Little girls in horror movies all dress like little girls from the 80s. That’s true even for upcoming releases like M3Gan . But why? I don’t think young girls have dressed like that for decades. I usually see young girls dressed in hoodies, jeans and leggings. You don’t see bows, mary janes, ankle socks and dresses a lot anymore. Why does feminine clothing for little girls give people the creeps?
I dunno. It’s just kind of unfortunate that an old fashioned visual of girlhood is presented as evil and destructive. My thinking could be dated but I like to think of young girls as sweet and innocent people who are vulnerable and in need of protection. Perhaps that’s why this horror movie trope works. But it’s worth it to question what these stories of creepy and evil young girlhood do to our perception of feminine youth and innocence. What does this imagery do to young girls?
The evil little girl film trope is not new but it is enduring. In films like “The Bad Seed” and “The Shining” the creepy little girls were typical looking little girls for that time. Young girls now commonly wear clothes that are unisex or mature. So I think the choice to style creepy girls, even if they are an AI robot, in traditional little girl clothing is a deliberate action. I’m likely over thinking this. But I consider myself to be a film scholar and critic. Let me know what you think. Do you think horror films about scary little girls that actually look like little girls have negative connotations and ramifications?
I recently read and listened to on audio a book called “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” by Rachel Held Evans. Mrs. Held Evans is a young, married woman with no children who describes herself as an Evangelical Christian and modern woman. She lived for a year under Old Testament law. The book was interesting if you want to learn more about the subject matter. “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” is well researched and informative.
Rachel’s experiment was interesting. She discussed submitting to her husband, focusing on domestic duties, covering her head and not cutting her hair for the year among other thing. I don’t feel like she came to any profound conclusions at the end of the year. She didn’t reveal anything that I found to be particularly enlightening. Rachel seemed glad the year was over. The book is a fine way to pass time and I learned a bit but it wasn’t very meaningful and memorable to me.
I have experience with on line dating sites. I’ve used different dating sites over the years. I’ve written about my experiences on this blog. This post isn’t about dating and relationships. It’s about staying safe. Staying safe is your number one priority.
I enjoy observing modern American culture. Anyone that is objectively observing American culture in 2022 should come to the conclusion that America is hostile towards girls and women. The hostility manifests itself in many different ways. One of the ways animosity towards women is being expressed is through deception, manipulation, violence and homicide.
Anyone can be taken advantage of by someone using a dating app to take advantage of others. It can happen to men or women of any sexual orientation. I am writing this is written from the point of view of a heterosexual woman. I believe we are the most vulnerable.
Men who seek to hurt women are using dating websites to lure women in order to abuse and kill them. I’m not going to quote statistics. Go on You Tube and look at local news stories from across the US. Men killing women is very common. Often women are killed by men they met on a dating website.
These are strategies I used while I was using internet dating websites. This is not about victim blaming. This is about protecting yourself and avoiding people and situations that can be harmful. That is the first line of defense. There is risk that goes along with giving men access to yourself. That means there is risk involved with being alone with men.
The odds are in your favor. Most men are not murderers or rapists. But enough of them are violent sociopaths for a single woman to be concerned about her personal safety while dating. The local news across the US is filled with stories of women going on dates and being robbed, raped or murdered. You have one life and if someone hurts or kills you there is no second chance. Avoid gambling with your property, body or life. A date and chance at romance is not worth the risk.
Take Your Time
When you meet people on line take your time during the conversation stage. Be judgemental and critical. Look for signs of anger, rudeness or that he is taking direction from so called dating gurus on social media. Those people are almost always toxic.
Don’t trust men that are in a rush. Con artists want to move quickly. They want to find a victim, exploit her and drain her with speed and stealth. Time is on women’s side. Any time you think you’re ready to meet a man in person. Wait a week. Don’t be anxious. If he has genuine interest and respects women he will wait until you are comfortable.
He’s a Stranger
Even if you’ve been talking to a man for a while he is still a stranger. You don’t know him. He is not your friend. Your date is a stranger and should be treated as such. Keep him at arm’s length and don’t make yourself vulnerable right away.
