it sells a fantasy to those of us that are students, housewives and work cubicle jobs. They say and do things before an audience that most of us would never do even after a couple of shots of tequila. Feminism has done it’s job.

The City Girls parents probably hadn’t even met yet when tawdry rap music gained popularity and began to dominate the charts. Megan The Stallion and Cardi B. never really had a chance and most young women are never really given a different option to present themselves as something other than slutty. But hey, we’re talking about grown, career women and I respect their choices.

Explicit lyrics, filth and racial slurs ahead.

I thought that feminists were in favor of women expressing themselves sexually and on their own terms. That’s what the City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion are doing. It’s what Nicki Minaj did before them. And it’s what Lil Kim and Foxy Brown did before her these girls’ parents even met. The young feminist response to Jermaine Dupri’s response should have been “So what if they rap about stripping. What’s wrong with stripping?” That would have made more sense to double down on their feminist values.

More trash ahead.

Instead they name off a bunch of other current female rappers that have a more wholesome or emo image. In order to say that all young female rappers aren’t stripper like. If feminists are truly supportive of these modest rappers why aren’t they more popular? Capitalism is it’s own form of Democracy and feminists get a vote.

Jermaine Dupri is absolutely right. Most popular young female rappers are selling sex. It’s the way of the world and you need to be a real rebel to make a different choice. There may be a Lauryn Hill or Missy Elliot equivalent for today but she doesn’t seem to be selling much music. Or at least she’s not selling enough downloads and getting enough buzz to become mainstream like Cardi B.

Jermaine Dupri isn’t young anymore. He’s forty six years old and it sounds like he’s gained some wisdom along the way. He understands that there is more power for women in modesty and using talent and intelligence. I hold the same opinion but I guess I’m enough of a feminist to respect an adult woman’s life choice. He’s just trying to let young women with aspirations in the music business that their longevity is not in blatant sex appeal.

After all, Lauryn Hill still sells out concerts even though her fans know she might show up two hours late. And we’ve never seen much of her body or heard much about her sexual experiences. She did it all with talent and hard work. Punctuality, not so much.

But feminists are interested in arguing and becoming outraged no matter what. That seems to be the goal. They aren’t even standing behind their cause of sexual liberation and expression. A man got them to rally around modest rappers today which is what he was supporting. Women stay losing.

MGOTW 2

I see a lot of videos on You Tube that focus on men complaining about women. It’s truly fascinating to hear how some men feel about the dating and mating game and their frustrations with the matter. Most of these complaining men would describe themselves as MGTOW. Men Go Their Own Way.

I ran across a video today titled “Pretty is No Longer Enough” which I didn’t have time to watch but I read the comments. Men expressed that they felt women valued looks and sex too much. They also said that they didn’t trust women that were attractive because there they have too many other options. These men also resented what they called simps. To my understanding simps are men that cater to women in order to win them over.

MGTOW makes some valid points. I agree that women put too high of a premium on outward appearances and sex. But with most of what MGTOW says their theories fall apart once you dwell on them too much. MGTOW resents attractive and sexually adventurous women because they are playing men’s games. Men trained women to dwell on looks and sex because that is where a great deal of a man’s focus lies.

I’ve seen this play out in nightclubs and on social media. Women who act slutty are the ones that get male attention. Modesty doesn’t cut it. If men were interested in a women’s character porn wouldn’t be the profitable industry that it is. Men can’t get enough of female sexuality on display.

Men are very interested in how their female partners look. When you look at successful men their wives are often interchangeable. Look up the wives of NFL quarterbacks and most of them are blonde, blue eyed, young and thin. Or she is light skinned, slim-thick with “good hair”. That image of womanhood gets promoted and other men want a women like that in order to feel successful. So why shouldn’t a woman that has the look of a successful man’s wife hold out for a successful man? She would be a fool to not do that.

I made the decision several years ago to not engage in sex unless or until I marry. When I’ve told men that they have completely evaporated. I’ve tried my luck on dating websites and men have asked me what I was looking for on the site. I said I would love to find a husband. Some of them immediate unmatch me. They aren’t looking for the same thing or at least they are not looking for a commitment from me.

I’ve been told on dating websites, by men that have slid into my DMs on social media and gentlemen that I’ve met here or there that they want to be friends with a woman first and then see where it goes. This translates into I want to have sex with you while I get to know your personality and if I don’t get tired of you after a few months maybe I’ll take you out or something. Sex is at the forefront of most men’s minds when meeting women for social purposes. They are not primarily looking for a sweet, submissive nature and good wholesome morals like they say they are.

