Tell Me What You Want: the Problem with Modern Feminism

The problem with modern feminism is that it’s hard to understand what feminists want.  Do you want to be protected and have your femininity respected as women, or do you want to be thought of as able to compete with men on any level and in anything?  I don’t think you can have both.

I’ve been reading a story of a young woman that aspires to play professional football.  She hasn’t set her sights on a woman’s league.  She wants to play in the NFL football.  And she’s not a kicker.

I’m going to be completely blunt.  This is one of the most foolish things I have heard in my life and it’s proof that brainwashing works.  The fact is that there are biological differences between men and women.  Men are physically stronger than women.  I don’t believe there is any way a woman can compete in the NFL with men and not be killed.

Toni Harris is the young woman that wants to play in the NFL.  You would imagine that a woman with that goal would be well over six feet tall and more than three hundred pounds.  If that was the case I might be in favor of this pursuit if she was allowed to use steroids.  (Fair is fair.  Miss Spain was a transgendered female in last year’s Miss Universe pageant).  But she’s not.  She’s petite with a cute face.  She’s a girly girl that wants a career where she will get tackled by the likes of Ndamukong Suh.

ndamukong suh

I suggest that Toni Harris research the name Mike Utley.  He was a NFL player in the 1990s for the Detroit Lions.  He suffered a hit that paralyzed him.  He is not in his fifties and is still paralyzed.  I’m an NFL football fan and I have watch some pretty rugged guys end up seeing stars after being tackled.  I’ve often thought of playing football in the NFL as one of the worst jobs in the world.  When you watch some of those tackles in slow motion they are absolutely brutal.  I don’t know that I could survive one play in the NFL.  Even if I didn’t die I’m sure something would happen to upset me a great deal.

It bothers me that the poster child for a woman in the NFL is a Black woman.  Some years back a White woman tried out for the NFL as a kicker and she was awful.  She didn’t make the cut and I’m surprised she even got the chance to try out.  But Ms. Harris is wanting to play in a tackle position.  Can you even imagine a blonde, blue eyed attractive White woman wanting to do this?  I don’t think the American public would tolerate the thought of an attractive, young, White woman being tackled by the likes of a six feet something, two hundred pound plus linebacker.

Miss Toni Harris is being used as a sacrificial lamb to the modern feminist movement.  I will never watch a game with a woman of small stature playing.  I couldn’t bear it.  There has always been a boundary around femininity that protects women.  It is still there but it is being eroded by feminism and men are the beneficiaries.

In the #metoo era feminists need to decide what they want because I’m a woman and I can’t even figure it out.  Is their mantra I am woman hear me roar or are they delicate flowers that want to be protected and made to feel comfortable at all times?  They need to decide because I am a woman that is having a hard time sorting this out.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/super-bowl-toyota-ad-features-toni-harris-woman-who-wants-to-be-first-female-nfl-player/

 

thharris

 

Getting to Know You

The quest for true love is not for the faint of heart.  It’s tough out there folks and on line dating is a blessing for many but for others it adds to the confusion and frustration.  I am a part of the latter group.

Last week I briefly communicated with a man and he suggested that we meet up for coffee.  When I say we briefly communicated I mean that we clicked the feature to “like” each other and exchanged about two lines of text.  He said that he was looking for a relationship and asked me if I would be open to talking to him about that.  I said sure.

Then he suggested that we meet for coffee.  I told him that I would not be interested in meeting him right away.  I would like to talk to him on the app first and then have a few conversations on the phone.  He says to me that he was no longer interested because he is feels like he can’t get to know a person through an app or on the phone.  He wants to see a person face to face in order to get to know them.

I agree with him.  I want to get to know a person face to face as well and get to know what makes a person unique.  But I’m not going to meet up with a complete stranger upon his request.  That sounds like a Backpage.com hookup to me.

This gentleman also said that he was concerned about being catfished.  That’s a valid concern but I am concerned about being stabbed multiple times and ending up on a missing persons list or being sold into a sex trafficking ring.  It’s a tough world out there for women.  Men need to understand that women are the vulnerable party in these types of meetings.  The least they can do is be understanding of our safety concerns.

This man wanted me to take the time to get dolled up, drive somewhere that I don’t typically go and compromise my safety so he can look me over as if I’m a used car.  That’s very degrading without him knowing anything about me as an individual.  And what do I stand to win in this beauty pageant.  This man isn’t great looking.  He isn’t young.  I doubt that he’s wealthy.  He’s not even nice or much of a gentleman.  No thanks.