Have Strict Rules for MeetingPlaces
When I was meeting online dates I chose chain restaurants. Most American chain restaurants have a similar layout. They have windows wrapped around and they are surrounded by a parking lot. The windows create potential witnesses. Park as close to the door as possible. When you pull up to the restaurant try and find a parking spot in front of a window where customers are already seated.
A first meeting with a man you met on the internet is not about being wined and dined. It’s not a matter of being impressed. It’s simply a meeting just like a job interview where both sides put in face time to see if there is further interest on both sides.
Meet During Daylight
Meet during daylight. Make sure you have enough time so that you can leave and it’s still light outside. This gives you a better chance at having a witness if a man does something psycho. It also makes the date more respectable if you can leave before the sunsets. Part company after the meal. Staying out too late makes you vulnerable. You may get more relaxed. There are more opportunities for you to be hurt. A table in a restaurant is a fairly safe space.
Don’t Drink
Don’t drink on a first on line date. I don’t care if you like to drink. You’re better off going out alone after the date and having a cocktail. Drinking will make you less inhibited and vulnerable.
Don’t Share a Car
You’ve gone out with the guy and he seems nice. Great. He’s still a stranger. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. Wait a long time before you get in his car or let him get in yours. Use your own transportation. If you usually get around town on the bus. Stay on the bus or call a cab. Don’t make yourself vulnerable and put yourself in the semi private environment of a car.
Let Someone Know Where You Are
I understand wanting to keep your dating life private from family and friends. But let someone know who you are spending time with and where you are going. Let a co worker, out of state relative, neighbor or someone know what’s going on. Let them know why you are telling them this. It’s good to have a person that will check back with you and make sure you made it back home. If something goes wrong at least there is a liaison to communicate with the police.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Bullied
Anyone that can’t understand a woman being cautious about meeting men on line does not care about women. They are not your friend and they are either foolish or seeking to exploit you. You as a woman are the vulnerable party. Stand your ground and maintain proper boundaries. If you’re not ready to go out don’t. If something seems off block.
Don’t Go Home With Him
I don’t mean to be a prude or the fun police but take a long time before going to his house. Sex with a stranger isn’t worth the risk. There are many risks but I’m talking about the immediate risk of being robbed and or killed. You’re the vulnerable party and you are leaving a lot up to chance by putting yourself in an intimate situation with a stranger.
Have Your Own Money
I don’t believe in going Dutch but be prepared to pay your own way. Be able to pay for your own meal if things go awry. Be able to get yourself home.
Men are victimized by people they meet on dating apps too. I write from my point of view as a heterosexual woman. We are the vulnerable party and that should not be forgotten. Be smart, strategic and not too anxious. Take your time and listen to your instincts. I want to emphasize take your time. Time is on the woman’s side at this stage of the relationship.
Science is not my strong suit. But I do remember a few things from high school chemistry class. I remember doing experiments and if a chemical got contaminated the experiment was ruined and we had to start over or not get credit for the assignment. We were instructed on how not to contaminate the chemical in order to not waste time and risk failure. There were meticulous details on how to handle containers with the chemicals. Handling the chemicals and their containers was a lesson within itself.
Relationships fail because they become contaminated and later turn toxic. The contaminants are things like dishonesty, anger, mean words, disrespect and insincerity. Once a relationship is contaminated you may need to start over because it’s ruined. By starting over I mean find a new partner or be happily single. Starting over is disappointing but it’s better than trying to maintain a tainted relationship.
The best thing a new couple can do is try to keep the relationship pure by being nice, understanding, honest and having good communication. You have to handle each other with care. The extra effort is worthwhile unless you see the relationship as disposable from the start.
I remember that some experiments could be saved with another chemical that can clean contaminants. Patience, understanding and forgiveness can clean up toxins along with changed behavior. Sometimes the experiment is too far gone to be restored.
My conclusion is to keep a new relationship pure with honesty, good communication, and nice behavior. Don’t see relationships as disposable. Even if you don’t care about a relationship turning toxic because you see it as disposable you will contaminate yourself. Relationships can be detoxed with understanding and forgiveness but it’s never quite the same as it was before the toxins being introduced. Move forward with new relationships with caution. You don’t want irreparable contaminate your new pairing so you don’t have to start over with a new one or choose singleness.