MGTOW men are bothered because a lot of women are playing the game. Most women do not set the standard of purity until marriage. They have decided to go ahead and sleep around and see where things lead the way men do. And a lot of young women don’t make commitment a priority. I don’t know if that is what they really want or if they are just taking what they can get because they know that most young men aren’t interested in commitment.

The MGTOW men that I’ve seen on YouTube are between thirty five – fifty. I have a feeling that they avoided commitment to women during their younger years and now that they are older they want a woman with old fashioned morals and values after they, themselves have probably had numerous lovers.

They blame feminism for the modern mores of women but I bet many young women wouldn’t really think of themselves as feminists. They are simply following where men lead and playing the game that men laid out. Unless a woman has some sort of religious standard that tells her to wait for marriage it’s unlikely that she would value chastity. Maintaining purity is an uphill battle and it comes with a lot of rejection.

I don’t blame young women for behaving as they do and men shouldn’t either. Most probably don’t know God so they are just doing what they think will make a man happy. They focus on looks and sexuality. They are competing for the best mate on the marketplace and they have been trained to believe being pretty and making yourself sexually available to men is the best way to do it. Women haven’t been taught differently and without God’s word they won’t see the folly in their ways.

But it’s highly hypocritical for men to be angry at women for playing the game that they take advantage of until they age out of the system. If men really want to see changes they should live up to their own Puritanical standards. It seems to me that if they did that everything would fall into place.

Respect is Required

Women need to require respect; not love, attention or affection. It all comes down to respect and if my theory is correct the rest will follow. It’s just a theory because no one has proven me right yet. Respect is black and white and you know it when you see it. Love is harder to identify and affection is cheap these days.

Women seem to be a bit desperate in 2017 and it’s pretty sad. We have more professional opportunities than we’ve ever had and we can make our own choices when it comes to relationships. But many of us seem to be choosing to run after the chance to be loved as if we are puppies that have been left home alone all day.

I did that type of things in my younger more naive days. I use to assume that if a man was calling you daily and taking you out he was interested in a relationship that would lead to marriage. I’ve learned that men will engage in relationships for years with women that they have no intention of marrying. I went through one relationship like that in my starry eyed mid twenties and then I did it again during my scary age, the early thirties.

These men were not bad people and I don’t really fault them for anything. But I gave them my heart after receiving a little bit of attention and affection. I didn’t make them prove to me that they respected me as a woman. I don’t even think I knew what that meant at the time.

Women are being told that we are wrong for being too emotional in relationships and wanting a commitment. Sorry guys but I’m a woman and this isn’t a porn movie where you can separate the woman from her vagina. Women tend to want to be committed and eventually married. I understand that there are exceptions to rules but that’s typically how women are.

Because the world doesn’t really respect a feminine nature relationships are now being played by men’s rules. Men are under no pressure to commit to women or even be nice to them. But sex is expected in casual relationships right away. Women often feel pressure to have sex just to get the chance at another date. The men will take the sex and they may call her again or they may not. Men may live with the mother of their children for years and he may marry her or he may not. It’s all up to him and what he feels like doing.

I’ve heard the cliche that marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t make a commitment. I’ve heard women say this. But it’s funny that after dating several years when the man asks the women usually say yes. She’s been waiting around with bated breath for years and now the man feels that she is the best option after looking around the market he commits.

I think that if a woman just wants a casual or even mostly sexual relationship she had better make sure a man respect her first. I don’t see how anyone can get turned on by someone they have doubts about. In 2017 if you don’t have doubts about a person you might start seeing you haven’t been paying attention. If a lady is not wanting marriage or an ongoing romance she should at least want the man to be nice to her and care for her well being. I don’t see how even a casual fling can be worthwhile without basic respect.

Once a man has respect for a woman I think love and affection will follow. All of us girls need to relax and stop being so anxious. Too many of us are anxious to be some man’s concubine. People are proud of it these days. Just look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez.

I know I shouldn’t feel bad for someone like Jennifer Lopez but I do. This seems desperate and childish to me. This woman is well into her forties for goodness sake and the mother of two. She is wealthy and has a very successful career as a pop singer. Why is she so proud to be this man’s piece of tail? I don’t think that a man with good intentions treats the woman that he loves like this in “Vanity Fair”. Where is the respect?

I’ve seen several pictures on Instagram of couples where the man is grabbing the woman’s behinds and the women stand there looking satisfied and in love. I think some of them were engagement photos. Now why aren’t there pictures of women grabbing men’s crotches and looking at the camera as the proud own while the man looks all starry eyed? It probably doesn’t happen because men wouldn’t publicly tolerate that type of disrespect.