The funny thing about this brief interaction is that this man said that he was looking for a traditional woman.  I like traditional relationships between men and women and I have no problem with old fashioned gender roles.  But a man that states that he is looking for a traditional woman is a bit of a red flag for me.  That’s all he talked about in his profile other than his aspirations to own an insurance firm.

I don’t know that I am the type of traditional woman he is looking for but I am a lady.  I wanted to try and establish that.  What lady is going to meet up with a stranger that she knows absolutely nothing about?  This is not only a safety concern but I am trying to avoid wasting the time and energy of both parties.

I often wonder how some people end up in relationships with people where they both have completely different visions for their future.  A lot of these problems can be avoided with open and honest conversations at the beginning.  Actually I do know how people get into these situations.  They aren’t open or honest.  The beginning of many romantic relationships take place behind a smokescreen.

For me looks are not the most important factor because there are very few men on dating websites that are attractive.  Most of them are Kansas City sevens at best.  So looks are not my primary focus because it doesn’t seem to be an option that is available to me.  I’m interested in character, common goals and values and what we both want for the future.

I think that all of these things are based on the individual and not based on who they meet in life.  That’s particularly true for people that are over thirty five or so.  It’s all about finding a good match and you can eliminate people that may not be right for you if you give things a bit of time in the beginning and have the right conversations.

I agree that you can’t completely get to know a person on the phone or through messages on a dating app.  But there should be a period of time where people get to know each other from a safe distance and without an investment of money, time or make up.  Men are worried about being catfished but women are worried about being murdered or raped.  A true gentleman will be considerate of those concerns instead of putting his selfish interests first.

MGOTW 2

I see a lot of videos on You Tube that focus on men complaining about women.  It’s truly fascinating to hear how some men feel about the dating and mating game and their frustrations with the matter.  Most of these complaining men would describe themselves as MGTOW.  Men Go Their Own Way.

I ran across a video today titled “Pretty is No Longer Enough” which I didn’t have time to watch but I read the comments.  Men expressed that they felt women valued looks and sex too much.  They also said that they didn’t trust women that were attractive because there they have too many other options.  These men also resented what they called simps.  To my understanding simps are men that cater to women in order to win them over.

MGTOW makes some valid points.  I agree that women put too high of a premium on outward appearances and sex.  But with most of what MGTOW says their theories fall apart once you dwell on them too much.  MGTOW resents attractive and sexually adventurous women because they are playing men’s games.  Men trained women to dwell on looks and sex because that is where a great deal of man focus lies.

I’ve seen this play out in nightclubs and on social media.  Women who act slutty are the ones that get male attention.  Modesty doesn’t cut it.  If men were interested in a women’s character porn wouldn’t be the profitable industry that it is.  Men can’t get enough of female sexuality on display.

Men are very interested in how their female partners look.  When you look at successful men their wives are often interchangeable.  Look up the wives of NFL quarterbacks and most of them are blonde, blue eyed, young and thin.  Or she is light skinned, slim-thick with “good hair”.  That image of womanhood gets promoted and other men want a women like that in order to feel successful.  So why shouldn’t a woman that has the look of a successful man’s wife hold out for a successful man?  She would be a fool to not do that.

I made the decision several years ago to not engage in sex unless or until I marry.  When I’ve told men that they have completely evaporated.  I’ve tried my luck on dating websites and men have asked me what I was looking for on the site.  I said I would love to find a husband.  Some of them immediate unmatch me.  They aren’t looking for the same thing or at least they are not looking for a commitment from me.

I’ve been told on dating websites, by men that have slid into my DMs on social media and gentlemen that I’ve met here or there that they want to be friends with a woman first and then see where it goes.  This translates into I want to have sex with you while I get to know your personality and if I don’t get tired of you after a few months maybe I’ll take you out or something.  Sex is at the forefront of most men’s minds when meeting women for social purposes.  They are not primarily looking for a sweet, submissive nature and good wholesome morals like they say they are.

MGTOW men are bothered because a lot of women are playing the game.  Most women do not set the standard of purity until marriage.  They have decided to go ahead and sleep around and see where things lead the way men do.  And a lot of young women don’t make commitment a priority.  I don’t know if that is what they really want or if they are just taking what they can get because they know that most young men aren’t interested in commitment.

