#metoo

I’ve been considering writing about my experience with rape for months.  I’ve thought about writing my story as a catharsis, for revenge and to help others.  The #metoo has helped me make the decision to publish my story.  I’m going to be very brief and to the point.  I don’t think all of the details are necessary.

Three years ago I met a man on OKCupid.  He and I communicated for around four months and I saw him in person two or three times within that time frame.  While I was getting to know this man that goes by the name David Gosh of Houston, Texas I told him that I was not interested in a sexual relationship.

I explained that I wanted to live my life by Biblical rules and that meant that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was married.  He told me that he respected that and sex would not be an issue in our relationship.  He traveled for work and came to Kansas City often.  On one of his trips to Kansas City I decided to spend time with him in his hotel room.  I told him that sex of all kinds was still off the table but we could kiss, hug and cuddle.

After I got off work I went to meet David.  We went to dinner and then back to his hotel room to relax and watch TV.  I brought a change of clothes, a tank top and sweat pants with me.  I changed into my comfortable clothes.  I had been to one of his hotel rooms before and that one had a couch.  This one didn’t have a couch area in front of a TV.  There was just a bed.  That was probably by design.

I got in the bed and David turned off the lights.  He began kissing me and groping me.  He began taking off my clothes and I told him no and to stop repeatedly.  Ultimately I gave in to his advances and the sex act happened.  Afterwards, David took a quick shower and told me he had to get up early tomorrow so I had to leave.

I changed my clothes and left.  After reliving the incident in my mind I felt very used and violated.  After a month I reported what happened to the Kansas City Police Department but I decided not to pursue charges for a variety of reasons.  His name was removed from the police report.

I’ve been taken advantage of in other ways before.  I’ve had my purse stolen, a credit card number stolen on a separate occasion.  I had a window busted out of my car and the radio was stolen.  In those situations after the window was fixed, I got a new purse and the credit card company was notified of the theft I felt whole and I was no longer affected by the crime.  But it is very difficult to get past a violation against your body.  I don’t know if this was made worse because I trusted the wrong person.

I never saw David again after that night.  Once I got home I texted him and let him know that I was upset and thought he was a rapist.  He doesn’t believe he raped me.  He said “I knew you wanted to fuck me when you said you brought different clothes”.  I brought the same type of clothes that I would have worn if I had gone home after work.

I also sent him a few hateful threatening e mails months later.  He asked if we could be friends again.  I laughed out loud when I read that.  That was my last contact with David Gosh of Houston, Texas.  I hope his home flooded.  If he even really lives in Houston or if David Gosh is even his name.  I don’t really know because my entire brief relationship with him was a lie.

 

 

Curtis Granderson: the Great Unifier

Absolutely anything can turn into an argument on social media.  The most innocuous comment can draw a sharp tongued response from a fellow social media user with a chip on their shoulder.  We can’t agree on anything these days.  America is sharply divided by ideology: Democrat, Republican, faithful, Atheist, does pineapple belong on pizza or not, who do you hate more the Patriots or the Cowboys?  In this day and age we have a hard time respectfully allowing others to have an opinion without passing judgement on their character.  I do it too.

But I’ve noticed that there is one subject everyone agrees on: Curtis Granderson. No one ever says anything bad about him.  Like never, ever.  All of the social media comments that I’ve seen about Curtis have been admirable.  That’s an incredible accomplishment in an environment where a picture of a cupcake or puppy can start an argument.

Curtis is the outfielder Curtis Granderson for the LA Dodgers.  I’ve followed his career since he played for my Detroit Tigers around ten years ago.  I’ve had a crush on the man since then.  He’s tall, athletic, Black, wealthy and absolutely charming with old fashioned manners.  You can tell he was raised by adult parents with common sense and morals that instilled good values in their son.  That’s rare.  The only person that compares is J.J. Watt who is the blonde, blue eyed NFL equivalent.

I think the secret to Curtis’ popularity is that we don’t know much about the man.  I’ve looked for information about the man’s personal life because I’ve been in love with him for like a decade but there isn’t much out there.  Other than a Wikipedia page, articles about his charity and stats Curtis Granderson is a mystery.  He has not given us anything to talk about or judge.  Instead of seeking attention he uses discretion.  Discretion is not appreciated much in this social media world of ours.

Anyway, God bless Curtis Granderson.  I’m still hoping the Royals will win the Wild Card and make it into the Pennant Race and make a good run for another World Series ring.  Honesly, it’s not looking great for the Royals so I will jump on the LA Dodgers bandwagon and cheer them on for a World Series ring.  Curtis deserves it.  He’s had an impressive career and is a more impressive human being.  Thank you Curtis Granderson for standing for class, tact and professionalism.  The world appreciates you.

I Forgot My Phone

I forgot my phone at work on Friday evening.  At least I think so it may be lost somewhere for good.  I thought about going back to get it since I have access to the office but between not wanting to make the drive back, heavy rain and not wanting to see anyone at work over the weekend I decided to do without it for the weekend.  I thought this could be a good test to see if I had created an idol in my life.