There is one reason relationships fail: unmet expectations. That fact is true regardless of the type of relationship. Whether it be romantic, professional, friendship or family relationships they all end because expectations were not met . This essay is about romantic relationships. For context, this is from a heterosexual perspective. I believe that men should pursue and initiate and women set the parameters and standards for a relationship.
If the proper respect and communication is in place a relationship it can be salvaged through honest conversations and adjustments when expectations are not being met. Without the proper respect and communication the relationship will crumble due to the disappointment and hard feelings.
The beginning of dating relationships is great because you don’t expect a lot from people you haven’t known long. At the beginning of a dating relationship your suitor is a mere cute and charming stranger or casual acquaintance. It’s best to make your intentions and expectations know while the relationship is still new.
Unfortunately, people aren’t always honest about their intentions and they take advantage of the gray area that exists in a new relationship. Sometimes people have no idea what they really want so they go along to get along. The woman usually decides when the gray area should become more defined. The definition is on a graduated scale. The woman is usually the one conscious of the graduated scale.
People have define commitment in various ways 2021. It comes in the form of traditional marriage, co habitation or perhaps just a steady date and companion. Feelings and expectations change over time as a relationship goes on. Regardless of what commitment looks like a woman may feel that she is entitled to a certain level of respect and consideration in a longer relationship. If the man does not satisfy the woman’s expectations the relationship will begin to unravel.
The relationship can be saved through communication and coming to an agreement. If both parties value the relationship enough to save it an understanding needs to be reached in order to stay together in a harmony. Or they can agree to disagree and split up which is also a valid choice.
What often happens after a couple has been together for a while is that the woman is interested in a commitment or at least for the relationship to be clearly defined. She wants to know exactly how the man feels about her. She wants to know if there is a future with the man. Men often want to stay in the undefined, gray area as long possible. But the woman’s feelings are always going to change and grow with time if she has any genuine feelings for the man. With that comes greater expectations.
She will probably expect more from him as far as time, respect, affection commitment, etc. If he isn’t prepared to honor her expectations that the relationship will either end, they won’t get along or she will stay and be unhappy. It comes down to figuring out if you have the same goals in mind from the start, respect and communication. This is a make or break time for couples. It’s time to decide to break up or commit.
It’s all pretty simple but people are often dishonest from the outset and don’t communicate in riddles. A relationship like this is doomed to fail. I don’t think anyone should date before eighteen. Therefore, dating is for adults. Adults are responsible for communicating what they want. If an intelligent adult is acting like they can’t communicate and verbalize feelings after an adequate amount of getting to know the person I think they are being manipulative. Do with it as you will.
Love is a gamble but know when to give up. Some relationships can be like throwing your money into a lousy slot machine. In dating relationships it’s not hard to express how you feel about someone. If feelings are genuine you should be eager to let your partner know how you feel. You should want to assure your partner. In a cold world your relationship should be a warm, fuzzy safe place. Not a source of confusion, frustration, misunderstanding and stress. There’s nothing wrong with being a quitter.
Marry Smart is a relationship advice book for young, career oriented women by Susan Patton. I think it’s worth the read. It’s quick and Ms. Patton gives sound, practical and realistic advice to young women who aspire to marriage and motherhood.
Susan Patton is an HR professional and Princeton graduate who wrote a controversial letter to the editor of the campus newspaper of her alma mater. The letter advised young women to focus on finding a husband with as much or more energy as they do in starting a career. The letter garnered a lot of attention. Enough conversation was aroused by the letter that Susan wrote a book explaining her opinions on young women, careers, marriage and motherhood. I remember seeing Susan on morning TV programs like Today and The View when the book was released in 2014.
Susan was criticized in the mainstream and by feminists but what she was saying on the talk show circuit made sense to me. The author urges young women to be honest with themselves. If they want to marry and have children pursue that goal as they would any other. Be strategic. That’s the bottom line.
Susan states that the best time in a woman’s life to find a husband is while in college. She advises young women to make finding a spouse a priority while they are young and in school because that’s when youth, social surroundings and fertility are in a woman’s favor.