The MGTOW men that I’ve seen on YouTube are between thirty five – fifty.  I have a feeling that they avoided commitment to women during their younger years and now that they are older they want a woman with old fashioned morals and values after they, themselves have probably had numerous lovers.

They blame feminism for the modern mores of women but I bet many young women wouldn’t really think of themselves as feminists.  They are simply following where men lead and playing the game that men laid out.  Unless a woman has some sort of religious standard that tells her to wait for marriage it’s unlikely that she would value chastity.  Maintaining purity is an uphill battle and it comes with a lot of rejection.

I don’t blame young women for behaving as they do and men shouldn’t either.  Most probably don’t know God so they are just doing what they think will make a man happy.  They focus on looks and sexuality.  They are competing for the best mate on the marketplace and they have been trained to believe being pretty and making yourself sexually available to men is the best way to do it.  Women haven’t been taught differently and without God’s word they won’t see the folly in their ways.

But it’s highly hypocritical for men to be angry at women for playing the game that they take advantage of until they age out of the system.  If men really want to see changes they should live up to their own Puritanical standards.  It seems to me that if they did that everything would fall into place.

 

MGTOW

A few months ago I ran across MGTOW pages on You Tube.  MGTOW is an acronym for Men Go Their Own Way.  I don’t consider myself to be a feminist so I listened to what these men have to say with an open mind.  These men make some valid points in their videos.

I do believe that feminism has given some women unrealistic expectations of life and of men.  I have observed women being very selfish and demanding in relationships.  These women have grown up being told they are worth it and they are princesses by companies that want to sell fantasies to women.  I also don’t think that society respects decent men the way it should.

I had the experience of working in the jewelry retail business for about eight years on a part time or full time basis.  I observed a lot of self entitled, selfish, materialistic and delusional behavior while I was in that business.  I understand why some men decide to not marry or date women.

However, after running across enough MGTOW videos I came to realize that these men were just making excuses to hate women and they themselves were quite delusional.  First of all, if a person decides they don’t want to be bothered with someone or something they just quietly walk away from it and go on with their life.  They do not form a band of brothers and focus on the people that they claim to not want to be around.  MGTOW is obsessed with women and they see women as enemies.  They don’t focus on having satisfying lives as single men.

And these men have not actually walked away.  Time and time again I heard MGTOW use the term pump and dump.  So they are actually involved with women enough to sleep with them.  They must be hooking up on dating websites or bars in a string of one night stands or they are lying to women long enough to sleep with them and not speak to them again.  They claim to be successful men however all this pumping and dumping sounds like a lot of time consuming, life complicating work to me.

MGTOW has a very strange obsession with youth.  They believe that they become more valuable with age and women become less valuable.  When I say they are interested in young women I mean very young.  MGTOW thinks that women are over the hill by the time they are twenty five.  I have read many You Tube comments where men in their forties prefer to date nineteen year olds and men in their fifties date women in their mid twenties.

I understand being attracted to youth and beauty.  However it usually takes youth and beauty get it.  I hate to break it to you fellas out there but women are attracted to youth as well.  If you are a mature person think back to when you were twenty and how old you thought thirty was.  I was not interested in men that old when I was very young and I don’t think most women are unless the man is super charming, uncommonly attractive for his age or unless there is a financial incentive.

But wait, I thought MGTOW men didn’t like women that are gold diggers!  It sounds to me that these men waste their young years when they have the opportunity to organically and without complications win over a young bride and wait until they are old men to try and date someone that wants a sugar daddy.

When I hear of old movie or rock stars in their sixties dating much younger women and having more children I figure that they are smart enough men to know the game.  They are trading money for youth and beauty and the opportunity to have more children.  I don’t think any of those men think that their young lovers would be by their side if it wasn’t for the money and prestige.  There are indeed May-December romances that are true love but it’s not the norm.  And even if the man is not wealthy he probably still is generous with his money and indulges his young girlfriend in exchange for her attention and affection.  At least I hope so.  If she’s not she’s not too smart.

MGTOW men make it a point to explain to people why they are single.  Perhaps some women just chose not to marry or just never found what they wanted in a partner.  I am forty three and there are opportunities for relationships for women my age however there is not a lot of incentive to start the relationship.