So ladies, we need to seek respect and the rest will come afterwards. Don’t be desperate to attach yourself to a man that may not really love you. I believe the basis of love is respect. Think about what respect is and what it looks like. It is probably different for everyone but here is the definition to help. Notice that tits, ass and sexual prowess is not mentioned in the definition of respect. That can be found anywhere and none of those things make you valuable beyond the end of a man’s ****.

re·spect

rəˈspekt/

noun

1.
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

“the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor”

synonyms: esteem, regard, high opinion, admiration, reverence, deference, honor

“the respect due to a great artist”
2.

a particular aspect, point, or detail.

“the government’s record in this respect is a mixed one”

synonyms: aspect, regard, facet, feature, way, sense, particular, point, detail

“the report was accurate in every respect”

verb

admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

“she was respected by everyone she worked with”

synonyms:

esteem, admire, think highly of, have a high opinion of, hold in high regard, hold in (high) esteem, look up to, revere, reverence, honor

“she is highly respected in the book industry”

My XXX Experience – Shannon in Kansas City

I’ve been reading testimonials on social media lately about well known people and their experiences with pornography. I’ve considered writing about my thoughts on pornography in the past but I chickened out because I was ashamed to admit that I ever indulged in on line erotica. I’m still ashamed that I ever used pornography but I feel that shame binds people into keeping secrets which only exacerbates problems that can be overcome.

I am a single woman that is not a virgin but has been celibate for an extended period of time. One day several years ago it occurred to me that I really didn’t remember what sex was like. This made me feel deprived, sad and out of touch with other adult people. I was stupid for feeling that way because I was actually blessed. I had returned to an innocence that I had lost but I didn’t appreciate that at the time.

One night I typed the word horny into the search engine on my computer and I came in contact with internet pornography. It was not the first time I had seen pornography. When I was a child growing up I use to see my copies of Playboy at my dad’s house. I also saw a copy of Penthouse at my aunt’s house when I was young. It was the issue that featured the disgraced Miss America Vanessa Williams. I remember those images vividly. I was about eight years old. I’ve also seen soft core porn on HBO late at night and I saw an erotic movie at a friend’s house when I was a teenager on a VHS tape.

The first thing that struck me about internet porn was the sheer volume of it. You will never get to the bottom of the porn pit on the internet. I was not initially aroused or appalled. I was mostly just enthralled and shocked by it. It was fascinating. I couldn’t believe that so many people were willing to perform these acts in front of a camera. I had no idea that people behaved this way. I had one hundred questions for the people in the videos.

Watching porn became a habit over a three year or so period. I didn’t watch it every day. My visits to porn sites were sometimes quite infrequent. I would become aroused and experiment with masturbation. I told myself that I was preparing myself for my future spouse. I told myself that I was practicing safe sex. I told myself that I was learning about my own body. I no longer think this way. Even if these statements were true I was selfishly taking advantage of other people that are probably disadvantaged in some way for my own benefit.

The more I watched porn the more I questioned why I did it. Honestly, it is very corny and not sexy at all. It’s not really sexy because porn is purely sex. Porn films have nothing to do with flirtation or chemistry. There is no story to be told about two humans connecting and nurturing a relationship. It’s just sex. It’s just two people fucking like animals. After a while porn wasn’t even arousing anymore.

Before I began experimenting with pornography I really had no problem with it. I thought that it could be useful for people that did not have a sexual partner, or people that were incarcerated or unable to have sex for whatever reason. But as I watched porn I realized how degrading and sometimes violent it was towards women. I’ve seen porn videos where the women were clearly drunk or high. Perhaps that what they needed to do in order to perform.

I don’t consider myself to be a feminist but I am in favor of women having equal opportunities and respect. I couldn’t in good conscious continue to watch pornography and consider myself to be an encourager of women. I also didn’t feel like I could call myself a follower of Christ and continue to use pornography. I can’t find a scripture that directly speaks against masturbation or being a passive viewer of immorality but I’m pretty confident that it is not in God’s will for us to spend our time watching strangers have sex like stray cats.

I wrote a blog posting in the past about the benefits of being a Christian. A benefit that I didn’t mention about the Christian life is that if you believe that the Bible is the absolute word of God you have an unwavering standard about what is right and what is wrong. If a Christian takes a wrong turn in life they have a road map on how to get back on track. It is such a blessing to have an absolute like the word of God in your life.