Being without my phone wasn’t a huge loss.  I have a land line phone in my home.  (I’m not sure how many people that would call me actually have that number though.)  I also have a tablet and a laptop.  I bought the tablet after forgetting my phone at work once before.  I didn’t want to be deprived of my nightly Instagram intake.

The biggest loss was I was unable to take my weekly #churchflow pictures.  There is a camera on my tablet but it is absolute garbage.  My selfies were grainy and looked like Bigfoot pictures.  So the prechurch photo shoot was cut short and I was only fifteen minutes late to church this morning.  I was there early enough to help usher.  That would be a gain.  Less vanity and more serving the Lord.

The other side is that I didn’t have an epiphany of how I need to unplug from social media and tap into the people and things around me.  I don’t think anyone is missing much by checking social media when they have spare time as long as you are not driving or performing surgery or something while you’re checking Twitter.

So that’s my unremarkable weekend without my cell phone.   I can live without it but I sure am looking forward to getting to work on Monday.

#TeamRob

I think we all knew this day would come.  I’m talking about the crash and burn break up of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna.  I watched the show “Rob and Chyna” and I strongly suspected that Chyna was using Rob for attention and financial gain.  The relationship did not seem genuine and Rob seemed kind of vapid.  Chyna was not very nice to Rob at all and she was very controlling.  I don’t think Chyna is a nice person at all and she’s a complete idiot to top it all off.

Before Rob and Chyna started dating Rob was struggling with his weight and he was not getting along with his family.  He seemed to have self esteem problems and then Chyna came along and acted as an earthly savior for Rob.  Chyna took full advantage Rob and his fragile mental and emotional state.  But I could tell on their reality show that she never really loved or liked the man.  At best I thought she was lonely and desperate and was just trying to make the relationship work out.

It has been revealed through social media that Rob showered Chyna with expensive gifts and even plastic surgery.  I don’t believe that anyone should use someone for money but my goodness if you’re going to do it maximize the potential of the situation.  Blac Chyna short changed herself if you asked me.

Chyna probably could have married Rob.  And then she would have been Mrs. Kardashian, the only Mrs. Kardashian.  That would have been a proud moment in Black history.  I also think she missed a huge opportunity by having one baby and dumping Rob.  She needed to have a boy in order to keep the Kardashian name going.  Being Mrs. Kardashian, ex Mrs. Kardashian or the mother of Baby Boy Kardashian would have supported her and Dream for the rest of their lives.  But Chyna’s dumb ass blew it.

Chyna was thinking short term which is child support while Dream is a minor.  But then what?  Chyna will be an ex D.C. stripper in her mid forties.  She’s probably not going to go to school and become a nurse or something respectable.  She and dream are going to be back to hustling.

The problem there is that they are Black women and Black women could never get away with the nonsense that the Kardashians have gotten away with.  If Ray J had made a sex tape with a Black women she never would have had the opportunity to turn that into a multi million dollar family business.  The American public would have never taken interest in that.

Besides that we don’t know what Dream is going to look like and looks are everything in the world she was born into.  There’s a good chance that she will be attractive because both grandmothers are beautiful and her mother is gorgeous when she’s working with her stripper body.  But we just don’t know.

I don’t think I could date Rob Kardashian but he also doesn’t seem that bad to me.  Chyna should have just stuck it out for the long haul.  I really don’t understand these people that get attached to people with tons of money and then show their ass.  The best opportunity folks like Blac Chyna, Amber Rose (Wiz Khalifa’s ex) and Kindu Issacs (Mary J. Blige’s ex) was their marriage.  How did they mess this up?  None of them are going to make as much money as their former partners so why not make nice and stay in the relationship.  They need to take a lesson from Vanessa Bryant who is a smart woman.

Chyna sent Rob a picture of herself kissing some guy and another picture of a different guy in Rob’s bath robe.  Are either of those men going to buy her a diamond watch or a Lamborghini?  Neither one of them probably can which is what makes Chyna is an idiot.  I really don’t know why Rob is even pressed over this.

I’m a believer in everlasting love, loyalty and friendship.  But if you’re going to hustle for a come up do it right and make the most of a situation.  Chyna had the whole world in her hand and blew it and she probably won’t get it back.  I really hope this is all just a Kardashian publicity stunt that the entire family will cash in on.  Because I hate to see a Black woman making such poor business decision.

Instagram Culture

It’s time for an Instagram cultural revolution.  I really enjoy Instagram.  It’s frivolous, light hearted entertainment.   It is my favorite social media platform.  It’s fun to see people tell their stories and express themselves through visual images.  Instagram is very well suited for those of us that are nosey.  I have learned the darnedest things about celebrities, old classmates, relatives and even beautiful strangers.  And Instagram doesn’t carry the emotional baggage of Facebook or Twitter.