It’s not likely that I will be starting a family at this point unless it was through adoption.  And there are so many more variables to consider in relationships as you get older.  Careers are more developed, there are children, grandchildren, aging parents and health issues.  Everyone has baggage and it gets heavier with age.

People have joked about cat ladies but has anyone said they are unhappy?  They are not the ones on You Tube complaining.  If anything they are just enjoying themselves and watching cat videos.  Perhaps spinsters decided to go their own way long ago and quietly go about their lives which is what MGTOW needs to do.

MGTOW’s ugly behavior over shadows any of the valid points they have.  And the attraction that these middle aged men have for teenagers makes them pretty darn shady.  They are a bit delusional about the women they have access to as they age.  I wrote a piece once about the number one rule of dating.  That is people date and marry their equivalent or there is a trade off of some sort i.e. wealth for youth and beauty.  I respect anyone’s choice not to marry and or have children male or female.  But it’s your choice.

The Handmaid’s Tale

Ever since I read “1984” and “Brave New World” in high school I’ve been a fan of dystopian novels.  I love recent effort like “The Hunger Games” and I found the movie “Divergent” to be enjoyable even though the novels weren’t very original.  So the buzz around the Hulu series “The Handmaid’s Tale” caught my interest.

I borrowed the book from the library and I thought it was pretty interesting.  It was a suspenseful story and it inspired a lot of imagination.  The author Margaret Atwood left a lot of loose ends in her book.  She wrote the novel as if we were familiar with the country of Gilead and details did not need to be explained.

I enjoyed the book enough to watch the TV series because I was hoping it would fill in some blanks for me.  In some ways it did.  Since the book leaves a lot to the imagination the writers of the TV series were given a lot of artistic license.  There are several story lines in the show that weren’t in the novel and there were some aspects of the book that were completely left out of the TV show.  But I’m still left with questions about Gilead and the way society is structured.

While reading the book and watching the TV series I wondered what happened to the handmaids once their child bearing years are over.  Are they sent to the colonies?  If so why not stage an uprising?  There isn’t much to loose if you know you will be exiled and sentenced to a work camp or hanged in your mid forties.

In the TV show there were women that worked as domestic workers.  They looked to be in their late 30s or perhaps 40s and were attractive.  It is unclear if that was the next step after being a handmaid.  The book mentioned a social class of women called econowives which may have been the lot in life of these women.  But I thought the econowives were government issued women to low status men.  It was never made clear.

I also didn’t understand who benefited from the social structure of Gilead.  Everyone was miserable and oppressed.  Even the upper class of society suffered under the rules of the theocracy.  Why did they put up with it?  They were all slaves to the system and I saw no beneficiaries.  No one was above corporal punishment or the wall in Gilead.

The social structure that enslaved women of child bearing age didn’t seem to be very fruitful.  Despite all of the child bearing women being in bondage and having intercourse monthly on their fertile days pregnancies were still rare.  The entire exercise seems futile to me because it wasn’t very productive despite the systematic efforts.  It probably would have been better to harvest the eggs of child women and implant them with embryos.

There was no reward for delivering a healthy child.  Once a woman weened the baby that she birthed she just went on to the next post.  Women that delivered babies weren’t even given high status.  You would think that Gilead would offer some sort of motivation such as a respectable husband or her own income and residence at some point.

The book touched on this more than the show did but a lot of men were celibate in Gilead.  Men were issued women by the government based on status.  Low status men were not issued women at all.  It was hard to tell the status levels of the men in the stories.  The driver in the story was low status and the Commander was high.

I don’t know how men ranked in between and at what point they earned a woman.  There is no way all of those grown celibate men wouldn’t cause some sort of social instability.  The social structure of Gilead really wasn’t sustainable.

In the novel Serena Joy Waterford was a lot older than her handmaid Offred.  I got the impression that all of the wives and commanders were older and past prime child bearing years which was their problem.  In the TV show the actresses that play the wives and handmaids are around the same age.  So I don’t really know what was wrong with all the wives?  You would think one of them would have an unplanned pregnancy at some point.  And how did the government of Gilead know they were infertile?

Some of the wives in the movie were quite young and looked to be healthy.  You don’t really know that you can’t have children until you start having unprotected sex.  It was also unclear to me if the wives and husbands had sex with each other or was sexuality taboo outside of “The Ceremony”.  The Waterfords had a very distant and cold relationship.

