Avoiding Romance Scams 💔 💸🖱️

Internet romance scams are on the rise. I’ve never been the financial victim of one but I believe I have had people approach me on social media with the intent to take advantage of me financially. This is how I avoided being scammed despite being chronically online since 2010.

It’s best to ignore scammers completely but sometimes I like to see what people are going to do and say. I play games with scammers on the phone too. It’s fun for me. I think the same person has tried to scam me multiple times on IG without success.

• Don’t follow men you don’t know on IG. 📱😉

An account with a man’s photo follow me on IG once and I followed him back. It was kind of a knee jerk reaction. Shortly after I followed him he was in my DMs trying to strike up a conversation. There were other unfamiliar male looking accounts following me that never said anything. The accounts were similar. They were a diverse bunch of nice looking men and the accounts were set to private. There was an image for every woman’s taste. I disengaged because it was very weird. All of those accounts have been blocked.

Side note: It might be a good idea to not follow men you have some familiarity with too. I suspect former classmates of trying to scam me or a scammer used their images to build trust. I’ve also had former class mates initiate flirtatious conversations but their feed is full of Christmas pictures of their children and family photos taken at the JC Pennys portrait studio. Clean up those internet connections once in a while.

• Ask them what they want? 🤨

If you choose to have a conversation with one of these accounts be direct and ask them why they are in your DMs. They will usually respond by saying “I hope I’m not bothering you”. After asking again a typical response is “You seem like a nice person”. I typically don’t respond after that. There are nice people all over the place if they want to socialize. What they mean is you seem like you might be nice enough to give me a few dollars. You’re mistaken Buddy.

• Be realistic and use good sense. 🤓

The IG users that have tried to scam me in the past were suspicious right away. They present themselves as nice looking men that live in big cities with glamorous or adventurous careers that require them to travel. They often claim to be widows and single dads with photos of themselves with cute little children. Yeah right. I don’t think a man like that would need to be looking for dates on IG at all. He would have plenty of opportunity in front of his eyes.

• Beware of long distance wanna be lovers. 🗺️❤️

I don’t understand starting a long distance relationship. If you’re wanting to date and you live in an area with a few million people you should be able to find some companionship with that large population at your disposal. I’ve had nice looking men in large metro areas on dating apps and social media that are far from where I live start conversations. I think I’m a nice enough looking woman but there are nice looking women everywhere. If men looking for women to date outside of their city are not romance scammers they are likely married.

• Beware of men that want to talk on a different app. ➡️💻

Dating and social media apps have rules and I think scammers want to go undetected and unreported. The account they use initially is the decoy and then they switch over to an app like Whatsapp to do the dirty work. One time I had a conversation with a person on Whatsapp after talking to an IG user who claimed to be US military personnel who was currently stationed overseas. Once I got on Whatsapp I think it was a different person completely. I stopped talking to the person and deleted the app.

• Don’t think you need to be polite. 🖕

You don’t need to be polite. You don’t need to be nice. You don’t need to be accommodating. Their problems are not your problems. The person in your DMs is a stranger at best. The account that engaged you in conversation may not be a real person at all. They certainly are not a friend and it’s unlikely they ever will be. They are a mysterious stranger that may have the intent to do you harm. Treat them that way.

• Understand when you are a target. 🎯

There have been a lot of stories on romance scams on the news. The victims are usually 40+, a bit socially awkward, mousey, never married or widowed. Take a self assessment and consider that you may come across as an easy target. Scammers look for vulnerable people to exploit. No one wants to think of themselves as vulnerable. Feminism has brainwashed women into not realizing our vulnerabilities as women however the vulnerabilities are still there and women are being taken advantage of. Protect yourself. It might even be a good ideal to post a few mysterious photos with men and post them to your profile as a scammer deterrent.

• Stop emoting all over the internet. 🥹😢😭

This may sound strange coming from a woman that has maintained a personal blog for several years on the internet. I write to reach out to other people and as a creative expression. This is cathartic for me but there are limits and boundaries. I am not a part of transparency and keep it real culture.

I keep a diary to write in to sort out private feelings. Be very careful about what you reveal on the internet about yourself. It’s probably not a good idea to write about your insecurities, losses, set backs and heartbreaks. Find an in person support system that you can talk to about your weaknesses and uncertainties.

I think a lot of the dating and relationship channels on social media exist to get women to talk about men, relationships and disappointments. Scammers use the comments as gleaning fields for material to use to scam women on line or in person. Avoid feeding into it.

• If an account reaches out to you as their sister in Christ block them immediately. ✝️⛔

That individual can reach out to their community in the name of Jesus. They can post a message for all to see. It’s hard to trust an account that reaches out to a woman in the name of religion. The nature of Christianity and probably other faiths makes members easy targets. Beware. Being faithful does not mean you have to be a fool. Remember, you don’t have to be nice.

• DON’T GIVE MEN MONEY! Don’t Be Sympathetic! 🧊🥶

Don’t give men money. Period. Because why? No. Don’t. That goes for men you meet in person too. Don’t even split the check on a date. Ever. If the check comes to the table and he wants to split it pay your portion or the entire thing and don’t speak to that man again. He has no good intentions towards you.

Don’t feel sorry for men. Men are men. They go to war, build monuments, climb mountains, sail the seas, start street gangs, tame animals and accomplish other daring feats. Why are you feeling sorry for them? Why are they appealing to your sympathy? A man that appeals to a woman’s sympathy has no good intentions towards you. A man that needs a lot help managing his personal finances is not in a position to begin a romance or friendship with a woman.

• Get a life! 🤗

Get a life and a sense of self. Get a hobby. Perhaps you should spend less time on line. There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, romance or marriage. There is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a long relationship. The desire shouldn’t cost you your retirement and everything you’ve established for yourself and your future.

Have some boundaries and expectations of men. Men need to be able to do more for you than simply whisper sweet nothings in your ear. If men can’t show up with something for you as a woman he in NOT what you need. This is not tit for tat or a two way street. This is not an even trade. Men are supposed to prove that they can support women. Women don’t have to prove anything to men because we respond with support to people we love anyway.

There are several love stories that start on the internet. It can happen but you have to ask yourself if that’s the exception or the rule. The love stories I’ve seen that start on the internet are between two people that are fairly well matched to each other and they seem like people that could meet in real life. The couples were in the same area. The man displayed some availability and chivalry. The man didn’t ask the woman for money.

Women need to realize that we’ve been sold the idea of a fairy tale romance since childhood. We’re old enough to know that love doesn’t necessarily look like something in a romance novel. If you want the fantasy read those novels but keep your feet in reality.

I’m sure you’re absolutely lovely but if you’re fifty question why a young man is interested in you as opposed to a woman of his own age group. If a man far away is interested in you wonder why that is and why he isn’t reaching out to women nearby. Even if you’re drop dead gorgeous if a drop dead gorgeous man is in your DMs ponder why he is online trying to meet women when his looks would serve him well in person. Be realistic about yourself and the world around you. Smarten up ladies.

If you’re unfamiliar with the MTV series “Catfish” look into a few episodes. It’s a great education on how to avoid online romance scams.