Breaking my porn habit is probably similar to what smokers go through when they try to quit. I had to pray my way through it and ask for strength and forgiveness. I would go long periods of time without watching porn and then something would inspire me to watch it again. I had to repeat the steps of asking for strength and forgiveness. I saw a public service announcement once that told smokers to never quit quitting. I had quit watching porn several times.

My experience with porn showed me that porn is degrading to women. It is not about enjoying sex at all. Most of it is based on domination and humiliation. Women are almost always placed in a subservient position in XXX films. Porn is not empowering or liberating to women in any way. It is the exact opposite. I have no research to substantiate but I have a strong feeling that the availability and heavy usage of pornography is responsible for the aggressive attitude that American culture has toward women.

I became involved with pornography out of loneliness. I was longing for intimacy and I tried to use masturbation and sexually charged images as a substitute. It didn’t work. I wasted a great deal of time and nearly destroyed a computer because I exposed it to a virus through a porn site. Pornography is degrading to women and men and it reduces human beings to our most primal instincts. Those primal instincts are not what make humans great. Our minds and our souls are what make us different from other life forms. Pornography does not explore the mind or the soul.

Once the initial shock and awe of pornography wears off you see that it’s not even sexy. It’s very corny and unrealistic. There is no way in the hell I would do most of that shit. Pornography has absolutely no redeeming value for any man or woman. I’m glad that I know the Lord and His standards. Once again God’s standards saved and the Holy Spirit guided me to a more righteous path

Russell Brand on Pornography

Terry Crews on Pornography

Ted Bundy on Pornography

The Crusade for Femininity

I love femininity and I love women. I enjoy being a woman and I don’t ever remember a time when I did not delight in feminine interests such as make up and hair care products. I’m what you would call a girls girl. I think that femininity is something to be admired and respected. Unfortunately, in today’s world I feel my opinion puts me in the minority.

In my observations femininity has become something that people make fun of, disrespect and try to own and control. Women that use make up and other products to give themselves a more feminine appearance are labeled high maintenance, thirsty or slutty. I do not understand how people have come to this conclusion. What’s wrong with a woman wanting to look feminine and presenting herself nicely?

It also seems to me that in 2015 femininity has become synonymous with slutty. That’s very disturbing to me because I believe that it is possible to be a mature feminine woman without giving the appearance that you are sexually available to any man that winks in your direction.

I feel like some women have decided to present themselves in a more gender neutral way because it gives them a greater sense of power and makes them less vulnerable. I suppose I can’t blame them. Femininity is no longer seen as something to be protected, cherished and respected. In modern times it is often thought of something to be controlled, abused and attacked.

I try to present myself with feminine grace physically and with actions. That is not to say that I play dumb or make myself passive to men around me. I think that femininity can be smart, strong, successful, powerful and independent.

I don’t think that femininity is something that exists strictly for a man’s pleasure. It’s natural for a man to appreciate feminine beauty but it is not theirs to own. A woman’s beauty is her own and it should be used to glorify God. The way she presents herself is a reflection of who she is, and who her creator is.

I believe this misunderstanding is where the lack of respect and need to control femininity comes from. People like to put down what they don’t understand and what intimidates them. The availability of pornography and business marketing strategies have made men believe that attractive, young women should be readily available to them.

Men are taught that they are entitled to feminine beauty. Therefore, women, especially attractive ones get labeled thots, hoes, bitches etc. Attractive young women are seen as objects to be used and tossed to the side. When they are old or used too much they are to be tossed aside for good.

Femininity is a part of God’s plan. I’m a believer in Christ and I believe that femininity and masculinity are a part of God’s plan for our lives and the world we live in. Pardon the reference to Eastern religion but masculinity and femininity are a part of the world’s yin and yang. Both are necessary for harmony and balance. Both are needed and should be respected.

Women should contribute beauty , softness and a delicate nature to the world. American culture is dying for that. The world we live in had become much more male dominant and masculine. We are loosing respect for the feminine grace that gives us appreciation for art, poetry, flowers, fashion, fine china, flowers etc. We are much more interested in things being fast, cheap, and in large quantities. We love violent entertainment and sexualized humor. It’s because we have no real respect for women any more and women are socialized to be more like men.

That leaves very few people left to be ladies. Ladies, women hold any society together. We set the standards for behavior and social mores. I think that women need to have more respect for feminine grace. It starts with us. Men will follow.

Love yourself as a woman and invest in yourself physically, intellectually and emotionally. Your body is a temple. You are worth good things and time. The world desperately needs your feminine grace.

1 Corinthians 6:19 Or don’t you know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you? Don’t you know that you have the Holy Spirit from God, and you don’t belong to yourselves?

A Woman’s Worth