There was a baby girl born in the story.  Her handmaid mother called her Angela and her adopted mother and father called her Charlotte (or perhaps vice versa).  I’m sympathetic to the handmaid so I will refer to her as Angela.  What did Gilead do with the baby girls that were born and raised in affluent families that had handmaids.  Would these families really turn their daughter over to the government if she was thought to be fertile?  How would they reconcile that with their conscious?

There are just so many questions left.  There are more seasons of the show and Margaret Atwood is working on a sequel to her novel that was published in 1985.  Perhaps my questions will be answered.  But based on the book and the TV program I don’t think Gilead could survive for more than one generation.  There would be a lot of instability and social strife that would cause upheaval.

 

WORST DATE EVER!

I’ve never been all that lucky in love but I’ve never had a really bad date either.  That is until yesterday.  I had the worst date ever.  I met a 54 year old man on OK Cupid named Ron.  We met for lunch yesterday.  This is our story.

I don’t take on line dating seriously but I decided to give it a try (again).  I chat with people for fun but it would be wonderful to meet the love of my life.  So I had been talking to Ron.  The interaction was nothing special.  I spoke with him on the phone a few times.  Again sparks didn’t fly.  He suggested that we meet and against my better judgment I agreed to meet him.

I would prefer to not go out with someone until we developed some familiarity and had a few enjoyable conversations with each other.  I think that if two people even decide to go on a date it should be kind of special.  Ron is one of these people that like to treat dating as if it is a job interview.  He asked a lot of questions about my previous relationships with men and my current dating habits that really kind of turned me off.  He also said that he needed to meet someone in person to see if he really liked them or not.  Once again I was a bit put off by this.  But I decided to set aside some time to see him yesterday.

I was going to get in touch with him and tell him that I wasn’t interested in meeting.  But I was really hungry after church yesterday and I figured since I needed to get something to eat I would invite him to meet me at a sandwich shop.  He suggested we go to a winery in the center of town and I agreed to that.

I wasn’t familiar with the place and he told me that it was next to Barnes & Noble at the corner of Broadway and 47th Street in Kansas City.  I knew where the Barnes & Noble was so I parked near there and walked towards the corner.  I didn’t see any restaurant on any corner.  I called him and asked him for further directions.  He said it’s near McCormick & Schmick which was in the other direction.  So I walked back up the block toward McCormick & Schmick and saw no other restaurants other than a coffee shop.  I got the name of the place when I spoke to him and I Googled it and found out the entrance was on Broadway.  I never would have found the place if it wasn’t for Google Maps.  I had been walking back and forth on 47th Street in a black dress with a scarf on in about 85 degree heat.

He calls me again and ask me where I am.  I told him I was on my way.  He repeats it’s on the corner of 47th and Broadway.  The daft man never seemed to understand that the landmarks he gave me were all on 47th Street and the entrance was around the corner on Broadway.  Anyway, I find my way in and sit at the table and he says “I don’t understand why you had a hard time finding it”.  I tried to explain that I was on the wrong street from the entrance.  He continues to be defensive about his directions with me.  I just say I’m sorry for being late to end it.

So we start talking and he starts with a bunch of questions.  When was your last relationship?  How long did they last?  Why did they end?  Were you in love with them?  What would your exes say about you?  Do you ever approach men that you like?  Seriously, it was just like a job interview.  Towards the end he even asked if I had any questions for him.  I told him no and he seemed frustrated or perhaps disappointed.

Ron says he likes to get to the point because he doesn’t want to waste time.  I think I’m a pretty pleasant person to be around so I don’t think that spending time with me is ever a waste.  Once again, I was disenchanted with Mr. Ron.

He mentioned that he talked to a woman on Tinder once and at one point she mentioned that she was celibate.  He said that he was no longer interested in her and he was mad that she wasted his time.  He thought that she should have put that at the top of her profile because he invested a lot of time messaging her on Tinder.  Ron thinks that this woman owes men that information.  What a shame.At the beginning stages of what could be a relationship I treat it as an observation stage.  I just want to see how a person acts and what actions they take.  I want to see if we can have a decent enjoyable conversation together.  Anyone one can give a nonsense answer to a question.  And Ron has been in sales for ten years so I’m sure he’s good at telling people what they want to hear.