There are people in the world that make their livings as Instagram models.  I don’t exactly understand what an Instagram model is because it seems to me that everyone that has ever downloaded the app is an Instagram model.  But these so called models make a living posting pictures of themselves and promoting products on their pages.  Good for them.  Many of them seem to do quite well for themselves.

My problem with these Instagram models is that most of them have zero style.  I don’t see any fashion.  Fashion requires fabric and thread you see and most of these women are as close to naked as Instagram will allow.  That’s pretty darn naked.

I don’t consider myself to be a prude.  I have no problem with a person photographing their nearly nude or even completely nude body.  But why does everyone need to do that?

When you scroll through Instagram images most of the women that are photographed are wearing sexually suggestive clothing in suggestive poses.  Perhaps they are Instagram models or that is their goal.  But it is sad to me that young women are being taught that in order to be successful and have financial freedom you need to look a certain way and put your body on display.

Instagram models photograph themselves in luxurious surroundings with high end goods.  A lot of them date or imply that they date wealthy men.  These images are juxtaposed with images of them in bikinis.  And these are not natural looking bikini shots of them enjoying a day at the pool with friends.  They are in bikinis in full make up, oiled up, with their hair did arching their backs and **** like that.  The message that is being conveyed to a very young audience is that if you want to be successful work on your body and sell it.  Some of these girls talk about their higher education.  That’s great but they’re not using their education to be successful.  They’re using their flesh.

There needs to be an alternative.  That’s why I love Kate Middleton.  She is a young woman with a good figure but she presents herself with modesty, dignity and class.  And she’s going to be a queen one day; not some fly by night reality star or the baby mama to a professional athlete.

I am far older than Instagram’s target audience.  I am not wealthy and I don’t live in a glamorous, coastal, high rent city.  But I have more style in my left heel than all of the Instagram models that I have seen.

If you are a stylish woman, even if it’s only on special occasions you should put up a few Instagram shots too.  The world needs them.  Someone needs to remind the world that women can be pretty and her beauty can be admired without being ogled and lusted after.  And if you’re going to call yourself a model of any sort please have some style.

My name on Instagram is showmeshannon.  I would appreciate your follow.  I would also appreciate it if some of you ladies would show the world your style and creativity through fashion.  Kate Middleton and I can’t do it alone.

#nomakeup – Shannon in Kansas City

There’s a new feminist movement sweeping social media.  It’s called the #nomakeup movement.  The #nomakeup movement encourages women to not wear make up.  I’m not exactly sure why we shouldn’t wear make up anymore.  I think it’s because Alicia Keys doesn’t want to wear it.  She says that she wants to challenge beauty standards and she wants the world to see her for who she really is.  Well good for Alicia Keys and her newfound independence from make up but can I live?

I’m not real big into natural beauty unless you are talking about landscapes.  Just about everything else can stand a little improvement and manipulation in order to look more appealing.  I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.  You don’t let the grass in your yard grow wild.  You take your car to the car wash once in a while.  But women are supposed to just throw ourselves to the wind to prove that we are confident, self assured women with our self esteem in tact.  Not me.  Not ever.

I enjoy makeup because I feel like it adds a little glamour to the mundane.  Putting on my makeup is sometimes the best part of my day.  I just like what a little mascara, eye liner and lipstick does for me.  I feel more put together and I know I look better.  I also feel like women look more feminine with make up.  Elegant femininity is becoming rare in these times that we live in but I’m a woman that wants to take a stand for it.

When I put on make up I don’t feel like I’m trying to look like someone else or live up to anyone else’s beauty standards.  I think that I am presenting the best version of myself.  I’m not hiding low self esteem under make up.  I am spending time on something that I care about.  I care about myself and the impression that I make on others.

I think that there is too much “keeping it real” in the world.  I want to break it to you all.  The world doesn’t really care about your authentic self.  There is a precious circle of folks that you can “keep it real” around.  Everyone else would like a polite, attractive representative until we choose to get to know you a bit better.  No one owes it to you to appreciate the most tore up version of yourself.

Alicia Keys’ #nomakeup campaign is really a bit arrogant.  The pictures that she posted on Instagram with no make were taken in a professional photo shoot.  The photos still look like they belong in a fashion magazine.  Alicia already has the mate and career she wants.  She is wealthy and probably doesn’t have to work another day in her life.  I think it’s kind of easy for her to say that she wants to abstain from cosmetics.  It’s really easy to not care what anyone thinks of you when you are a thirty five year old multi millionaire.

But Alicia can do what she wants and if she feels liberated going make up free good for her.  I applaud any woman for choosing not to wear make up if she doesn’t see the value in it.  I doubt that there is any real pressure for these women to wear make up but go ahead and rebel against the oppression of the cosmetics industry.

I just ask that you don’t make assumptions about those of us that enjoy our daily maquillage.  We all don’t suffer from low self esteem and self hatred.  Most of us just like to look our best and put a little polish on what God blessed us with.