8 Reasons that I’m Not Afraid Of Being Single, I’m Afraid Of Being With A Man Who Doesn’t Care About Me | Journey2Motivate Unfortunately, lots of people today select to stay in bad, hazardous partnerships because they’re afraid of being lonesome and also slammed by others. Yet, the fact is, being single is neither terrifying…
Recently rapper TI remarked on a podcast that he took his daughter to a gynecologist yearly and had the doctor check to ensure her hymen was still intact. This is supposed to prove that the eighteen year old girl has never had sex. All families operate differently and what is peculiar to one family may be acceptable in another.
I found TI’s admission to be a bit Taliban like and I was shocked that he was so comfortable telling the world about this daddy daughter tradition. But TI has shot his mouth off several times in 2019. As far as I’m concerned his daughter has joined a list of people and entities to whom TI owes an apology.
In my opinion there is more power for women in modest dress and morals. But if a woman decides differently for herself I am no one to tell her differently. An adult person has the right to choose what to do with their body. I certainly don’t blame a parent for advising a young adult child to abstain from sex. I would do the same if I was the parent of an eighteen year old son or daughter.
But to try an enforce abstinence with an iron fist implies that you are uncomfortable with that person’s sexuality. It’s as if the enforcer sees sex as an inherently unclean and harmful act. And here is the bottom line. Overall, Black Americans and the world at large view Black female sexuality as nefarious and dirty. Most people do not have a healthy view of Black female sexuality. That even includes Black women and men. Many Black men of Generation X and younger may have negative views of Black women and sexuality. Being a hip hop star doesn’t make one exempt.
Just look at the music that many Black artists, particularly rappers such as TI have produced over the last thirty years or so. Much of it is based on cheap sex, where the woman is not valued and the men seem resent the women. R & B as a genre has slowly been phased out of popular music so it’s rare to hear songs about sweet romances and healthy sexual experiences anymore. What we are left with are tunes based on casual sexual experiences and the bitterness and anger that often accompanies them.
Black Americans are heavily influenced by mainstream American culture which always seeks to affirm White righteousness. These attitudes do nothing to benefit Black people but many of us absorb and admire the dominant culture around us. Many of us are desperately trying to assimilate to a culture that makes us the butt of jokes and places us at a disadvantage.
It is pretty unusual for Hollywood to cast a Black woman as a romantic lead or to address Black female sexuality and romantic relationships at all. Black women are typically presented as matronly, undesirable and asexual by Hollywood. Image makers know what they are doing when they place certain consistent messages before their audience. Hollywood and the media seeks to neuter Black women.
I’ll point out that when the entertainment business does address Black, female heterosexuality the Black woman is usually presented as desperate and her desperation or failure at relationships is comic relief or fuel for a story line about her suffering. It is very rare to see a Black woman, that looks like a woman with two Black parents in a loving, stable relationship in the media.
Black women, particularly those with dark skin and kinky hair are fed a steady stream of negativity about what they look like through the media and often personal interactions. I believe that this is a deliberate attempt to control Black female heterosexual activity. It’s the ultimate c—block. There are many within the Black community that are in on the act.
Undoubtedly, TI has taken advantage of and abused (I don’t mean criminally. I have a broader definition of abuse. What many call normal sexual behavior in the modern era I think of as abusive.) numerous women. Because of his own behavior he now has an unhealthy view of female sexuality. TI doesn’t even seem to have a respectful relationship with his own wife.
He doesn’t want his daughter to be taken for granted, abused, used and discarded. He doesn’t want his daughter to be treated like a human blow up doll. He doesn’t want his daughter to be thought of as a piece of flesh that exists for a man’s pleasure. He doesn’t want his daughter manipulated, mislead or lied to in order for a man to gain access to her body. TI has probably engaged in all of this type of reckless behavior which has given him a negative view of female sexuality.
Safety, comfort, acceptance and trust are what set the mood for a woman to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man. These conditions are what give women the freedom to express themselves sexually. Unfortunately, Black women are not offered these conditions and this freedom as often as women of other communities. So sex as it relates to Black women often comes with negative connotations instead of romantic, pleasurable, affirming ones.
People seek to control acts that they see as nefarious and vile. Black, female, heterosexual behavior is seen as unwholesome and dirty under the global system of White supremacy. Therefore, it is seen as something that needs to be monitored and controlled with no thought to the well being of Black women.
We are a few months away from a new year and decade. There’s an old adage that says that hindsight is 20/20. It’s a little ironic that I came to the conclusion that the early 2000s was the absolute worst decade for fashion in the history of mankind just before the year 2020. Sometimes it takes a while to come to terms with your past. Consider yourself fortunate if you were not born yet or were still too young to make your own sartorial decisions.
“Mean Girls” 2004
I saw a picture on Pinterest today of a red carpet event that took place in the early 2000s. The image brought back memories of my own terrible fashion choices from that time. We all looked a mess. We all looked a bit slutty, unfinished, sloppy, with big curls in our hair and heavy make up.
Me with blonde streaks in my hair and a suitor in 2003.
I don’t know who we should blame for the lost fashion decade at the turn of the century. Forever 21, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Destiny’s Child can all shoulder a bit of the blame. The film “Mean Girls” did their part to bring about the Thotpacalypse. But most of the blame lays squarely at the feet of every day women that walked around with flared jeans, heels and bare mid drifts.
Who remembers when there use to be a thing called “going out tops”? Going out tops were available at such places as Forever 21, Wet Seal and Charlotte Russe. They cost between $5-$20. Sometimes you might even find one you like at a gas station or Walmart if you needed a new one after 10:00pm for an event you were attending.
Me at a Prince concert with a purple wig circa ’99-’00.
I remember when it all began. There came a time when young women in America and probably world wide could not buy clothes that met in the middle. The pants were all low-waisted and the shirts were all cropped. Even blouses that were intended for business casual wear were that way. If you had a job working in a bank or in a law office or something you had to find a way to modify the outfit as to not reveal your belly button. I relied on tank tops and blazers.
I was twenty five in 2000 so I followed the trends of the time when I was out socializing. I learned to cover my belly for church and work. I also became very conscious of keeping my underwear and butt crack covered. Butt cracks and exposed thongs were an epidemic in the early 2000s. We can blame Sisquo for that.
“Thong Song” 2000
Hindsight is 20/20 and I have come to the realization that the early 2000s were the dark ages of fashion. It was dreadful and I’m glad it’s over. Thank God Instagram hadn’t been invented yet.
note: The video on early 2000s fashion featured sunglasses with rhinestones. I loved that trend but I was not able to pursue that trend the way I wanted because I need prescription sunglasses. However, Isaac made those shades trendy in the 70s, the golden age of style and fashion.
“New Horizon” 1977