In fact I caught Ron in a lie.  In one of our phone conversations I asked him if he grew up in Kansas City.  He said yes.  I asked him if his family was here.  He said yes, all of them were here.  During dinner he told me that his daughter lived in Texas with her three girls.  Why one Earth would you lie about something like that?  The man is lying about things that make no difference what so ever.

Ron was also just plain rude.  Not only did he scold me for not being able to follow his bad directions and I caught him in a lie but he had the nerve to ask me how much I weighed.  When I told him he challenged me and said that he didn’t believe that.  This man is fifty four years old and this is the level of social grace that he has.  Good grief.

He also decided to give me dating advice.  He told me that I should put more than one picture up on my dating profile and one should be a full body shot because men are visual.  I told him to look at my Instagram page because I have over 500 pictures on there.  He mentioned that I wore hats in a few pictures and he was wondering if I had hair.  What a charming lunch date.  He was on the same website and he’s eleven years older than me.  Perhaps he shouldn’t be giving out dating advice.

The waitress dropped the check while I was finishing desert.  The key lime pie was excellent and it was worth me going out that afternoon.  It sat there until I finished desert and was ready to leave.  I put my debit card in the book to take care of the bill and Ron pulls out his wallet.  He wanted me to give him a ten back for his twenty.  Fortunately, I had a ten dollar bill so he took care of his portion of lunch.  What a gentleman!

So we leave the restaurant and we say good bye with an awkward hand shake in front of the entrance on BROADWAY.  It was strange because he seemed to kind of like me.  He never seemed that way during dinner.  So I walk away and turn the corner onto 47th Street and head back to my car that’s about two blocks away next to Barnes & Noble.

He texted me later that night and said it was nice to meet me with a blushing happy face emoji.  I don’t really know what that means.  I said “Thanks, you too” to be polite.  Later on I decided to delete all of his texts, his contact number, block his number from my phone and unmatch with him on OK Cupid.  He’s a man that values his time so I won’t even waste his time by communicating with him again.

In a way I’m glad I met Ron yesterday because I can now cross him out of my life with no doubts.  But my belief was reinforced that my first instincts about people are usually correct.  I tried a new restaurant which was a nice place with fantastic key lime pie.  (I gave them a good review on Google).

Grown Woman Sex Appeal

I am a forty two year old woman that will turn forty three in February of 2018.  People usually think I’m younger than what I am.  Sometimes people are a full decade or more off when they guess my age.  For the most part I have taken pride in this.  But lately it has begun to grate my nerves when I hear a person say that a woman looks great for her age.  What’s wrong with looking your age?  What exactly is a certain age supposed to look like?

As I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate what I call “grown woman sexy”.  Grown woman sexy is hard to explain or pin point.  But all I can say is that women don’t even start to have it until they are at least thirty two.  Grown woman sexy is physical beauty mixed with poise and sophistication.  Not many people have that in their twenties.

It’s a little perverse to me the way the world obsesses over youthful beauty.   There is a lot to be said about wide eyed, energetic, youthful beauty.  It is indeed lovely and I admire watching it on America’s Next Top Model, beauty pageants and in pro sports.  But if you are fifty and still trying to attract a beautiful twenty year old lover, any twenty year old lover, you’re a bit peculiar.  What’s wrong with other fifty year old people?  Why didn’t you snag your young dream lover when you were young and cute yourself?

I’m mostly posing these questions to men because women don’t seem to have the same hang ups on youth.  As I’ve gotten older I don’t have a problem with a receding hair line or a dad bod.  It’s kind of hot really.  And gray hair is sexy!  When you get older and you are on the dating market you need to face reality and deal with grown people ****.  I appreciate maturity and how it looks.

If I was a man I think I would appreciate a woman with a bit of a sloppy mid section.  I don’t think cesarean scars or stretch marks would be a problem.  I also think that laugh lines and crows feet add character.  Aging characteristics just make a lady look different but I don’t feel like looks are diminished until you hit the elderly stage of life.  A woman can be active and vibrant until she’s made it to that hip replacement age.  Until then live it up girls!

You couldn’t pay me to be in my twenties again.  It was fine while it was happening but there’s nothing about my twenties I want to relive.  I have grown so much and I have been very blessed so I feel that I have a lot to look forward to in life even once I make it (Lord willing) to hip replacement age.

