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Why do people pursue a romantic partner or domestic life? Different people will give different answers. The reasons for even pursuing a romantic relationship and commitment has turned into an online scam that sets relationships up for failure. Black social media spaces commonly tell women to be a man’s peace. This isn’t sustainable. It’s a scam that drains women.

Jesus Christ is our peace. Jesus Christ was martyred for our sins. It’s not my job to be anyone’s peace. That’s not to say I want to be quarrelsome and cantankerous but being another person’s peace is a huge burden to bear. Everyone is responsible for their own peace, growth and mental health. I also think the relationship standard of a woman being a man’s peace absolves him of any responsibility.

Reasons to pursue a romantic relationship or marriage:

establish a household/family with a person of similar values

expand your family

honor God as a couple

honor your significant other as your spouse

combine resources such as time, money, domestic labor

social status

There are many benefits to a healthy, harmonious marriage (I assume). A pleasant home life with someone you love is great for a person’s well being. But traditionally marriage has been for empire building or at least building family legacy and identity. African Americans have lost sight of that over the last few generations.

Men are being brainwashed to think of women as emotional support animals. Women are being brainwashed to think they are responsible for a man’s ego and peace while maintaining the looks and personality of a mannequin. This marriage model is shallow and unrealistic. If a man is not strong mentally and spiritual no woman will satisfy him over time.

Women are human, mere mortals. She’ll inevitably get older and will get further from a pornwashed man’s feminine ideal. Humans aren’t always sweet, understanding and available to fulfill the emotional needs of another adult. That’s exhausting and no one can do that for a lifetime without inflicting suffering on themselves. Respect and kindness between two mature people who are grounded in Christ and have good coping and interpersonal skills is a more sustainable long term goal.

The idea that a woman needs to be a man’s peace centers the man’s needs and puts the woman in a position of emotional servitude. A marriage that models this idea will drain the woman and put her at a deficit in every way. It’s essentially her job to service this man’s every whim. Men that want another being to be their peace should get a pet.

The “Be His Peace” crowd are fond of telling Black women that their education and careers aren’t relevant to what a man wants in a partner or relationship success. This statement illustrates how shallow and fickle people are. A man that’s smart would consider an educated woman to be an asset.

Studies have shown that financial difficulties result in marital tension. People that achieve a higher education usually make more money which would benefit a household. Studies also reveal that children with well educated mothers have better vocabularies, higher literacy rates and perform better in school. One would assume educated Black women would be seen as an asset considering the history Black people have had in America.

If Black people were serious about advancing and gaining wealth in America they would think about marriage and family ties differently. The fact that so many people have repeated that a woman should simply be a man’s peace for years speaks to a lack of wisdom, maturity and seriousness. This foolishness needs to stop. Men need to grow up and women need to stop accepting such nonsense.

My advice to women is to find a man already at peace. He needs to be at peace spiritually, mentally and financially. Men on social media like to make the condition of a woman’s body an issue so he should have healthy habits in place to ensure present and future physical peace. Those are all things he should want for himself. If he hasn’t achieved that he shouldn’t be looking for a partner. Find a man that wants to provide you with a protective, masculine covering. A husband should be offering his wife peace. He shouldn’t be demanding peace from her.