The odds of finding a desirable and compatible husband are in a young woman’s favor while she is on campus. She’s around men that are educated, career oriented, young, most likely single and childless. After graduation it’s nearly impossible to simulate that kind of social setting. The author advised women to remain active in alumni activities if they don’t find a husband while a student. It’s pretty simple and common sense.
Ms. Patton says that if you know you want to marry pursue it as a goal and be mindful of your time. Pop culture leads women to believe that they will meet the perfect mate by chance. Mainstream American Christianity preaches that The Lord will bring you the perfect spouse. I don’t think these romantic notions are fruitful.
I would encourage young women to be deliberate in their dating choices, have goals and be mindful of time . I think that Marry Smart offers great advice to women regardless of their educational and career goals. Any young woman can read this book and apply it to their own life and circumstances.
My criticism of this book is that it lasts a little longer than is necessary. Susan’s advice delves into some other areas that can help a lady be a success in life but it does get to be a bit superfluous near the end. It feels like Susan’s editor had a word requirement and she needed to stretch.
Generally speaking I think relationship advice is terrible. But Ms. Patton’s advice is based on simple biology. Women have been set up to fail by ignoring biology. The author is a bit harsh but I think it comes from a good, loving, maternal place. It’s worth a read. I listened to an audio book version which lasted about seven hours.
The world gets more patriarchal every day. I came to that conclusion while reading the tweets about Andrew Gillum’s appearance on “The Tamron Hall Show”. Andrew Gillum is the former mayor of Tallahassee, FL and he made a unsuccessful run for the governor of Florida. His gubernatorial bid put him in the national limelight and made him a young star in the Democratic party.
Andrew was a part of a scandal that involved him, meth, a male prostitute and a hotel room in Florida. He was discovered in a puddle of his own vomit in the hotel room after partying it up with the prostitute. Andrew is a married man with three young children.
Andrew made an appearance on daytime TV and came out as bisexual. His faithful and supportive wife Jai was by his side. She didn’t share any plans on filing for divorce. She seems determined to stand by her man despite Andrew’s wild weekend. All of that is great and I’m actually happy for Andrew and his family.
Gillum’s scandal never seemed like enough to derail a career to me. As soon as I heard about Andrew’s skeletons I thought of former DC mayor Marion Barry. I have childhood memories of Marion Barry snorting crack on surveillance tape on the evening news.
Marion was reelected as mayor by the people of DC. I suppose if an elected official does a good job their extracarricular activities are no ones business. If I was a resident of Florida and I had to choose between Gillum and the current governor DeSantis I would choose Gillum in a heartbeat.
My problem is not with the Gillums it’s with woke Twitter. They made Andrew Gillum into a hero and sympathetic character because he came out and now he’s “living his truth” according to him. He was living his truth before as a disloyal husband, drug abuser and party animal. The man publicly dishonored and humiliated his wife. I don’t think he deserves any praise or sympathy.
Andrew was forced into making his announcement or perhaps excuse. The woke folks coddled him all day on Twitter with no mention of how his wife must have suffered throughout this ordeal. All they did was praise her for standing by her Black bisexual king. I was disgusted.
Had Andrew cheated on his wife with a female prostitute he would have been dragged on Twitter. But his sympathizers say that he acted out due to being a closeted bisexual man. I don’t think a man of his accomplishments and stature is someone that warrants our concern.
He had a wild weekend and got caught. Being caught with a male prostitute doesn’t make it better and it doesn’t make Andrew Gillum an LGBT civil rights leader. It makes him an unfaithful husband that enjoys drugs. There is no more or less to it.
His wife is a Stepford Wife and political tool. Their marriage is probably a professional arrangement that she enjoys. The Gillum’s appearance on “The Tamron Hall Show” seemed practiced. I wouldn’t be surprised if they knew what questions Tamron would ask even though Mrs. Gillum’s answered square danced around them.
But nonetheless she is a human shield who is protecting her husband from further public scrutiny and a divorce. The person who should have made the appearance with Andrew on daytime TV was the prostitute and the drug dealer. Jai Gillum has done nothing wrong and she doesn’t deserve to be dragged into her husband’s scandal and he doesn’t deserve having her stand up for him. It doesn’t matter to me if she entered into a political, showbiz marriage or not.