I think that prime time for women is between thirty two – thirty seven (or older).  You are still young enough to take chances and enjoy the youthful pleasures of life but you’re too old to be naive and foolish (hopefully).  By the time you are in your mid thirties a woman has an education beyond high school even if it’s from the school of hard knocks.  And she has had some good and bad experiences that make her a more compelling person.

I honestly think the fixation people have with youthful female beauty is that a lot of men want to treat women like blow up dolls.  There is little appreciation for a mature woman’s point of view in this world.  (I think that’s how the U.S. ended up with Donnie for president).  Outside of marriage and motherhood American society doesn’t take much interest in the experiences of adult women.

I also think that making women feel bad about aging is yet another way men try to control women.  Society holds many judgments like this against women.  The number of sexual partners, failed relationships, children, weight and age are all used as indictments against women but not against men.  People will use anything on this list and you can probably think of a few more on your own, to tell a woman she isn’t good enough or worthy enough to be respected or loved.

If women don’t measure up to the standards that our culture has set for her she is told to settle and accept poor treatment from partners, poor wages from employers and little to no voice in the world around her.  The bias placed on aging women is probably the most cruel because she is being judged and punished for not dying.  What a message to send women as they start to get a few gray hairs.  Age is another device to control women.

Be mindful of telling a woman she looks great for her age.  If you want to give her a compliment just tell her she looks great.  Period.  Telling someone they look younger than what they are may be a matter of fact but not necessarily a compliment.  There is no reason why younger should automatically be considered better.

Enjoy the age you are and don’t look back.  You would be giving up too much if you did.  Be the best you that you can be at this point in your life.  Be grateful for all of your experiences.  They give you a rich history and give you stories to tell at parties.  And if you’re blessed this history plus exercise and eating right will help you achieve peak grown woman sexy.

 

 

Respect is Required

Women need to require respect; not love, attention or affection.  It all comes down to respect and if my theory is correct the rest will follow.  It’s just a theory because no one has proven me right yet.  Respect is black and white and you know it when you see it.  Love is harder to identify and affection is cheap these days.

Women seem to be a bit desperate in 2017 and it’s pretty sad.  We have more professional opportunities than we’ve ever had and we can make our own choices when it comes to relationships.  But many of us seem to be choosing to run after the chance to be loved as if we are puppies that have been left home alone all day.

I did that type of things in my younger more naive days.  I use to assume that if a man was calling you daily and taking you out he was interested in a relationship that would lead to marriage.  I’ve learned that men will engage in relationships for years with women that they have no intention of marrying.  I went through one relationship like that in my starry eyed mid twenties and then I did it again during my scary age, the early thirties.

These men were not bad people and I don’t really fault them for anything.  But I gave them my heart after receiving a little bit of attention and affection.  I didn’t make them prove to me that they respected me as a woman.  I don’t even think I knew what that meant at the time.

Women are being told that we are wrong for being too emotional in relationships and wanting a commitment.  Sorry guys but I’m a woman and this isn’t a porn movie where you can separate the woman from her vagina.  Women tend to want to be committed and eventually married.  I understand that there are exceptions to rules but that’s typically how women are.

Because the world doesn’t really respect a feminine nature relationships are now being played by men’s rules.  Men are under no pressure to commit to women or even be nice to them.  But sex is expected in casual relationships right away.  Women often feel pressure to have sex just to get the chance at another date.  The men will take the sex and they may call her again or they may not.  Men may live with the mother of their children for years and he may marry her or he may not.  It’s all up to him and what he feels like doing.

I’ve heard the cliche that marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t make a commitment.  I’ve heard women say this.  But it’s funny that after dating several years when the man asks the women usually say yes.  She’s been waiting around with baited breath for years and now the man feels that she is the best option after looking around the market he commits.

I think that if a woman just wants a casual or even mostly sexual relationship she had better make sure a man respect her first.  I don’t see how anyone can get turned on by someone they have doubts about.  In 2017 if you don’t have doubts about a person you might start seeing you haven’t been paying attention.  If a lady is not wanting marriage or an ongoing romance she should at least want the man to be nice to her and care for her well being.  I don’t see how even a casual fling can be worthwhile without basic respect.

Once a man has respect for a woman I think love and affection will follow.  All of us girls need to relax and stop being so anxious.  Too many of us are anxious to be some man’s concubine.  People are proud of it these days.  Just look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez.

jrod

I know I shouldn’t feel bad for someone like Jennifer Lopez but I do.  This seems desperate and childish to me.  This woman is well into her forties for goodness sake and the mother of two.  She is wealthy and has a very successful career as a pop singer.  Why is she so proud to be this man’s piece of tail?  I don’t think that a man with good intentions treats the woman that he loves like this in “Vanity Fair”.  Where is the respect?

I’ve seen several pictures on Instagram of couples where the man is grabbing the woman’s behinds and the women stand there looking satisfied and in love.  I think some of them were engagement photos.  Now why aren’t there pictures of women grabbing men’s crotches and looking at the camera as the proud own while the man looks all starry eyed?  It probably doesn’t happen because men wouldn’t publicly tolerate that type of disrespect.

So ladies, we need to seek respect and the rest will come afterwards.  Don’t be desperate to attach yourself to a man that may not really love you.  I believe the basis of love is respect.  Think about what respect is and what it looks like.  It is probably different for everyone but here is the definition to help.  Notice that tits, ass and sexual prowess is not mentioned in the definition of respect.  That can be found anywhere and none of those things make you valuable beyond the end of a man’s ****.

re·spect
rəˈspekt/
noun
  1. 1.
    a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
    “the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor”
    synonyms: esteemregard, high opinion, admirationreverencedeferencehonor

    “the respect due to a great artist”
  2. 2.
    a particular aspect, point, or detail.
    “the government’s record in this respect is a mixed one”
    synonyms: aspectregardfacetfeaturewaysenseparticularpointdetail

    “the report was accurate in every respect”
verb
  1. 1.
    admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
    “she was respected by everyone she worked with”
    synonyms: esteemadmire, think highly of, have a high opinion of, hold in high regard, hold in (high) esteem, look up to, reverereverencehonor

    “she is highly respected in the book industry”

Pretty is not Special

I am not a feminist.  I think the modern feminist movement is sorely misguided in many ways and they do diminish women’s power.  They encourage events such as Amber Rose’s Slut Walk.  Feminists have convinced women that if they are confident and comfortable with themselves that they will put their body on display for the world to see, ogle and judge.  And the men of the world say “OK” with a shrug.  This all works out great for them.

The most empowering message that I think can be shared with young women is that pretty is not special.  Pretty is great but it is far too common to make you special.  And there are so many different types of pretty in the world that pretty connoisseurs can sample your type of pretty and then move on to a different type of pretty.

Besides that pretty is bountiful.  I see it all over the place.  I live in Kansas City, MO.  Kansas City isn’t a glamorous place like New York or Paris but my goodness I have seen some gorgeous women in this town.  I’ve seen them at the night spots, churches, the drug store, shopping malls they’re everywhere.  They range in age from sixteen to sixty.  They are fair skinned to deep brown, petite to pleasantly plump, conservative, sexy, edgy, trendy you name it.  So if pretty is what you focus on you’re really just another face in the crowd if you’re in certain crowds.  I for one think any woman can be pretty.  It just takes a little style.

And there is no finish line to pretty.  There’s really no way to know if you’re the fairest of them all because no one is cute to everyone and everyone is cute to someone.  The quest for pretty can be exhausting.  Are you ever pretty enough?  And one must remember that Father Time is always right behind you.  I don’t think that Father Time necessarily destroys beauty but he certainly changes it to a different kind of beauty that is not appreciated.

I am realistic and I think pretty is good.  It’s certainly better than ugly.  And certain opportunities will only be opened to those that are deemed pretty.  You only have one body so by all means cherish it and decorate it well.  But pretty needs to go along with other things or it is useless and possibly even irritating.  Pretty needs to be partnered with a good spirit, a keen intellect and or an enjoyable personality.  All of those things will outlast the youthful beauty that society puts on a pedestal.

Not that anyone has asked but I advise all women to enjoy and protect the beauty of your youth but don’t make it an idol.  You are more than your shell.  Let all of your gifts shine.  Some of them can last a lifetime even if you live a long life.  Don’t let this world tell you that your value depends on how you measure up to beauty queens or Low Rider models.  Your value is not dependent on how many men approach you when you are out for a night on the town.  Your value is not determined by the status of the men you attract.

2017 is a dangerous time for women.  Young women and men are being fed foolishness under the guise of feminism.  Men and women need to retrain themselves to value women for something other than physical appearance.  We will all be well served when we learn to value women as whole human beings.