Those that are feminists and support the LGBT community hold the most patriarchal views. They focus on what benefits men and they think that honoring women and commitments like marriage are outdated and hurtful to women. Women need to prioritize their needs and desires and make a stand for respect and accept nothing less.
I’ve discussed a few modern dating scams on this blog. Low bidding is a tactic utilized by users, leeches and people with low self esteem. (The leech can be male or female and any sexual orientation. But I write from a heterosexual female point of view.) They want a person (usually a woman) that is out of their reach. Instead of using their energy and time trying to become a person (usually a man) that can get their dream date they settle.
Settling is not a bad thing if you have some appreciation for what you are settling for. You may have wanted a juicy steak for dinner but you will settle for a can of ravioli. Ravioli is delicious, inexpensive easy to make and convenient. Sometimes it’s appropriate for the situation. We’ve all settled at some point. But if you’re going to be resentful and bitter instead of appreciative and grateful about the opportunity that presented itself to you please don’t settle. Hold out for what you really want and leave the can of ravioli on the shelf for someone that would request canned ravioli for their last meal. It’s all relative.
And settling is not a bad thing. In this case I will call it redirection. We all have a wish list and sometimes we find out the things on our list are not what they are cracked up to be, in short supply or the admiration is not returned. At that point of getting checked by reality you need to recalculate your course and plan a new strategy. We’ve all done it. It’s called growing up.
Let’s say that a gentleman meets you and you hit some of his metrics. You’re good enough for somethings but not others. You may be good enough for the night time but not the day time. You might be good enough for friends with benefits but not good enough to meet his friends. He might put in a low bid. Examples of low bidding are:
going dutch on dates
being vague about intentions
sexual innuendo/lack of respect
poor treatment
He’s letting you know from the start what he thinks you’re worth. Only a desperate woman would accept any of the bids in the bullet points. It’s up to you to set a high value for yourself. You can’t wait for men to value you because many of them don’t value themselves, women in general or long term relationships. The term “pump and dump” comes to mind.
This photo came from an about bidding on materials in the construction business. It illustrates why low bids can be a waste of time. Here is the article if you are interested.
These men don’t value themselves as human beings if they are willing to share their body with any woman that will allow it. That’s particularly true if they are having unprotected sex. They don’t even care about potential offspring or their health. And no, this isn’t a man being a man. It’s a jerk being a jerk. Jerk can be applied to either gender or the ones in between that I don’t quite understand.
If low bidders thought they could get a woman that met their standards to love and respect them they would pursue that. They don’t think they can because they lack confidence. Male language on social media reflects this. Men that say they need to “get themselves together” or “get their money up” before pursuing a long term relationship are pretty much stating that they don’t have what it takes at the moment to attract a woman that they find worthy. They don’t think of themselves as worthy.
I’m not saying that finances are not an issue. But so is personality and couples can grow together. And poverty is not an excuse to use another person. If you want to wait until you’ve made your first million to pursue a relationship that is a respectable plan. But don’t bother other people while you’re trying to achieve that goal. You’ll probably get there faster without the distractions anyway.
Low bidding is a sign of a potential abusive partner. He (or she) may do or say mean and inconsiderate things to see what their new potential partner is willing to tolerate. They may like to control and exploit their partner. Domination and intimidation is validating for bullies.
During the early stages of a relationship you should jump ship at the first sign of disrespect. It’s easier to leave in the beginning because a big investment hasn’t been made. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots and bad situations usually don’t get better. You just need to remove yourself from harmful relationships and the sooner you can do it the better.
The beginning stages of dating are an observation period. If you observe troublesome behavior block the number and go on with your life. Don’t allow low bidders to insult you and don’t entertain them if they decide to come back around. If you allow them back into your life after kicking them out then you are behaving more desperate than you would have if you accepting them in the first place. A leopard doesn’t change its spots and bad situations usually don’t get better.
He’s about to eat you up!
Imagine if you had a car for sale and you were aware of the Blue Book value. You realistically assessed your car so you have a good idea of what you can get for it. If you’re a smart business person you’re not going to accept a ridiculously low bid. You’re going to disregard the low bidder as not serious and not allow them to waste anymore of your time. Just block the number.
I made the comparisons to a single person on the dating market to meals and cars. I’m just trying to make a point about a bidding process. There are some things like real estate and cars that aren’t good values so they won’t warrant a high price. However, human being are not property and inanimate objects. No one is called to be used in a demolition derby, stripped for parts or torn down for what’s underneath them. An Omaha 7 may never date an LA 9 but everyone that is nice deserves a suitable and loving partner.
Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact. This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex. All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.
I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition. But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019. As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.
In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals. But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently. An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body. I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex. I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.
But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality. It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act. And here is the bottom line. Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty. Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality. That even includes Black women and men. Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality. Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.
Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so. Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women. R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore. What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.
Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness. These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us. Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.
It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all. Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood. Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience. Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.
I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering. It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.
Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions. I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity. It’s the ultimate c—block. There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.
Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally. I have a broader definition of abuse. What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women. Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality. TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.
He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded. He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll. He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure. He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body. TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.
Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man. These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually. Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities. So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.
People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile. Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy. Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.
There are a lot of scams involved in dating these days. Before you can look for love you need to be sure that they’re not simply looking to use you. I’ve noticed a dating trend over the last few years. I’m going to call it the bait and switch date and here’s how it works.
Let’s say a man and woman take interest in each other so they make a date. It’s Wednesday and they plan a day at a park for Sunday afternoon. As it gets close to time for the date the man finds a reason to modify the plans. He will come up with an excuse as to why the date that was planned won’t work on Sunday morning.
He may give excuses like:
It’s going to be a bit cool. (The seven day forecast told us that. Wear a jacket.)
He has hay fever. (Didn’t he know that before?)
He wants to see you but he has to do something later that night so he will be pressed for time. He doesn’t want to be rushed. (When did that come up? Why did you even make this plan with me if you had something to do later?)
As far as you’re concerned the plans can be canceled and we can see each other a different day. We can do something all together different if a firm plan is put into place. But he says that he wants to see you today. (Awww) You’ve taken the bait. You’ve already agreed to spend time with him and reserved a block of time for him.
He had no desire or probably intention to ever go to the park. His wheels have been turning for the last few days to see how an afternoon in the park can end up with time alone so he can try and have sex with you. He may also have made a suggestion that he thought you would like to butter you up. An idea of a pleasant afternoon may be enough to get you on the hook.
Here’s the switch. So now he suggests that the two of you meet up for drinks or a bite to eat at a bar or cafe near his house instead of going to the park and the two of you can talk and see where the afternoon goes.
Don’t trust men when they say “Let’s see where it goes”. Don’t trust them ever. Just don’t. Hit the eject button. Flakiness in men is usually a smoke bomb which creates a confusing gray area for them to exploit and people can be hurt that way to varying degrees.
In my opinion it would be a lot more respectful and mature if a man said, “Hey, I’m interested in casual sex this afternoon. Are you up for it? I have no interest in a long term commitment from you but you are kind of sexy.” The woman is then empowered to say yes or no. She can even open the conversation up to terms, conditions and negotiations.
But they don’t want to negotiate and put everything out on the table because they don’t want women to be empowered in that way. The US workforce works the same way. There’s a reason union labor has dwindled. Negotiations empowered marginalized workers. The workers got a chance to have their voices heard and companies were bound to an agreement. Large companies didn’t like that so they undermined union labor. The sexual revolution and feminism undermined and eroded women’s bargaining power. Men are no longer bound to anything but their own needs.
The world is run by men. They know how to make decisions, speak their mind and come to compromises. That’s why I look for leadership in men when it comes to personal relationships. To me leadership involves being able to make a firm decision and having the ability to make plans. Waffling back and forth is not attractive. I’ve learned that when men are being flaky and vague it’s not confusion it’s deception. He is pulling a bait and switch.
Shannon in Kansas City YT: KC Bible Study IG: @showmeshannon Twitter: kcshannonlee1 